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(William Watson)
20503 posts
4/5/2009 12:35 pm

Last Read:
4/5/2009 3:26 pm

Rules I Have Learn To Live By And Except

There are two sides to every divorce: Mine and what's her name.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.

I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "398 pounds?" (WARNING: DON'T DO IT)

I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's.

I love being married. It' s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of their life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."

No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

Ever notice that people who spend Money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Marriage changes passion, suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.

May the Lord bless you and keep you

(William Watson)
18097 posts
4/5/2009 3:26 pm

thanks for stopping by countrygirl, happy to make you laugh, cheers

May the Lord bless you and keep you