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Blogs > noranora1223 > My Blog


noranora1223 64F
Ask me for a photo
11 posts
1/15/2015 3:37 pm
having trouble saying no


i am having trouble saying no to a abusive friend. i just want him to go away and leave me alone.
i have pray many time times........
want to start a new life this new year. not sure how to tell him no and go away and leave me alone.
have not seen him in a year but he calls all the the time on the phone

Sojourner06 60M
1768 posts
1/17/2015 2:13 am
    Quoting noranora1223:
    thank you for your comments.............
    blueair i do mean it and want to break free but i am a nice person and he lays a guilt trip on me all the time.
    i have quit taking some of his calls but he will call 10 or 15 times or more until i answer the phone
    i guess not strong enough person
There are only two ways you can feel guilt:

1: You have done something wrong to him and this post is not telling the true story of what happens. That means you are the offender.

2: You are - as you describe it - a "nice" person who are under the influence of what society tells is the "polite" and "right" way of behaviour. - Never mention the elephant in the room; girls are always to be nice and kind; girls climbing trees, playing football and getting their dress dirty are Tomcats; you have to marry a man of the same high society class as you come from - and so on.

Saying "no" and meaning and doing it has nothing to do with the way we are raised and taught always to behave "nice". That "nice" is only a facade we are taught for fitting in.

Saying "no" but still allowing him to make contact is a sure way to ruin your life and make a mess out of it. Friendship is not a matter of behaving "nice" but of being honest - mostly to yourself.
That's the first and most important obligation in a friendship. And a close relationship.

If his behaviour makes it necessary for you to say "no" and break/avoid the relationship, then it's his problem. Not your's.

Blessings


Mogens
I Can Explain It To You, But I Can’t Understand It For You

Good News For Christian Man ABP
"REVELATION"


Sojourner06 60M
1768 posts
1/18/2015 2:53 am
    Quoting noranora1223:
    Sojourner06

    [no i did nothing wrong to him but be a very good friend. i am disable and do not drive a car so i paid him $20.00 for gas to drive me 1 mile to the store.
    when i had back operation i paid him $100.00 to care for my pets and check on things.
    he knew i did not allow smoking in my home but he did it anyway and he took to many of his pain meds and almost burn my house down.
    who was wrong? i was............because i was stupid and fat. also he says look at all i done for you.....this was the way friendship was he done wrong then i get the blame for it.........then he lay a guilt trip by saying look at all i done for you.........

    thanks racefan for understanding and thanks for your prayers
When I wrote my first comment, I said there was only two ways you can feel guilt. So I had to mention them both.

After reading above from your hand, I wonder why you still have the need for being nice and respond to his calls.
With a friend like him you don't need to look for enemies.
LOOK at all he has done for you. You don't need anyone like that in your life.
He is no good for you. Better to find some real friends who deserves your attention and friendship.

And you serve as an opportunity for his abuse. And it will continue that way until you show him the door.

Blessings


Mogens
I Can Explain It To You, But I Can’t Understand It For You

Good News For Christian Man ABP
"REVELATION"




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