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Validation (Moderately long) The following is just my theories based on my education and experience. Take it for what it’s worth. It’s only my opinions. Validation I’m discussing a term from psychology here. It’s used to describe a very basic core drive in human beings. On the surface, it’s a need to get feedback from others about our own self worth. It’s a need to be recognized. Deeper, it’s our own personal feelings of self worth. We don’t always know how to get it, but we crave proof to ourselves and others that we are “okay” and have some worth -Some justification for our existence. This craving for validation is at the core of all of our more obvious drives and ambitions. Some may seek money. Some may seek fame. Some may seek love. The list goes on. But for most of these drives, which are really in the pursuit of validation, we gauge our success by the feedback we get from other people. When we sense that the world recognizes us, we feel validated. Everyone has different ideas of what will bring us validation. And everyone has varying degrees of desperation in its pursuit. The more desperately you crave validation, the harder you will work to achieve it. For some, this desperation leads to a misguided and distorted means of pursuing it. Everyone knows an obnoxious person, or a bully. Those people have confused validation with impact on others. For them, validation only occurs when they can affect others to some extreme, even if only in a negative manner. We often describe them as attention seekers. They are really a very sad and desperate group. It can get complicated. Take bullies for example. Not all bullies are physical. Not all of them abuse power in the traditional means. Some very desperate people, who feel insecure and have a low self-worth, will sometimes take on the persona of a superior individual, and try to lord over others. These folks may not appear cruel at first, but they always strive to somehow convey the message that they are superior and others should acknowledge it. Typically, they talk down to others. In the process, they delude themselves into believing they really are superior. The unfortunate thing is, that due to their basic underlying insecurity and lack of self-worth, they will go to wild extremes to defend their delusions. Logic, facts, and rational thinking is immaterial to them. The delusions are just too precious to them. Some who fear rejection, often try to semi-reject others first. These desperate people are trying very hard to assert their superiority, but nonetheless don’t want to totally reject the people whom they so desperately seek validation from. They are constantly trying to find a balance between how much to insult people, yet not alienate them completely. Again, they are a desperate lot. I could go on with more examples, but you get the idea. As Christians, we are in a position to find validation much more easily, and lasting. Not all Christians figure this out, but it’s really pretty simple. When you feel God accepts you, then you are in the best place to feel validated. But often we forget to seek our validation from the Lord, and fall back into the ways of natural man, and seek it from mortals. You can even find this in some Christians who are very active for God. Many ministers fall into this trap. Nobody is perfect, and no Christian is capable of seeking validation solely from God all the time. We all still seek feedback from other humans at least sometimes. (I’d have to admit that even this essay is my attempt to do that.) But the more we can find validation in the Lord, the less demands we place on others for it. When we can do that, we tend to treat others with more tolerance. It’s easier to just appreciate people for who they are, when we don’t need anything from them. And it takes a lot of pressure off ourselves too. We tend to just feel more at ease. We end up respecting them and ourselves better. |
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I don't think everyone who fears rejection is desperate. Many just don't want to be hurt again so they put up walls to keep their hearts safe. After all, as Christians, we are to guard our hearts.
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2/22/2012 4:35 pm |
Does God fix this problem in those who surrender all to Him?
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Hi Overcaffy. I wasn't thinking about it at the time, but I didn't mean to imply that everyone who fears rejections is desperate. Sorry if it came across like that.
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Hi Cortes. I can't speak for God. I suppose He might if it's a problem, and someone asked Him to. And I'm not even saying the search for validation is necessarily a problem at all. For me, it's just something to keep in mind about human nature.
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PS to Overcaffy. As I go back over my post, I realize that I used the word desperate or desperation a lot, and maybe I should have used another term or emphasized that it's a matter of degree and varies from one individual to the next. PS to both Overcaffy and Cortes: I probably should have mentioned some positive aspects of this human characteristic. I only mentioned some negative examples. I realize now that my post might leave people with the impression that a drive for validation only leads to bad things. That's not always the case.
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Freeway, I think u get it exactly. TY
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2/22/2012 8:45 pm |
Hi Cortes. I can't speak for God. I suppose He might if it's a problem, and someone asked Him to. And I'm not even saying the search for validation is necessarily a problem at all. For me, it's just something to keep in mind about human nature. perhaps such a change is impossible for God to do to those few who actually do surrender all to Him...despite what Paul says... perhaps too, your blog only applies to those who are not surrendered to God at all but still wish to remain in sin... I suppose the points you make are perfectly true for asll but a few- for surely the goal of validation for all humans is a lofty one that indeed is fully accessable- where the goal of surrender is both impossible- and utterly self destructive. But then I thought that was the goal of all "christians"- denial of self and death to the flesh etc etc etc. I asked if God fixes the problem of "validation" if a person surrenders all to Him. The answer is "yes". Your answer comes from sin. Why have you not surrendered yet? Are you ever going to? When?
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Cortes TY for devoting so much time and effort to gross distortion and deliberate misunderstanding. I'm going to leave it up so people can see an example of the type of insecure bully types I was talking about. You've made me feel very validated. Truly God is using you to bring me great joy, peace, and reassurance that He is guiding me correctly. Now, I'm reassured that like Paul said, I've been made into a new creature. In the past, the old creature may have been taken in by your rhetoric. The old creature may have wondered if you had anything worth value to say. But since I fully surrendered to the Lord many years ago, God continues to bless me with wisdom to readily see the foolishness you so generously display. Thanks again, and please feel free to demonstrate more of your desperation and insecurity here in my blog. GBU, Gavin
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Hi Lily! TY for elaborating! With your background I'm sure you could expand on the topic much further. I have a BS in psych and spent many years reading related topics, but that was long ago and with your education I'm sure your more up to date on the field. For me, I took the concept of validation very personally, and it helped me see into myself. Before I fully surrendered to God, I dont' think I would have been able to look at myself with sufficient objectivity. I believe God is blessing mankind with wisdom and understanding that was not available to people in the past when the Bible was written. People in your generation with the knowlege and wisdom you possess, are going to do wonderful things for the Lord. GBU, Gavin
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2/23/2012 6:42 am |
Cortes TY for devoting so much time and effort to gross distortion and deliberate misunderstanding. I'm going to leave it up so people can see an example of the type of insecure bully types I was talking about. You've made me feel very validated. Truly God is using you to bring me great joy, peace, and reassurance that He is guiding me correctly. Now, I'm reassured that like Paul said, I've been made into a new creature. In the past, the old creature may have been taken in by your rhetoric. The old creature may have wondered if you had anything worth value to say. But since I fully surrendered to the Lord many years ago, God continues to bless me with wisdom to readily see the foolishness you so generously display. Thanks again, and please feel free to demonstrate more of your desperation and insecurity here in my blog. GBU, Gavin So is Jesus- according to you. God- despite being God- can not do as the Bible says He can and will do- according to you. As for me being a good example of what you were tlking about- I'm happy to oblige your fantasy of what God can and can not do. Jesus said you would do this mocking and hatred trick- sinners always do- you can not help yourself. Thank YOU for proving I am correct. you'd rather play your psychology games than surrender all to God. Happy trails there pilgrim. That is not a valley you are in- it's that ditch Jesus warned of. Tried to tell you you were a pretender- you didn't have to open your heart and prove it... Geeeeesh. 
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As I said- Paul- according to you- is utterly wrong. So is Jesus- according to you. God- despite being God- can not do as the Bible says He can and will do- according to you. As for me being a good example of what you were tlking about- I'm happy to oblige your fantasy of what God can and can not do. Jesus said you would do this mocking and hatred trick- sinners always do- you can not help yourself. Thank YOU for proving I am correct. you'd rather play your psychology games than surrender all to God. Happy trails there pilgrim. That is not a valley you are in- it's that ditch Jesus warned of. Tried to tell you you were a pretender- you didn't have to open your heart and prove it... Geeeeesh.
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2/23/2012 10:36 am |
No. Cortes points you to Jesus and says leave these holy rollers and their ungodly tripe to themselves. Cortes demonstrates why JESUS is your only teacher and points you- EVERY TIME right back to Jesus. Cortes repeats what God said- Jesus said and indeed the entire BIBLE says- "STOP SINNING". Then we have a person here who wants you to IGNORE THE SON OF GOD- and look at corets to JUDGE HIM instead of look inside yourselves and repent to God for your sins and SURRENDER ALL TO GOD this time. Truly gavin LS is correct though. Someone who stands with JESUS is utterly wrong and utterly beneath contempt to gavinLS- he even makes sure you readers know this. gavinLS is using his "psychology" to make it so you DO NOT NOTICE HOW cortes POINTS ONLY TO JESUS. Did any of you notice that? Cortes tells gavinLS to FOCUS ON JESUS- and gavinLS refuses- but gavinLS gladly focuses on cortes to do nothing but DISTRACT YOU- THE READERS--- AWAY from Jesus. Nice work sinner man. Jesus is so very proud of you!
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Wow, good point Skariff. I hadn't thought about that but I think u'r right. When they get like that, and start self-validating, they think they r martyrs.
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