Unconditional Love - Or Is It?
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Posted:Mar 15, 2010 3:30 am
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2010 5:42 pm 4716 Views
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As a new parent (several decades ago) the words *unconditional love* were bandied about like no ones business.
To love a baby unconditionally is easy - basically you pick it up when it cries.
To love a is easy too - there maybe a few *disappointments* when they break something, or does something a bit naughty.
So you see *Unconditional Love* is easy!! OR is it?
For the last 3 years, my eldest has been involved with some seriously dodgy people, been in court, got a criminal record, taken drugs, dealt drugs, been homeless, been violent towards myself and others, told copious amounts of lies, been so decietful. He recently became a Father - the relationship with the mother has broken down and she wont let us see the baby - He doesnt even seem to wanna fight for the baby - to see it - to love it (that crushes me)
Mothers Day was yesterday - he didnt even come up for Lunch - He claims he never gets my calls (even tho i got him a brand new phone) he doesnt recieve my text messages either.
So Unconditional Love then - There is no question that i uncondtionally love my - i dont particularly like him sometimes or what he does - BUT I am sure God doesnt like our behaviour sometimes either but he still loves us - How fantastic is that - and the depth of pain i feel is minimal compared to the depth of pain God must feel.
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Things in my head....
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Posted:Oct 9, 2008 2:25 pm
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2008 8:28 pm 4585 Views
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Early morning, when i wake up - i look like kiss but without the make up.
My life is a mess, you think i am strong - you are wrong!!
Hearts getting broken, lead to people being cold cus all the stars have faded away. Stop crying your heart out. It just dont matter now. True perfection has to be inperfect. Lets go!!
If you are willing to change the world - let love be your energy, Every tear that you shed will be replaced when you die. Any minute the pain will stop, these miss you nights are the longest. Tears stream down your face when you lose something you can not replace. I will be chasing a starlight. It doesn't make me wanna stay. I'll walk away. I am NOT ok. I'll keep you locked in my head in this world divided by fear
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Lost for words
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Posted:Oct 7, 2008 2:37 pm
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2008 8:28 pm 4655 Views
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Today i was issued with a possession order for my home... i have to attend court on the 17th November.
Moments later - i recieved a call asking me to apply for a full time senior support worker post where i used to work. There is one other candidate for this post (a man)
Counting on God to fix this one!
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Fed up
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Posted:Oct 6, 2008 6:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2008 12:58 pm 4505 Views
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I am fed up with being nocturnal... i am NOT a hedgehog!!!
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Mad
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Posted:Oct 6, 2008 2:42 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2008 12:57 pm 4537 Views
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Sometimes when the world gets too crazy for me and nothing makes sense to me anymore and i cant work out why things have happened or why people make promises they dont keep and everything seems more topsy turvy than i can cope with - this brings me to my knees...
Isaiah 53 -
1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
**TM**
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On my soap box....... again...
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Posted:Oct 1, 2008 8:05 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2009 2:13 am 4651 Views
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Today, i have reflected very much on a topic of conversation that i witnessed in BC last night. I hope i can write sensitively and clearly about why this concerned me.
With jaw dropping horror, i saw a conversation unfold between 2 chatters, the topic was - a woman who had abandoned her baby in a trash can. I appreciate from the outset this case could appear very black and white. This woman was called *sick* amongst other things in chat.
But - maybe things aint so black and white - what if this woman/girl - who evidently went thru labour alone (Mothers - can you imagine that?) She would have been frightened - scared - so alone, petrified even. The emotions of what she possibly could have felt would have been overwhelming.
I had my in one of the very best British hospitals, surrounded by Midwives, doctors and paeditricians and i was scared - My heart goes out to this woman.
Perhaps she was a teenage mom, perhaps the baby was a result of a , perhaps she had no support,perhaps she felt she could not raise baby alone, perhaps she just was not mentally, emotionally ready to be a mum and while i appreciate it was her responsibilty to take precautions - even they are not 100% safe.
It is so easy to sit behind our PC screens in our warm homes and a full tummy but until you have stood in someone elses shoes - its not nice to judge others - and IF that woman was sat in BC last night - just how condemned would she have felt - when during this time - she needs to be loved and accepted and reassured that she is the best person to raise that lil baby.
Who knows why this was allowed to happen ?
But i do know this - Jesus would embrace her and love her - call her his own.
So next time we see something we dont fully understand - lets not be hasty to label people and judge them, condemn then. Jesus had compassion - lets embrace that!!
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My Scot
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Posted:Sep 28, 2008 2:25 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 5:21 pm 4467 Views
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My youngest - words fail me...
He was born 2/2/92 and been a strong willed shortly after!!
This boy has brought the police to my door on more times than i care to remember - i am on first name terms with the local constabulary - most holidays we spend a few days in casualty too.
But at 16 and a whopping 6ft 2" (i am 5ft4) he pats me on the head and calls me *shrimpet mother*
Scot - at about 2 years old used to sit in a cardboard box and ride down the stairs (frightened me to death) but he loved it!!
When we moved to where we live now... he murdered Mr Stevens prize pumpkin with a dyson hose - dug up the pavement outside our nextdoor neighbours house - smashed the headlamp of another neighbours car - yeah we were popular when we moved in - NOT!!
He is always doing something crazy - but he always tells me (most of the time)
He has such charactor - what i term - a good norty boy cus there is no malice in him. He will have plenty of tales to tell his .
He even rode his sisters scooter to prom night.
Scot is an absolute joy..... (i know hes only on loan)
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Things that have made me smile this week....
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Posted:Sep 28, 2008 1:48 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2024 5:21 pm 4401 Views
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My friend was offered a job - this is a major achievement as she has been a lone parent bringing up her for the last 15 years!!
My boss was made a grandmother for the 3rd time on Friday!
My landline ansaphone is a bit dodgy and even if you ansa the phone, it still records the conversation - so seeing a message flashing on the keypad - i listened to it and it was a conversation between my youngest and my - it was so comical. He was tellin her to be home before dark and to look both ways before crossing the road and next time she wants to play out she has to get permission first. This is the , my darling Scot, that has the attitude its ok for me to hit my sister but no one else can - it was absolutely priceless
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NOW - i am ready...
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Posted:Sep 28, 2008 1:35 pm
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2008 1:07 am 4585 Views
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For some months it has been evident that i am unable to make ends meet on my current salary and i have thot about going back into support work - but i dont really want too, it has been the cause of much anxiety for me.
Adults with Learning disabilties are what i am trained in - they are what i am passionate about, empowering them and watching them learn and grow with such childlike innocence. (this is where God wants me - i know that) But even so - i am anxious after a 12 month gap, will i fit back in with the team? will i mess up again? what if i have forgotten my training - what if i panic arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I applied for a post - some weeks ago and left my application form in the same pile that i leave my unopened mail. I have tried numerous times to fill in the form - but always sliding the form back in the envelope without having filled it in.
Today - i made an effort - i found all my certicates (some going back as far as 1988 ) and i found my NVQ level 3 certificate too ( wedged in the back of the filing cabinet )
My CV is written, my certificates are in place and my application form is filled in and its all looking good now.
In the last 12 months - i have come a long way - Thank you Jesus!
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BC
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Posted:Sep 25, 2008 3:44 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2008 12:52 pm 4673 Views
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Just recently i have been spending less time in chat - i dunno why i go in anyways to be honest - i seldom actually speak!!!
And have tried spending more time with God and its since this time that these issues have popped up.
I am just really confused and lost 
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