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My Blog

Welcome to my blog!

Without Doubt God is Real !!
Posted:Sep 30, 2010 6:44 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2010 10:00 am

It's been awhile since I've last posted, not sure what has kept me away but the following is "Without Doubt God is REAL"
A little over a 6 weeks ago, when I had to go to the local library to use their PC's with internet connection. This day I noticed a Lady struggling. I could tell she was near tears and having a tough time keeping herself composed. What drew my attention to her... I'm not even sure. Lot's of people come and go with me barely paying attention. She got up to leave but actually had resigned back in for another turn at the internet PC's. She walked behind me and I offered her the rest of my time. I was just sitting there chatting or something. At that same time a PC came available so she didn't need the one I was on.
Something had me paying A LOT of attention to her. Wasn't long and she had gotten up to leave, very very flustered again. I stopped my session and went to follow her. I thought she had left. I didn't see her anywhere. I felt stressed because of it. Strange for me to feel that way. But when I had walked nearly out of the building, I noticed she was sitting there, on one of the benches, in subdued tears.. We all have done that.
I wanted to go ask her , her name or something. I came up with something lame... I approached her asking... Don't I know you? She did look familiar to some degree. I've NEVER approached a women in this manner. Suppose it's the fear of rejection to be honest. Well... we walked outside, started talking and I asked her if there was anything I could do to help her. She began to tell her story. We talked about God and a church she goes to. Turned out they ( her & boy friend ) were in need of a bed. My and I had a nice Mattress and box springs sitting on the carport wondering what to do with it. I offered it to her. She walked with me to my home and looked the outfit over, agreeing she's take it.
After chatting a bit we walked to her residence,( about 6 blocks) meeting her boyfriend as well. Then the three of us walked back to my place and I helped him hand carry the box and mattress home. Well, we needed the grass cut , our mower had gone on permeate vacation. So i asked him , after finding out he cut grass for folks around his home to make some money. He'd been out of work for 2 years, with her on Disability. He agreed and came the next day and cut our grass. Once done he asked our neighbor if she'd like her grass cut. She said not right now, a young man was supposed to do it, but if he doesn't show up by morning he could do it. The young man did not show up and this fella cut her grass.
When he finished he collect his fee. But before leaving, they also started talking about God. This couple I had met were Christians. They invited her to church. Turned out this lady was facing foreclosure on her home plus this couple had just received a eviction notice. As neighbors we had no clue about her struggles. This couple and home owner came to a agreement to have them move in the basement. Saving the home owners home, giving this couple a great place to live. plus I'm sure more things good for both. Also, this fella landed a full time job through the home owner, I'm pretty sure.
This all took place as if planned. The lady I met, Her name is Amanda and his is Christian. She just came over this afternoon shared all this with me. We both had tears in our eye's because we both knew, without a shadow of doubt that GOD did this. He gave me the strength to walk up to her. He caused this chain of events to come about. There is no other explanation. NONE AT ALL !!
My reason for sharing this is my testimony. In my life GOD has moved so so so many times in my behalf. Situations similar to this one. Folks... Please I beg you. If you've read this far & if you haven't accepted GOD and if you have.. PLEASE let this serve as your guarantee that GOD is ALIVE and his PROMISE is REAL.
Lord I thank you with every fiber of my being. I thank you for the stressful situations that made all this come about. I am so blessed to have your love, security and grace in my life. Lord I ask you to continue to bless these new friends, I ask you to protect them as well as my family. You know my heart Lord better than I do. I ask you to use me as you need me. Lord God I ask this in your Blessed Name. Amen
Perserverences and it's Rewards....
Posted:May 14, 2010 12:22 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:11 am
I'd like to first say thank you to the folks that have taken the time to read and leave a comment.
Wow.. the past couple weeks certainly has been ....ummm.. interesting. Heart felt emotions abound. All I can say at times is "THANK YOU GOD" For me giving God thanks for everything in my life. The good and bad. Moving home has given me the opportunity to share what I've experienced with my . Grown but still my babies. Being away certainly had it's effects on them, NOT just me. Everyday i'm spending with them God gifts me with the most wonderful feeling. The proudness I've felt watching them managing their steps through their lives. Dealing with their own ups and downs and doing it the best they can. Being there to lend a hand if they need. The security of a family, A real family is a wonderful feeling i'm certain some take for granted. It's tough at times to sit and only listen first without trying to fix things. I've learned that the fix is just that. Listening FIRST ! My daughters and I share a bond of love for each other that I've missed nearly my entire life. It's not about anything other than being there for one another. Thick and thin, acomplishments and failures. Tears or laughter. It's about no matter what kind of day any of us have had we know in out Hearts. We can count on each other. It's this faith that God only expects of me in him.
perserverence is like growing. We must experience pain in doing so. Pain does equal growth. It has many many differnt shapes and sizes to fit whatever need is needed to strengthen our weaknesses. God knows what theY are. We may not have a car, we may not have new furniture, we may not have many things that most have, but its not what we don't have, it's what we do have together and I would NOT change the way I got here for anything this world can give me.
Thanks for visiting. I pray your trials and tribulations adds a flavor to your life thats you've missed. Just have faith. GOD is REAL and GOOD. Amen
1 comment
Waking up walking....
Posted:May 10, 2010 12:14 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2010 11:45 am

As the title says. The other day I ws walking and it dawned on me that what i came home for. I had it. It was all around me. Living out of state these past 12 years, kept me away from My Family. Yes it was a choice I had made and accept full responseibilty for. I truly was lost. In spirit and in soul. I never blamed anyone nor did I find fault with God. I believe God put me on this journey to learn and mainly grew in spirit and character. I am amazed daily by somethng my daughters say or even the grandbabies. I've missed so much. Yet even though truth is best by far of any other possible choice. I find that ones past is never to far behind. I'm still me heart and all I've just allowed myself to acept the lords love and guidance. Errors of the past still hurt me as well. It's more tan the results of a events that haunt a person. It's the life that lead to that tragic event. Thats most choose not even to think about or for god sakes even listen too. God I love you and Thank you for saving me. Amen
1 comment
Lost in the crowd.....
Posted:Apr 23, 2010 8:52 am
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2010 7:36 am

It's always been this way for me. Though out my life I've always been lost in the crowd. Inside my own thoughts, inspirations, asperations. Feeling like following my heart and believing in those that have said they love me. I know God does certainly. yet i need a warm hand to hold, someone to talk to no matter how rough the days been, without feeling like they're not listening or caring. I DO LOVE with my heart completely yet seems never have found the same in return. I'm getting to the point of being tired, really tired with this sadness pounding away at my heart and sensibility (sanity). It would be so nice if some day someone would just love me back for me and not for any other reason.
Wheat bread....giglling...okay
Posted:Mar 31, 2010 9:24 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:11 am

Thanks for the heads up one the right bread. LMBO. Hi and hows your eveing going? Glad to meet you.
Spring fever....ohhh yes
Posted:Mar 31, 2010 1:28 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2010 8:52 am

The weather has final out did itself today. It nearly 80* here in St. Louis, sunny and beautiful.
I recently wrote a little about changing lanes in life. It isn't easy by no means; in doing so . Someone always gets hurt or has trouble accepting your decison(s). There's so much advice in the world. It's like going to the grocery store for bread and find there 20 different varities. Geezzzz. How do I know which one I'll be safe to bring home.
Changing lanes is about oneself. It's about following your heart and accepting the outcome of your own decision(s), to carry thru to the end what we've finally decided to do for ones self. There should be no feeling guilty about our decisions towards self betterment. Accepting ones responsibility for ones own path in this life is, for me anyway, showed me that without faith in our God, I couldn't do it without him.
Listen to your heart there really is a GOD.
"Changing Lanes"
Posted:Mar 22, 2010 9:31 am
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2010 8:53 am

Sitting here, considering what to say: as usual with a enormus amount dashing,bouncing around in my grey matter.
Sharing is what this media is all about. Sometimes what I've shared, comes full circle to just bite me in the ole' bumper. Yet, ya know what? It's been my experience that by being open, honest, sincere; leaving us feeling so vunerable,yet it feels so much better than attempting to hold ALL our pains, sorrow and just plan inner-struggles of the un-known inside ourselves.
Enough on that plane... Anyway...
Changing Lanes
I'm home, St. Louis , Missouri. I've been gifted with wonderful daughters and a . These past 2 weeks I've been able to spend some grand positive time with the 2 oldest. Shawna 26 and Courtney 24 For me, the adult conversations we have gives me such a warmth about these two, trying to describe the inner feeling is nearly impossible. Their humor is rivals even mine. My face hurts from the endlesss hours of laughing. OMG... the inner smiles and laughter ,seemingly intangable, FEELS SO WONDERFUL. I often ask myself is this the rewards of reproduction? (not being cold in this word usage,but truthful)
Listening and watching their day to day interactions with the outside and inside worlds, causes this deep emotion to well to the surface, letting me know without words to hear ,"these gals are going to be okay!"
I'm proud, confident yet scared, i suppose of the un-known. Welcome to the universe huh?
Meeting New Friends...
Posted:Sep 24, 2009 5:18 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2024 2:11 am
recently I was invited along on a road trip and enjoyed seeing some of our country that I've never seen before. It has caused me to dig deeper into my own emotional stability or instabilties i suppose.
I've also chatted a bit with some nice folks it seems. It certainly helps me to ground myself to this reality of life. I'm still struggling with depression but have to admit the I haven't had roller coaster ride is sometime now. Thankful for that. I've shared some honest times of my life with folks on BC chat in the Friendship room. I'm hoping that I haven't lost some potential friends because of it, but the truth is the truth and if some can't except me for the things I've gone through, then I guess I didn't need them as friends anyway.
There's so much more I'd liket to write in here but need to thinkk about it more and get it organized in my thoughts.
At days End ... or prehaps a new days beginnng....
Posted:Sep 19, 2009 1:42 am
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2010 9:45 am
hello again folks, I know it's been a piece of time since my last posting, this I ask your forgiveness and hope you still have some interest left I these words I'm posting here.
As we're going through our days, at least for me anyway, time certainly seems to drag, but looking back and 20/20 vision being as it is. The time really flew by.
A lot has transpired yet it hasn't. Looking back things don't feel to have happened to much but in reality there has been. Which I'm sure is one of he reasons I've reframed from posting anything. The most important and for me tragic event is that my wife and I are still separated. I find myself looking at faces in the crowds I see around town; as sometimes my daily journey takes me through. This entire summer had me working with the same family, doing generally anything they needed. I did enjoy 95% of the journeys I found myself participating in. All due to the bad habit of needing to eat and be housed. So now I'm on a new job search and so far think I've gotten a good lead on a potential new employer. Only time will and can confirm this. as it is with anyone else in the same position or condition.
regrettably it is very ate or early morning and i suppose that depends on your individual time schedules. So... I'll pause for now and will return tomorrow afternoon to continue with this posting. For I'm sure it will be a lengthy one. Until the Be carefull and stay safe. David
I want to LIVE... Struggling with depression
Posted:Jun 8, 2009 11:58 pm
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2010 5:57 pm

For as long as I can remember I've struggled with depression yet generally I found ways to ride the storm out by redirecting my thoughts towards and into something else. Being positive usually worked. Of course it wasn't and isn't a instant fix, I don't believe there are " Instant Fixs" to ones spirit feeling grounded. The sadness and DEEP sorrows I've experienced have, at times nearly, caused ssuch a lump in my throat that breathing really became difficult.
At the age of 5 along with a younger brother (13 Months younger), we were sold then adopted by these people. Remembering my parents handing us off has followed me in my darkest times. Sometimes even when life seemed to be going well, these memories would creep in and cause a overwhelming emptiness inside my very soul that I'd hide away from the world in humor or laughter.
These adotive parents were severly abusive. Mark and I were never allowed to have friends or to join sports or any normal activities. Going to school or to church was the ONLY times we were ever allowed to even leave the yard, God forbib the house. We were beated with straps to the point we wouldn't take P.E. in school cause we didn't want anyone to see our backs.
We were always told that we weren't worth the salt that went in our bread. We were never treated to McDonalds or any other fast food establishment.
The reason I'm sharing these things here on this blog is to share the type of beginning in life I was thrown into. In 1968 I recently learned that my Biological mother committed suicide at the age of 38. She mothered 14 in 10 years. 3 sets of twins died at birth and 1 single birth. I have since found that I have 2 others brothers and 3 sisters. That I finally met all then in 2001 where we had our first thanksgiving together in Nashville, Tn. One was missing though, Mark, the youngest and ONLY one I knew had died (drowned) in 1977, which for me even to date was VERY VERY devastating for my emotional stability. I was lost, I couldn't believe this.
There's so much more to write and try to explain and to come to terms with, that I find it difficult thinking about all these things. I'm not truly sure that I should be sharing all this, yet something inside me need to. I have since turning 18 , educated myself in Physcology and Socialology and any other form of education I could lay my hands on. In a attempt to understand why and how my parents(both) Biological and adoptive could be so cruel to these 2 young . Never actually having loving parents or grandparents, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles; Sometimes I feel like I have missed out on the important nuturing aspects of life, yet at times I feel like maybe i am lucky for not being saddled with the drama that it seems I've seen families around me go through.
Well, it's late and for anyone reading this blog, please keep a open mind and PLEASE don't pass a prejudiced judgment upon me for all these things that has happened to me and the other young lives I'm writing about. In the following posting I will also share with you some of the most happiest and totally spiritual events that For me, I would never ever have dreamed would happen. Looking back on my life I now realize that God has been there, even when I wasn't walking as I should have in his words. God is real I know, the following posting I believe will or at least attempt to show proof that God does exist and there really is Hope and all we have to do is close our minds to the world, close our ears to our surroundings, (just not while driving) and listen to our hearts and spirits cause he's there.
God Bless and be Safe

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