THE ANCHOR HOLDS
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Publicado en:9 Junio 2008 2:20 am
Última actualización en:9 Junio 2008 5:59 pm 1528 vistas
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Oops. I hope I don't drive my neighbors cuckoo.
Well, more cuckoo than usual.
I just found a song from long ago, and it means even more now to me than it did years ago.
It's called "The Anchor Holds" by Ray Boltz.
Many of you know some about my past. A portion of what happened:
A mother who didn't want me and gave me up for adoption.
An adoptive mother who had her own issues, and was abusive
An abusive ex-husband
Cancer-miraculously healed
A dead son
An assistant district attorney who my ex convinced that I should be imprisoned for manslaughter ( My ex wanted my son's insurance money)
The church I'd attended most of my life rejecting my kids because of they couldn't handle that my son had been in jail at one time.
And in between, a smattering of things like beatings, robberies, , (I DID learn to carry a knife),my dad whom I loved dearly dying of a stroke, homelessness, fighting my way out of a wheelchair----
and on and on it goes....
This song talks about
having journeyed through the long dark night out on the open sea.
I can't see, but He watches me.I've had dreams and held them in my hand but I never knew they would slip right through like grains of sand.
I always see my son's eyes look calmly at me when I hear that. I see him smile, and hear him tell me, "See? It'll be all right." I don't know why I hear him say that...
The chorus grabs my heart:
The anchor holds
Though the ship's been battered,
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn,
I have fallen on my knees
As I faced the raging seas,
But the anchor holds
In spite of the storm.
Amen. Thank you God.
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A SCRAPBOOK/TIME CAPSULE
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Publicado en:30 Mayo 2008 1:49 am
Última actualización en:11 Mayo 2024 5:31 am 1345 vistas
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We were doing microphone checks at worship team practice, and I got tired of saying "A-B-C-D", etc., so I began reciting a poem. I've heard it a lot of times, but I couldn't seem to find it in a book any where until one day my dad was up in my attic, hooking up some ceiling fans.
When he came down, he said there was nothing much up there except spider webs. Oh, and some ol' thing. That's when he and my son (who had been up in the attic with my dad) gave me one of my treasures: a scrapbook.
It's not fancy.
Someone took some grocery sacks and glued them back to back. Then they cut holes down one side of each grocery-sack "page". After that, they threaded a long shoe string through, and voila! a scrapbook!
There are recipes and newspaper articles---a couple of the articles are about boys who were kept as girls until they were of school age...weird.
Some inspirational, with little hand-written notes made by the person who put the scrapbook together. They also wrote in dates.
The scrapbook was put together in the 1930's and '40's.
It's a time capsule.
I picture someone sitting down after reading the paper. They cut the article out, glue it in their book. Something they thought was interesting. Or maybe they just needed a way to take their mind off the fact that their husband was away at war, or working long hours.
Tonight, while I recited this poem for mic check, the vocalist surprised me. She turned to me, her eyes huge, and exclaimed, "That's beautiful!" Let's see if I can recite the poem one more time...
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways,
I love thee to the height
And depth and breadth
My soul can reach
When feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need,
By sun and candle light,
I love thee with the faith I seemed to lose
With my lost saints.
I love thee with the smiles, tears, breath!
Of all my life,
And if God choose,
I shall love thee better
After death.
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A MODERN-DAY APOLOGIST?
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Publicado en:29 Mayo 2008 3:33 am
Última actualización en:29 Mayo 2008 2:28 pm 1542 vistas
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This is going to sound strange...
But then, I never was the "usual" type...
One day, I ended up at Yahooanswers. I began reading the questions coming in. There are some (ahem) "interesting" people there. But there are also a lot of people who come on, sincerely asking questions about God. "Why should I believe in God"? "Does anyone have any proof that the Bible is true?" "I want to believe in God and Jesus, but I can't. Can anyone help me?"
So I have become a type of apologist on Yahooanswers. An apologist along the lines of those who stand up for what they believe and explain and teach.
That six months spent researching before I became a Christian is coming in really handy now, along with the science seminar info, etc.
And I thought Yahooanswers was just going to be a bunch of people wanting to know how to grout their bathroom tile or something.
Shows what I knew.
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IT
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Publicado en:28 Mayo 2008 2:56 am
Última actualización en:28 Mayo 2008 3:04 am 1343 vistas
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Ah, this is the time of year when my neighbors really get tortured.
While I'm out digging dirt and throwing it over my shoulder, while I'm digging holes and pouring cement for new posts for this or that new project I'm building (I'm planning on another grape arbor this year, after the pretend well is finished), as I'm waist-high in weeds, chopping and yanking---I burst into song. Usually "How Great Thou Art", but often "My Tribute", and sometimes even "Judas' Kiss".
After I'm done with my gardening, I stumble inside, turn on the music, and play my congas to some Christian rock for awhile. Then I hit the piano and sing and play.
There's just something about being out and about in God's creation that makes the music come out. I've also composed about five songs recently. I've written poetry for a long time, but only written music in the last few months. It's fun, but how Beethoven ever did it while he was deaf, I just don't know.
I've asked the neighbors whether I bother them with my music. The only one who ever seems a little bothered is the old guy across the street, if I play the congas in the front yard. He says he can hear them in his house, and he doesn't like that. All the other neighbors say they enjoy it all. So, to keep the old guy happy, now and then, I stuff a blanket in my conga. He told me it's much better now, so I guess it's working.
I'm glad the music doesn't bother anyone. I'd hate to stop singing praises.
How does that jingle go? "It's your thing, it's what ya wanna do".
I guess praising God is just my thing...
 
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CHRISTIAN HEDONISM
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Publicado en:25 Mayo 2008 4:08 pm
Última actualización en:26 Mayo 2008 11:13 am 1565 vistas
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The more I talk to the worship minister, the more I am convinced that being a worship minister is a hard row to hoe. He told me today of one church he was in, where, because he was so exuberant in his worship, the elders pulled him in and told him that he must be playing the music to show off, or just for the fun of it. They told him they didn't want him there any more because he was too into his music---of all things.
Scary.
I told him that was one of the reasons I had been holding back, I was afraid he would think I was just "staging", when really, I just love what I'm doing.
He said he heard me playing the piano before church, and thought to himself how much he could hear my love of God and music coming through. He told me never to worry. He believes in Christian hedonism.
WHAT?
Christian hedonism...
Christians totally enjoying being in God's presence.
Makes sense to me.
I guess....
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FOR THE KIDS
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Publicado en:25 Mayo 2008 1:05 am
Última actualización en:25 Mayo 2008 1:06 am 1343 vistas
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Well, my son has given me two beautiful grandchildren.
The girl is only a couple months old, so she hasn't said much to me yet, but the three year old is smart, lovable, sweet, and mischievous===quite a bit like his dad was at that age, in fact.
My son was at the house yesterday, and I had this ALMOST overpowering urge to ask---
are you going to get married now?
After all, when you've been with someone long enough to have two kids....
That's right---they're not married.
I don't particularly want him to marry this girl. But These kids need a home they can depend upon. And if my son is going to stay with her "for the kids," as he claims, should he get married?
Oh, I don't know!
Ah---now I understand why he hasn't married her yet....
Even I don't think "for the kids" is a solid basis for a relationship.
What a cuckoo world....I hope I can be there for my grandkids, to teach them about God.
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TOUCHING THE HAND OF GOD
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Publicado en:23 Mayo 2008 10:43 pm
Última actualización en:24 Mayo 2008 5:12 pm 1283 vistas
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Well, I've been attending the church I go to now, for about three months.
I began here because a friend from the church I used to go to saw a sign. Not a heavenly sign, necessarily, just a sign. She had seen me feeling low. The worship minister where we attended didn't care for my music style, so I was taken off the piano and hidden in the altos of the choir. (He likes "his" pianists to play exactly what is written in the music. I'm an ad lib-type person, listening for how God might want it that day.)
I love singing. But I LOVE playing the piano. And, like I said before, I've wanted to play for church since I was 8 or 9 years old. I first played for church when I was thirteen.
Any way, this friend called and said she had seen a sign. It read, "Rockin' Church Seeks a Keyboardist". Since I hadn't played much at the church I attended, I didn't think anybody knew I COULD rock out, much less play, but she said, "I think you should give them a call."
So---I did.
To my surprise, the worship minister there remembered me. He had seen me when I was in a Christian rock band. He said he had told the lead guitarist, "You should have that second keyboardist (me) play more."
After I picked myself up off the floor from fainting, we arranged to meet.
And I have been at this church ever since.
It has been a while since a worship minister has actually LIKED my piano playing, so it's kinda weird. But cool. For instance, at practice the other night, when he kept telling me he wants to hear the incredible sounds coming out of the keyboard, so he doesn't know what worship ministers have told me before when I've played, but he wants me to TURN IT UP! He keeps telling me to play it loud and proud.
It's been a long time since the song leader said that.
And people in the congregation tell me to play more.
Sometimes, I actually tremble with joy when I play hymns and other praises. Weird, huh? Or I feel like I do when my daughter asked,"Mom, how do you feel when you play the piano?" I barely had to think. Sometimes I feel like God is next to me, so close, I can feel His breath on my cheek. Sometimes, I feel like a skydiver, in those few moments after jumping out of the plane, and before pulling the cord. On top of the world, above my problems. No sound, except for the music. With God's hand lifting my face, so I can look into His eyes.
I praise God for talking through music.
I thank Him that I get to be a conduit.
I ask Him to please let me continue to do so.
I'm doing what I've been called to do.
And that's a good thing.
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TODAY------- I CELEBRATE
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Publicado en:21 Mayo 2008 2:07 am
Última actualización en:23 Mayo 2008 10:13 pm 1715 vistas
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Well, today, I celebrate.
And I cry.
Today my son, Brent, would have been 23 years old.
If he hadn't died in the car accident when he was nine.
A lot of people think, "What---you're still missing the kid after 13 and a half years?! Get over it!"
I've come a long way, actually. I hardly ever cry about it any more. Well, not usually more than once or twice a month, anyway.
I think of a Matlock episode I saw a long, long time ago...
Matlock was talking to an old friend, and said there wasn't a day went by that he didn't think of his wife and miss her,even though she had been dead for 25 years. When I first saw that episode(not counting reruns), I thought the writers were pushing it just a little.Surely people weren't THAT bonded? Whoever heard of such a thing??
Well, I'm not quite a Matlock. I have gone a day or two without thinking of my son. But I probably think of him an average of 6 days a week. He was a great kid, what can I say?
I look at the roses, and I see him pausing, drawing one gently to his face.
I look at beautiful old houses, I hear him say, "Pick out what kind of house you want, Mom, because when I grow up, I'm going to buy it for you."
I see a dentist's sign, and I remember how he sat through my four wisdom teeth being pulled, watching, because he wanted to become a dentist so he could take care of me when I got old.
I see someone with pretty eyes, and I think of his eyelashes that were so dark, thick, and long that my mom used to call them fans.
I look out at a sunny day, and remember how the love he spread around to everyone lit up each room he walked into.
And I'm jealous.
I admit it.
I'm jealous.
Of Heaven.
That they get to have my boy with them there.
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bc won't let me.........
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Publicado en:20 Mayo 2008 9:12 pm
Última actualización en:21 Mayo 2008 7:14 pm 1571 vistas
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Bo-y,oh bo-y. I really feel outta the loop...
I let my membership in bc slide this month because my daughter's birthday is gonna be a bash, and I have better things to spend my moola on than bc. Don't let 'em tell you that you can be a member for free, 'cause you can't. Not fully. You can't look at profiles, exchange notes, make pictures---any of that fun stuff.
Ah, well, maybe next month...
I'm so busy outside a lot of the time right now that I shouldn't really be at the comp anyway.
Yeah---but griping is so fun! lol
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