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Dundeal
(William Watson)
67M
20503 posts
11/18/2005 9:59 pm

Last Read:
12/9/2007 4:48 pm

Something For The Men To Ponder


When trying to start a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, you should try to start establishing the oneness that God intended between a man and a woman. However that's only possible when you allow her personality and convictions to influence your marriage or relationship as much as yours do. Learning and treasuring your wife's or girlfriends thoughts and feelings makes you a stronger person not a weaker one. This in turn will lead to a stronger relationship with your loved one. I believe it to be true but haven't had to much luck in the relationship or marriage department. I hope and pray that you have a lot better luck then I did, hahahaha.

Anyway point number one, don't trample on her feelings. Your relationship is not going to last to long if you fail to ignore her feelings. You need to listen and do what you can to make her happy just as you hope that she would do the same for you. Your wife's feelings, thoughts, opinions, and dreams are just as important as your own. Ask God to help you see her as the treasure He has made her to be.

Number two, submission, what is it? Do you really understand the meaning. It doesn't mean that you play macho man, God said I am the leader, you listen to me and do as I say or else God will not be happy with you. What it means is that you as the male should submit to God and what He says in the Word of God and that you should love your mate so much that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. If you can accomplish this then hopefully your mate will see how much you God and her and hopefully your actions will motivate her to submit to God as well. Be willing to be the kind of servant leader who is strong enough to give in at impasses for the sake of honoring God and pursuing oneness.

Next point what are we up to now oh number three, allow your wife to use her talents and gifts as God gave them to her for a reason. You as the man should get to know your mate's natural talents and spiritual gifts. You need to be sincere and really listen to her. Open up to her and give her the time and support she needs to be able to utilize those gifts as God intended for her to do. If you have to carry a bigger load around the house then do so without grumbling or complaining. Encourage your mate to help others in ministry. Be willing to work with her as you develop common goals for your relationship.

Next point, number four, work on your character, pray without ceasing to God to help you be more Christlike. The bible says you have not because you ask not. Ask God to strengthen you, ask God to develop the fruits of the spirit inside you. Traits like kindness, patience, gentleness, and faithfulness will not only make you a better person but also help you build that oneness in your relationship. Don't be afraid to ask your mate for help in identifying your weaknesses. Ask your mate what she sees as the pros and cons in your relationship. The good and the bad in you and in your relationship.

Next point, number five, find out the common goals for your marriage. What are the two of you trying to achieve in your relationship. Each of you make a list and then compare them. Go over both of the lists throughly and then see if the two of you can work on one list and stick with it.

Number six, you need to be more Christlike period. Time and time again in the bible you see Jesus serving others. If it is good enough for Him then it all to be good enough for you. Being a servant should be a lifestyle not a choice. If you want a great relationship or marriage then choose to serve your wife not because you have to but because you love to and you love her. Be willing to go the extra mile to serve her.

Let me see point number seven, choose righteousness over rights. Instead of always wanting or having to be right give up that right and pursue the greater cause of righteousness. Lay aside the petty differences that are causing you to stumble and instead focus on the type of relationship or marriage that God preaches in the Word. By putting aside your rights hopefully your mate will be inspired to do the same for you and you can enjoy that oneness in your life and relationship that God wants for you. When facing any decisions, big or small, be willing to give up your rights for the sake of the one you love.

Point number eight enjoy a healthy sex life, be aware that for women, sexual attraction if based on relationship. So what you put into it you get out of it, if you work on a emotional and spirtual connection with her, she will be far more likely to open up to you sexually than if you don't. Withholding sexual fulfillment is a major no no and your spouse may be uncomfortable with doing or performing certain sexual acts, do not force them to do this. Focus your desires on your wife only, do not stray from your marriage vows, maintain your sexual purity. Both of you together need to work together on each other needs. There will be times of different moods, chances, emotions, etc. Work together to make mutually satisfying sex a regular part of your schedule.

Lets see what is the next point, number nine, you and your mate are a team, your time is not your own anymore. How you spend your time affects how she spends her time. Your mate is looking for quality time spent not quantity time. It does you know good to be in the house with your mate if you are not paying attention to her. If she is in the kitchen all day and you are in front of the TV watching the game that is doing neither one of you any good. Coordinate with your mate your schedule so that the two of you can squeeze in as much time as you want together.

Point number 10, we spend to much time worrying about our mates weakness. The same things that we accept when we first marry start to get on our nerves after a while. Why I don't know, none of us are perfect. We all have faults. None of us really want to be lonely so we tend to rush into things without thinking through all there is to know. We are all of the King. Your mate is a gift from God to you. She is not something where the warranty runs out and you return her. The weakness in your mate may be Gods way of trying to do a work in you to make you a better person. Love your mate unconditonally and for what she is not for what you want her to be. Allow God to work through you to build her character according to His will not yours. OK, enough on that subject.

Point eleven, look for prestige in the right place. Are you more worried about what your boss thinks of you or what your mate thinks of you. Many men, myself included when I was younger placed a higher value on my work then what happen in my home. Don't make the same mistake that I did, listen when i say that God is looking at your role as a husband and a father a lot more then by what you do in the workplace. It is nice to have pride in your work it is nicer to have more pride in your homelife. Derive your sense of prestige from how well you perform at home, rather than at work.

Point twelve, help around the house, pitch in and do some of the chores in the home. If you have pitch in and help the wife change diapers, play with the , again we are dealing with quality time not quantity time. Help your mate with cleaning up the home. More then likely you are both working so you should both be helping when you get home. Even if the wife is not working, I can speak from experience that taking care of all day and night is not easy work. So if you have a stay at home wife then when you get home prepare to help the wife instead of plopping in the chair and turning on the TV. It is give and take you serve her and she serves you.

Lets see I still have a few more, what is this number thirteen, continue to pursue your wife even after you are married. Men make the mistake of putting all their efforts into capturing their mate only to marry them and then they don't play the game anymore. Your mate is scratching her head trying to figure how where she went wrong. Why stop with the phone calls, the flowers, the gifts, etc just because you are married now. Make sure your mate is still your first love. Expect your efforts to ignite the flame of her passion for you, as well.

Number fourteen, God expects you to be the head of the household and says so in the Word of God. You need to work to become the person in your family who develops the deepest knowledge of the Bible, submits to what it says the best, and is the most consistent with prayer and devotions. Be comfortable worshiping at home, not just in church. Try to be the quickest in your family to forgive and ask for forgiveness. Set the spiritual atmosphere in your home. Your family is watching you and your actions.

Point number fifteen, I am really digging in now, haha, the bible says to train and nurture your in the spirit of the Lord. Your actions, words and deeds will be soaked into your childrens brains all the days or their lives. You and your mate need to agree on how you will raise the and then sit everybody down and both you and your wife will explain to the what you expect from them as their parents. You and your wife are one and as such do the best that you can in order to feed the the Word of God, help your to develop their spiritual gifts, teach them to pray for themselves.

Last point I think, number sixteen get rid of sins that are holding you back. All of us sin, some of us do it knowingly and don't repent or try to change that behavior. What you need to understand is that your own personal sins can greatly damage your marriage. Let your mate know that she is free to bring up any sins in your life that you need to address. Take her seriously when she does bring these up. Repent before God and ask for His grace to keep growing.

I am sure there are many other points so feel free to post them in the comments. This is just something to start with and like I said earlier is still not a guarantee that it will keep your marriage alive but then again I don't see how it could hurt either. As I have learned in my life it doesn't always matter what you do if the other person doesn't love you then they are not going to stay with you regardless.

May the Lord bless you and keep you


Dundeal
(William Watson)
67M
18097 posts
11/19/2005 1:55 pm

Don't know if a man is out there like that or not, I just had many men out there emailing me about the subject so I thought I would do a blog on it. As i stated I am far from the perfect man myself and even putting into practice these techniques I have failed twice in marriage myself. I can't speak for other men nor do I try. I have also never claimed to be a writer nor do I always know the correct or appropriate words to use in a sentence. There is always a better way to state something. I can only work with the vocabulary that I have. I believe that real love is out there I just haven't found it yet I guess. Then again I am not looking that hard to find it either. However if you only critique 2 out of the 16 points then I guess I still score a B for the test, hahaha. Maybe you can do a blog from the females perspective. I haven't been able to figure them out in the almost 50 years that I have been living. Anyway I expect a lot more comments on this both good and bad, God Bless You, sister, cheers Bill

May the Lord bless you and keep you


FaithGirl4Him 67F

11/20/2005 12:26 pm

Well, we all know that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, LOLOLOLOL!!!!!


Dundeal
(William Watson)
67M
18097 posts
12/9/2007 4:48 pm

thanks for stopping by, cheers

May the Lord bless you and keep you