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When Do You Say Goodbye? Ok, this is a tough one that I resolved to tackle in 2006: When do you say goodbye to yesterday and move on with tomorrow? I watched a message by Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas tonight. He talked about God giving me "beauty for ashes." The ashes represent all the bad, negative things in my life from 2005 - divorce, ruined credit, debts, cranky ex-spose, unstable contract work, etc... (by the way, contract engineering is not really predictable. It runs in cycles.) What Joel said made a LOT of sense to me. I believe God spoke directly to me the entire message. As you know, I am divorced and have 2 wonderful readheaded boys (can you say temper temper?? lol...) Joel's sermon made me think: What are the ashes in my life? I listed them all, but one came right to mind - I still have my wedding ring. This is a reminder of the promise I made to God. It still makes me cry to this day. I might seem tough and leathery to some, but I am a teddy bear on the inside when it comes to love. To me, hocking my wedding ring symbolizes MY failure in the marriage, not the marriage that failed. I hope I am making sense. Each day I look at it, I am reminded of all my failures, my faults and my imperfections. Yet, God is asking me in 2006 to think about things that are good, honest, clean and of good report. That involves getting rid of the ring and the memories it symbolizes. My wedding ring symbolizes a promise to God, and my ex-spouse. I do not love her, however, and the mere sight of the ring brings back a flood of bad memories. SO...When do you say goodbye to yesterday and when do you hock your wedding ring? If ever? There is no chance of reconciliation (although God can do anything, it takes 2.) I am really tired of hurting inside from the memories of the ring. It represents the ashes of 2005. Should I pawn it and get on with life? I KNOW God has someone AMAZING for me in 2006! I KNOW IT! But when that special someone breaks onto the scene of my heart, I want NO distratctions. Because she will be worth the wait, and I am sure that when I realize she is indeed a heart of gold, I will most likely cry. Anyone have advice? Thoughts? Ladies, here is your chance to help a guy through a difficult day. I have cried more today than the last few years! And I don't know why the sudden emotions all of a sudden surfaced, but maybe I need to jsut cry too. I have not done that in years. I stuffed it all inside. Maybe it's time to let it out.. I don't know. When do you say goodbye. (There is a song on the radio too titled, "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye" byt Boyz II Men.) THAT REALLY HELPS!! NOT!!! |
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1/1/2006 10:24 pm |
good question, actually it's been 3 year and I still have mine in a little white box tucked away cause I have no idea whether I should save it for one of my children for when they grow up, or what the heck to do with it yes, it symbolized an oath and a pure heart yet now DOES leave such unpleasant thoughts whenever I see the box even When to say goodbye is a different trail on this subject put yesterday behind you learn from your experiences but remember the past is IN THE PAST... the ring? hock it? seems weird what to DO with it I have no clue... If you come up with any suggestions, would you mind SHARING THEM? *smile*
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I heard this saying from Dr. Phil - step out of your history and write a new story. I'd get rid of the ring. You know where your marriage went wrong...the ring is just there to remind you of your past failures. You cannot change the past... but you can look forward into the future learning from the past and thereby changing your tomorrow. Yep, I'd hock the ring and buy me a good steak dinner...lol. Would your new wife want to share you with your broken commitment to your ex-wife? Nope, not me.
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1/2/2006 10:06 am |
by Emily dickinson. After great pain, a formal feeling comes The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Toombs The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore, And Yesterday, or Centuries before? The Feet, mechanical, go round Of Ground, or Air, or Ought A Wooden way Regardless grown, A Quartz contentment, like a stone This is the Hour of Lead Remembered, if outlived, As Freezing persons recollect the Snow First-Chill-then Stupor-then the letting go First chill that most horrid feeling knowing it's over then stupor that numb feeling after the emotional storms have been spent when our bodies shut down the emotional responses for survival.. then the blessed letting go the release whatever the reason, she made her choice finding somewhere for your ring to go will probably for you be HIGHLY symbolic...and an emotional release one option: you pay taxes get your receipt donate the ring to the Salvation Army or something get a receipt for the donation take a picture of the ring and take the full price of it off your taxes (keep the pic and receipts for your tax preparer) whatever you DO deceide to do with it pray and decide what is BEST then do it we none of us heal overnight, my brother... experience your "blessed letting go"
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1/3/2006 6:43 pm |
Ok, I decided to hock the ring. As one of my friends put it - I can use a good steak dinner! LOL... There are so many other things I should be focusing on. I would appreciate your prayers as I do. I believe, as another friend put it, that I will find my "release" from the past when the symbol of failure is gone. I will always remember that my failures in the past do not determine my potential for the future. I will trade in my ashes of yesterday - the ruined marriage, the financial difficulties, my shortcomings - and gain the beauty God promised when He said I would receive, "Beauty for ashes..joy for morning..." Thank you for all your prayers.
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