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Blogs > ICorinthians13 > GOD'S GALLERY


ICorinthians13 66F
726 posts
7/19/2008 6:18 pm
WRESTLING WITH GOD?

At different times in our lives, we identify we different people in the Bible. At least, that's how it is with me.
Lately, I identify with Jacob.
Remember how he wrestled with the angel?
All night long they wrestled!

I wrestle.

Every day.

Whether it's with God, or with my own "demons", I'm not sure yet.

But I keep wrestling.

I keep thinking that I should have learned by now.
After all, the car accident was in 1994.
I ought to be used to walking slower than I used to walk.
I ought to be used to having George around.(That's what I named my cane.)
The pain should be second nature by now.

But I despise being slowed down.
And I hate needing George.
And I get really tired of the pain.

So every day I wrestle.

I try not to.
I try to accept how things are, and go from here.
My motto has always been "you play the hand you're dealt".

So why am I so frustrated? I should be able to take a deep breath, say a prayer, and move on.

I try. I really do.
I take the breath. I say the prayer.
Then I stand up.
And have to teach my legs to walk again.
Every day.

Something inside me screams, "I'm not made to be slow! I want to move! Move!" And my legs sit there laughing at me, taking baby steps across the carpet.
I remind myself that I used to be in a wheelchair, and many people are shocked that I'm walking at all. Count Your Blessings, and all that.

But I hate---no, I DESPISE how I am since the car accident.

So I keep on---
Wrestling with God?
Or my own demons?
ICorinthians13 66F
617 posts
7/20/2008 7:50 pm
    Quoting  :
How sweet!
And encouraging!
You are so helpful! Thank you!


ICorinthians13 66F
617 posts
7/20/2008 7:48 pm
    Quoting  :
My heart goes out to you.
I just came in from pruning my grapevines. Again.
They're bearing wonderfully and are beautiful to look at, but I was out there, cutting limbs off. Limbs that might drain their energy from what is important. Limbs that might block out sun or air.
And I thought of me.
Now I think of you.
Maybe it isn't chastening. Maybe we're just being pruned.
God in His wisdom is cutting off the things that might cause negative effects in our lives. How walking fits in there, I don't know yet.
Pruning sucks doesn't it? lol




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