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Sometimes I Just Don't Understand Anymore 9/14/2006
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws
the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds,
then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this
a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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Having Faith 9/13/2006
There was this mountain climber who was climbing up a mountain
about a 250ft high. He was about 150 feet up when he slipped,
lost his footing and slipped to a 100ft. Left dangling just
holding a little branch on the side of the mountain, he screamed
for help. Suddenly, a light shone from the clouds and he
heard a voice say "What is it, my ? Are you in trouble".
The climber replied" Please ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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What Were They Thinking 9/9/2006
The following are actual medical records inserts taken
from patients actual medical record charts.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet
turtle, who is presently ...
5 Comments, 154 Views,
13 Votes
,2.98 Score
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Daddy, How Was I Born? 9/4/2006
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how
was I born?"
The father answers: "Well , I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your
mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon ...
1 Comments, 216 Views,
39 Votes
,6.25 Score
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The Hormone Hostage: 9/1/2006
The Hormone Hostage
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month
when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life
in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common
as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband,
boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!
...
2 Comments, 78 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score
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Things not to say on a date 9/1/2006
"I really don't like this restaurant that much,
but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."
"I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs
on you."
"I used to come here all the time with my ex."
"Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't
hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."
"I really feel that I've grown in the past ...
7 Comments, 234 Views,
19 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Girlfriends 8/23/2006
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion.
So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed
a girl ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
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Time To Laugh 8/19/2006
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor
to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's
35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic
build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to
the ."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband
is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
15 Votes
,4.66 Score
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Baptizing a Drunk 8/19/2006
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when
he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps
into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost
overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the
drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher
grabs him ...
20 Comments, 2829 Views,
331 Votes
,5.59 Score
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A father's terror 8/18/2006
Dear Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have
been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness
in not
having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but
before
you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further
unless
you are sitting down... Okay?
...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Facts 8/9/2006
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful,
but she is beautiful because you love her."
"Men always want to be a woman's first love --
women like to be a man's last romance."
"Relationships should come with those little black
boxes that airplanes have. That way, when they crash and
burn, we'd actually get some answers."
"Too many people are ...
3 Comments, 111 Views,
18 Votes
,6.67 Score
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marriage 8/9/2006
"The husband who wants a perfect marriage should
keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist,
two plumbers and a bartender."
...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Is it true? 8/9/2006
"Woman begins by resisting a man's advances
and ends by blocking his retreat."
...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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What Are Your Priorities? 8/6/2006
What are Your Priorities? These are taken our of a book by
Sigmund Freud.
Five things are happening in your house at the same time.
In which sequence would you solve them?
1. The telephone is ringing!
2. The baby is crying!
3. Someone's knocking or calling you from the front
door!
4. You hung the clothes out to dry and it ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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The Loving Husband 8/3/2006
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.
While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for
$5, 000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her
shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5, 000
to ship your ...
1 Comments, 87 Views,
14 Votes
,4.10 Score
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There Is Hope For You Yet 8/1/2006
A Little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates,
a Florida mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down
on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger
here?" He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?" "In
prison, " he says. "Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her, and very ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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The Baptist Dog 7/31/2006
A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog.
Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the must
also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and
explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose
owner assured them he had just the they wanted.
The owner brought the to meet the pastor and his wife.
"Fetch the Bible, " he commanded.
The bounded to the ...
1 Comments, 77 Views,
15 Votes
,4.51 Score
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Deuling Church Signs 7/27/2006
The incoming pastor of a more liberal denomination was
warned by his predecessor that the conservative pastor
across the street had a strong hold on the small town, and
could bring trouble for him.
In order to set a good tone for his congregation he put out
the title of his sermon early in the week to show that he took
his position of serving God seriously. The title: God's ...
2 Comments, 93 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score
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Celtic Blessing 7/27/2006
"May the good Lord bless those
who love us!
May He turn the hearts of those who do not love us. And to those
whose hearts He cannot turn, may He turn their ankles, so
we may recognize them by their limp."...
1 Comments, 67 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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WOMEN 7/25/2006
"If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16, she's
12. If she tells you she's 26 and looks 26, she's
damn near 40."
...
2 Comments, 114 Views,
9 Votes
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4 Sentences for The Perfect Marriage 7/23/2006
I recently attended my cousins wedding. In order to give
the groom some advice on how to make a marriage perfect,
the father of the bride was consulted. Apparently, a man
only needs to know 4 sentences each comprised of 3 words.
Even a dullard can get this!
1) I love you.
2) I'll fix it.
3) When everything seems to be going wrong and she's
REALLY UPSET...
...
2 Comments, 163 Views,
17 Votes
,3.83 Score
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Old Men 7/22/2006
A sweet little old lady surprised the young social worker
that was interviewing her when she volunteered, "
I do believe in sex on the first date you know. " "That's pretty modern thinking for an 80 year
old woman." the social worker commented.
"Well honey, you know one can never be sure of havin'
a 2nd date with these old guys.
0 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Smile For The Camera !!! 7/18/2006
Several years ago I went to have my picture taken for my husband
for Valentine's Day.My sister was with me and so was
my little nephew.When the guy was taking the picture he
told me to say "sex" , then he said say "money".Well
I don't know if I am just dumb or just don't expect
that sort of thing , but I thought he was just trying to get
me to smile!!! I came home and was telling my ...
4 Comments, 200 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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Watching You 7/14/2006
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD
player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice
echoed from the dark saying,
"Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight
off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he
shook his head, promised
...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
18 Votes
,6.40 Score
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Best Friends... 7/13/2006
Diamonds are a girl's best friend!
A man's best friend is his dog!
That about explains the difference right there......
3 Comments, 122 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score
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The patient's prayer 7/11/2006
A man asked God for patience and
he prayed out saying, " O God, give me patience and
i need it NOW!"...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Men are like chickens....... 7/11/2006
the hotter you get them, the tougher they
get. But if you warm them up slowly, they get all tender.
Just a little friendly advice in trying to influence men,
ladies.  ...
1 Comments, 123 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
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Divorce 7/10/2006
True statistic: Fifty percent of all marriages
end in divorce. The other 50% end in death!
key: If you don't get divorced, hopefully you stay
together "until death do you part". And you
were thinking homocide. Shame on you! ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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apppearance is deceptive 7/8/2006
Never judge a book by its cover when there is so much more
on the inside, just as you should never judge anyone by his
look when there are so much more in his or her character or
attitude. Just as book content, so also are the attitude
and or character of anyone. The reason why you should read
the content or see someone character and or attitude before
making conclusion is that appearance ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Understanding women 7/5/2006
Do you know why men don't understand women? We were
asleep when ya'll got here. One day a man was walking
on a beach in Florida, and discovered on old bottle in the
sand. Being curious he picked it up. Thinking it might be
a magical bottle, he rubbed it. Out popped a genie. "Oh
thank you, I have been imprisoned for thousands of years,
now I will grant you endless wishes. "I thought I only ...
2 Comments, 136 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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