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Cure For What Ails Ye 5/4/2006
I typed these from a book this morning....toooo funny
-To cure a cold, tie fish skin to your feet
-To cure mosquito bites, rub them with vinegar, oil, butter
onion, garlic or lemon peel and then blow on them
-To get rid of freckles, rub a live frog over your face
-To cure earaches, plug the ears with a shelled snail or
a slice of warm bacon. Another cure: Pour some pig's
milk, ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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For Those Of Us Who Have , hahaha 5/3/2006
To those of us who have in our lives, whether they
are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students.
Here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your are out of control, you can take
comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence
did not extend to His own
.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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History Question Of The Day 5/2/2006
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a local gathering,
and his hostess broached the subject in which the doctor
was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor, " she asked,
"how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who
appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier, " he replied. "You
ask him/her a simple question which everyone should answer
with no ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Getting It Checked 5/2/2006
I decided to let the doc check me out,
'Cause I didn't feel really quite right.
All these aches and pains annoy me
Especially when I can't sleep at night.
-
He could find nothing out of order,
But then he sure wouldn't let it rest.
Said, "You have Medicare & Blue Cross,
So I'll just run a 'few' more little tests."
-
So, to the hospital I was swiftly sent,
...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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You Might Be Employed By The School Board If: 5/2/2006
Now that I am back working for the school board a few of these
came back to mind in remembrance of times gone by, hahahahaha
1. You believe the playground should be equipped with a
Ritalin salt lick.
2. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must
be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
3. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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First Graders 5/1/2006
A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five
students in her class. She presented each in her classroom
the first half of a
well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder
of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first
graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading,
keep in mind that these are first graders, ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Jesus still think the best for you no matter what 5/1/2006
Even when Jesus knows about you, and all you are but he choose
to believe the best about you and for you. because he sees
you not as you are but as you will be when he get through with
you by his refinning power and fire. what a friend we have
in him
0 Comments, 30 Views,
0 Votes
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Thought For The Day 4/30/2006
If you sometimes get the sudden urge to run around naked?
Drink some Windex. It will keep you from streaking.
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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If You Think That You Are Not Important 4/30/2006
A little mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see
the farmer and his wife open a package. "What food
might this contain?" the mouse wondered. He was devastated
to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning,
"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap
in the house!" The chicken clucked and scratched,
raised her head ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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Sometimes I Wonder About Our Youth 4/30/2006
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when
the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of
the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete
the transaction unless the card was signed.
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to
compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
0 Votes
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The Positive Side Of Life 4/30/2006
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free
trip around the sun every year.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom
door you're on.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer
you live.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know
you left open.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much ...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Reasons To Smile 4/30/2006
1) It looks better than a frown
2) It improves your day
3) It makes other people's day brighter
4) Make new friends
5) Shows friendship
6) Leaves favorable impressions
7) Enjoyable to give and receive
 Makes you look happy, confident, and self-assured
9) Puts others at ease
10) A smile could be the start of a lifetime relationship!
0 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Why God Made Moms 4/30/2006
The following questions were asked and the answers were
given by elementary school age :
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape
is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Dear Pastor 4/30/2006
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met
my sister.
Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter
Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter
Peterson.
Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister.
Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert Anderson, ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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What Mom Really Wants For Mother's Day 4/30/2006
10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a
soda without any "floaties" (ie, backwash)
9. To have my 14 year-old answer a question without
rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?"
way.
8. Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty
7. A shower without a peeking through the curtain
with a "Hi Ya Mom!" just as I put a razor to my ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Famous Last Words 4/30/2006
1) I'll get a world record for this.
2) Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
3) It's fireproof.
4) He's probably just hibernating.
5) I'm making a citizen's arrest.
6) So, you're a cannibal.
7) It's probably just a rash.
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
9) The odds of that happening have to be a million-to-one!
10) Pull ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Park Ranger Questions 4/29/2006
Below are questions that people "actually asked"
of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again
that there is no known limit to the depths of the human mind.
Sometimes I wonder about our society.
Grand Canyon National Park:
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom, where is
it?
So where are the faces of ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Letter Of Resignation 4/29/2006
This is an actual letter of resignation from an employee
at a computer company, to her boss,
who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have
a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that
my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above
the common ground ...
1 Comments, 32 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Bullentin Bloopers 4/28/2006
From a lyric sheet: "What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and briefs to bear."
Support group meeting postponed: "There will be
no Moms Who Care this week."
"Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved
ones."
The Overeater's Anonymous Group will meet at 8:00
in the large room.
Diana and Don request your presents at their ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
0 Votes
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Because Daddy 4/28/2006
One day I was driving with my 3-year-old and beeped
my car horn by mistake. Skye turned and looked at me for an
explanation. I said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy." I replied,
"How'd you know?"
Skye said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK'
afterwards!"
0 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
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A 's Prayer 4/28/2006
As my five year old and I were headed to McDonald's
one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something
terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be
hurt, so I pointed and said to my , "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please,
God, don't let those cars block
the entrance to McDonald's."
0 Comments, 16 Views,
0 Votes
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Women: Things You Might Like To Know From Dr. Watson 4/28/2006
Through the years I have taken many classes in many different
fields and the knowledge that I have acquired over the years
I thought I would pass down to some of you. I get many different
questions in my emails and in the chat rooms so I thought
I would take the time in the this blog to answer as many of
them as I can, here goes:
Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women
...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
0 Votes
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Just The Facts 4/28/2006
As parents, we all at some point are faced with this. Pretty
soon, the little ones start asking questions: Embarrassing
ones at that! I remember when my asked me, "Where
do babies come from." I try not to lie to them! I told
them the straight facts: "Carelessness, pure carelessness!"
0 Comments, 10 Views,
0 Votes
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Just Because You Need To Laugh 4/28/2006
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only
a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those
of us who fly routinely in
our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet, " which tells mechanics
about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, and then pilots review the gripe ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
0 Votes
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Things You Do Not Want To Hear During Surgery: 4/28/2006
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
There go the lights again.
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys - and this
guy's got two of'em.
That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
This patient has already had some , am I correct?
Uh Oh! Page 47 is missing!
0 Comments, 13 Views,
0 Votes
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How much of God's image do you reflect 4/28/2006
The Bible says that we are created in the image of God, if
that is true which I know is, how much of God's image
do you reflect. when we so often think about ourselves and
ourselves alone ignoring others who are in pain, in need
or so. we ask God to show his power through us but how ready
are we to allow him do just that, and we say God do you will
but still we tell him how we want him to ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
0 Votes
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If You Need A Good Laugh, Then Look No Further 4/27/2006
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice
and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my
car broke down on the way home from work. Since I
lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
that I would be late because I had to
walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
0 Votes
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Senior Dress Code 4/27/2006
Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 50, WAY over
50, or hovering near 50), are quite confused about how we
should present ourselves in public. We are unsure about
the kind of image we are projecting as we try to conform to
current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the
streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together
and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
0 Votes
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Old Age 4/27/2006
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a
park
bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny
day, for over
12 years, chatting and enjoying each others' friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies turns to the other
and says, "Please don't be angry with me dear,
but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your
name? I am trying to ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
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And You Think You Had A Bad Day 4/26/2006
I am writing in response to your request for
additional information.
In block number three of the accident reporting form, I
put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.
You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust
that the following details are sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the
accident, I was working alone on the roof ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
0 Votes
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