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Finding a Date in Church (for the ladies) In church is the absolute best place to find a romantic interest, but it is also the very hardest place to get one started. I recently wrote the following in response to another blog, and as I think about it, this is a very good subject to get out there for everyone. In this one I will handle for the women, how to get asked for a date in church. Later on will be one for the men how to make it easier for them to ask a woman in his church for a date. Getting a date with a man in your church entails two elements. 1, Getting his attention. 2, Providing an opportunity to be asked out. Contrary to everything everyone teaches you, physical appearance is no big deal to mature Christian men, but it can help. For starters, (as a mature Christian myself) I am interested in a woman who is sold out to the Lord at least as much as I am, and the observant person in church can easily see who is, and who is not sold out to the Lord. The single biggest pointer is participation, and here is what we men are watching for. Does she stand and sing with the others? Or does she just sit there? If she is singing, how much is she into it? Is she doing anything to show her reverence? Including, but not limited to singing out heartfeltly, raising her hands to the Lord, kneeling to pray, dancing either in place, in the aisle, or near the alter, waving flags, blowing shafers, or anything showing her spiritual joy. Does she go up for alter calls? Does she allow herself to be prayed over? or better yet does she pray over others? Is she involved with any activities or small groups? Especially the worship band, or choir, women's groups, prayer or prophetic groups? Does she attend Sunday school, or take advantage of the churches training activities? Does she serve the church in any way? Does she attend church on a regular basis? Does she place anything in the collection plate or basket? All these things and more are things I look for. After that is watching how she conducts herself. Does she socialize with anyone, or does she just sit alone and is the first one out the door when the minister says, "Amen?" Do other church members know her? Is she well respected? Does she gossip? or does she avoid gossip? Does she partake in communion? If she has , how does she handle them? Especially when they fidget or misbehave? It may surprise you to know you are being watched by what few available men there are a lot more then you know. It is very well known in the Christian community, that available women outnumber available men by at least four to one, and often a lot more then that. Adding to that, in a proper Christian environment men do all the picking, and while that may not seem fair, I didn't write the rules. It is our market and we know it. The men who are less mature will pick the prettiest, and/or most promiscuous woman they can. Those who are more mature (especially those from a failed relationship) will pick the most spiritual woman they can discern. Next, and actually more important is making available opportunities to be asked out. Much like your Jr. High School dances, hanging with girl friends most of the time will not get you asked. We men want to be discrete, and not have a bunch of people around when we ask you out. You're not likely to be asked out during worship, unless you are hanging out in the back, or in an area where worship is not going on right then. If you are sitting more then a couple seats away from the aisle, or if there is anyone between you and the aisle, forget being asked until you are positioned better. Make a lot of eye contact, but don't be seductive about it. Take breaks during worship from time to time and go outside, or where ever people may visit during service. An interested man will notice, and eventually follow you outside. Arrive for service at least a few minutes before it begins, and linger for a while after it's over. Before or after service is the most likely time an asking will take place, and again stay near an aisle, but with an empty seat toward the aisle if at all possible. While it is on the man to take the initiative, there is nothing disgraceful about you women making it easier for us men to do so. Remember, we are socially challenged anyway, and pretty dumb about reading body language. If we have reason to believe you are interested, or at least looking, it makes a world of difference. Finally there is one method that works even better then all these other tips combined. A third party introduction. Especially if that introduction is made by a leader or at least someone respected in the church. It is proper Christian etiquette for either the man or woman to ask someone who knows both for an introduction. If done properly and in good taste, a third party introduction almost guarantees a date, or exchange of and/or E-mail addresses will follow. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word. |
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I rarely see available men in church under the age of 65.
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8/14/2009 6:55 pm |
Guess what..... ???? Women are looking for the same thing in a guy.
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8/15/2009 2:44 pm |
Guess what..... ???? Women are looking for the same thing in a guy. Byron Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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1/30/2010 11:17 pm |
Well thank you for your very kind words Dave. At times I do feel alone, but also I bring some of the jousting matches on myself. That's the first of the three core to the heart needs every man has per 'Wild At Heart' by John Eldridge. A battle to fight. And there are times that I totally pick a fight. It's good to know that I'm inspiring someone, and that somebody is being taught too. Hopefully not my bad habits though. Blessings Byron Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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Well thank you for your very kind words Dave. At times I do feel alone, but also I bring some of the jousting matches on myself. That's the first of the three core to the heart needs every man has per 'Wild At Heart' by John Eldridge. A battle to fight. And there are times that I totally pick a fight. It's good to know that I'm inspiring someone, and that somebody is being taught too. Hopefully not my bad habits though. Blessings Byron graceful1963
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10/9/2010 7:28 am |
Hi! Byron,im very new in this site but i want to thank you for some tips you mention about finding a date in the church.Sad to say most of the men in our church are married already.A friend of mine meet his Godly husband from BC 2 yrs.ago thats why she refers this to me.I pray that someday i will come across the Godly guy that God has prepared for me.Keep up the good work..Have a great day.Your such a blessing. graceful1963 Thank you for your reply to my blog. I had placed this particular post, and the one like it for men as stickys, meaning they always stay at the top no matter what else I post, for people like you. I have known several couples that have met here on Big Church. Some of them dated a while and broke up, some married, and some married and divorced. One couple married and divorced a couple times, and have now married again, this time for good, from what I've seen. I have met my fiancee here as well, and in fact she will be moving halfway accross the USA very soon for the sake of our courtship. She only ever blogged once, but that was all it took for me to find her. We have two weddings planned. One in my church, and one in her father's church, where he is a pastor. I am aware that there are many more godly women in almost any given church then there are godly men. But our God is a big wonderful God, and He knows your needs and your prayers before you even utter them. Do be careful here on this site though, because there are snakes in the grass who will oppress you if they can. Don't be afraid to check out anyone you find interesting as throughly as possible, especially making a point to speak with their pastor. (no matter what they say about themselves) Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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10/23/2010 12:59 pm |
I do not attend apostate Churches worshiping Baal on Sun-Day. My ministry is out the "organized churches" like Jesus was... He even did not attend a "biblical school", He was not even a "school graduate" John 7: 15And the Jews marvelled, saying, How knoweth this man letters, having never learned? (KJV) Not that I am against education, I got a masters degree. Men had shut my mouth since 1987 so since 2000 I am opening it on the Internet. A lot of work to do to serve the Lord but at least, I am not confined in JUST singing BECAUSE ANYWAY, I DO NOT FEEL LIKE SIGNING, I FEEL LIKE PROPHESYING ACCORDING TO 1 COR. 14:3.. Because after all, if the women can not talk like some PHALLOCRATIC men are preaching, then they can not sing either because signing is making some sound with your mouth. I am not a SDA even if I know that the day of rest should be SATURDAY, which is the Seventh day. FGF, M.Ps. Researcher, Webmaster, Pastor-Assistant
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10/23/2010 6:01 pm |
For a lot of years I wouldn't attend any kind of organized church either. For many of the same resons you listed, as well as a few of my own. Up until about 5 years ago when I realized that I'm not gonna find a church that totally suits me until the after life. By avoiding attending church, I was also avoiding fellowshiping with other believers, which God encourages us to do. Yes, there is a lot going on in churches that is less then godly, but then, most of what is going on everywhere is less then godly. It comes down to selecting the lesser of the evils, which is not the way it should be, but that's the way that it is. Avoiding church and/or the Christian community because of the bad stuff makes us just like the Pharisee's, of which the name Pharisee means 'separated one.' Which in essance is just as bad as the religious community which you described. I'm sorry to have heard from you about how men have shut your mouth for so many years. This is NOT the way that God our father in heaven meant it to be. In fact, Jesus himself is the all time greatest liberator of women from the oppression of chauvinistic men. Such are men who take sections like 1st Corth. 14:34-36 to mean that women are forbidden from teaching or even speaking in church, which sounds like the oppression you have received. No, no. The 1Corth. 14:34; and after is specificlly addressing the wives of the prophets who were trying to take over the church by using their husbands as a status symbol. You are certainly free to speak in church. You may teach, pray, prophsey, or whatever else the spirit leads you to. Because there is no such restrictions anywhere in the Bible when you read it for what it says, understand what it means, and translate it properly. I know there are a lot of passages addressing women's conduct, and are played out in such a manner to make women appear less then significant, but that's part of the lie. Such as women to not teach men, women to not be spiritual leaders, and women to be in submission to men are all deliberate mis-interpretions propagated by chauvinistic men. These do NOT address women in general, but specificly married women, or single women still living with their father. Widows, divorcees, and single women living on their own are exempt because there is no man for them to be led by. Without a man in a position to lead you, you must lead yourself, but if you have a husband, or father, or older male reletive to lead you, then and only then this becomes the case. Knocking off women from ministry effectivly gets rid of one half of the people who can do God's work for him, which then cuts in half, the number of people that Satan has to deal with. This is the real truth of the matter, and it is people like your friend Andrew who is propagating such a message to continue the long held oppression of women. My church has 7 pastors, and until just recently, 2 of them were women. We also have 8 deacons, of which 3 of them are women. Yes, women can, do, and should serve. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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10/23/2010 11:04 pm |
For a lot of years I wouldn't attend any kind of organized church either. For many of the same resons you listed, as well as a few of my own. Up until about 5 years ago when I realized that I'm not gonna find a church that totally suits me until the after life. By avoiding attending church, I was also avoiding fellowshiping with other believers, which God encourages us to do. Yes, there is a lot going on in churches that is less then godly, but then, most of what is going on everywhere is less then godly. It comes down to selecting the lesser of the evils, which is not the way it should be, but that's the way that it is. Avoiding church and/or the Christian community because of the bad stuff makes us just like the Pharisee's, of which the name Pharisee means 'separated one.' Which in essance is just as bad as the religious community which you described. I'm sorry to have heard from you about how men have shut your mouth for so many years. This is NOT the way that God our father in heaven meant it to be. In fact, Jesus himself is the all time greatest liberator of women from the oppression of chauvinistic men. Such are men who take sections like 1st Corth. 14:34-36 to mean that women are forbidden from teaching or even speaking in church, which sounds like the oppression you have received. No, no. The 1Corth. 14:34; and after is specificlly addressing the wives of the prophets who were trying to take over the church by using their husbands as a status symbol. You are certainly free to speak in church. You may teach, pray, prophsey, or whatever else the spirit leads you to. Because there is no such restrictions anywhere in the Bible when you read it for what it says, understand what it means, and translate it properly. I know there are a lot of passages addressing women's conduct, and are played out in such a manner to make women appear less then significant, but that's part of the lie. Such as women to not teach men, women to not be spiritual leaders, and women to be in submission to men are all deliberate mis-interpretions propagated by chauvinistic men. These do NOT address women in general, but specificly married women, or single women still living with their father. Widows, divorcees, and single women living on their own are exempt because there is no man for them to be led by. Without a man in a position to lead you, you must lead yourself, but if you have a husband, or father, or older male reletive to lead you, then and only then this becomes the case. Knocking off women from ministry effectivly gets rid of one half of the people who can do God's work for him, which then cuts in half, the number of people that Satan has to deal with. This is the real truth of the matter, and it is people like your friend Andrew who is propagating such a message to continue the long held oppression of women. My church has 7 pastors, and until just recently, 2 of them were women. We also have 8 deacons, of which 3 of them are women. Yes, women can, do, and should serve. Don't let anyone tell you differently. If you would ever start a church, please let me know... In the meantime, I am concentrated on writing. Then I might be invited by some pastors after those books are published and if not, I don't care. I got tired of the one man show, period and the MANIPULATION/CONTROL BY THOSE MEN. Not that I wanted to give a show like some of them but I wanted to bless the church. Without mentioning that I did some good critic of the recommended books by pastors, which were most of the time bad recommendations. Please do not misunderstand me here, my late husband was a Reverend, Pastor and was a D.D. but he also was not THE WAY MOST MEN ARE. MOST MEN KNOW EVERYTHING AND THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. I am not saying all but MOST AND THIS IS BASED ON 44 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE OF LIFE, which means that I surely am not very far from the truth. Please send me an email and I will give you my ministry email address. But that is history unless somebody like you starts a church. p.s. the last man I was in contact with for marriage was using me as a godly cover while literally hunting for sex on the internet, using my computer and my car. I discovered that because he did not erase the history so I could see what he was up to when he was not playing the game of the good guy. Yep. This occurred between February and June 2009 and I was in US yet, precisely in GA and he was a M.A., M.D. and was attending a Baptist Church and was about to become a Pastor. Yes, Sir... FGF, M.Ps. Researcher, Webmaster, Pastor-Assistant
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10/23/2010 11:18 pm |
For a lot of years I wouldn't attend any kind of organized church either. For many of the same resons you listed, as well as a few of my own. Up until about 5 years ago when I realized that I'm not gonna find a church that totally suits me until the after life. By avoiding attending church, I was also avoiding fellowshiping with other believers, which God encourages us to do. Yes, there is a lot going on in churches that is less then godly, but then, most of what is going on everywhere is less then godly. It comes down to selecting the lesser of the evils, which is not the way it should be, but that's the way that it is. Avoiding church and/or the Christian community because of the bad stuff makes us just like the Pharisee's, of which the name Pharisee means 'separated one.' Which in essance is just as bad as the religious community which you described. I'm sorry to have heard from you about how men have shut your mouth for so many years. This is NOT the way that God our father in heaven meant it to be. In fact, Jesus himself is the all time greatest liberator of women from the oppression of chauvinistic men. Such are men who take sections like 1st Corth. 14:34-36 to mean that women are forbidden from teaching or even speaking in church, which sounds like the oppression you have received. No, no. The 1Corth. 14:34; and after is specificlly addressing the wives of the prophets who were trying to take over the church by using their husbands as a status symbol. You are certainly free to speak in church. You may teach, pray, prophsey, or whatever else the spirit leads you to. Because there is no such restrictions anywhere in the Bible when you read it for what it says, understand what it means, and translate it properly. I know there are a lot of passages addressing women's conduct, and are played out in such a manner to make women appear less then significant, but that's part of the lie. Such as women to not teach men, women to not be spiritual leaders, and women to be in submission to men are all deliberate mis-interpretions propagated by chauvinistic men. These do NOT address women in general, but specificly married women, or single women still living with their father. Widows, divorcees, and single women living on their own are exempt because there is no man for them to be led by. Without a man in a position to lead you, you must lead yourself, but if you have a husband, or father, or older male reletive to lead you, then and only then this becomes the case. Knocking off women from ministry effectivly gets rid of one half of the people who can do God's work for him, which then cuts in half, the number of people that Satan has to deal with. This is the real truth of the matter, and it is people like your friend Andrew who is propagating such a message to continue the long held oppression of women. My church has 7 pastors, and until just recently, 2 of them were women. We also have 8 deacons, of which 3 of them are women. Yes, women can, do, and should serve. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Coming from my statement of faith... In the church, the spiritual authority is SHARED among elders; not JUST one man; The word pastor appear just ONCE in God’s Word - Eph. 4:11...is NOT a title to wear...it is only and just a fonction, a role...The pastor’s function have NO preeminence over the prophets, (description of the prophet according to 1 Cor. 14:3) for example...in other words, the pastors in evangelical churches are NOT doing God’s will actually...because it is NOT God’s will to be a "ONE MAN SHOW"; this is the Roman Catholic church model transferred in the evangelical middle: One priest and the folks -vs- one pastor and the folks. I challenge you (not you, Hisglory77, this is a public declaration...) to show me in God’s word a Servant of the Lord Jesus MUST go to these biblical schools where the false doctrines are taught in order to get a paper and the title: pastor...and teach themselves false doctrines as pastors. In fact, the Lord Jesus Christ did not have a paper. (will prove this later as I am dizzy right now since I pushed the envelope too much because I have lots of things to do outside BC...I mean lots of work to do to serve YHWH) This is exactly what is happening in the evangelical churches in Canada and U.S. Why do you think the evangelicals are completely mixed-up concerning the doctrines? I am giving you few examples. There is plenty of examples. I mean...there is evangelical folks who are believing the Hyper-Calvinism, a false doctrine...the others are promoting a false doctrine telling to the folks you MUST SPEAK IN TONGUES IF YOU ARE BORN AGAIN. (it means that if you do not speak in tongues, you aren’t a child of God...What a lie !!!) Is the Holy Spirit mixed-up about the doctrine? Not at all. It is the pastors who are mixed-up...and the evangelical folks. The main reason is MOST PASTORS HAVE AN AGENDA. Is these biblical schools, this paper and this title is the will of God? Please show me in God’s word because I am only believing and prophesying (1 Cor. 14:3) what it is written. FGF, M.Ps. Researcher, Webmaster, Pastor-Assistant
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10/24/2010 12:12 am |
Thank you for your reply and kind remarks. It is not likely that I will ever start or run a church. My primary gifting is not as a pastor, but as a teacher, with a few prophetic personality traits. Secondarily, I am an intercessor which is where a little more of the prophetic comes in. But certainly nothing like the self-proclaimed prophets here on Big Church, nor like the Elijah List type prophets. For me, it is more like a word on how to handle a particular person, or situation, and I have yet to experience anything that could be called Earth shaking, nor would I really want anything like that. I have done a number of studies on a wide range of different topics, most of which revolve around taking the Bible literally as much as possible, how to read exactly what is written without entering our own private ideas and agendas, and the exceptions to where the Bible should be taken literally, such as usage of figures of speech, usage of parables, writings, and/or prophsies to make a point that is not neccessarily literal and applying cultural understanding of Bible times and people that differs from our western thinking of today. I've even made some feeble attempts at writing some of the stuff I got, but there is no market for real principles, or real truth. Most people today would rather be told a lie that agrees with their pre-conceived thinking, then any truth which might take them out of their comfort zone, and/or provide any conviction. So for the most part I no longer try. The exception being in areas relating to divorce which the Christian community has totally screwed up on. Unlike anything else that can happen to cause someone to become a victim, such as thieft, robbery, violence, , and malicious gossip, divorce places the victim under the same condemnation as the perpetrator as far as much of the church is concerned. The Christian community is largely unsympothetic to someone who is divorced. Even if he or she has done absolutely nothing wrong, and has done every possible thing to save their marriage, the decission is taken from them, and they are often told by spiritual leadership that they sinned, or didn't have enough faith, or wasn't willing to work at their marriage, because it's God's will for no marriage to fail. If only they had their faith together, submitted, or prayed fervantly enough, the estranged spouse would surely return, so therefore the victim is wrong. That, and the absence of any meaningful preperation for a Christian couple's married life has led to unrealistic expectations of what they think marriage is, or should be. These are areas where my fiancee and I believe that we have a calling in, and we do not kid ourselves that any of this will be easy. Byron Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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10/24/2010 1:22 pm |
Dear Hisglory77, Thank you Byron for your reply and your nice remarks as well. I am self-publishing my books. I have good links outside BC concerning divorcees. Because I went through that "shit" as well for my first marriage. I am a widow of my second one. Now if satan wants to jump on me because I say that, I am used to it. I am glad you have a fiancee. p.s. Life is tough but there is nothing else worth it outside Christ and that is why I will follow Him even if it would even cost my very life, which I am already prepared. Like Martin Luther, I have my moments of depression. Yes, he was drinking but he was not a drunkard like he was depicted by enemies of Christ. I am too poor to buy wine so I don't drink. FGF, M.Ps. Researcher, Webmaster, Pastor-Assistant
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10/24/2010 11:21 pm |
I was not aware that Martin Luther had any issues with drinking. Not that it matters to me because I'm not without sin myself. In fact only recently did I learn that he married late in life, and to a red headed nun who was much younger then he at that. And then, he didn't love her in the beginning, having married her only because no other man would. Yet during the course of their marriage they did fall deeply in love with each other. I did not see your post with your statement of faith until I began this reply. I would certainly not deny the truth in your challenge, for indeed Theological Cemetarys (as I call them) don't teach how to be a man or woman of God. I'm not even aware of any that will teach how to obtain salvation. At best, they teach how to privately interpret the Bible according to the denomenation that sponsers them. However, that is the way it is done, (at least for the Protestants) so complaining about it, or issuing challenges won't change how they operate. It's only gonna make you more frustrated. Especially when 1 or 2 of the mainline denomenations will now ordain homosexuals, yet they still won't ordain women. Go figure. Strangely enough, Charasmatics do ordain women, but you seem to be at odds with the conceipt of speaking in tongues so they would not be a desireable option for you. I have heard of those you mentioned, who believe you must speak in tongues to be saved, however I have never met any, even though I'm a non-denomenational Charasmatic myself. Nor is it in my fiancee's background, which is Assemblies of God, and Foursquare Gospel. My understanding of the matter is more along the lines that you can not speak in tongues unless you are saved, but you can certainly be saved, and never speak in tongues. It is a spiritual gift which is available upon salvation, but most generally, folks who receive it, do so at a later time. Wheither or not you receive the gift of holy spirit, which includes speaking in tongues, does not affect your salvation, nor does it make a difference in your future eternal life. A believer is not more of a Christian with it, nor less of a Christian without it. It is not a requirement, but a gift. Which you can accept, or decline. Personally, I can't imagine my life without my Charasmatic giftings, and that is my choice. Your choice is your choice, and should be respected as such. I do know that many Charasmatics tend to be down on Protestants, and even moreso Catholics, because of their religious works, and being pious, but then they are often the same ones who shake like something's got them, or fall down in what they call being slain in the spirit. I don't find any clear instenses in the Bible of anyone ever being slain in the spirit, nor do I go along with any of that kind of stuff myself. If anything,I see it as a show of religiousness on their part. It is simply the Charasmatic equalivent of the Catholic's sacraments, and the Protestants judgmental pieity. People are people. Church background doesn't change any of that, and often times actually adds to a person's level of hipocrosey. No one church is really any more spiritual then the one down the street. They just think they are because Satan has tricked them into thinking that they are. He wants to sow division in the body of Christ because a unified body of Christ is much more difficult for him to attack. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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