Are You Listening?
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Posted:Oct 22, 2009 12:03 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 2483 Views
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Are You Listening? Psalm 51:1,2
Be gracious to me, O God, according to Thy lovingkindness; according to the greatness of Thy compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
King David had sent a man to his death so he could take that man's wife for his own. But when the prophet Nathan rebuked him for this terrible sin, David had a choice: He could turn from God (perhaps even finding a way to blame others for what he had done), or he could admit his offense and repent.As we all know, David recognized that God was speaking to him through Nathan, and he decided to repent. The beautiful words of Psalm 51 speak of his broken heart.
I wonder how many people hear God speaking through another person yet make the wrong choice? What if Chuck Swindoll, in that defining moment in his kitchen during his tenth year of marriage, had refused to listen to his wife's cry of pain? What if he had continued in his selfish ways?
One of two things probably would have occurred. First, he might have continued to progress and achieve fame and notoriety-only to have his life and ministry fall apart at a later date. Second, God might have clamped shut the working of the Holy Spirit in and through him, and today he'd be ministering somewhere with very little impact.
Sooner or later, a man who continues on the path of selfishness and rebellion will end up empty and defeated. If he is fortunate, he will listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, often speaking through his mate, early on and save himself years of misery.
When Cynthia Swindoll told Chuck that she didn't feel part of his ministry, "It was like a light clicked on in the room." He told himself, "Swindoll wake up. This is the best thing you could be hearing. This could be the making of your marriage."
You can thrive in a marriage when you commit to create a partnership under the guidance of the Holy Spirit-and when you're willing to listen to Him speaking.
Prayer:
Take your wife's hand and genuinely thank God for her.
Discuss: What has God taught you through your mate? In what situations has the Holy Spirit used your mate to help you become more Christlike?
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Grant Her Honor
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Posted:Oct 21, 2009 9:49 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 2585 Views
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Grant Her Honor 1 Peter 3
You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way...and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
We all realize that well-known pastors and Christian leaders are as human as anyone else. Yet something within us always remains surprised when we hear them tell stories that demonstrate just how fallible they are! That was the case recently when I interviewed pastor and author Chuck Swindoll for "FamilyLife Today." Chuck was talking about a key event in his relationship with his wife, Cynthia: The day he realized how selfish he was.
They had been married for 10 years and were sitting in their kitchen in Boston. Cynthia began crying and said, "Honey, I don't want you to tell people that we are partners in ministry anymore. Because we're not."
Chuck was stunned. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"You don't really want me as a partner," she replied. "You just kind of need me at certain times...I'm not the Holy Spirit in your life, and I'm not giving you an agenda. I can just tell you I am one unhappy woman. I feel distant from the ministry. When I hear you preach, I'm watching one man. When I live with you, I'm with another."
As Chuck looks back on that day, he sees it as a turning point in his marriage. "I really was living a single life as a married man," he recalls. "When I saw it, I was ashamed. That's the only word I know to use.
"I began to see little things I had done for 10 years, such as not bothering to introduce Cynthia to others. When she served the meat, I'd take the biggest piece. I'd tell jokes about her. If we had a busy weekend, I'd take care of my agenda. She'd take up the slack.
"I realized I am a selfish man."
Since then Chuck and Cynthia began forging a true partnership in their ministry; in fact, he says his best ideas come from her. Their marriage stands as a testimony to the grace of God because Chuck is living out the truth of 1 Peter 3: granting honor to his wife as a "fellow heir of the grace of life."
Prayer:
Ask God to help you be the servant-leader your wife needs you to be.
Discuss: How do you treat your wife? Is she a true partner in your life? Would she say you are unselfish?
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Discoveries from Difficulties
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Posted:Oct 20, 2009 12:34 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 3874 Views
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Discoveries from Difficulties Matthew 7:25
And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock.
I see two major ways in which families fail to respond properly to adversity. First, and most typically, they fail to anticipate the trials and problems that will come. When Jesus spoke of building our lives on a sure foundation, He seemed to assume that the rains will come and the winds will blow.To the well-known saying that only death and taxes are certain, we can add that troubles are certain, too. As I read recently, "The man whose problems are all behind him is probably a school bus driver."
Second, when troubles do hit, many couples simply don't know how to respond. They have no foundation in Christ, no plan for dealing with the pain-so they turn against one another.
I was just ending a FamilyLife Conference in Dallas when a trim, well-muscled gentleman came up to greet me. He was a Green Beret. I had touched a nerve when I talked about having a plan to face problems because he said, "Dennis, in the Green Berets we train over and over, and then over and over again. We repeat some exercises until we are sick of them, but our instructors know what they are doing. They want us so prepared and finely trained that when trials and difficulties come on the battlefield, we will be able to fall back upon that which has become second nature to us. We literally learn to respond by reflex action."
Families-especially parents-should be so well grounded in God's plan that their reactions to crises and difficulties will be an automatic reflex, not a panic. If you wait until a crisis hits and then turn to the Scriptures, you won't be as prepared-and you'll be more vulnerable to the enemy.
Prayer:
That you will be able to call on your long-standing faith in Christ, and the life of trust you have built on Him, when crises strike.
Discuss: If a life-altering crisis hit your family tomorrow, do you feel you'd be ready?
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Dead Wood
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Posted:Oct 19, 2009 9:09 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 1736 Views
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Dead Wood James 1:12
Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life.
Lloyd Shadrach is a good friend, a leader in our ministry to families and sensitive to lessons God has for him to learn. He once told me about walking down a road after a thunderstorm and stepping over dead limbs that had blown off a row of mature trees. "It was as though God was giving me a personal object lesson of what 'storms' can do in our lives," he said."In the middle of the storm when the wind is gusting, the lightning is popping and the storm clouds are getting darker, it's difficult to believe that our troubles are purposeful. But God may allow a storm in our lives to clear out the deadwood so that new growth can occur. And isn't it interesting how fresh the air feels after a storm is over?"
As Lloyd shared his parable with me, I couldn't help but think back and reflect on the deadwood, several cords of it, that has been blown from my life over the years. One of the most important things Barbara and I have learned from these storms is that God is interested in our growth. He wants us to trust Him in the midst of the storms and to grow together as a couple and not fall apart.
Lord Kelvin was lecturing his students on an experiment that failed to come off as planned. He said, "Gentlemen, when you are face-to-face with a difficulty, you are up against a discovery." How much better for family members to allow life's storms to enable them to depend on each other and discover new strength.
Prayer:
That your family will be able to persevere in all trials. Pray about a specific problem, and for your family to discover strength in Jesus Christ through it.
Discuss: How have you reacted to the storms in your life? Have they drawn you closer as a couple, or have you allowed them to drive you apart?
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Gripes, Grumbles and Grouches Part 2
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Posted:Oct 16, 2009 11:43 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 1884 Views
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Gripes, Grumbles and Grouches (Part Two) Jude 16
These are grumblers, finding fault, following after their own lusts; they speak arrogantly, flattering people for the sake of gaining an advantage.
Griping and complaining are vocal amplifiers of one's heart attitude. What's the solution for us gripers?First, realize that complaining is dangerous. While many Christian leaders have fallen into immorality, I wonder how many more Christians have been declared "unusable" by God because of their complaining? For many of us, that snare is the temptation to gripe, grumble and complain against God (see 1 Cor. 9:24-10:13).
Second, remember God knows what He is doing. Joseph puts me under the pile. He was tossed into a pit by his brothers, sold into slavery, unjustly accused of fooling around with Potiphar's wife, thrown into prison and forgotten by a friend he had helped. Yet Scripture doesn't record a single complaint from his lips.
What was the secret of his complaint-free life? The answer is in Genesis 45:5-8, where we find Joseph, now the governor of Egypt, addressing his starving brothers. Three times in four verses Joseph says, "God sent me here." His perspective came as a result of an uncommon faith in an omnipotent God. Joseph grasped the truth that God is in control and knows what He is doing.
Third, put away past complaints that may become bitterness. If you have a complaint against a brother, go to him in private and clear the slate.
Fourth, "in everything give thanks" (1 Thess. 5:1 . Jesus gave the disciples a "test" of their faith by putting them in a little boat, on a big sea, in an even bigger raging storm. The disciples complained that they were perishing, instead of acknowledging God's sovereignty and trusting Him.
God wants you to see Him in the midst of your circumstances, to trust Him even when you do not see the outcome clearly presented in front of you. That is true faith; knowing His Word is truer than anything you can think, see or feel.
Prayer:
Give thanks, right now, for where God has you as individuals and as a family. Be specific as you thank Him for your circumstances.
Discuss: Are you satisfied with what God has provided for you today (your mate, your , your circumstances)? Does God know what He is doing in your life?
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Gripes, Grumbles and Grouches
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Posted:Oct 15, 2009 2:06 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 1715 Views
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Gripes, Grumbles and Grouches (Part One) Philippians 2:14
Do all things without grumbling or disputing.
Do you ever get annoyed with the complaining around your house? I do. Over the years the rooms of the Rainey household have resounded with gripes about: Who gets to sit where at the dinner table; Who gets to sit in the front seat on the way to school or church; Toilets that aren't flushed; Toys that populate the floor; Tubs littered with dolls, boats, bottles and melting bars of soap; Who has to clean up the dishes; Whether the food for (pick your meal) looks, feels or tastes appetizing.It became so bad one year that we all memorized Philippians 2:14: "Do all things without grumbling or disputing." That helped.
Like sulfuric acid, complaining can eat away at whatever it splashes on. Complaining corrodes joy and dissolves good attitudes. Spiritually, it's dangerous and deadly.
If you have a problem with grumbling, you're not alone. The Old Testament book of Numbers could easily be renamed "The Grumbler Chronicles." The of Israel grumbled against Moses, Aaron and God. They didn't like manna, so they complained: "Manna for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Is this all we get, this manna?"
So God gave them quail instead. They had quail boiled and broiled until they were sick of it.
Can you empathize with them? A little complaining is understandable, isn't it?
But the complaining by the of Israel wasn't a trivial matter, and God didn't view it lightly. He had delivered them from Egypt and was providing for them daily. They were just plain ungrateful.
I wonder what we would find if we performed open-heart surgery on a complainer. Exploratory surgery would reveal that grumbling can be a form of heart disease, rebellion against authority. It also shows a loss of perspective, a failure to remember Who is in control. It's an attitude that questions, "Does God really know what's best for me?"
Prayer:
If appropriate, have each family member specifically confess the sin of grumbling, and in prayer give thanks to God for at least three things.
Discuss: What are you trying to do when you grumble and complain? What are your trying to do when they gripe?
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Too Heavy to Carry
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Posted:Oct 14, 2009 9:49 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 2040 Views
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Too Heavy to Carry Ephesisans 4:32
And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Someone once asked, "Did you know the longer you carry a grudge the heavier it gets?" Refusing to forgive those who wrong us can be a wearying weight on the soul.On the other hand, when we choose to forgive, we shed a huge burden we simply don't need to carry through life. It can make us absolutely "lighthearted" to put down the burden of a grudge.
What can you do to keep from carrying grudges and an unforgiving spirit through life?
For one thing, clarify your "inner occupation." Do you want to make judging others your spiritual career path? Jesus said, "Do not judge lest you be judged" (Matt. 7:1), indicating that pursuing the occupation of judge will boomerang on you.
Judging, just like taking vengeance, belongs to God, not to people: "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord" (Rom. 12:19, KJV). Even after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband killed, he said to God, "Against Thee, Thee only, I have sinned" (Ps. 51:4).
Since God makes the rules, He is the only true Judge. People who wrong others really wrong God more than others. Relieve yourself of the responsibility that actually belongs only to God.
Giving up the judgeship means you also relieve yourself of the responsibility of punishment. Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean we forget immediately or even completely, but it does mean we no longer hold a private grudge that desires to punish, or to see them punished.
We can also avoid carrying grudges by resolving conflicts as they occur. "Do not let the sun go down on your anger" (Eph. 4:26). Which would you rather face-the short-term, emotional pain of asking another to forgive you for your anger, or carrying the cancerous feelings of bitterness for a lifetime? It's your choice.
Prayer:
That the forgiving grace of God you've experienced in your own life will characterize also your attitude toward those who wrong you.
Discuss: How would people who know you best describe you? Do you tend to carry grudges? Evaluate if you are carrying any grudges at home, at work or at church.
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The Value of a Listening Ear
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Posted:Oct 13, 2009 12:15 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 2532 Views
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The Value of a Listening Ear James 1:19
But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
Paul Tournier, the Swiss psychiatrist, advised husbands and wives to be preoccupied with listening in their marriages. Unfortunately, unlike our text, we are usually slow to listen, quick to speak and even quicker to become angry. Most of us don't need hearing aids; we just need aid in hearing.The first step to really hear each other is to focus on the person speaking. Sometimes my are waiting for me when I come home after a hard day's work, and they try in vain to get my attention. Finally, Barbara will say, ", it would be better to talk to your dad in a few minutes, but not right now. He isn't home yet."
"Yes, he is," they'll exclaim. "He's right here."
"Yes, we know he's right here, but he doesn't know it yet. Be a little patient with him."
And sure enough, she's right. After I have a few minutes to relax, I can usually give focused attention.
Active listening helps to focus. To practice active listening, try sending back messages of empathy that let your spouse know you are trying to put yourself in his or her shoes. Don't try to evaluate or offer a lot of advice. Just reflect what you hear being communicated, showing that you're interested in what your spouse is feeling.
Once you establish communication with your mate through focused attention and active listening, you can seek clarification by asking questions. Questions are like crowbars that dislodge thoughts and emotions from another person's heart. But you have to use those crowbars deftly and gently.
Asking the right questions is particularly valuable if you're married to a person who is reserved and has a hard time opening up. And when you're disagreeing at even the mildest level, use questions to focus on clarifying valid points rather than defending yourself against what you feel are incorrect accusations.
Focus on finding the truth rather than gaining indictments. Ask questions to gain understanding, not to make judgments.
Prayer:
That you and your family can maintain a healthy balance between speaking openly and focused listening.
Discuss: Pick a topic that's begging for discussion, and spend 5 or 10 minutes talking about it while practicing the listening skills outlined above. Then evaluate how you think the discussion might have been improved.
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Men and Work
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Posted:Oct 12, 2009 11:23 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 1736 Views
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Men and Work by Barbara Rainey Genesis 1:26
Let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth.
The past three decades of new ideologies about women's rights have left Christian women swimming in a wake of confusion. Consequently, many Christian wives have lost sight of their husbands' needs and have focused intently on their own. Even though more than 50 percent of you reading this book work outside the home, I'd like to explain briefly the importance of work in your husbands' lives.Man was given the responsibility by God to toil, sweat and gain from the labor of his hands. A man's work is part of the ruling and managing purpose that God spoke of in Genesis 1:26 (above). Your husband needs work in order to realize the satisfaction inherent in executing God's stated purpose for his life. His work gives him a sense of significance and importance in the world as he sees his efforts affecting life for good in the present and the future.
But this drive for significance sometimes pushes a man to extremes. In his effort to gain a sense of well-being and significance, he often becomes enslaved to his job. Attempting to gain importance through wealth or position, he makes his work his god. For hundreds of years men have confused their net worth with their self-worth.
On the other hand, a man who is out of work lacks true self-respect. In this age of workaholism, losing a job is a traumatic blow to a man's esteem. It strikes at the core of his dignity. A man who doesn't work can't enjoy the satisfaction of a solid day's productivity.
Your husband needs you to help him keep these two extremes in balance. He needs you to praise him for his work, but not to push him to gain too much too quickly. When a man loses or quits his job, his self-esteem can sink. During these times, he needs you to stand beside him and encourage his efforts at finding employment. Men need to work.
Prayer:
That you can help your husband live by his priorities, balancing his need for work with his need to focus on his family.
Discuss: How can you help your husband keep a balanced perspective about work? What are your husband's needs right now when it comes to work?
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Reaping What You Sow
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Posted:Oct 9, 2009 8:35 am
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2025 4:50 pm 1758 Views
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Reaping What You Sow Proverbs 16:31
A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness.
Do you want your to regard you as wise when you are older?Do you want them to listen to you when you're as old as your parents are now?
Your are watching you, and will follow your model. If you aren't honoring your own parents, then you run the risk of having your do the same to you.
In the same way, if you casually dishonor your parents, your may dishonor you.
The story is told of a wealthy widower who left his property to his only and -in-law on one condition-he would be allowed to live in the country with them for the rest of his life:
After a few years, when the inheritance had been spent, the -in-law got tired of having the elderly gentleman around and told her husband he would have to leave. The agreed and broke the news to his father.
A short time later he and the feeble old man walked down the dusty road to a state-supported home for senior citizens. Being very unsteady on his feet, the father finally asked if he could rest for a few moments on a sawed-off stump to regain his strength for the last mile of the journey.
As he sat there, he suddenly put his head in his hands and began to sob. The , pricked in his conscience, tried to make excuses. Finally, the father controlled himself enough to say, "I'm not crying so much because I'm going to this lonely home for the poor and unfortunate. I'm weeping because of my own sins. Forty years ago I walked down this road with my father and brought him to the very same place. I am now seeing the results of the evil deeds I have sown!"
The saying goes, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." The example you set for your in honoring your parents will actually help determine your own future.
Prayer:
That God would give you creative ways to involve your parents in your family.
Discuss: How would your complete this statement: My parents honor my grandparents by __________________.
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