The Mutual Admiration Society
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Posted:Feb 4, 2010 12:44 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 4186 Views
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The Mutual Admiration Society
by Barbara Rainey Proverbs 15:23
How delightful is a timely word!
During the early months of our marriage, Dennis and Iwe spontaneously complimented and praised each other for newly discovered characteristics. It became almost a game to see who could find another good quality to praise. We named our exclusive "club" the "Mutual Admiration Society." Today, with a house full of , the situation is not quite the same. But the Mutual Admiration Society does reconvene. Some evenings at the dinner table we raise a question such as: "What do you appreciate most about Dad?" We then go around the table and answer. We've heard such classic comments as: "He goes fishing with me," "He goes on dates with me," or, from our Rebecca when she was just five, "He sneaks chocolate with me." It's very difficult to be depressed when a chorus of youngsters cheers you on.
William James said, "All of us, in the glow of feeling we have pleased, want to do more to please." Thus, you can help to motivate your mate toward excellence in his or her character and his or her performance by giving generous, liberal and fervent praise.
Don't forget to praise your mate for those mundane daily duties. Make a mental note of those unpleasant, difficult tasks, and give a verbal reward of encouragement the next time he or she completes one. Anytime Dennis fixes something around the house, for example, I am quick to express my appreciation. I know how inept he feels in this area and what it takes for him to crank up the courage to at least try!
Your mate also needs you to praise him or her specifically for who he or she is as a person. Sow the good seeds of praise in his or her life with statements such as:
"I appreciate you because you..."
"I admire you for your..."
"Thank you for..."
To appreciate means "to raise in value," while to depreciate means to "lower in value." You can watch your mate's encouragement "value" go up when you appreciate him or her verbally!
Prayer: That God will develop within you the determination to build your relationship by praising each other.
Discuss: List three things your mate has done lately that are deserving of praise. Write them in a love note to him or her.
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Seizing the Moment
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Posted:Feb 3, 2010 9:21 am
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2957 Views
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Seizing the Moment 2 Corinthians 6:2 (NCV)
I tell you that the "right time" is now, and the "day of salvation" is now.
The Greek New Testament uses the word kairos for what Paul calls "the right time" here, in distinction to chronos, which just means linear time. God selected the right time to bring salvation through Christ. And He gives us kairos moments in the family-special times that we must seize before they pass. That time I pulled out of my driveway and was able to share a sense of assurance and security to Ashley was such a moment. Teachable moments provide us with opportunities to imprint God's values and pass on His agenda to the next generation. Our attempts to do this are often in vain if a simply isn't ready for the truth we want to impart. So it's important to be alert, to listen carefully, stop and respond immediately, and gently share the truth.
I could tell my little talk with Ashley took root a couple of months later when my Benjamin, who was then 10 years old, had a similar "fear attack." It was bedtime, and I had read a few stories to the , tucked them into bed and prayed with them. I had told Benjamin he could read until 9:00. But at 9:05, as I was writing in my study, I felt a 's presence next to my chair. It was Benjamin.
Putting my arm around him, I said, "What's up, Buddy? You're supposed to be in bed, aren't you?"
Sheepishly, Benjamin replied, "Dad, I was reading Huckleberry Finn and there were these robbers...." He paused, looking at the floor, then went on, "Dad, I'm afraid robbers will come upstairs while I'm sleeping."
I pulled him close and gave him a firm hug and said, "Hey, it's all right. Let me tell you what happened with your sister Ashley the other morning." I went on to share about her fears and the process of unplugging her dependence on me and plugging it into God.
Just then Ashley appeared. She listened with a smile as I finished comforting Benjamin. As they walked up the stairs going back to bed, I heard Ashley say, "It's okay, Benjamin, I've been afraid, too."
Prayer: That God will give you sensitivity to discern the right time, and the wisdom to choose the right words at your 's teachable moments.
Discuss: Can you think of a time in your youth when you learned a spiritual lesson from an adult? What are the five most important truths you must teach your ? List them.
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Plugging into God
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Posted:Feb 2, 2010 11:59 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2010 12:44 pm 7966 Views
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Plugging into God Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
Families should be a place of security-but also a place where parents teach their that ultimate security is in God's hands, not ours. One morning as I pulled out of our garage to go to the airport, my Ashley, then a preteen, rushed out to give me one more hug. I could tell something was troubling her. Reaching out through the car window to hold her hand, I asked, "What's wrong, Princess?"
"I'm afraid your airplane is going to crash," she said, obviously a bit embarrassed by her admission. A recent airplane crash in Dallas had sent unsettling shock waves of fear through my .
"Planes are safer than driving, Ashley," I said reassuringly. "Besides, my life is in God's hands and He knows what He's doing." By now my tender-hearted young Ashley was clutching my hand in both of hers, and I could see that my theological lesson had fallen short of its mark. Fear was visible on her face.
I went on to explain that fear is a normal emotion, but that she could give it to God. "You're in the process of learning how to depend less on me and more on Him," I said. "I won't always be here to answer your questions-but God will. Now, it's as if there are invisible electrical cords coming from you to me and your mom. And our responsibility is to unplug those cords from us and teach you how to plug them into God."
I then took one of her hands and gently "unplugged" one of those "invisible strands" from me. She frowned and then grinned as I guided her hand above her head and helped her visualize plugging into God. "Ashley," I said as I tenderly squeezed her hand, "I need to go, and you're going to have to take your fear to Jesus Christ. He can give you the peace."
As I pulled out of the driveway, I waved at Ashley and she grinned back. I thought about how the culture she is growing up in doesn't know where to "plug in." I was glad I could point her to the Lord.
Prayer: Ask God to enable you to model a life that is plugged into God.
Discuss: Are there any areas of your life that aren't plugged in? What can you do to begin teaching your how to become dependent upon God?
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When Reality Hits Home
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Posted:Feb 1, 2010 12:24 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2668 Views
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When Reality Hits Home Luke 8:15
And the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance.
Many new Christians begin their new lives at an emotional high. They are overwhelmed by God's grace, by the excitement of seeing Him move in their lives, and by the love they feel from their new brothers and sisters in Christ. They involve themselves in their churches' ministries and feel the power of God working through them to minister to others. Then, inevitably, they begin to come to grips with massive doses of reality, by making too many glossy-eyed, rose-tinted assumptions about people and life. A trusted Christian friend betrays a brother; a respected church leader commits adultery; people bicker about decisions made by the new pastor. Yes, Christians are full of faults, just like anyone else.
I will never forget Dr. Howard Hendricks's statement one day when I was attending Dallas Theological Seminary. He said, "Gentlemen, if you do not like the smell of sheep, then you'd better get out of the pasture." That statement illustrates the choice you face when reality hits and you realize just how difficult it is to work with people. You can protect yourself by withdrawing from the life of the church, or you can persevere and keep pursuing relationships.
Many Christians today choose the path of self-protection. They move from church to church, never settling down because that would require too much commitment. When you follow this path, however, it's easy to end up cynical and isolated. You miss the joy that comes when you determine not to quit and allow God to work through you, and finally, after years of struggling through relationships, see the fruit that, as Christ says, only comes through perseverance (see Luke 8:15, above).
Prayer: That you would be able to sink roots into a church where you have years of fruitful ministry.
Discuss: When have you been faced with the choice of self-preservation or perseverance? What did you choose?
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The Need for Involvement Part 2
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Posted:Jan 29, 2010 10:09 am
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2881 Views
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The Need for Involvement (Part Two) Daniel 11:32
But the people who know their God will display strength and take action.
Benjamin's revelation was not the end of my surprise. The next day I called the school to object, and I learned no other parents had called. So I called one of the parents and asked if his had said anything about the seminar. He said they hadn't talked about it at all. I then proceeded to tell him some of what she had learned. "I can't believe they shared explicit, perverted material like that with our ," he said. "It really is sick."
When I asked if he was interested in doing anything about it, his response stunned me: "No, I really don't want to talk to her about this. And, no, I don't want to do anything about it in our community!"
What disturbed me most was that he did not even want to talk to his own about what she had heard in the seminar. In other words, he wasn't willing to get involved in one of the most crucial issues of his 's life.
More than anything, your want you to be involved in their lives. They need more than your time; they need your attention.
It's not just showing up at soccer games with a cellular phone in your pocket. They need your heart knitted to theirs as they make their choices and hammer out their convictions. They need you to help them think about the clothing they wear, the types of people they date and the peer pressure they face.
In order to be a parent worthy of honor you can't just "be there" as much as possible, you have to "be all there."
That's a special challenge for us fathers. Too many of us are too consumed with our careers, preoccupied with our "toys" and hobbies.
Real men with real character act; they take responsibility head on. They may not do it perfectly, but they tackle issues and battlefronts courageously.
Prayer: Ask God to help you be "all there" at home with your spouse and .
Discuss: Think of two things you can do during the next week to get more involved in your ' lives.
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The Need for Involvement
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Posted:Jan 28, 2010 12:30 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2583 Views
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The Need for Involvement (Part One) 1 Corinthians 16:13 (NIV)
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.
It was 11:00 P.M., and I was "history." It had been a particularly stress-filled day. I could hear the sheets on my bed calling me, and all I wanted to do was to lie down and let them grab me. The only problem was that our 16-year-old , Benjamin, was sprawled across the foot of our bed. He wanted to talk.
I'm not a perfect father, but I do try to learn from my previous errors. And I have learned that when a wants to talk, you'd better seize the moment-even when you're semi-comatose!
I leaned forward on my side, looked Benjamin in the eye, and said, "What's up?"
Benjamin proceeded to give me an unbelievable description of a seminar he'd attended on how to counsel his peers about preventing AIDS. He had been selected by his school counselors to be one of six students to represent his high school for the seminar, sponsored by a well-known organization. This conservative organization's official position is that "abstinence" is the best prevention for AIDS. So Barbara and I had signed the parental release form.
At the seminar, five boring minutes were given to abstinence. These adult "educators" all but told the , "Hey, we know you don't have any character. We know you can't control yourselves. So here's how you can do it creatively and 'safely.'"
Now, they didn't use these exact words, but they might as well have. What followed was 60 scintillating, titillating and descriptive minutes devoted to creative "safe sex." It was the most graphic public description and explanation of heterosexual and homosexual sex that I have ever heard.
By the time my had finished sharing and showing me all the material he had been given, I was fully awake. And angry.
I also was faced with a choice. There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time-a lot of responsibilities and a lot of problems to solve. This was the last thing I wanted to worry about.
But this was my . Was I going to let it pass, or was I going to get involved? I'll tell you tomorrow...
Prayer: Ask God to make you sensitive to spot the "times" when your (or spouse) want to talk. Ask Him also to help you to really listen.
Discuss: On what occasions do you find yourself asking this same question: Am I going to get involved? What is your usual response?
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The Riches of a Good Name
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Posted:Jan 27, 2010 8:32 am
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2599 Views
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The Riches of a Good Name Proverbs 22:1
A good name is to be more desired than great riches.
Are you trusted by your mate, by your friends and by your ? Are you reliable? Do you fulfill your promises to your ? My dad, "Hook" Rainey, was a man whose quiet, soft-spoken faith and rock-solid integrity won him a good name in our rural community nestled in the Ozark Mountains of southern Missouri. I learned about that reputation forcefully one year during high school when I began selling magazine subscriptions to raise money for our senior project.
Without delay I made several sales to my numerous aunts and uncles. However, my pace slowed considerably when I began soliciting subscriptions door-to-door. I was discouraged and about to head for home when I tried one more home. I was hurriedly rattling off my canned sales pitch when the old man interrupted me: ", what did you say your name was?"
"Dennis Rainey, sir."
"Are you Hook Rainey's ?" he asked with a slight grin.
The old man's etched face immediately brightened when I answered, "Why, yes-he's my dad."
"Well, come on in!" he beamed as he unhooked the screen door and swung it open. He proceeded to buy two magazine subscriptions.
I was no fool, so from then on I always let people know at the outset that I was Hook Rainey's . I eventually set a record for sales!
For many years afterwards I thought Dennis Rainey had won that magazine sales contest. It wasn't until Dad's death that I realized what had really happened. It was Hook Rainey's character that had given me the victory. Without knowing it, my dad had followed Charles Spurgeon's wise counsel: "Carve your name on the hearts, and not on marble."
Prayer: That the presence of God's Spirit in your life will be so real you would never think of acting with anything but spiritual integrity.
Discuss: What does the word integrity mean to you? Are you a man of your word?
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A Fortress of Comitment
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Posted:Jan 26, 2010 12:17 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2564 Views
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A Fortress of Commitment Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
The day Gary Rosberg became "Doctor Rosberg" was, in his words, "the most hollow day of my entire life." For years he had studied for his degree in counseling, but he had nearly lost his wife and two in the process. Lying in bed one night, he asked his wife Barbara what, to him, was the "most frightening question" of his life: "Can I come home?"
Her response was, "Gary, we love you, we want you, we need you, but we don't know you."
From that point on, Gary resolved to become the husband and father God wanted him to be. As he and Barbara sat in our "FamilyLife Today" radio studio 12 years later and told me this story, I asked Barbara how she felt lying there at night listening to, essentially, the voice of a stranger.
"He was always home in my heart, even though he wasn't home physically," she said. "The door of my heart never closed throughout the hard times, throughout his absence."
Knowing many women in our audience face similar circumstances, I asked, "But with money being tight, with the pressures of two , and running a household by yourself, did you ever want to quit?"
She didn't hesitate with her answer. "No, I loved him. He is everything to me. Yes, I needed him to change those patterns of lifestyle. But when I took those vows on our wedding day I meant it. I stand before God in my commitment to Gary."
Gary used Proverbs 4:23 (above) as the basis for his book for men titled Guard Your Heart. But listening to Barbara talk, I realized the key role she had played as a fortress of commitment during those difficult years. God had used her and her prayers to help guard Gary's heart when he wasn't protecting it himself.
Prayer: That God would give you the strength to give up those things which keep you from your priorities.
Discuss: Against what forces do you need to guard your heart? What tends to pull you away from your commitment to God and your family?
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What Ever Happened to Simplicity?
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Posted:Jan 25, 2010 9:45 am
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2368 Views
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What Ever Happened to Simplicity? Matthew 14:29,30
And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became afraid, and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!"
Rare is the family that doesn't grapple with friction caused by the complexity of life in the twentieth century. In the last 100 years a strong cultural storm has swept the family far from its moorings of commitment and stability. Consider some of these changes. During the 1800s, life was fairly simple. The economy was basically agrarian and most people lived on farms, working 80-hour weeks to grow their own food and make most of their own clothes and furnishings.
Today, most Americans live in cities. We are urban and mobile. We turn to technology instead of agriculture to meet our needs. With more choices and more people, life becomes more complex.
Families 100 years ago learned to function as a team because survival was at stake. Their interdependence fused them together.
Today we don't have the same need to work as a team. We can seek individual careers, education, hobbies and entertainment. These interests inevitably conflict with each other at some points, causing friction. And they are a breeding ground for selfishness, which erodes the cement of commitment to each other.
All this complexity captures our attention just as the storm distracted Peter. While his eyes were focused singly and simply on Jesus, Peter was able to walk on water. When he focused on the complexities of the storm, he sank.
There is no way to go back to life as it was 100 years ago. But we can exercise some control over complexities that cause friction. We can fix our eyes on Jesus. We can eliminate options that distract our attention from Him. We can organize the smaller commitments of life around our primary commitment to Him. And we can practice the most powerful word in the English vocabulary-No!
Prayer: That your family will be able to see the need to knife through the complexities of life and to organize family life around Jesus Christ.
Discuss: On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your family's ability to tolerate different interests and commitments? Should some be curtailed?
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Praying
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Posted:Jan 22, 2010 8:14 am
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2025 11:23 pm 2614 Views
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Praying with Barbara Psalm 133:1,3
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity! It is like the dew of Hermon, coming down upon the mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing-life forever.
As I've mentioned before, Barbara and I, early in our marriage, started the habit of praying together before we would go to sleep. If there is one simple ritual I would urge couples to begin adopting in their marriages, it is this one-the habit of praying together every day. For us, this habit of acknowledging God's presence in our life and marriage has, I believe, saved us from many nights of isolation.
Nightly prayer keeps us from building walls between each other. And it builds bridges across chasms that have widened between us during the day.
It isn't always easy, though. I can remember one occasion where we ended up in bed facing in opposite directions. I didn't want to pray with her. But in my conscience Jesus Christ was asking me, "Are you going to pray with her tonight?"
"I don't like her tonight, Lord."
"I know you don't. But you're the one who tells people that you pray with your wife all the time."
"Yes, Lord. But you know, Lord, she's 80 percent wrong."
"But your 20 percent started the whole thing," God reminded me.
Slowly but surely, the Lord turned me over, and I said, "Sweetheart, will you forgive me?" And we talked and prayed.
I don't know about you, but we just can't seem to pray if we're out of fellowship with each other. I thank God for that little tradition that He helped us build early in our marriage.
Prayer: Perhaps you may need to pray this prayer first: "Lord teach me how to pray with my spouse. I'm afraid."
Discuss: For a week, commit yourself to praying with your mate before you go to bed each night. At the end of the week, ask yourselves if your relationship has changed as a result.
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