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Breaking a bad habit 6/18/2009
How many times have you tried to quit a bad habit? I have heard
it takes 3 tries before you make it. When people ask me how I quit smoking & never took it
up again I tell them this short story.
"Smoking is like a bad boyfriend, you never take them
back." Commited too good health means mental & physical.
1 Corinthians 12 "For the manifestation of the
spirit is given to each one for a ...
1 Comments, 14 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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WET PANTS 3/14/2009
Come with me to a third grade classroom.There is a nine-year-old
sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle
between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks
his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine
how this has happened. It's never happened before,
and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear
the end of it. When the girls find ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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A Man Was Complaining 9/9/2008
Oh Lord, please have mercy on me, I work so hard, meantime
my wife stays at home, I would give anything if you would
grant me one wish "switch me into my wife" she's
got it easy at home I want to teach her a lesson of how tough
a man's life is. As God was listening he felt sorry for this soul and granted
his wish. Next morning the "new woman" wakes
up at dawn, makes lunch boxes, prepares ...
1 Comments, 33 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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The Old you or The New you 7/23/2008
THE OLD YOU OR THE NEW YOU
when you are bornagain(derliverence conducted) the old
man leaves it looks for where it will rest if it does not find
it will say i will go back to my old house it comes back and
sees that the house is clean it goes back and brings seven
other spirits even worse than itself and they come an live
there so when it is all over the person is in a worst state
than ...
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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who to marry 5/3/2008
first of all that special person must be content with who
you are and not try to remold you. suggestions are ok just
not demands. two people must enjoy the same style of music.
and two people must be compatable in a loving intimate way. discuss what you enjoy and if two
people enjoy affection.
1 Comments, 34 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Did you hear about.... 4/19/2008
I read a poll that was taken a few years ago around 2000. The
poll was taken of 2000 married couples that had been united
over 50 years. Remarkably 71 percent said after the first
meerting they could care less if they ever saw the other
again. 97 percent said they would never consider marry
the other after the first meeting.
I drove to a town about 90 minutes from here recently and
had a ...
2 Comments, 52 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Christian Pick up lines (Not written by me) 3/31/2008
1. "nice bible."
2. "is this pew taken?"
3. "i just don't feel called to celibacy."
4. "for you i would slay two Goliaths"
5. "i would go through more than Job for you"
6. "you are perfect, except with all the sin."
7. "when Moses struck the rock, water flowed from
it like a river. I promise I will never strike you."
8. "you are so ...
3 Comments, 67 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by ) 3/15/2008
You got to find somebody who likes
the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like
it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and
dip coming. -- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're
going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get
to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10
...
2 Comments, 58 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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What Day Was It?? 2/2/2008
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband,
"I'll bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do, " he answered as if he was offended,
and left for the office. At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang
and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of
a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped,
two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered.
Later, a ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score
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Dear Future -in Law: 1/16/2008
Dear Future -in Law:
I have been unable to sleep since I forced my to
break off her engagement to you. Will you forgive and forget?
I was much too sensitive about your orange Mohawk haircut,
multiple tattoos, pierced nose and assorted rings in your
ears, eyebrows and tongue. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous,
and I really should not have reacted that ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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HIV Test: 11/16/2007
Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to
be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should
be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we
heard on TV that people should be tested after annual s-x!"
0 Comments, 40 Views,
8 Votes
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Hard of Hearing: 11/15/2007
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used
to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite
sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to
discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple
informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor
a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do, "
said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Too Late: 11/15/2007
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the
young lady decided she had been stood up. Exasperated,
she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers,
fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of
TV. No sooner than she flopped down in front of the TV, her door
bell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and
gasped, "I'm two hours late and ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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"When NOT to Accept a Proposal, For Women" 11/15/2007
Women who can answer "yes" to five or more of
these questions should consider carefully before accepting
a proposal of marriage.
On his first date with you, did he pick you up early so you
could help with his laundry?
To reach him in an emergency, would anyone think to call
the local adult bookstore?
Has he ever bragged about seeing every episode of "Gilligan's
Island" ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
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"When NOT to Propose, For Men" 11/15/2007
Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these
questions should consider carefully before proposing
marriage.
In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that
square thing?"
Does she use the phrase "you know" more than
twice per sentence?
Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon.
Have you noticed her name tattooed on ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
4 Votes
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Words Women Use, OK Men Don't Say I Didn't Warn You 11/14/2007
Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they
are Right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half
an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just
been given five more Minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something
and you should ...
1 Comments, 46 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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Gaining Weight 11/11/2007
Two co-workers were pregnant at the same time and often
teased each other about gaining weight. After one doctor's visit, one of them asked her friend
how much weight she had gained. "Thirty-five pounds, "
she proudly stated. "And the doctor says it's
all baby." "You'd better hope not, " said a mother
of four who had overheard them.
0 Comments, 21 Views,
3 Votes
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Careful What You Wish For: 11/7/2007
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for
a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If
I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of
dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago, " the
homeless woman told me. "Will you use it to go shopping ...
1 Comments, 28 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Dates and Anniversaries 11/3/2007
Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends
and relatives birthdays and anniversaries, I decided
to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted
on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program
that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed ...
0 Comments, 8 Views,
2 Votes
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Men Are Like Fine Wine, From A Woman's Point Of View 11/1/2007
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the
dark until they mature into something you'd like to
have dinner with.
0 Comments, 27 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
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Why The Ladies Are Single? 11/1/2007
In chatting with my lady friends I have found out quite a
few reasons as to why some of them are still single. Below
are some of the reasons that I have been given, hahahaha,
enjoy, cheers.
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not ...
4 Comments, 77 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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Grandma And Grandpa 10/30/2007
Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida
to attend their granddaughter's graduation from medical school.
Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit one of
their sons in Kansas for a night. Grandpa found a bottle
of Viagra in the Medicine cabinet. He asked his about
using one of the pills. The said, 'I don't think
you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Hello Ladies, Some Lines To Help You Turn Down Guys That Are Turning You Off 10/25/2007
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a
face like yours! SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking
for a face like yours!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must have been given your share!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! I'm having a ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Men Never Seem To Learn Not To Mess With Women 10/24/2007
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in
the crew's refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally
responsible for the crabs staying frozen and proceeded
to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs
thaw out. Shortly before landing in New York, ...
1 Comments, 38 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Why You Shouldn't Take Your Husband Shopping: 10/23/2007
This is why women should not take men shopping against their
will. After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted
her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men, he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women,
she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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Definitions Of A Bachelor 10/22/2007
One who avoids Bride-Eyed women. One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.
One who believes that one can live as cheaply as two. One who can forget his mistakes. One who can get into bed from either side. One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked. One who can leave his socks and wallet lying around the house.
One who can tell his symptoms to his Doctor without ...
0 Comments, 5 Views,
0 Votes
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He Didn't Like: For The Ladies 10/17/2007
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard.
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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A Woman's Prayer. 10/16/2007
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love
and to forgive him and for patience, for his moods. Because
Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
3 Comments, 30 Views,
8 Votes
,5.80 Score
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What Men Really Mean: 10/9/2007
When a Man says:
"I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream
with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete
safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making
it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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A True Story 10/2/2007
I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have
you will probably relate to this father.) As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of
ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive,
light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in
anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard,
picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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