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My Testimony I started seeking God when I was six, because of serious abuse and a desire not to live. So, when my granny told me about all the things people go to hell for, I wanted to find God and make Him love me. I had to escape the hell I was in, and although He was much too busy for me, and would probably be mad I bothered Him, I prayed any way. I figured that I would never get anything in this world right; but that one thing, I had to get right. I woke up each morning sad to be alive. And, all my life I read the Bible asking Him to show me what it means so that I at least had a chance to find Him. I did everything wrong. My life was a loveless mess, mostly of my own making, mostly due to my innocence. But, as I got older I justified my wrong choices by comparing my self to people I felt were worse than me. Then, as soon as I judged them, I did the same things. By the time I was 33 I was so hurt and wanted to die so bad that I locked myself in a closet. I stayed in that closet and refused to come out until God gave me an answer or I would lay down and simply die. While in the closet I read the bible over and over again. I had read it a hundred times or more, so it was all just the same words I still didn't understand. I kept tripping over the passages on forgiveness. I knew I did everything wrong and so By the law I was lost as hell. But the unforgiveness didn't hurt anyone but me; so, I began to forgive. I forgave, every hurt, I dragged it all out into the light. Some things I didn't want to forgive, it hurt so bad, but I asked God to help me forgive and one by one he lifted them. then it was time to forgive myself. Oh, how ashamed I was of my life. I threw it all out on the table, and admitted my mistakes. Then I had to forgive God, all the things that went wrong, a failed marriage, single parent with no support. Then, when there was nothing left a peace came to me. It was a clean feeling I never had before - no anger, no hurt, no unforgiveness. Then I reasoned with God why all these bad things go on in the world. I said that the ones who hurt most are the ones who are condemned. Look, murder is only the flesh; you have the spirit. If we hate someone isn't that murder? Who is prosecuted for spiritual murder? Robbery, the world should not have to make another steal to have what they need. Drugs, look at the state of the world, lacking in love, is it any wonder that so many people want to medicate their pain? Surely if they knew better they could do better. They only did what the world has taught them. I told God that if I can forgive the world He must as well. Because If I did it and He did not, He was not God. Show me which one you will lose God, if there is even one I will no longer serve you. That's when He rolled open heaven like a scroll, I saw the brethren, all of them, there were none missing. They were all there, every one, washed in white, and forgiven. Then he showed me the deceiver. He was standing alone. I was so over joyed and almost didn't believe it was real, but I came out of my closet and told someone what happened in there. I showed them the highlighted promises I had claimed my whole life and asked why no one was taking this free gift of love. They told me to put God away and lets have a beer. I said, you know, I've done what people wanted and they used me and threw me away. I did things my way and I screwed it up. But, I can always go back to God and He takes me right where I am and loves me in spite of myself. Do you think we can hide from God? No way!!! I can put the book away, so He still sees it all. But despite my mistakes He always takes me back, dusts me off and loves me. So now with every heartbeat, every breath, every second of my life I never want to be outside the presence of God again. That's when it happened. We saw it, but not with our eyes. A brilliant light that extended past the universe, and yet inside the soul. Then, we heard it, but not with our ears. God told me, Well done my good and faithful servant, you have discovered the path to my kingdom. You are accepted and the door I just opened no man can shut. Then He told me to listen to what He wants me to do. If My friend had not told me what they saw and heard before I revealed what I saw and heard I would swear it was a hallucination but, we saw and heard the same thing. He told me what he saw and heard before I said a word. So, I know it was real, besides God had spoken to me before, not so audibly and spirit filled before. Before it was a whisper in my spirit, this was like a shout. So I went to my closet to discover what happened and if it was a trick. When I opened my Bible, the words came alive. No longer did I need to ask what it meant, it spoke directly to me, for me. A message of love and the true message to believers that only God can allow us to see. The ones who have not gotten this far still dissect it and try to figure it out. But, to me now, it was smooth, like butta. I understood that I had been given the seal for the day of deliverance. He carried me through an eight day spiritual circumcision. And from that day my call began. now, my call is another long story, I wrote a book with the revelation I was given. I sent it to death row inmates, criminals, prostitutes, hurting, homeless, all the ones the world rejects. It will be amazing when Christ returns and the people who are missing are the last ones the world expects to make it. Praise God I am included in that group! Christ came to save the world..., God will accomplish what He set out to do. We shouldn't judge those that we do not understand, only go to God and get the answer for ourselves. I do not claim to be a prophet, but I know that I am called. We all are. I didn't call me, God did. I used to be hesitant to say such bold things as this because my past condemns me. But as I know the truth will be known in the not so distant future, and the world will condemn me no matter what path I choose, I suppose it no longer matters that I am being judged for saying I am called. I love everyone, even those who hate me. It is impossible for me to have unforgiveness in my heart ever again. If more people would get to this point in their relationship with God, we all would have a heck of a call on our lives. Or, perhaps there would be no need for anyone to be called. Someone has to stand up for the oppressed of God who cry out to Him and beg for forgiveness. For as they do, no matter what the world thinks of their past, they are made clean in the eyes of God. It is not by works,we are chosen by grace. If it were by works then God would be mocked, grace would no longer be grace, Love would be a lie and we all would fail. That is my message that I have been called to share and if it offends anyone I cannot apologize. The truth does not need to be defended. But as for me and my house, we leave judgement to the Lord. I will stand or fall in front of the God I serve. And so will each of us. I know I will stand, because my will is that of God - that none should be lost. So, with all kindness and love I say to all who judge me..., I still love you! LOL Love one another and judge not. That is my call. It is the message of Christ. I am looking forward to the time when we can all be free of the need to be reminded of this. Ya'll be sweet as the Lord would have it. I love you with all my heart and thank you for also expressing what is in your heart. your sister in Christ, Always Love, Anita |
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glad to share.
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Amazing Grace is more than just a song!
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9/5/2005 3:40 pm |
You came from a tough place Neat. Praise God you found salvation. God bless you.
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Larry, I am not special. Now I have compassion for so many that are unloved and condemned. I am glad for what I went through, it makes my joy just that much more joyful!
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Bless you for opening up your heart to us. God bless you sister. God is an awesome God !!
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Please, in all kindness, this is not to make you feel sorry. It is a testimony of the faithfulness of God. He heals the broken hearted and hears those who cry to Him for help. Because my shame was double and dishonor was proclaimed as my lot, God has shown me justice, a double portion of everlasting joy is mine! He wiped away my tears and lifted me. Praise God, Who is ever faithful to those who truly love Him.
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9/8/2005 8:54 am |
Anita....thank you so much for sharing your life and the road your have and are travelling....all in total honesty. You are truly called of the Lord to share your heart and that is a heart that He alone has birthed within you. We are all called to share His good word, and for some He has prepared us and equiped us in ways that only He can ever explain. He has bestowed upon you gifts that you are to share in ways that are of your discernment and accountablity. Keep up the awesome work you have been released to perform for Him and the furthering of His Kingdom and continue to gather those that would otherwise remain lost. It is what we all are to be doing in the days that are closing fast. May God continue to pour upon and through you His ultimate peace, joy and love always.
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Yes, but take a look at the criminal crucified next to Jesus. He was the very first person saved by the shed blood of our Lord and Savior. Read the parable about the workers who were hired throughout the day. We all get the same reward regardless of how long we "work." If not, then grace is insufficient, mercy would not be mercy and love would be a lie. Job 33:29 Elihu proclaims God's justice to Job. God indeed does all these things, twice, three times with mortals, to bring back their souls from the pit, so that they might see the light of life. Mortal - spiritually dead, condemned. pit - active opposition, burial place or grave. There are a lot of scriptures about the mercy of God that people tend to brush aside because they still see God as the Pharisees did, One who judges and condemns with partiality. He is not like that at all. We are. That is what forgiveness sets us free from. Forgiveness renders the devil completely powerless. God is for us. WE are against each other, but God is for us. This world is fond of believing that for someone to win, someone must lose; but God has a more excellent way than the hearts of man have concieved. There are none who seek Him, no, not one. Always Love, Anita
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The scripture that comes to mind at this point is Romans 4:4-5
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You are called. Many are called few are chosen. It is because few are willing to choose Him. Dwightl L. Moody said" there is no limit to what God can do with a man/woman who is willing to do His Will and he adds, I am determined to be that man. He went and founded the Moody institute and won many thousands of souls into His Kingdom. God Bless you Anita, love in Christ. Seri
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