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What is a date? A date is when two people, who hardly know each other, go out to dinner and push their food around their plates nervously, while trying to ask as many questions as possible in the shortest possible time. As in: Do you ski? Play tennis? Do you like dogs? Why do you think your marriage fell apart? Why do you think your ex-wife said you were controlling? Do you like chocolate? Cheesecake? Have you ever been convicted of a felony? How do you feel about drugs? How many alcoholics are there in your family? What kind of medication are you on? Did you have plastic surgery, or is that your real nose? Chin? Upper lip? What kind of surgery have you had? Do you like ? Have you ever dated any (ha ha)? What foreign languages do you speak? What's you ideal honeymoon? Have you ever been on safari? To Paris? To Des Moines? Are you religious? When did you last see your mother? How long have you been in therapy? Why not? How many DUI's have you had? Where does your wife think you are tonight? How long have you been married (and goodbye)? Divorced? Widowed? Out of jail? On parole? Unemployed? What's your next career move? I'm sure the circus DOES offer fabulous travel opportunities, but what about the high wire? Have you been bulimic all your life? How many 12-step groups are you a member of? When is later? How soon do you think you'll call?
Even worse....
A blind date.... is when well-meaning friends select two people from opposite ends of the earth, with as little in common as humanly possible, and lie to each of them about just how fabulous, interesting, normal, well adjusted, intelligent, and attractive the other half of the blind date is. Reality hits as they come through the door. You then pursue the same formula as on a regular date, hopefully in less time, and you pray that they wrote down your phone number wrong. After that your go home and realize that your time would have been better spent on a good book.. or a bad book, for that matter.
Is internet dating better, worse? Time will tell.
For anyone who made it through all that, nice to meet you. Shall we begin?
(thanks to d.s. for inspiration)
My Ideal Person
I prefer to date a gentleman who has the manners my grandfather used when he was with my grandmother. He always treated her as though she were the most precious person he had ever met and she treated him the same way. I know that is a great deal to ask, but why settle for less than what I really want?Most of all, I want honesty... I'll add more as I think of it, but honesty is a must!
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