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mixed feelings I feel so odd right now. I just got off the phone with my grandfather. I lost my grandmother just 2 years ago now october. They had a car accident with a dump truck. My grandfather was critical for a while and then recovered. Now...he's sick. He's in his 80's, but he is sad and lonely and refusing surgery. He was perfectly healthy until he hit 80, then he had a couple of issues. Kidney stones, and then a few weeks ago pneumonia. Now he has a bowel blockage. They expect he will live for maybe a week. My mom will be heading up there, i think saturday. My birthday is sunday. Both of my grandmothers died on my birthday week. I think I'm bad luck or something. Both of them as well as my other grandfather..I had just visited them before they died. It's kind of strange. It wasn't a death bed visit or anything..just coincidence..or as Annmarie says God-incidence. This grandfather I haven't seen in a year. That's because that's the last time I went home. Talking to him...he sounds better than ever. I spoke with my cousin for a few minutes (she's my mom's cousin and a nurse) She said that he is so excited to go home to God and to see my gramma that hes better than hes been in a long time now. It's so sad to talk to him. I tried my hardest not to cry. It's the last time I will ever speak to him...EVER. Normally I end conversations with everyone with...see ya later..or talk to ya later. I couldnt do that this time. It was just...I love you too, good bye. .........So final. ugh. It's sad and I can barely type through the tears, but on the other hand, he will be happy again. He used to be like me...or I should say..I'm like him. Happy..laughing..VERY humorous..sarcastic humor. Now he's happy when I talk to him, but on a daily basis..no. He lost the love of his life and everything changed. He said he's doing well except that he's a little anxious about the journey...meaning actually knowing that this is the end. My mom is gonna lose it when she gets there. Please pray for her. I can't go. I wish I could. It's my grampa. But i cant leave my job..the new store..school..and I don't have the money. He told me to take care of my ..that's more important. I said..my are grown. He said..but they still need you. Stay there and take care of them. I feel like crap. |
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A hug, a testimony, a prayer... a blessing! What more can you do? It's a 'trespassing' into a new life form, that won't happen all of the sudden! I'm a little skeptic about those that think they'll meet their life companions at once when they die. It doesn't seem to be so! Though to die with our steadfast trust in God, it's all we can bring with ourselves... Be strong and do only what you have to do!  PS: I saw your chica's, bellala's and others' pics today!
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I can see how you would feel that you are bad luck but there is no such thing as luck or coincidence. I think God gave you the opportunity to see your loved ones before they passed on to a better life, where someday you will meet again. God simply gave you the opportunity to see your family members before they left this earth. It makes me sad too to think that might be the last time you talk to your grandpa, but aren't you happy that he is so happy and joyful to go to your grandma? (I believe she is right there waiting for him right along with Jesus!). I also believe they will be waiting for your when it is your time to go home. Anyway, Here is a big HUG for you!!  I will keep you (and your grandpa and mother) in my prayers. Love you sister! May God Bless You in ABUNDANCE
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10/9/2008 4:33 pm |
Awwww...my prayers for you!!!
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10/9/2008 6:44 pm |
Interpretation, I am sorry for your hurting heart and I pray that you will feel better. I certainly know what it is like to lose those close to you. I said a prayer for you and when I think of you I will say another. I hope you don't really feel that you are bad luck. You sound adorable and I pray that God will bless you with a word from Him through all this. I lost my sister to suicide two and one half years ago and two others that were close to me. My strength is that they were all believers. I am absolutely convinced that one day all this will be such a distant memory and we (that is believers) will have an eternity to spend with our loved ones. What a reunion that will be! I am looking forward to seeing some family and my little sister and close friends and spending an awesome eternity with them. I shall not grieve as those who have no hope. Blessings and praying for peace in your soul, Jay
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10/9/2008 9:51 pm |
Awww, my friend, I am sorry that you are hurting...I agree with pricelessjoy that there is no such thing as 'bad luck'. sucks that these 'anniversaries' happen around your birthday though! Sorry! (where is that AnneMarie character lately anyway?? I've been thinking of her...and missing her this last week.  )
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A hug, a testimony, a prayer... a blessing! What more can you do? It's a 'trespassing' into a new life form, that won't happen all of the sudden! I'm a little skeptic about those that think they'll meet their life companions at once when they die. It doesn't seem to be so! Though to die with our steadfast trust in God, it's all we can bring with ourselves... Be strong and do only what you have to do! PS: I saw your chica's, bellala's and others' pics today! But I will assume that you mean well by it. Thanks.
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Thanks, I know this,..but it's still hard for the people who are left behind..ya know? He'll be better but I wont be..how selfish is that? wanna hear worse? It crossed my mind that he wont be here to pray for me everyday. I get myself into enough trouble..i don't need one less prayer. lol I know...gruesome humor...but I'm serious..that's what makes it so selfish.
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I can see how you would feel that you are bad luck but there is no such thing as luck or coincidence. I think God gave you the opportunity to see your loved ones before they passed on to a better life, where someday you will meet again. God simply gave you the opportunity to see your family members before they left this earth. It makes me sad too to think that might be the last time you talk to your grandpa, but aren't you happy that he is so happy and joyful to go to your grandma? (I believe she is right there waiting for him right along with Jesus!). I also believe they will be waiting for your when it is your time to go home. Anyway, Here is a big HUG for you!! I will keep you (and your grandpa and mother) in my prayers. Love you sister! Yes it was hard to hang up..imagine knowing you'll never see someone again. UGH. I know he will be happier.
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Thank you lali, My kids are grown up so they know my grandfather..but yeah there's more I can tell them. They were together for 65..no..wait...66..I dunno..60 something years. Crazy huh???
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Awwww...my prayers for you!!! I feel a little better today
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True...I understand. But the hardest part is that my mom is an only child and losing her dad. I feel bad for her...i feel bad for myself..but worse for her. It's the people left behind who have hurt feelings while those who go on are in paradise.
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Interpretation, I am sorry for your hurting heart and I pray that you will feel better. I certainly know what it is like to lose those close to you. I said a prayer for you and when I think of you I will say another. I hope you don't really feel that you are bad luck. You sound adorable and I pray that God will bless you with a word from Him through all this. I lost my sister to suicide two and one half years ago and two others that were close to me. My strength is that they were all believers. I am absolutely convinced that one day all this will be such a distant memory and we (that is believers) will have an eternity to spend with our loved ones. What a reunion that will be! I am looking forward to seeing some family and my little sister and close friends and spending an awesome eternity with them. I shall not grieve as those who have no hope. Blessings and praying for peace in your soul, Jay Isnt it strange how we feel diferently for different people? I was fortunate enough to have all of my grandparents and Great Grandparents growing up...except for 1. It's sad every time I've lost one of them. But when I lost my brother...OMG! I lost it! I still cry..12 years later..if i talk about it.
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Awww, my friend, I am sorry that you are hurting...I agree with pricelessjoy that there is no such thing as 'bad luck'. sucks that these 'anniversaries' happen around your birthday though! Sorry! (where is that AnneMarie character lately anyway?? I've been thinking of her...and missing her this last week. )I don't know what's up with AM. I've tried calling...she's in her hibernation mode. I'm sure I'll talk to her soon.
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10/11/2008 2:09 pm |
Thanks tons, Isnt it strange how we feel diferently for different people? I was fortunate enough to have all of my grandparents and Great Grandparents growing up...except for 1. It's sad every time I've lost one of them. But when I lost my brother...OMG! I lost it! I still cry..12 years later..if i talk about it. You are very welcome and I am praying for you. I know what you mean - I think of my little sister quite often. I hope you have some close friends from church or elsewhere that you can chat with and get some hugs. There is nothing like close friends to help keep our focus and sight on Him. He is our strength. There is no greater strength than just loving Him and trusting in His unseen hand. Btw, I just love that smile of yours. Keep smiling. Blessings to you, Jay
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