The Macho Myth
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Posted:Jan 21, 2010 12:28 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 37488 Views
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The Macho Myth by Barbara Rainey Ephesians 5:33
Let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.
One day Dennis gave me a list of what he considered to be the needs most men have: Self-confidence in his manhood; To be listened to; Companionship; To be needed sexually by his wife; To be accepted and respected. Counselors and pastors would give you similar lists, based on their experiences. And you know what this tells me? The "macho man"-self-contained, independent and invulnerable-is a myth.
To bolster Dennis's confidence, I try to encourage him by being his best friend. Every husband wants his wife to be on his team, to coach him when necessary, but most of all to be his cheerleader. A husband needs a wife who is behind him, believing in him, appreciating him and cheering him on as he goes out into the world every day.
The word "appreciate" means to "raise in value." When I give Dennis words of praise and encouragement, I raise his value, not only in his eyes but in mine as well, and that builds his confidence as a man.
The psychologist William James said, "The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated."
And Charles Swindoll adds this: "We live by encouragement and die without it. Slowly, sadly and angrily."
When is the last time you told your husband you appreciated him?
Prayer: As a wife, take your husband's hand and express to God your appreciation for him.
Discuss: As a husband, share with your wife the times you have felt most appreciated by her. Ask your husband how you can be his "cheerleader."
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Honoring Your Wife
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Posted:Jan 20, 2010 9:54 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 36418 Views
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Honoring Your Wife 1 Peter 3
And grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
After watching as the marriages of numerous Christian leaders disintegrate, I have come to some conclusions. One is that there is no such thing as a marriage blowout-only slow, small leaks. Like a tire that gradually loses air without the driver noticing, these marriages were allowed to slowly go flat. If someone checked the air pressure in the marriages he or she certainly didn't do anything to return them to acceptable, safe levels. Every marriage is susceptible to leaks, and ours is no exception. The world lures my wife with glittery, false promises of fulfillment and true significance. If I fail to honor her and esteem her as a woman of distinction, it's just a matter of time before she will begin to wear down and look elsewhere for worth.
Following are a few techniques to honor your wife:
Learn the art of putting her on a pedestal. Capture your wife's heart by treating her with respect, tenderness and the highest esteem.
Recognize her accomplishments. Frequently I look into Barbara's eyes and verbally express my wonder at all she does. She wears many hats and is an amazingly hard worker. At other times, I stand back in awe of the woman of character she has become. Her steady walk with God is a constant stream of ministry to me.
Speak to her with respect. Without careful attention, your tongue can become caustic, searing and accusing. I work hard to honor Barbara. I'm not always as successful as I'd like to be, but I know that honor begins with an attitude. Also, if any of the ever talk back to Barbara or show disrespect, they know they have to deal with me when I get home. Our are great, but they will mug her if I let them. She's outnumbered! So I encourage our to respect her too.
Honor your wife by extending common courtesies. You may think that these little amenities were worthwhile only during courtship, but actually they are great ways to demonstrate respect and distinction over the long haul. Common courtesy is at the heart of servanthood; it says, "my life for yours." It bows before another to show esteem and dignity.
Why not increase the "air pressure" in your marriage today by honoring your wife?
Prayer: That you would discern slow leaks in your marriage before they cause serious problems, and that your wife would feel honored in her critical role as wife and mother.
Discuss: Discuss the air pressure in your marriage "tire"-any leaks? A patch needed? What are two ways you can honor your wife this week?
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Never Threaten to Leave
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Posted:Jan 19, 2010 1:57 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 35716 Views
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Never Threaten to Leave Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Several years ago, God gave us the wonderful privilege of helping a couple resurrect a marriage that seemed to be beyond hope. The changes were dramatic. Their commitment to Christ and to each other was real, and they grew steadily in their relationship. But one day the wife came in, discouraged once more about their marriage. Apparently she and her husband had reached an impasse. Each time they argued about the problem, the husband threatened to leave-a tactic from the past. Unwisely, he was saturating their relationship with the fear that maybe he would follow through this time.
One of the Ten Commandments of marriage should be: Never threaten to leave. This threat creates cracks in the commitment, erodes the security of total acceptance and fuels fear.
In addition, threats rarely cause a person to change. They only communicate rejection. God gave us an example to follow. He didn't tell us only once that He loved us; He told us often and in many ways.
Your mate needs to hear words of commitment and acceptance from you, not just once but many, many times. Tell your mate often how much you love him or her.
Each time a difficulty arises in your relationship-a misunderstanding, a difference or a clash of wills-remind your mate (even in the heat of battle, if necessary) that you intend to remain loyal to him or her. Assure your mate that your commitment will not change. These infusions of truth will become the reinforcements you both need to work through difficulties in your marriage. Your marriage covenant reminds you to persevere.
Also, tell your mate occasionally that you'd choose to marry him or her again. On occasions when I've said this to Barbara she's responded with, "Really?" What she's saying to me in those times is, "I don't feel very lovable right now. In fact, I don't like myself. Are you sure you still like me?" She needs words that reinforce my love for her.
Prayer:
Thank God for giving you your mate, no matter what problems you face. Reaffirm your marriage covenant with God together in prayer.
Discuss: Write out a letter that tells your spouse in as many ways as possible that you would marry him or her all over again. Read it to your spouse.
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Easing the Pressure
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Posted:Jan 18, 2010 8:25 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 35808 Views
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Easing the Pressure Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
My guess is that most of you could come up with a list of everyday stresses quite similar to the one I gave you in the last devotion. Endless waves of everyday pressure wear us down and pull us into a predictable sequence of events. First, we try to accomplish too much-and end up neglecting our essential priorities. When people try to squeeze too many activities into 24 hours, something has to give. For many, it's our relationships with God, or the time we need to put into developing quality relationships with our mates and .
Second, we aren't equipped to handle the communication and conflict problems we will inevitably encounter. Many Christians have mastered the art of appearing spiritual and happy on the outside. But once they enter their homes, they let down their guards and take out their frustrations on the people who mean the most to them.
Third, since we don't know how to deal with our relationship problems, we seek to escape from reality. We might do this by getting a job or spending more hours at work. Men can seek to escape through their pursuit of sports. Some women can escape by volunteer work. Others shop or escape to the movies, television or books.
All this puts more tension in our relationships, and eventually this leads to the ultimate escape: what I call "fantasy love." Most people who commit adultery do so to find the love and acceptance they once received from their mates.
The irony is that so many of us avoid taking the very step that would help solve our problems-prayer. After all, we have the Spirit of God living in us, available to give us the supernatural wisdom and power and peace we need to cope with whatever pressures we face (see Phil. 4:6,7). All we need to do is ask.
Prayer:
Spend time with your mate talking with God about the things that are causing pressures in your lives.
Discuss: What is causing pressure in your life? In what ways do you try to escape from this pressure?
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Multiplying a Godly Heritage
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Posted:Jan 14, 2010 12:33 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 35116 Views
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Multiplying a Godly Heritage Psalm 78:5-7
For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should teach them to their , that the generation to come might know, even the yet to be born...that they should put their confidence in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.
One of the best ways to mirror God's image is through a line of godly descendants-our -who will carry a reflection of His character to the next generation. God's original plan called for the home to be a sort of greenhouse-a nurture center where grow up to learn character, values and integrity. Psalm 78 instructs parents to teach their to carry the message of who God is to the next generation. Through these lines of godly descendants, Satan's kingdom would be defeated.
Today, however, I observe a problem with many Christian couples regarding bearing and rearing: They conform more to the world's standards than to God's. First, many families comply with the popular slogan "Two and no more." And many other couples opt for no at all, even though they are perfectly capable of conceiving.
I'm not advocating that all families be large. Nor is it wrong for a family to be small. But I do believe some Christians are becoming unduly worried about "overpopulating the world."
The world needs Christians to produce godly offspring. If Christians don't replicate a godly heritage to carry biblical values and Scriptural truths to the next generation, then other philosophies and religions will fill the vacuum.
Prayer:
Petition your heavenly Father to help you raise who will grow up to love Jesus Christ with all their hearts and turn their world upside down for Christ!
Discuss: Describe the kind of impact you want to have on our world through your .
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My Wonderful Day Part 1
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Posted:Jan 11, 2010 12:26 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 35699 Views
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My Wonderful Day (Part One) by Barbara Rainey Proverbs 31:10,27
An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Yes, just call me the "Proverbs 31 Woman." Everything runs perfectly in the Rainey household. You don't believe me? Good! Because I hate the modern stereotype of this woman described in Proverbs. She wasn't perfect; she lived in the realm of reality just like anyone else.
Let me tell you about one of those no-good, horrible, very bad days that comes along occasionally.
Dennis and I were getting ready to take our on a trip that would combine conference speaking with some vacation. At 9:00 A.M. my washing machine sprung a massive leak and emptied its entire load of soapy water all over my kitchen floor.
Our youngest , Laura, was sick and our eldest, Ashley, had piano and tutoring lessons. But I was able to take the laundry to a laundromat near the doctor's office and the piano teacher.
It turned out Laura had an ear infection. I got her prescription, put several loads of wash through the washing machines, picked up Ashley and tore back out to the house.
The phone kept ringing, and some workmen installing an alarm system at the house kept asking questions. Laura kept fussing and banging on her ear. Suddenly it was 5:00 P.M. and I had nothing planned for dinner. Worse, I hadn't packed any suitcases and the four oldest had youth group meetings to attend that night at church!
I called Dennis and we decided to buy hamburgers in town. I loaded up all the and we met Dennis, gulped something down and dashed to church. Then I rushed back home with the two little ones, put them to bed and continued packing while Dennis stayed in town to do some last-minute work at the office and later bring the other home.
But that wasn't the end of my wonderful day....
Prayer:
That God will use the busyness of life and the many responsibilities of marriage and family to strengthen your relationship with Him.
Discuss: Describe a day in your own life similar to the one Barbara described. Talk about what a husband should do on one of these days!
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My Wonderful Day Part 2
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Posted:Jan 11, 2010 9:48 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 37138 Views
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My Wonderful Day (Part Two) by Barbara Rainey Colossians 3:12,13
Put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility...bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone.
At around midnight Dennis finished his work and came upstairs to help me pack. As he pulled a suit from the closet, he made one of those classic male observations about organization: "You know, Honey, you could avoid all of this last-minute stuff if you'd just do a little planning ahead." I felt the anger rise to the top of my scalp. But I bit my lip, knowing he was trying to be helpful.
We finally fell into bed at 2:00 A.M., only to rise again at 5:30 A.M. I was so tired I could barely function. As we drove to the airport, Dennis again tried to give me some helpful pointers:
"You try to accomplish too much before we leave on these trips. If you'd just learn to prioritize and do the essential things, this could be a lot easier on everybody, particularly you."
That did it. "Priorities! How do you prioritize a busted washer and a sick ? How am I supposed to prioritize workmen who keep the house in a state of total disaster all day before I'm leaving? Here I try to get everything right so we don't have to come home to chaos, and you talk about setting priorities!"
Dennis was stunned. His dependable, loving, normally unflappable wife had flipped! The rest of the trip was spent in near silence.
At that point we had a choice: We could resolve our conflict and save the trip, or we could let our anger simmer.
So after we had arrived and unpacked, I told Dennis I was sorry for getting angry. And he hugged me and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I said what I said. I wasn't being very sensitive. You do a great job of keeping everything straight and getting us ready. I hate it when we're at odds with each other."
Prayer:
That God would give you the determination to not let your anger simmer and ruin your oneness.
Discuss: Do you have any unresolved conflicts in your marriage right now? If you do, what are you going to do about them?
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Do Something of Value Tonight Part 2
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Posted:Jan 8, 2010 9:51 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 35862 Views
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Do Something of Value Tonight (Part Two) Ephesians 5:17
So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
As the surrounded my car like a band of whooping Indians, screaming, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy," I was glad on this night I had made the right choice.At supper, rather than just grazing our way through the meal, we spent a few moments on nostalgia. Each of us answered the question: What was your favorite thing we did as a family this past year?
After supper I gave the three choices of what we would do: Play Monopoly together, read a good book together or wrestle together on the living room floor. Which do you think they chose?
Three little sumo wrestlers grabbed my legs as they began to drag me into the living room. Dad was pinned by the . Mom was tickled by Dad. And went flying through the air (literally) for the next hour. Even our 10-month-old got into the act by pouncing on me after she had observed the other in action.
Will the remember? Maybe, but I doubt it.
Did I waste the evening? No. With the power that God supplies, I did my best to leave a legacy that counts-a legacy of love that will outlive me. I was reminded of two things. First, I thought of Paul's words in Ephesians 5, in which he reminded us to make the most of our time and to "not be foolish."
Second, I remembered my dad. He was badgered by one determined boy into playing catch over and over again. I can still remember his well-worn mitt and curve ball.
If you struggle with priorities as I do, you might want to commit to memory those verses in Ephesians. The "fool" Paul wrote about is something we never intend to become; it just happens-one day at a time.
I hope you did something of value today. And I hope you will tonight as well.
Prayer:
Ask God to give you favor as you invest your lives in one another and in your .
Discuss: What choices do you often have to make to balance your own needs with those of your family? Do you ever resent these demands? What is one goal for family time that you want to achieve in the coming year?
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Do Something of Value Tonight
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Posted:Jan 7, 2010 1:14 pm
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 35812 Views
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Do Something of Value Tonight (Part One) Ephesians 5:15,16
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time.
Driving home one night after work, I switched on the radio to catch the news. In a moment of uncharacteristic sincerity, the announcer made a statement that sliced through my fog of fatigue: "I hope you did something of value today. You wasted a whole day if you didn't."His statement struck me abruptly. Fortunately, I felt pretty good about how I had invested my time that day, solving some of the problems of a swiftly growing organization. But in 10 minutes I would be home where one lovely lady and six pairs of little eyes would need my attention.
Would I do something of value with them tonight?
It's just one night, I thought, and besides, I'm exhausted. Then I pondered how one night followed by another, 365 times, adds up to a year. The nights and years seemed to be passing with increasing velocity.
Five more minutes and I'd be home.
I'll bet there are other men like me who are really tired right now. I'll bet I do better than average with my , I smugly concluded.
But another question came to mind and lingered: Did God call me to be merely a better-than-average husband and father? Or to be obedient and to excel?
But it's just one night. What would I accomplish? Would I waste it spending all evening in front of the television? Or invest it in planting the seeds of a positive legacy?
I wanted just one evening of selfishness-to do my own thing. But what if Barbara had a similar attitude? Then who would carry the baton?
One more minute and I'd be home.
Just one night, Lord. It's just one night. But then the same angel who wrestled Jacob to the ground pinned me with a half nelson as I drove into the garage.
Okay, Lord, You've got me.
Prayer:
Ask God to help you keep your priorities straight in the midst of the pressure and schedule you face. Ask Him to give you courage to do right.
Discuss: Did you do something of value today? If you didn't, you just wasted a whole day of your life.
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Communication or Isolation?
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Posted:Jan 6, 2010 8:05 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2026 2:14 am 35669 Views
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Communication or Isolation? Romans 15:23,24
Since I have had for many years a longing to come to you whenever I go to Spain-for I hope to see you in passing.
Captain Red McDaniel rapped on his cell walls in the "Hanoi Hilton"-tap-tap...tap-tap-tap-practicing the special camp code prisoners used to communicate with each other. He was risking his life since one of the strictest rules in the celebrated Vietnamese POW camp was: No communication with other prisoners.His communist captors wanted to keep all "guests" isolated and vulnerable. And McDaniel had already been through that; now he was in solitary confinement. As the long hours and days passed, he met the real enemy-isolation. Without human contact or conversation, he knew only the dulling, silent darkness of loneliness.
The highlight of each day was being taken to the washroom, where he managed to whisper briefly with two other Americans. They taught him the camp code, which involved a certain number of taps or other signals that spelled out letters of the alphabet.
McDaniel, who tells of his long years of imprisonment in his book Scars and Stripes, saw nearly 50 of America's finest trained men go into isolation, never to be heard from again. For himself, it was either communicate or die. New prisoners who did not learn the code within 30 days would gradually start to draw inward and deteriorate. They would stop eating and slowly lose the will to live. Eventually, isolation would suck their very lives from them.
Isolation and the failure to communicate also drain life from relationships. Like the apostle Paul, most people long for intimacy and fellowship, but without communication, these essentials are impossible.
Communicate-your marriage depends on it!
Prayer:
That the lines of communication will stay open in order for your relationship with God and your family to flourish.
Discuss: Can you recall an example in your own family when the lack of communication created a problem? How could family members work together to improve communication?
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