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My Blog

Welcome to my blog!

Where I was, Where I am, Where I want to be.....
Posted:Sep 24, 2007 11:15 pm
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2008 4:04 am
2645 Views
A woman stands alone, watching the waves gently roll onto the shore, lulling her mind, dulling her heart from the roaring within.

She sits alone in a room, in the dark, in a hospital, in a city not her own, surrounded by strangers all but one, her , her baby, the tiny little life force that has been her miracle from the moment she held him in her arms the day he was born. The fragile life that grew within her womb, that she gave life too and now a machine is what breathes life into him, no gentle sound of a heart beat forming a resonating melody from his sweet lips just the impersonal beep, beep, beep of the life support machine and the rasping rattle of air being pushed through the tubes that were now running from his darling mouth and into his lungs, forcing him to live.

Its to soon Lord....

Its too soon to say goodbye again to someone she loves.

Its too soon Lord....

Her husband has gone, left her knowing the trials she was about to face.

Its too soon Lord....

Her mother is gone, dead here yet home living eternity with you, yet it just seems so cold here without her.

Its too soon Lord....

To hand her over too. Please don't take him.

She loves you Lord, yet her life feels like you have walked away.

She loves you Lord, yet her heart feels like you are crushing the life from it.

She loves you Lord, her head hurts, her heart breaks, her voice quivers - yet she can not cry.

She loves you Lord yet she can't cry, she can't relieve the pain from the lump in her throat.

Why can't you let her tears fall or is it simply that she is to affraid to let the walls of her dam break all because she knows it will hurt to much?

You gave her back her BUT she has to live with the fear now that he is a silent ticking bomb waiting to go off and it could be to late, to late to save him again, to late to keep him safe, she couldn't save her marriage, she couldn't save her mother from cancer, nor could she save herself from the diagnosis that threatens her own life now, how can she possibly find the strength, courage and sheer will power to save her ?

Let her grieve Lord....

Let her grieve for that which she has lost....

Let her grieve for those that she has lost....

BUT

Let her rejoice in her ....

Let her fear be taken away and replaced by peace....

Let her know that she has more time as a mother in her 's life....

Let her know that you are there Lord....

She stands silently on the shore lulled by the rolling of the waves upon the beach silently reaching out with both hands to her Father God Whom she has trusted her whole life and....

She asks with all her heart, down on bent knees and a heart and soul humbled before you, "Please, please, please Lord restore my faith, fill me with your presence once more and let me know that you are here, that you see me, that you hear me, that this to will pass and the pain won't be so very bad always?"

There is simply no more of that woman standing alone on the shores edge, there is only me an empty shell hoping desperately that you will fill to over flowing again.

Help me trust you again for I know that you did not rob me of that but my fear has and my need me to be fearless, I need me to be fearless. Give me the strength to let go of the pain and face those fears no matter what, knowing that whatever the outcome YOU ARE IN IT!

I love you Lord....

I pray that, though I don't deserve it, you love me too....

0 Comments
RULES!
Posted:Dec 31, 2006 8:23 pm
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2008 1:41 am
2574 Views
HMMMMMMMM........I was just sitting here at my kitchen bench reading a thing I have plastered up on my fridge, it goes something like this:

MUM'S RULES

1. I cook it, you eat it.

2. I buy it, you wear it.

3. I wash it, you put it away.

4. I clean it, you keep it clean.

5. I say bed time, you say goodnight.

6. I say no, you don't ask why.

CAUSE I'M THE MUM

It hit me as rather ironic as parents we have these hard and fast rules for our that we expect them to live and breathe by, and we get awfully upset and dissappointed in them when they fail to listen or do as they are told....

YET.......

God has the same sort of hard and fast rules that He expects us to live by BUT even as adults we find them incredibly hard to listen to or even abide by......

Do you think that our Father gets upset or incredibly dissappointed in us when we don't do as our told?

Well His word tells us of this amasing grace and mercy that He has for us, and on a minute by minute basis I believe that His patience for us is neverending, as again He does say that He shall never leave nor forsake us. When was the last time you got sent to your bedroom for not listening to God's word/rules/law?

Hmmmmmmm.......I think that next time I go to reprimand one of my for not listening to me I SHOULD REALLY ASK MYSELF AS WELL IF I HAVE BEEN DOING AS MY TOLD LATELY TOO!!!!!!

love and many blessings
Dell

0 Comments
The one thing
Posted:Dec 21, 2006 10:42 pm
Last Updated:Dec 26, 2007 10:49 pm
2627 Views
We are still as we are.....

BUT GOD IS GOD IS HE NOT!!!!!!!!

AND THAT

MY FRIENDS

IS ALL WE NEED TO KNOW


love and blessings
Dell

0 Comments
I AM BUT....
Posted:Dec 14, 2006 2:11 pm
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2007 1:49 am
2612 Views
I am small BUT He is big....
I have my doubts BUT He does not....
I cry out BUT He stands firm....
I am weary BUT He is vigilant....
I am fragile BUT He is strength....
I am human....
HE IS GOD....

0 Comments
Where We are at.....
Posted:Dec 8, 2006 11:27 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2007 2:25 am
2601 Views

I just wanted you all to know out there in Big church that have been praying for Caleb and myself, how things are going.....

Over the past few weeks life has seen me from one extreme of emotion to the next. From fear of the unknown with Caleb, to the weariness and frustration of being put off by doctors, to the shear joy of being married right in amongst all this, to the sadness of my boys and I having to be parted from my new husband and their new dad, to being shattered that the enemy can work so fast at destroying a life....an accident amongst it all breaking his arm and the bones are positioned in a way that they are like a sharp pair of scissors sitting right on his main artery in his arm. He may need to go into surgery to have it pinned. I was away when this accident happened, and he held in his pain until I got back from my short trip...When he saw me he simply just cried, I gathered him close and he told me that his arm hurt and it broke my heart....why? because he is my and while I was away I realised that jezabelic spirit fighting its way for control, I stood in prayer as I do so many times and the back lash came back on my . I thank God that the artery was not severed and I thank God that He kept those bones from causing further damage until I got home for Caleb to tell me, I thank God I trusted His Holy Spirit and covered my for it could of been far far worse....As they plastered his arm the specialist decided to break the news of Calebs ultasound tests on both his kidneys and liver. His kidneys are no worse than they have been, there is no sign of cancer, which was what they had feared developed as a new problem, thank God!! His liver has suffered no increase in scarring but it has a very large pressure build up from his spleen. Caleb's spleen is very enlarged, it is 12.5cm's in diameter and growing. The doctors believe that there is a blockage of blood in there that is backing up and causing a huge amount of pressure on both spleen and liver, the slightest knock the wrong way can lead to massive internal bleeding and Caleb needs to again go into surgery for them to find what is causing this to happen in the spleen and hopefully reduce the problem if not Caleb's life will return to being wrapped up in cotton wool....He is also being referred to a new specialist to run tests on his breathing and his lungs/heart.....

This is all I know right now and I am still standing there in the Gap, I love Caleb But I know that Our Lord, Our loving Father loves him so much more deeply than even I his mother could begin to fathom. And I know that Caleb's love for his heavenly Father is more than I could even begin to understand....

I am beginning to realise just how close the Lord and my are....they are inseperable AND they each have absolute faith in the other without hesitation!

Me? I'm still running to catch up.....I earnestly pray that I do....

Thankyou all for your continued prayers and support....

With much love and many blessings
Dell
0 Comments
THREW IT ALL....
Posted:Nov 30, 2006 5:06 pm
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2007 8:59 pm
2596 Views

Threw it all I know that i have my best friend right here beside me....

Threw it all He is my strength and my righteousness....

Threw it all I know that He loves me like no other....

Threw it all I feel His presense even though my thoughts are within the storm....

Threw it all I know that I know that I know He is on my side....

Threw it all I hear His voice in the prayers of another....

Threw it all I recieve His comfort through the arms of those around me....

Threw it all I know His will be done....

And as I sit here as a mum and one with a wounded I know that threw it all He will see me threw....

As I look into my 's eyes I know that I see You there my protector....my rescuer....my healer....my friend!

AND I KNOW THAT CALEB KNOW THAT THREW IT ALL YOU ARE HIS DAD.
0 Comments
Small words!
Posted:Nov 17, 2006 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2007 9:04 pm
2634 Views
FAITH HOPE LOVE

Such small words BUT.....

They have the whole weight of heaven and earth behind them!

0 Comments
I Know
Posted:Nov 15, 2006 2:44 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2007 4:26 am
2623 Views
In my tiredness I sit here Lord and wait on you...

I know You have the answers even though I do not...

In my weariness I ache from head to foot and my head hurts...

I know that You will fill me up until my spirit is overflowing again...

I pray that my sleeps tonight and does not fret about tomorrow...

I know that You will be there to hold his hand when he reaches for you...

Within my mothers heart I would trade my life for my 's...

I know that You would have to if it were not for me...

Your will Lord I accept...

In Your hands I place my and trust...

Because I know that I can.

0 Comments
PLEASE PRAY
Posted:Nov 12, 2006 1:47 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2008 1:45 am
2894 Views

Hey there guys,

Rather than actually having a topic up for discussion I'm here tonight asking for your prayers.

My youngest Caleb as you may or may not know is classified as terminally ill....He has been an absolute testimony over the past few years to God's overwelming love and MERCY!!!!!

As his mum I've been heartbreakingly blessed over and abundantly above with miracle after miracle, not through my own faith BUT Caleb's faith in his heavenly Father....

Caleb has shown me what it is to have the true meaning of FAITH.....

Over the past few months Caleb's health has deteriated significantly enough for his doctors to be concerned that he may need to go back on his machines and tube feeds again, not to mention the medication that they have put him back on.

What I'm asking you all is WILL YOU STAND WITH ME IN PRAYER THAT TOMORROW WHEN HE HAS HIS RENAL ULTASOUND THAT THEY WILL NOT FIND CANCER ONTOP OF WHAT HE ALREADY HAS BEEN BATTLING WITH, THAT IT WILL NOT BE AN ADDED PRESSURE TO HIS TINY LITTLE BODY AND THAT GOD'S PERFECT WILL AND PERFECTION BE DONE YET AGAIN IN OUR DAILY BATTLE FOR HIS LIFE....THAT THE NEXT WEEK OF APPONTMENTS WILL BRING FAVOUR AND GOOD REPORTS. THAT GOD AGAIN SHALL SHOW HIS EVER PRESENT MERCY ON THIS WHOLE SITUATION.....

As a single mum of three boys I would truly appreciate your support and love because I know that each one of you carries a mothers or a father's heart and would be able to perhaps understand a little of what I am feeling right now....

I thankyou now

AND I THANKYOU FATHER FOR YOUR VICTORY
IN JESUS NAME.....

AMEN

love and blessings
Dell
0 Comments
ALL I WANT
Posted:Nov 7, 2006 12:49 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2024 2:3 pm
2512 Views
The night was light and silvery from the full moon , the tide wass high, the ebb and low of its gentle caress upon the sand lulled my mind ready for sleep.....Yet there I was cocooned in a blanket of warmth far from sleep.

I cried out "Lord only You do I want to seek in this moment of need, when the days thoughts and feelings come crashing in and they invade slumber like a restless ."

I did not want to be alone within the stillness of the night or the insistant calling of my thoughts......

So You came and I slept...

I have awoken early to the sounds of the birds outside chattering amongst eachother and the distant movement of neighbours greeting the day as they routinely do, with their early morning walks and the occasional "goodmornig" called out to another sleep fuzzed neighbour....

Me I burrow deeper in the covers, pull the pillows over my head and cry out "Lord only You do I want to be with today! I DON"T want to get up to the or go to work or start my day running before my feet even hit the floor by my bed!!!!! I WANT TO STAY RIGHT HERE WITH YOU....ALL DAY...PLEASE JUST FOR TODAY CAN'T WE DO THIS?"

Silence....

As I wait for my answer.....

The stir, yawning and groaning their hungry....

The alarm goes off blaring at me that its time to get ready for work....

My cat meows at me ready for some attention....

The barks in the shed wanting to get out and go for a walk on the beach....

I count to five waiting....hoping I'll get the answer I was looking for AND....

I sigh (BIG SIGH) roll out of bed.....My day has begun....

And then.....

The gentle knowing of His presense permeates my senses and I smile knowing that He is here to share my first cup of coffee togeather ....

AND THEN.....

HOLD MY HAND ALL DAY!!!!!!!!!

I pray that each one of you feel His tangible presense right there beside you all day, knowing that there is no other place He would rather be - THAN WITH YOU.

love and blessings
Dell

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