Pleasing Your Mate
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Posted:Sep 24, 2009 12:30 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1571 Views
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Pleasing Your Mate (Part One) Romans 15:1-3
Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself.
I am convinced that great marriages and great families are rooted in self-denial. In a truly biblical, Christian marriage, both people are willing to give up their lives for one another in order to love their mate properly.During the early years of our marriage, I remember looking in the rearview mirror of the car as I pulled out to go fishing with several of our one Saturday. Barbara was standing on the porch, left with a couple of in diapers while I went off to the lake with the older to have a good time.
While I was sitting in that boat, not catching anything, I continued to think about Barbara. I thought, You know, I am pleasing myself, but I have not done a good job of pleasing her. I realized I needed to give up some of my hobbies for awhile in order to please her and reduce her burden.
In our nation's economy, one usually determines the value of a piece of merchandise or a service by how much one has to give up, or sacrifice, to gain it. If my wishes to buy a new basketball, it will cost him a couple of weekends of freedom in order to complete enough chores to earn the money to pay for it.
In a similar fashion, your mate often interprets how much you love or value him or her by how much you are willing to sacrifice for him or her.
For the woman trying to please her husband, it has often been said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Why not cook the foods he enjoys? Be careful not to become his mother, feeding him only what is "good for him." Spoil him a little.
A husband can please his wife by finding out what her number one need is, and then helping to meet that need if he can. It may be as simple as a walk and time to talk with her. Or as complex as a that has her under his or her control.
The main concern here is to do the right thing: Please your spouse.
Prayer:
For the ability to focus on pleasing your mate rather than yourself.
Discuss: How Romans 15:1-3 can be applied to your marriage? Take the pulse of your heart to please one another. Write down, then discuss the three things your spouse could do that would truly please you.
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The Finished Work of Patience
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Posted:Sep 23, 2009 11:19 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1451 Views
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The Finished Work of Patience James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Dr. Mavis Heatherington works in an organization on the East Coast that helps parents through traumatic experiences in marriages where a died or was born deformed. According to her studies, 70 percent of such couples separate or divorce within five years.Why does this happen? Many couples simply have no strategy for living beyond romance. They don't have a plan that will hold their relationships together during that desperate period of suffering and pain.
Death and suffering are part of life. Part of the strategy for facing troubles is to realize that God allows difficulties in our lives for many reasons. British writer Malcolm Muggeridge once wrote:
Contrary to what might be expected, I look back on experiences that at the time seemed especially desolating and painful with particular satisfaction. Indeed, I can say with complete truthfulness that everything that I have learned in my 75 years in this world, everything that has truly enhanced and enlightened my experience, has been through affliction and not through happiness.
In other words, if it were ever to be possible to eliminate affliction from our earthly existence by the means of some drug, or some other medical mumble jumble, the result would not be to make life delectable, but to make it too banal and trivial to be endurable.
Many families can echo this experience. Yet despite all this valuable testimony, many couples seek to deal with trials by turning against one another rather than turning to God together in prayer.
When trials come to you and your family, do you process the pain together or fall apart? Will you be able to consider them as "joy"?
Prayer:
Together pray through (not around) a problem, trial or other issue, asking God to give you patience to allow time to learn from the experience. Ask God to increase your oneness as a couple.
Discuss: Do you feel prepared to handle suffering in your marriage relationship? Why?
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The Treadmill
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Posted:Sep 22, 2009 1:05 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1587 Views
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The Treadmill 2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.
Do you ever get the feeling that life is like a treadmill?I try to run three miles at least three times each week. But when I started out several years ago-on my fortieth birthday-I could barely run downhill for one mile. I had to build up quite a bit of stamina to reach three miles a day.
The older you get, the steeper the incline of the treadmill seems to become. Sound like bad news? It really isn't. As Paul said, a law of "inverse proportion" works in our favor. While our outer man is growing old, our inner man is being renewed.
But if I understand the Scripture, the longer we live, the more we have to die. The more you want to grow, the more you and I must say no to self and yes to Christ.
God gives our legs hills so that we can grow stronger. The prophet Isaiah gives us the secret of where strong legs come from: "Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary" (Isaiah 40:31).
Now there's an encouraging word. As you persevere on the treadmill of life, you can count on God's grace empowering those tired muscles. And remember that if you are following the Lord your walk is really taking you somewhere. You're not just a sweating sufferer on a treadmill; you're a pilgrim on a journey. And you have the promise of God: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life" (Jas. 1:12).
Prayer:
Ask God to enable you to be the kind of spouse that will encourage every member of your family to grow spiritually into a man or woman of faith.
Discuss: How has your faith grown stronger as the road grows longer? As our bodies deteriorate, why is it important to grow in our "inner man" everyday? Ask your spouse: What can I do to help you grow spiritually?
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No Pain, No Gain
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Posted:Sep 21, 2009 8:10 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1584 Views
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No Pain, No Gain Hebrews 12:11
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Have you seen the advertisement of the young man with the washboard stomach, with glistening muscles rippling as he pumps his exercise machine-and its haunting reminder: "No pain, no gain"?The same is true spiritually speaking isn't it? Of course we want the faith of Moses, but we'd rather avoid the 40-year visit to the wilderness where God made him strong in faith through humility.
We want David's heart for God, but we don't want blisters from shoveling smelly sheep manure. We want the glory of the spotlight, the prestige of the position, but we are reluctant to pay the price of preparation.
And who wouldn't want to have the spiritual impact of Paul? He shaped the first-century church. He journeyed to other countries, preached to massive crowds, entrusted his life to men like Timothy-we're talking gain, real gain.
But we're also talking pain-major league pain. Paul did time in prison. He was beaten near death "many times"-five times the Jews gave him 39 lashes. He was stoned and beaten with rods. He spent a night and a day in the sea. Often he was without food, water and clothing (see 2 Cor. 11:23-27). No discipline, no growth. No pain, no gain.
In spiritual terms, your stomach is the residence where courage resides. Courage makes tough decisions-hard choices. It is said of a courageous person, "He has guts." But our society is flabby at the waistline. We don't want to go against the flow; we want comfort.
Paul promised that God has the power to give us guts: to endure pain for spiritual gain. Paul wrote to Timothy, "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" (2 Tim. 1 , NIV).
Do you really want the gain?
Prayer:
Ask God for the courage, faith and perspective that embraces pain in your life. Ask Him to make you more fruitful, knowing that fruit bearing is always preceded by pruning.
Discuss: What attitudes of mind are required to accept pain as gain? In what areas do you and your family need to be better disciplined?
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The Greenhouse
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Posted:Sep 18, 2009 9:19 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1597 Views
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The Greenhouse Psalm 78:5
For He established a testimony in Jacob.
We all know the last words of Christ before He ascended to heaven-the Great Commission of Matthew 28:18-20, where He commands us to "make disciples of all the nations."I'd like to point you to another passage in which God lays out an important part of His plan to fulfill that commission. Psalm 78:5-7 reads:
For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should teach them to their , that the generation to come might know, even the yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their , that they should put their confidence in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.
As I read Scripture, I see that God formed two institutions to pass His Word from one generation to the next. One, of course, is His Church. The other is the family. God's original plan called for the home to be a sort of greenhouse-a nurture center-where grow up to learn godly character and biblical values.
As a parent, it's so easy to get caught up in the pressures of daily living-of changing diapers and settling sibling disputes and ferrying to piano lessons and scout meetings. From time to time you must look above that and remember that the most important work during your years on earth will be to teach your how to know and love the Lord God. Through your words and your actions, your very life, you have the power to shape the future of our nation by shaping a few of the people who live in it.
I love what Charles Swindoll says about the importance of a family and a home in this process:
Whatever else may be said about the home, it is the bottom line of life. The anvil upon which attitudes and convictions are hammered out. The single most influential force in our earthly existence. It is at home, among family members, that we come to terms with circumstances. It is here that life makes up its mind.
Prayer:
Ask God to give you wisdom in raising the next generation and imparting biblical values.
Discuss: What convictions and values do you want to pass on to your ?
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Living With Differences
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Posted:Sep 17, 2009 11:38 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1616 Views
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Living with Differences by Barbara Rainey Philippians 2:2
Make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
It's one thing to acknowledge that differences make you strong as a couple, but it's another to figure out how to live with those differences! Here are a few suggestions ray for yourself. Ask God to examine your attitudes and motives and to give you a greater capacity to understand, accept and even appreciate your mate's differences.
When we were first married, Dennis's free spirit and impulsiveness tended to drive my disciplined nature crazy. I felt that we had no schedule, no budget and no regular devotions.
I remember praying diligently for God to change all the things in Dennis I didn't like. Then I realized my attitude needed to be changed. In time I began to see how much I needed his spontaneity to balance my more rigid control.
Talk about differences with your mate. Tell him you are not rejecting him and that you remain committed. If you find that your mate is not emotionally prepared to discuss a touchy issue, leave the subject alone.
If your mate is willing to talk about a difference that is bothering you, share your feelings without accusing him and pointing the finger of blame. Let him know you realize you're not perfect and that you understand him, or want to understand him, in this area.
If your mate considers a difference to be a weakness, ask if you can help. Then, at the end of your discussion, remind your mate again of your commitment and acceptance. We call this the "bookend principle." Just as bookends are used to prop up books that contain truth, so your reminders of love and complete acceptance at both ends of the discussion will support the truth of what you have said. And it makes the truth a whole lot easier to hear!
Prayer:
For the ability to discuss differences openly without being defensive or feeling threatened.
Discuss: How do your differences make you stronger as a couple? Your spouse's?
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Of First Importantance
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Posted:Sep 16, 2009 10:11 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1796 Views
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Of First Importance 1 Corinthians 15:3,4 (NIV)
For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures.
The Bible is a large book-or a collection of many books. We are blessed that in this passage the apostle Paul singles out the core of it all. Of course nothing in Scripture is unimportant, but nothing else is "of first importance" like the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus.In the same way, you and your mate would benefit from spending some time singling out what is most important to you. Barbara and I have pondered and struggled with this issue for years. Among the core values we have listed are: compassion, discipline, courage, integrity and the fear of the Lord.
At one session, as we prayerfully interacted over our individual core values, we made a profound discovery: Our priorities were different! One of Barbara's top 5 values was "teaching our the work ethic." I didn't even list that in my top 10! Nor did she have one of my top 5 core values down on her sheet-"relationships."
Suddenly it became clear why our weekend schedule sometimes felt like a battlefield. It was a battle over values-work vs. relationships. Barbara wanted to use our Saturdays to work on the house or in the yard. My preference was to slide away (from the work) and go build memories and relationships in a boat on the lake.
Neither value was wrong-just different.
That day we learned a lesson I will never forget: Each of us spends our time on those things we feel are most important. And because most of us never get around to defining our core values as individuals and as a family, we end up living scattered and hectic lives, driven by unreal expectations.
Prayer:
That God will help you choose the most important values for your family, and to spend your time and finances in ways that honor Him.
Discuss: Write a "mission statement" for your family, listing the core values you would like to see emphasized. Does the way you spend most of your time and money reflect these values?
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Three Steps to Becoming Accountable
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Posted:Sep 15, 2009 12:03 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1525 Views
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Three Steps to Becoming Accountable Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
While your mate should be your primary accountability partner, there also is great benefit in getting "sharpened" by other godly Christians. If you want to see some significant growth in your spiritual maturity this may be the most important step you could take.I have three suggestions:
First, determine your needs. What are the two or three things that seem to entangle you more than anything else? Is it finances? Lustful thoughts? Overeating? Not spending enough time with the Lord?
Second, select a mature Christian-of the same sex-who would have the courage to speak the truth and ask you tough questions. This should not be someone who would fear your rejection, or someone who has a weakness in the same area, or someone you feel you can manipulate or control. This is especially important if you are strong-willed or have a powerful personality.
Third, approach this person and ask him to keep you accountable. Here is what you might say: "Bill, I have a problem and I really need your help in an area of my life. I need for you to love me through this and hold my feet to the fire, but not be judgmental. Because, Bill, I really need to get victory over this."
Finally, meet with this person on a regular basis to set measurable goals and to allow him to ask you how you're doing. Agree to a list of questions he will ask you. "Frank, have you written out a budget yet?" "Why not?" "When will you do it?" And here's a powerful one: "Have you lied to me at all today?"
If you're trying to mature in Christ and gain victory over sin by yourself, you're missing it! Praise God that He has given us the body of Christ...to strengthen us, encourage us and keep us accountable!
Prayer:
That God would lead you to people who He can use to sharpen you.
Discuss: What are your greatest needs that would lead you to find an accountability partner? Who are potential accountability partners you could approach?
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Accountability in Marriage
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Posted:Sep 14, 2009 8:29 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1873 Views
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Accountability in Marriage Ecclesiastes 4:9,10
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.
More than anyone else, I have determined that I will be accountable to my wife, Barbara.Marriage is a perfect arena for accountability. As you and your mate face continuing pressures and stress, it's best to handle life in duet, not solo. Two can always see more clearly than one. Your mate can detect blind spots that you may not be able to see.
Here are some areas where Barbara and I practice accountability in our marriage:
Schedules: We try to help each other make good decisions by monitoring each other's workload and schedule. When somebody invites me to speak somewhere, I say, "I can't give you an answer now. My wife and I have agreed that I don't take any speaking engagements without talking with her." And so we do talk about it, and Barbara helps me say no.
Money and values: We constantly check our personal values. What is really important to each of us? Why are we doing what we are doing? Where do we dare not lose?
Fidelity: Some years ago I led a Bible study that included several new Christians. During those studies, Barbara began to sense that one of the men was increasingly friendly toward her. At first she thought she was imagining things, so she kept it to herself. When she finally told me what was happening, I could see unmistakable relief spread across her face. What had been her personal secret quickly evaporated as we discussed her feelings together.
Fortunately, Barbara's admirer never tried going beyond being friendly. But looking back on that incident, we see that it was a test for both of us. It reaffirmed our commitment to each other as we stood together against a potential threat to our marriage.
Your spouse should be your number one accountability partner.
Prayer:
That God would use accountability to your mate to help you and your spouse grow closer to Christ and preserve your marriage.
Discuss: Do you feel free to be accountable to your mate? Why? Why not? If appropriate, discuss accountability with your spouse.
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Accountability Your Personal Alarm System
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Posted:Sep 11, 2009 8:54 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 5:5 pm 1625 Views
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Accountability: Your Personal Alarm System Ephesians 5:21
And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
One of the tallest skyscrapers in New England is the John Hancock Building in Boston. When this structure of over 40 floors was built, there were all kinds of problems with the windows. During the stress of the freezing and thawing of the New England winter, the windows actually popped out of their frames and shattered. People walking on the sidewalk below were showered with glass. Businessmen working at their desks suddenly found themselves seated a few inches from nothing, staring straight down at the street.The architects and contractors got together and finally decided to install a small alarm system in each window. When the windows began to bulge and contract, the alarm system would let maintenance people know so they could make adjustments that would take tension off the glass before it blew out and shattered.
I believe every person needs an alarm system that can help him or her relieve the tension before something shatters. One of the best alarm systems I know of is to become accountable to each other.
Accountability is a scriptural principle that tells us to "be subject to one another in the fear of Christ." This means I choose to submit my life to the scrutiny of another person to gain spiritual strength, growth and balance.
Accountability means asking the other person for advice. It means giving the other person the freedom to make honest observations and evaluations about you. It means we're teachable and approachable.
For me as a husband, father and leader of a growing ministry, accountability has not been an option. It has been a crucial ingredient in my Christian growth.
Some people challenge me on this subject, saying that becoming accountable to one another would be like playing policeman. But the opposite is true. And I'd like to explain why during the next few devotions.
Prayer:
For humility and vulnerability, and that your life will be an open book before the Lord, before your family and before some selected Christians who you trust.
Discuss: Do you find the concept of being accountable to another person uncomfortable? Why?
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