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Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
How To Tell If A Fly Is Male Or Female   6/28/2007

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females, " he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.


0 Comments, 10 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
Will The Real Bride Please Stand Up!   6/20/2007

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my , " said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY , " said the other. And so they began arguing until the King called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword, " said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me, " ...


2 Comments, 39 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
The Ten Commandments of Marriage   6/15/2007

Commandment 1.Marriages are made in heaven. But, so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the ...


6 Comments, 141 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
Two Old Guys   6/14/2007

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart When they collide. The first old guy says to the Second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my Wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The first old guy says, ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
A Letter To Dad   6/14/2007

Dear Dad: In answer to the questions you have asked over the years: 1. Yes, I thought we owned the electric company. 2. I don't know what the heck I thought I was doing. 3. Yes, I actually did think you were made of money.

Happy Fathers Day, Your


2 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
lonelygentleman2 51 M
3  Articles
Gutted   6/11/2007

Don't you just hate it when you write to someone every day for 4 or 5 months and you think this is your soul mate and then they ask for money then it dawns on you, this person that you thought was your soul mate was only someone that was only interested in your money and not you. That's what happen to me when I met Luccig002, she even gave me her bank details. I never wrote to her after that or ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 0 Votes
Rainbirdblues 57 M
5  Articles
Drunks   5/14/2007

Two drunks sat on the shore watching a surfer. and discussed. 1:"That must be difficult, don´t you think?" 2:"It might be" 1:"Looks like he´s gonna fall!" 2:"Yeah..it might be" 1:"Oh look, he fell, should we help him?" 2:"Might be a good idea"

So, No 1 took a swim, brought the guy to shore.

1:"He´s not moving, should i give him mouth to mouth ? 2:"Might be" So he did few ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Rainbirdblues 57 M
5  Articles
Young priest   5/14/2007

A young preast was speaking for the first time in church, His teacher was listening carefully, looking a bit concernd time to time. Finally, the young preast came to his teacher gloving of pride. "It went great..right"? "Well my ..it was good, but let me correct few things here. First, Jesus was not shot, allright ? second, it is AMEN not cheers. For the third, i suggest you walk the stairs down, ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 9 Votes ,2.78 Score
Rainbirdblues 57 M
5  Articles
Aeroflot   5/14/2007

Aeroflot must be announced as an holy company..everyone prays onboard.


0 Comments, 6 Views, 0 Votes
Rainbirdblues 57 M
5  Articles
Bishops visit   5/14/2007

This really happened.

It was a sunny sunday, people waited silently in church, It was a glorious moment for that little community, Bishop was about to speak any moment now. And finally he appears with all that majestic clothing, people could hardly breathe..suddenly..a little childs voice echoing "Jeiiii, batmaaan !!


0 Comments, 68 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Rainbirdblues 57 M
5  Articles
Revenge   5/10/2007

A sourcerer walked across the bridge of seven blacksmithstatues and thought "what good deed would i do today". She looked at the seven statues and got it ! "those poor guys have been standing there for 300 years..i think they deserve a day off". So she did her magick and poof..seven guys got running in all directions. Sourcerer wondered what they might do first, after standing still for so long ...


1 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
Just A Weeeeeee Bit   4/20/2007

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful beyond compare. With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for ...


3 Comments, 215 Views, 17 Votes ,5.81 Score
Italian_sister 69 F
2  Articles
Science has replaced God?   3/29/2007

The scientific community decided that with all the advances in science and medicine, God was no longer needed. So, a representative was sent to inform God that His services were no longer needed.
At the meeting the rep explained to God that with the advancement of medicine and the sciences ( test tube babies, cloning, etc) God was free to remove His services from this earth.
God took ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 15 Votes ,4.97 Score
Italian_sister 69 F
2  Articles
Take your pick, Heaven or Hell   3/20/2007

A politician died and was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter. St Peter said, I am not sure what to do with you as we don't normally get your kind here. Is heaven where you want to spend eternity?" The politician asked "What are my options?" St.Peter told him if he wanted he could spend a day in heaven and a day in hell and then decide were he would rather go. So the politician took him up ...


1 Comments, 224 Views, 27 Votes ,5.13 Score
TheLordsmyhubby 56 F
7  Articles
Germination   3/9/2007

Sooo... I was teaching the busy 9 year old boy about the life cycle of a plant. We covered the parts of the plant, pollination and seeds. It seemed like he was listening but he kept bouncing around and interrupting me.
We had a book and some seeds and dirt. The object was to understand the process and then observe it. As I stood there with the seeds in my hand, I explained that seeds develop ...


1 Comments, 100 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
HE-BREWS...   3/4/2007

WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, ...


3 Comments, 173 Views, 22 Votes ,4.69 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
On The Lighter Side   2/15/2007

One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "roger proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is."


2 Comments, 253 Views, 24 Votes ,4.04 Score
burleigh2 38 M
8  Articles
Drunks   2/9/2007

A minister went down to the corner bar and would talk to people as they came out- "Brother, Do you want to go to heaven? Sister, do you want to go to heaven? Step right over here."
One particularly drunk man staggered out of the bar. "Brother, Do you want to go to heaven? "
the minster asked. The drunk looked at him for a bit, then said "No!"
The minister, ...


2 Comments, 172 Views, 20 Votes ,5.55 Score
SeanAmo 43 M
21  Articles
JESUS BUMPER STICKER   2/4/2007

JESUS BUMPER STICKER The other day I went to the local religious book store and I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!





I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, ...


5 Comments, 231 Views, 20 Votes ,4.53 Score
SeanAmo 43 M
21  Articles
women rulers   1/30/2007

One day, there was a catastrophic event which caused all living creatures on earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to heaven. God approaches and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who ruled their women on earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."



...


2 Comments, 250 Views, 25 Votes ,6.45 Score
burleigh2 38 M
8  Articles
Indian Chief   1/25/2007

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. He had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
To be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should ...


2 Comments, 121 Views, 14 Votes ,6.66 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
Teeth   1/23/2007

An elderly couple toddled into the local McDonalds and ordered one combo meal. The wife carefully cut the sandwich in two and began to eat her half. The husband respectfully sat and watched. The eating did not progress quickly, and soon the other customers began to notice. Finally one helpful person offered to buy the couple another meal. The offer was rejected with the ...


2 Comments, 263 Views, 30 Votes ,5.79 Score
adorable2eyes 73 F
18  Articles
Flying Blind   1/20/2007

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles ...


2 Comments, 214 Views, 23 Votes ,5.23 Score
adorable2eyes 73 F
18  Articles
Sailor and the Pirate   1/20/2007

The sailor & the pirate
. This sailor met a pirate in a bar, and the sailor couldn't help but notice that the pirate was pretty badly - the worse for wear. He's had a peg leg, and a hook, and an eye patch.
So the sailor asked the pirate how he got the peg leg and the pirate answered, "Well, matey, I got washed overboard one night while we was in a fierce storm. An' ...


2 Comments, 139 Views, 21 Votes ,5.48 Score
burleigh2 38 M
8  Articles
Monastery Secrets   1/19/2007

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, my car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell ...


2 Comments, 68 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
burleigh2 38 M
8  Articles
Out of the mouths of babes.   1/15/2007

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a Classroom. The teacher was going to explain Evolution to the . The teacher asked A little boy: Tommy do you see the tree Outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass Outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see If you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
One Liners   1/13/2007

Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
. I ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
Dundeal 67 M
6251  Articles
Is this what I have to look forward to?   1/5/2007

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, in her mid-eighties. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to ...


3 Comments, 105 Views, 16 Votes ,3.86 Score
marilync 53 F
1  Article
Starting, Stopping, and Starting Over   12/24/2006

It's funny when you think about what we go through to find a connection with someone. If we desire to find a person, we don't find them. If we don't want someone in our life at a particular moment in time, there is an abundance of people who want to go out with us. So when we don't look we find and this seems to run contrary to Seek Ye First...or does it?
What I have started to ...


2 Comments, 114 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
TennisGuy45 57 M
1  Article
Jonah in the Whale   12/19/2006

A teacher was instructing a 2nd grade class on Bible passages. In discussing Jonah, the teacher stated that it was actually impossible for a man to survive in the belly of a whale.
Upon hearing this, little Billy told the teacher, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah if he really was swallowed up into the belly of a whale".
The teacher decided to play "devil's ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 12 Votes ,4.39 Score