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Waiting On The Lord

renewing my strength.
I have written many blogs in the past few months. Each on different subjects, but mainly out of my lonliness.
I was never alone in my life until this past year when my husband passed on. Now with no family anymore and few friends who have not moved away. I find myself alone for the first time in my life, and I hate it. Just waiting on the Lord now to see what he has in store for the rest of my life.

Ready Set Go
Posted:Oct 18, 2007 10:51 pm
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2008 10:47 pm

I have been going to dances with the widows group. It was a funny thing, I do not dance. I am pentecostal and never learned to dance, or even wanted to.
At our group we were talking about places we could go as a group. It was decided that we would go to the monthly dance, since most of the ladies like to dance, but were afraid if they weren't asked to dance, they would look pitiful. I went not to dance, but to get out of the house, and be with friends.
A gentleman asked me to dance! I told him I did not know how to dance, and didn't really come to dance. He said thats OK follow me! I did try.
After about 4 dances, I hid in the hall!
I am not ready for a relationship. When I am ready it will have to be with a Christian.
This is a church dance, but people of all faiths even nominal faiths come to these.
I have gone to two dances now. The first gentleman was waiting for me, and another gentleman asked me to dance! I didn't dance with either of them.
My standards for a relationship is no divorced people and no non, or "nominal" Christians.
Yet it is fun to get out of the house, and have people to talk with, rather than the dogs!
WOW it has been a long time
Posted:Jun 3, 2007 6:50 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2007 10:52 pm

What has been going on in my life since I last posted? A lot.
I am still alone as far as friends are concerned, but I have learned to be contented with this state in my life.
The Lord has been doing some small things here and there, but they are great things to me. He sent along a neighbor to help me with my lawn. Praise God I needed the help. Another friend came over and tracked down an electrical problem I was having and fixed it for me. He said it was fortunate that the house didn't burn down. Because the wire in the plug had smoked up the whole face plate and burned the plastic on the plug, without blowing a fuse. I now have a light in my computer room!
When my friend was messing with the electricity, it caused the thermocouple to go out on the water heater. I didn't want to call on my friend again, so I went out and bought a new one, but didn't have the slightest idea of how to change it. Frustrated, I prayed and sent out a call for help at a local church for someone to come out and show me how to change it. In the mean time I relit the heater and sort of just looked at the connections to see how hard it would be. The water heater stayed lit! I am thanking Jesus.
Now for the other things going on in my life. I am going to school for photography and videography. The semester is almost over, I have had fun learning to set up a studio, develop my own film, and work in the darkroom. I love it.
I met an older lady who is also a widow, and I have taken her out to several of the night functions at the church. We became fast friends, but she is moving away to live with her granddaughter in New York
It has been an adventure, I still have not gotten use to being so alone, yet I know that the Lord is truly with me at all times. I do miss not having someone waiting for me at home when I come in from school or sharing my triumphs with me. But my husband is gone, and I have been learning to live life on my own for the first time in my life. I will still say the Lord is good and worthy of my praise.
Once again the Lord has Brought me to a Large Place
Posted:Jan 28, 2007 10:40 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2007 6:48 pm

What a difference a day makes!
I was in so much grief, with no where to go, nothing to do, and no one to do it with. Then I called upon the Lord in my distress!
I was reminded of the Lepers outside the city gates of Samaria, when the city was surrounded by the Syrian armies. They were starving to death, there was no food in the city, people had been reduced to cannibalism in the city gates. They said to one another. Why sit we here until we die? If we go into the city there is famine, we shall die, if we sit here we will die also. Let us get up and fall unto the camp of the Syrians if they save us alive we shall live, and if they kill us we but die.
That verse has been significant over and over, in my life. The first time was when I suffered the second heart attack, the cardiologist told me there was nothing more he could do, the heart attack was caused by MS attacking the nerves at the base of the brain. He told me to go home and start getting things in order. I was 52 years old!
After wallowing a couple of weeks in self pity as the condition worsened. I told my husband, wait a minute I am not going to sit here and wait on death. I will go back to school!
He like the doctors didn't think that was a very good idea. Finally after much wrangling with the doctors with the school counselors arrangements were made. I was given portable oxygen tanks, a letter from the doctors requesting I be allowed liquids, so I could swallow, accommodations for my scooter and off to school I went.
I was on the dean's list by the first semester, and was employed by the college as tutor of computer science.
The Lord was merciful, within a couple of years I was healed of MS completely. No canes, no braces, no scooter, no catheters. No symptoms now for over 3 years.
This latest despondency as blog readers know came from the reality of widowhood setting in. The shock of the first year wore off, and though I mourned, the mourning was not as deep as it has been this year. This year the stark reality that he is never coming back, that my life as I knew it and loved it for almost 38 years was over. I was alone.
I prayed that the Lord would send friends into my life. He didn't. I went to group meetings, walked my dogs in the park etc. Yet alone, finally I stopped going to the park, attended only monthly meetings of the grief group. Christmas came and went with the sorrow almost consuming me. I begged God change things. He did not. He brought me back to the scriptures though why sit we here until we die? I went out and signed up for school!
Next week I will make a purposeful trip to the mall, not as some suggested to people watch, but to take pictures of those who have nothing more to do, but people watch. It will be part of my photography studies.
I have people to meet, people to help, and things to do again.
He has truly brought me into that large place again!
From Mourning to Joy
Posted:Jan 27, 2007 3:38 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2007 6:56 pm

The Lord promised to turn our sorrow to dancing. I can't quite say that I am there yet. However, at least I am not in the deep slough of despair that I felt myself in just last week.I cried out to the Lord in my sorrow. I also had to force myself to go out and try to meet new people.
I have found it difficult to find friends who share common interests. I am active and like to walk the dogs in the park once in a while. I like being outside ever so often even in Michigan cold. I even enjoy a game, or two of bowling.

I hate going places by myself, that comes from having someone who shared your every moment for 38 years. We did everything together. It was around these second holidays that I realized, he was never coming back, and life as I knew it had died with him.
Talk about depressing
I really got down. I cannot live in a down mood. People perish from lack of vision (hope). I realized I had to force myself to go on, or I would die! I was more fortunate than some. I have the computer, and can find Christian events in the area. We have a monthly publication here, just for Christian events.
I found myself so busy this past week that I couldn't attend all I had planned on attending.
I did go to one of the local groups for morning coffee and womens chat. I met some very good ladies there. One was a widow like myself, she didn't have internet! I was able to get her name and phone number and called her with some information.
I went to the local school, told the counselor of my situation, and she signed me up for a career track media production class, also suggested I use some of my experience as a computer tutor to help out at the local senior center, and library.
I started classes for the second semester immediately the next night. We beginning students are learning black and white photography, and developing our own films. Next semester we will be doing movies, and media production. The classes are two nights a week for 4 and a half hours.
My only other friend left in the area, made a date to get me out of the house for lunch and shopping on my birthday. Before the day was over, she made plans for us to hang around together most of the week. I missed a couple of things I had planned, but went with the sudden flurry of activities.
Next week I will call the widow I met and will get her out of her house for lunch. I will also try and encourage her to get out to some of the group activities for single point ministries locally. I canceled two activities today so I could go out to get some camera equipment before Monday nights class.
It feels so great to have a purpose once again, instead of sitting home alone, or wandering aimlessly to fill time. God knows what we need, he knows that we need others, we need purpose, we need hope.
What has really changed? Not one thing, my husband is still gone, I still miss him. I still am not the richest person. Yet everything has changed! I find myself busy, happier than I have been for a long time. Looking forward to seeing what new adventure God has for me daily.

Meetups and Other Events
Posted:Jan 17, 2007 10:14 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2007 6:56 pm
I have to say, I have just about gone buggy these past few months. I have had to reclaim my life. When my came back from Montana he had issues, and still has them. He forgets at times that people have feelings. After a few arguments I finally put my foot down and invited him out of my life. He moved this past week, better for him, and a lot better for me.
Now I have to get back some of my independence again. I have joined several meetup groups in my area, and am looking forward to it. On my birthday I have an appointment to see a counselor about classes. I am looking forward to getting out and about meeting new people.
In our area we have event calendars where Christians can post events going on for others, I have several marked on my calendar. The recent ice storm and cold snap caused some problems for travel, but I am looking forward to longer days and clear roads.

Moving Day
Posted:Jan 15, 2007 9:38 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2024 1:54 pm
Today my moved out to his apartment, which means that I am alone again. A time of transition for the both of us. I don't mind that he moved it was best.
There comes a time when it is time to move on, this was his time. I have become protective of my peace and my comfort here at home. Not necessarily set in my ways, but too set in my ways to baby a 34 year old man.
Dismal Weather and Other Good News
Posted:Jan 15, 2007 3:19 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2007 3:21 pm
Well, winter has set in and ice storms are the attraction. Typical January days.
I had to forego church last evening and a fund raiser this evening because of bad roads.
Yet there is something to be thankful for. Many of the people in our area have no power, the ice brought down power lines. No power, no heat. I can Praise God for sitting in a cozy house even if I am alone.
I was thinking about past wonders all day. I remember when I first got saved, and when I met friends who had gotten saved as a result of the charismatic renewal. We felt at the time all things were open to us, all things were good. And Our Heavenly Father was concerned about every detail of our lives. We prayed for parking spaces! Remember?

I was reminded not to long ago of some of the answers to prayer during that time. I had a VW bug, no service station would work on. It broke down in the middle of a busy intersection one winter day when my was 5 years old. I walked across the street to the service station and got we don't work on those things here. I got out and pushed the car out of the middle of the intersection myself. When my complained of the cold I told him Jesus would send someone along to help us. Sure enough he did. Sitting on the other side of the intersection was a utility truck who turned around and came back. The fellow also had a VW and knew what was wrong. The points had welded to the distributor! He pushed me into a parking lot raised the hood, and pulled the points back it started immediately and we got home all the while Praising Jesus for sending someone along.

A friend of mine related that a similar thing had happened when he locked his keys in the car. At that time you could call the police and they would help. Before calling the police though a sister went up and laid her finger on the car window, and said in the name of Jesus, and the lock stem popped up.

When do we lose the ability to trust him for every detail in our lives? I want those wonder days back. Knowing that he works all things together for my good.
A Study
Posted:Jan 4, 2007 8:43 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2007 3:03 pm

I was doing a word study in Acts and found a word that was only used twice in the new testament. It was the greek word
From G998; aid; specifically a rope or chain for frapping a vessel: - help.
I looked up the old english word frapping. What it meant was to encircle a wooden craft with ropes. When a storm came up the ropes were connected across the deck, and kept the wooden vessel from breaking up in rough seas. What an odd word..
Yet in Hebrews it is used to denote just the nick of time. Heb 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
In this scripture God does not promise us there will be no storms, but in frapping us, he keeps our weak vessels from breaking up in times of those storms.
In Memory Of
Posted:May 29, 2006 12:04 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2007 9:41 pm

Today is Memorial day. This is the day we remember those who have gone on before. Granny use to say "give me the roses while I am still alive". There is wisdom in those words. I have tried my best to do that to all those I love and those that I meet.
Our memorial should be in a life well spent. That was my grandmothers life, and my husbands life. I have tried to make that a reality in my own life. What we do for the Lord is the only lasting legacy we have on this earth.
How do we work for the Lord, by how we treat others. We are his hands, and his feet upon this earth.
We get caught up in life, where we work, long hours, time spent with family and think we are working for the Lord, but are we really? Yes we should spend time with family, but not as a religious duty. Yes we do have to work. But what is it we really do for God?
I was a Sunday School teacher for 6 years. Was I working for God? For the ? Or to appease my own conscience? I pray that I did something that was lasting for those little hearts. Something of value that was helpful and not harmful.
I worked in a Christian Bookstore and put in many hours. Did I do something that was lasting for God, or for my employer?
I work with an online ministry, and do some of their audio recordings. Is it reaching anyone?
I pray that it is. I worked with the 700 club, to help build their ministry.
All our works that are not for him is stubble and will be burnt up. I have prayed for those who have done me harm. Was that for God, or for myself?
My prayer is that when it is all said and done that my memorial will be a life that was well spent.
Sometimes we who work behind the scenes see no reward of things and wonder what are we doing for God.
I like to think of the man on George Street the little man who gave out tracts every day of his christian life. Without knowledge of immediate reward.
Good Grief
Posted:May 23, 2006 11:08 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2007 10:51 pm

Waiting on the Lord, and doing something for myself. I had to get out of the house expecting the Lord to send someone across my path. The only one who that would be would be a burgular!
I had to swallow some pride and ask my new pastor for help, since he had no idea of what was going on in my finances, family etc. I have never asked anyone for help in my life except the Lord before.
My pastor suggested a grief counselor, and when he found out I did not have any family left in the area for support or help.
He volunteered to sell my van. This van was bought in 2004 by my husband. I am paying over 500 a month on it, and cannot drive it, because of the size. I can drive it, but I am not comfortable driving a large vehicle like this. The Van has 3600 miles on it, all highway miles. My husband drove it to KY one time, and my drove it after his death to take me to visit my sister. Then when my sister died this past April I had to get someone to drive me down there for the funeral. It is a nice van, my husband wanted to make sure we traveled in comfort. However for me it has been an albatross. I drive my Caravan.
That will be taken care of, and I could use the money that the thing is costing me. He told me that he could get over what I owe on it, because of the mileage. It still has a year on the factory warranty, and my husband bought the 7 year extended warranty.
I feel better about that. I could not afford the grief counselor he suggested, so instead I sought out Single point ministries support group. Last night was the first meeting. I was expecting a lot more christians at the meetings, but most of the people I met, or at least the facilitators I spoke with, were new agey types. That was disappointing, but it is a large group and I am sure there are people there that are sold out for Jesus, and I will find them.
I was able to witness about my healing from MS and how Good the Lord was to me. I didn't know it at the time, but the faciltator I was speaking to lost her husband from MS. After I witnessed my healing, she told me you will be ok, you are a fighter! It is not me though it is the one who stands in my corner and cheers me on.
The other lady said it was the power of prayer. Not really it was the power of the one I was praying to. A whole lot of difference in these statements. My healing had nothing to do with my power, but the power of my Lord only.
I did have a good time getting out and have plans to attend the coffee house on Friday. And at least luncheon once a month.
The strangest thing that happened is that 3 complete strangers thought they recognized me, it seems I have one of those faces.
Things have not changed, but I feel so very hopeful that at last I am mobilized to be used by the Lord. The grief was overwhelming as long as I stayed at home and saw no one, but my little church members, who had no idea that I was so completely alone in my mourning until I spoke with the pastor.

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