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History Through The Eyes Of 6th Graders 4/11/2006
Below are actual answers to questions posed by the teacher
to 6th graders for there history test. The teacher wished
to remain anonymous, I wonder why, hahahahaha.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and
they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have
to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the ...
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Some One Liners To Consider 4/11/2006
If it wasn't for plumbers, you'd have no place
to go.
Driver carries no cash. He's married.
Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest
evils; people who shouldn't drink with people who
shouldn't sing.
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!
Club soda, not seals.
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My Finest Prayer 4/11/2006
Three neighbors were discussing the proper position and
attitude for prayer. One said, "You should be on your
knees with your head bowed in reverence to the Almighty."
The second man spoke up and said, "Remember that you
were created in God's image. The position in which
to pray is to stand up looking into the heavens into the face
of God and talk to Him as a to his father."
...
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To All The Born In The 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's 4/10/2006
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or
drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from
a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with
bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or
cabinets and when we rode our ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Why Our Country Is In Trouble. 4/9/2006
A Washington, DC airport ticket agent offers some examples
of why our country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat
so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near
the window.
2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted
to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the
flight and the passport information, ...
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Odd Signs 4/9/2006
In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans
for owning your home."
In a classified ad: "Tired of cleaning yourself?
Let me do it."
In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention
Center"
Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere
and be cheated when you can come here?"
...
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your words, your dreams and your thoughts 4/8/2006
Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have the power
to create conditions in your life. What you speak about,
you can bring about.
If you keep saying you can't stand your job,
you might lose your job.
If you keep saying you can't stand your body,
your body can become sick.
If you keep saying you can't stand your car,
your car could be stolen or just stop ...
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The Fear of Rejection: A one Day Cure 4/7/2006
The Fear of Rejection: A One Day Cure Harriet Lerner Ph.D.
Excerpted from Fear and Other Uninvited Guests (HarperCollins
Publishers, New York)
Cured in a day? It happened like this:
I was surprised to get a call from Frank, a former
who now lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma. His work was bringing
him back to Kansas for a two-day seminar, and he ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
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The Bakery 4/7/2006
After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid
passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the
bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the window
were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I
prayed, "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to
have any of those delicious goodies, create a
parking place for me directly in front of the bakery."
And ...
0 Comments, 8 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Some Thoughts To Share 4/7/2006
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened
gift, thrown away, life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear
the music before the song is over.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here
we might as well dance!"
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Some More One Liners To Share 4/7/2006
Someday, hon, we'll look back on this mortgage and
laugh. Thirty years from now, to be exact.
Doctor to patient: You should consider leaving the IRS.
I don't get a heartbeat anymore.
Thank you for holding. This call may be monitored for quality
purposes. Of course, if we really cared about quality we'd
hire more people to answer the phone.
I'm sorry. As of this ...
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Today's One Liners 4/7/2006
The supermarket is where you spend 30 minutes hunting for
instant coffee.
The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are
the neighbors.
Why is it the loudest snorer is always the first one to get
to sleep.
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very
first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is
a telephone poll."
Money ...
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A Few One Liners To Share 4/6/2006
Some people drink at the fountain of knowledge, others
just gargle.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
Is a computer virus covered by Medicare?
Some people work up steam and some only generate a fog.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
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Frivolous Lawsuits By Those In Jail 4/6/2006
America's jailbirds don't give up. Disappointed
by the criminal justice system, this plucky lot still has
faith in the civil side. Last year, the states spent $81
million defending what state attorneys general called
frivolous lawsuits. Here are a few favorites:
A convicted New York sued the state, claiming he
lost sleep and suffered headaches and chest pains after
being given a ...
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Would You Like To Join........ 4/6/2006
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN..."
The Yoko club?
Oh no.
The German philosophy club?
I. Kant.
The Ford-Nixon club?
Pardon me?
The Arafat club?
Yessir.
The Ebert movie club?
Roger.
The Groucho Marx club?
You bet your life.
The Peter Pan club?
Never. Never.
...
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Directions To Gods House 4/6/2006
Make a Right onto Believeth Blvd.
Keep straight and go through the Green Light, which is Jesus
Christ.
There, you must turn onto the Bridge of Faith, which is over
troubled water.
When you get off the bridge, make a Right turn and Keep Straight.
You are on the King's Highway, Heaven-bound.
Keep going for three miles: One for the ...
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Extracts Of Letters Sent To Landlords. 4/6/2006
Now that I am renting again after almost 25 years and hearing
some of the complaints that are going on I thought I would
list a few here written by tenants to the Landlord.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from
the wall.
I ...
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why couples most not denied each other the privilege of making love 4/6/2006
Partner should not refused the other the joy of marital
bliss of making love. except for health reasons and for
purpose of prayers which both must agree to. Therefore,
Both the man and the woman in a marriage relationship has
not right to refused his or her partner the enjoyment of
marital bliss of making love. The reason is that such refusal
has the propencity to cause unfaithfulness by ...
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Getting Old 4/6/2006
Another year has passed
and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.
I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
just make me kind of sad.
There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "Living in the Past".
We used to go to ...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
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You Know It Is Going To Be A Bad Day When: 4/5/2006
* You wake up face down on the pavement.
* You jump out of bed in the morning and miss the floor.
* You turn on the morning news, and they're showing
emergency routes out of your city.
* Your bar of Ivory soap sinks.
* You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
* The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
* Your horn ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Some Random Thoughts Again 4/5/2006
When you're rich, it's "eccentric";
when you're poor, it's just strange.
What an automated society we live in: Have you ever noticed
that when a traffic signal turns green, it automatically
activates the horn of the car behind you?
The coffee break, even for those who realize that
caffeine may not be good for them, still beats staying at
the desk and working.
Men ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Do You Remember When Part Two? 4/5/2006
Telephone numbers with a word prefix...( Hillcrest 4-601).
Party lines
Peashooters
Howdy Doody
45 RPM records
Green Stamps
Hi-Fi's
Metal ice cubes trays with lever
Mimeograph paper
Beanie and Cecil
...
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Do You Remember When? 4/5/2006
All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the got
home from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore ...
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Some Fun For The Senior Citizens, I Getting Close, Hahaha 4/5/2006
I'm the life of the party, even when it lasts until 8
p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to
where I am going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin,
beano, and antacid.
I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
I'm ...
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Some One Liners To Consider 4/5/2006
1. Give God what's right, not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end, God's way
leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but
never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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How Do You Decide Whom To Marry 4/4/2006
OK so I decided to have some more fun and I decided not to be
serious, these questions were given to and they
came up with the answers so they don't blame me for their
advice, hahahahaha, God bless you, cheers
First Question, How do you decide whom to marry?
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like,
if you like sports, she should like it that you like ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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7 Days Of Inspiration 4/4/2006
Take one a day and feel great all week long!
Day 1: You are the sunshine of someone's life
Day 2: Courage is worrying "what if?" and trying
anyway!
Day 3: Your dreams are like stars: Let them be your guiding
lights!
Day 4: You have so much to be proud of!
Day 5: Learn from the past. Live in the present. Look forward
to the future!
Day ...
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Some Things To Remember Or Ponder 4/3/2006
1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it
permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what
you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.
6. When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload
it.
7. You will never "have it ...
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That 's a true story ? You are pulling my leg ! ! 4/3/2006
When God speaks ! ! ! !
A friend of mine, Bloomberg, has a . He wanted him to be
a good Jew. That was more important than anything else.
In order to give him the best teaching, he sent his to
Isreal. Three months later, the came back and to Blommbegr's
disapointment, he became a CHRISTIAN. My friend was deeply
embarassed each time he sees his Jewish friends. Secretly
he contacted ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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My Online Friends 4/3/2006
Sometimes when life isn't easy
It's always nice to know
that you are there beside me
wherever I may go
When smiles seem so far away
and life has got me down
It's always nice to sign online
and know that you're around
You make me smile, you make me laugh
and before long all my cares disappear
my life doesn't seem so empty and alone
because my friend ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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