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RichardPyle 79M
667 posts
2/23/2012 8:48 am
Why Is It Hard To Change?

Most us know better. That is, we have learned our behaviors don't work and are destructive to a relationship, but with good intentions to change we do not. WE are stuck. We become anxious about any future relationships because we know that sooner or later we will be at fault for dooming another relationship, so why bother. The pain of being alone, or the pain of being in a failing relationship is our choice. At first in a relationship we present a nice image. But, we know that is not who we really are and the false person will inevitably surface and stress the relationship.

What is going on here? It is simple. We want the world around us to think we are someone we are not. So we present an image carefully crafted over a long time. The devil helps us a lot. This is called our ego or the image we want people to see in us. I believe it starts when we are young.

WE can redraw the image. The devil will never go away in this life, nor will Jesus every go away either. We can, however, stop showing too much a negative image and also, surprisingly, too positive an image. WE use false images for protection. In truth a false image makes us more vulnerable to being hurt and hurting others because it is not the truth.

What then is the true image we need to show? The truth of life is resistance, respect, and responsibility. Jesus won for us the right to renew our image based on truth, not on falsehood. Day by day, little by little, we can learn by experience to resist the devil's pushing our image buttons, and then receive the true help of the Holy Spirit to be more respectful and responsible.

However we live each day, there will be people who like the real us and people who don't. Its the same for a false image as well. Some people will like it and some people will not. This is because the world is divided between the devil and Jesus. WE can not get everyone to like us in a divided world.

I believe that each true and real person at their core is a beautiful creation. If only we can unwrap and uncover the many layers of ego or false image we have built up, this beautiful person will slowly and surely emerge. My counsel is to not try to undo years of falsehood in a day, but try to make progress daily. We should also be advised that our relationships may change as we will become more and more who we really are, and less the person we have made people think we are.

Wall decor at a recent asian party in south Texas that I attended.



gavinLS 69M
410 posts
2/23/2012 11:59 am

Hi Richard.

I'm not sure why change is so hard. But I know that most times a person has to face a crisis for them to really go through serious change.


RichardPyle 79M
701 posts
2/23/2012 3:33 pm

    Quoting gavinLS:
    Hi Richard.

    I'm not sure why change is so hard. But I know that most times a person has to face a crisis for them to really go through serious change.
You sure got that right, in my opinion. I have changed crisis by crisis, ha ha. I never would have learned about men/women relationships without marriage failures. I would have never learned to work hard without being fired and almost fired. I never would have learned about the Lord without service in Vietnam followed by a seminary degree. Feeling life long difficulty with people relationships in general, I went to graduate school for a degree in interpersonal relationships.

All these personal experiences that were stressful like a crisis motivated me to change from what I wanted to believe about myself and but was not working. The next question after admitting and recognizing the problem was how to change. Fortunately the information was available if I wanted to apply it. I really believe that if we are not changing for the better we are by default changing for the worse. For me the changes were steady, but still it took a long time. I am happy now with where I am. Still, I would like to contribute more to the well being of others.


RichardPyle 79M
701 posts
2/23/2012 3:39 pm

    Quoting  :

Most of my learning has been by experience. I wish I could remember how the saying goes about what makes an exact man. It is something like reading makes a person informed, speaking makes a person knowledgeable, but writing makes an exact person. Writing helps to clarify most any question. The Holy Spirit is such a great help when trying to understand. Blessings always.