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Plan A Marriage Not A Wedding I saw this sign at the Catholic Office Window here in the Philippines yesterday. So, being the consulate writer I asked myself what does it mean to plan a marriage. The three words came to mind. Chemistry, gifts, communication were the best explanation of exploring the potential of a relationship for marriage. The first part of my life I got married and hoped to work it out. The more recent and somber part of my life I hope to discover if a workable relationship exists before the marriage cement is troweled into place. Chemistry is simply attraction. It is more than mild interest and a little less than craziness. It is necessary. Funny I would mention that first. Gifts are the life view and strength that each of us has. If we can make our gifts work together for the strength of the relationship then these gifts will not tear us apart. Communication means just that. Same values are a basis of this communication. The conversation has to be a dialogue, not a monologue or a Decalogue. Each of us has our list of instructions on how to enter a relationship with us that explain where we are in our view of life. I believe that God was saying to the Israelite that to communicate with Him in any meaningful way, these behaviors were His way of looking at life and how people could enter a relationship with Him. We need to do the same in planning a marriage. For a relationship to become a covenant, there must be an exploration of these three items, and perhaps others as well. I agree that relationships need to be planned to become a marriage. |
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12/18/2010 11:15 pm |
As a recent newlywed I would very much agree with much of what you said here. ChuckyLynn (my wife's handle here on Big Church) and I began to have serious communications early in our relationship. We both put everything on the table and agreed that hiding anything from the other out of fear of rejection or a possible break up would be the worst possible thing to do. In fact we spent several days in a row, early on, trying to think up deal breaking issues, with the thought that it would be better to walk away from each other early then later. As it turned out, neither of us had anything that the other found to be unacceptable. The other thing that not nearly enough emphsis can be placed on is good pre-marital counselling, and discussions with each other. We began this as soon as we realized we had a serious potentual for marriage, while yet in the dating (girlfriend and boyfriend) stage. We worked through all the issues ourselves that would usually not come up until well into an engagement, so that by the time we did meet with our mentor couple, we had done almost everything they would suggest to courting couples. All the sessions went smooth and easy, and they were very impressed with the amount of work we were already putting into our relationship. Finally, the single biggest destroyer of marriages (from our viewpoint) is unrealistic expectations of what a marriage will be like. Contrary to what is popular to believe and hope for, is there is no such thing as perfection in a marriage. None of this waiting on God to give us the spouse he has for us, and expecting a perfect soul-mate without having to work at it. Instead of trying to find the right mate, we need to try to become the right mate. We can't change the other, but we can change ourselves, and that is what we need to work on. We did plan our wedding, but we didn't allow it to preoccupy us above the marriage that will follow. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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Good post Richard..Excellent post. That can also be illustrated in our relationship with the Lord
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Yes, weddings go smoothly, but not marriages. So the point of my post is to focus as much or more on the marriage to follow the wedding.
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As a recent newlywed I would very much agree with much of what you said here. ChuckyLynn (my wife's handle here on Big Church) and I began to have serious communications early in our relationship. We both put everything on the table and agreed that hiding anything from the other out of fear of rejection or a possible break up would be the worst possible thing to do. In fact we spent several days in a row, early on, trying to think up deal breaking issues, with the thought that it would be better to walk away from each other early then later. As it turned out, neither of us had anything that the other found to be unacceptable. The other thing that not nearly enough emphsis can be placed on is good pre-marital counselling, and discussions with each other. We began this as soon as we realized we had a serious potentual for marriage, while yet in the dating (girlfriend and boyfriend) stage. We worked through all the issues ourselves that would usually not come up until well into an engagement, so that by the time we did meet with our mentor couple, we had done almost everything they would suggest to courting couples. All the sessions went smooth and easy, and they were very impressed with the amount of work we were already putting into our relationship. Finally, the single biggest destroyer of marriages (from our viewpoint) is unrealistic expectations of what a marriage will be like. Contrary to what is popular to believe and hope for, is there is no such thing as perfection in a marriage. None of this waiting on God to give us the spouse he has for us, and expecting a perfect soul-mate without having to work at it. Instead of trying to find the right mate, we need to try to become the right mate. We can't change the other, but we can change ourselves, and that is what we need to work on. We did plan our wedding, but we didn't allow it to preoccupy us above the marriage that will follow.
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Good post Richard..Excellent post. That can also be illustrated in our relationship with the Lord
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