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Handling my bondage Another day, I don't know what binds up the heart . You say for you its fear, its hard to be glad for others when your in pain! Again I agree. When my ex gave me a whole list of wrongs, it was only there to justify her leaving me. That hurt termendously.All along I think its me. I seek forgiveness. I blame myself. I ask God. I couldn't have gotten more humble. I was in sackcloth. I would have kissed the floor she walked on. In the end after she was gone,, All it was for her, was a way to make herself look clean so she could go out with her friends and do whatever.Now this is pretty general and not specific. It is not my will to make her look bad. I pray for Gods grace to be applied in her life. While going through all this I had to trust God . Many financial changes, seven to care for. These were homeschooled ,in church regular, worked on the farm at home. In one half a year divorce was granted by me. She had her own house. I had mine and 90% of the marital debt was paid off.The only reason it went quick and smooth was because we both agreed that the court would only hinder the process. I loved her through all this . I hurt at the same time. I could be angry ,but what profit would be in that? Yes I had many issues that I argued but only found that what ever I could control I controlled . What I couldn't control I paid for it. In the end God covered me through it all. Its not about what I want. I desire a peachy life style but the reality is that its not always going to be peachy.I will always be faced with making decisions every day. Today a car drove towards me in my lane ,the car never slowed down ,the car could have gone back to its on lane but chose to stay in my lane. At the last second I decided to go up on the sidewalk in order to try to avoid a head on crash.The car went right by me and continued to proceed in the wrong lane of traffic till it was out of my sight. The police were going past me a minute later. I 'm assuming the car must of ran into something further up the road. Again, I pray that God will spare the innocent lifes and the driver who was going up the wrong side . There apparently was something majorly wrong. I have to fight against my own flesh because it wants to get even. I can't let my flesh get in the way, but I have to discipline myself to find a Godly answer and then get on with my life. Again I don't know why I'm sharing this. I pray for Gods direction through it all! 
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3/12/2008 5:55 pm |
 Art....looks like you had a rough day....rough thoughts included!! Keep positive, focus your attention on other things, happier things....There's where you'll find God and be steered in the right direction!! I was going to suggest you read Terrie's blog....but it looks like you already have!! 
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Hi Art, I can so relate. What happened to the person that said I love you and you expected them to stand by you in good times and bad? It seemed like I was always there for him but he was never there for me. How do they turn into different people? I struggled for years. I even waited for 7 years while he changed his mind many times. When he finally moved in with his girlfiend I told God I felt it was my choice now and was done waiting. It is good to be able to talk about it, but don't let it consume you. I think our brains need to find a place to put all the things that don't make sense. I went to counseling but it really did not help. There are too many if, ands, and buts that can never be answered. It takes two and if both are not willing, how can it work? But what I have found is the more I have sought God the more I have been able to heal and be used by Him. The more I work on myself the happier I have become. If it helps I saw my ex about 4 months ago. I was going into the hardware store and he was walking out. All he talked about was how unhappy he was, he has been remarried for about 10 years now. I thought of saying a lot of things but choose not to, I walked away feeling sorry for him. He could be happy, but he made wrong choices. For you my friend....try to deal with these issues when they come up it is better than repressing them.... AND give them over to God. There will be many things you will not have control over or be able to do anything about so release them into the hands of God and let Him take care of them. Our job is to do what God has called us to the best we humanly can. My heart was broken into a millions pieces, I had to pick everyone of them up and ask God to help me put them back where they belonged. Some of them did not fit anymore but God made it right. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better in a flash. I really hate this saying but it is true, if nothing else....time has a way of healing. Sending prayers and hugs your way....  lila
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Art....looks like you had a rough day....rough thoughts included!! Keep positive, focus your attention on other things, happier things....There's where you'll find God and be steered in the right direction!! I was going to suggest you read Terrie's blog....but it looks like you already have!! 
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Hi Art, I can so relate. What happened to the person that said I love you and you expected them to stand by you in good times and bad? It seemed like I was always there for him but he was never there for me. How do they turn into different people? I struggled for years. I even waited for 7 years while he changed his mind many times. When he finally moved in with his girlfiend I told God I felt it was my choice now and was done waiting. It is good to be able to talk about it, but don't let it consume you. I think our brains need to find a place to put all the things that don't make sense. I went to counseling but it really did not help. There are too many if, ands, and buts that can never be answered. It takes two and if both are not willing, how can it work? But what I have found is the more I have sought God the more I have been able to heal and be used by Him. The more I work on myself the happier I have become. If it helps I saw my ex about 4 months ago. I was going into the hardware store and he was walking out. All he talked about was how unhappy he was, he has been remarried for about 10 years now. I thought of saying a lot of things but choose not to, I walked away feeling sorry for him. He could be happy, but he made wrong choices. For you my friend....try to deal with these issues when they come up it is better than repressing them.... AND give them over to God. There will be many things you will not have control over or be able to do anything about so release them into the hands of God and let Him take care of them. Our job is to do what God has called us to the best we humanly can. My heart was broken into a millions pieces, I had to pick everyone of them up and ask God to help me put them back where they belonged. Some of them did not fit anymore but God made it right. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better in a flash. I really hate this saying but it is true, if nothing else....time has a way of healing. Sending prayers and hugs your way.... lila 7 years???? Yes you waited till he made the move of wanting to leave. Theres not much more you could do as far as your commitment was concern. I believe you were so appropriate before God in your relationship!! I can remember praying when I was still married with my wife thanking God for just one more day together as a family!! It was just such a joy to get along like a family of God . We had many many days like that. It was those once in three month deals that was devastating. There would be councel , there would be forgiveness, there would be love.Then it got so it was more frequent then less frequent and the boom was lowered. But each day I had ,, I counted it as great joy from God. Now each day I have I still count them as great joy with God!! Its sounds like God has given you the wisdom you needed to go forward with your life. These words that I receive from you are so encouraging me to relax and give it to God.Thanks!!!! Yes Time has a way of healing!! Prayers and hugs your way also. Art
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