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Thank You for Your Kindness........ I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who left comments in my post about mama passing. Your words, your prayers, your love means a great deal. In the four years I have been here, mama was here also, reading and commenting and feeling like she was part of the family! These last of couple of days have been absolutely non-stop. I don't know how we did it but we managed to get everything organized for my mama's service today. Yesterday was the viewing for the family and I have to tell you, it was amazing. She looked absolutely beautiful, like she had never been sick. I thought I would share with those of you who came to know mama through me what I wrote for her and read at her service today. It is a little lengthy, but that is me sometimes, so grab a cup of something and sit back....Blessings, Marianne .......................................................... I wanted at least 20 more years with you. We joked about it, how in 20 years I would be just about your age now and you would be.....well, nearly old enough to get that very important letter from the president. But it seems you had something else in mind.....a change of address! As we stood in the room with the doctor a few short months ago and listened to what he told mom, our lives changed. What we knew deep inside ourselves had just become a reality. When people say they can feel their stomach in their throats, I think I felt worse, I'm pretty sure I felt all the way to my toenails in my throat. I know that I, as well as my sisters, fought hard to hold the tears because we wanted to be brave for mom. but, we couldn't. Mom was the brave one. As she listened to what the doctor said the expression on her face never changed. No....it changed slightly, to a smile. She knew that she was going to get what she had lived her whole life to do....go to be with Jesus. At that moment I admired my mother more than I ever had, I saw the strength that she really had. I was alone with mom after the news and I had questions I had to ask....."are you ok? she said.."are you ok? I nodded yes, then said no, "are you afraid"?...she said "are you afraid"?...she always liked answering me with a question. I stood there and told her.."I don't know what I am suppose to do now...and then quickly told her this isn't the time to have the "your the oldest talk".....she took ahold of my hand and said....."your suppose to keep walking with God". We brought her home from the hospital and from that moment on all of us knew our lives would be turned upside down but we didn't mind. We wanted to get a lifetime of love and memories in...in the short time we had left. We took a trip to the beach and we were blessed with the most wonderful day and then sat and watched the most beautiful sunset we had seen. We all took turns doing the things she loved to do....SHOPPING....I am a woman, but that is the thing that least appeals to me....but for her I did it, and if there are shopping malls in Heaven we will know where to find her when we see her again! I told my sister later that we should put on her headstone....SHE SHOPPED TIL SHE DROPPED! I was at home alone with her one afternoon and thought I would ask her some questions about her life....I was brave and knew she couldn't answer the question with a question...well, it being her she could...but, I asked "what are you most proud of in your life"?....Now, this is where I just knew the answer would be..."my "....but, no. She wasn't that normal mom that would sit with the other mom's and say....oh, my scored the winning touchdown, or oh, my took first place in her piano recital...no, she didn't hestitate at all, very quickly said to me..."my walk with God". I thought about it for a second and told myself I didn't mind coming in second place to Him at all. Then I asked her if she had any disappointments. She sat for quite a bit thinking...and I thought...oh good, she's not finding anything that I did wrong! And then she looked at me and said...."that I didn't get to see the rapture". I took her hand and said...."mama, the days not over yet"! A couple of days before she left she was telling us the things she wanted placed in her casket with her. She had a stuffed toy that Rosemary had got for her she wanted placed in her hands. There was a small angel that her grandson Caden had given to her she wanted to hold onto. A soft green knitted cap her hospice nurse had given to her, whom in a short time she had grown to love and I know this nurse loved her as well. Then she said she wanted the poem, and we all looked at each other as if one would know which poem she was talking about. We didn't. So Rosemary asked..."which poem is it"?...Mom said, "Marianne knows the one"....Rosemary turned to me and I just shrugged, I didn't have a clue. Rosemary told mom, "she doesn't know which one your talking about, do you know some of the words"? Mom said...."it's the one she is going to write". Well, I don't have to tell you the look on my face...on any of our faces, she was being mom right to the end...giving out orders. I struggled for a couple of days, trying to make the words come and then trying to make them work, to rhyme but it just wouldn't. Then I was sitting in my house, alone and thinking and words just starting running thru my head. Words of how I had felt about her throughout my life and they didn't need to rhyme they just needed to say what I remembered and how I felt about her, how much I loved her.....she was The First Person I Loved....... The first person I loved...... A strangers two hands took me from you With fear I took that first breath I felt your arms gently wrapped around me And then....the sound that had become so familiar to me Your voice....the first voice that I had ever heard It's ok, I'm right here and I love you I was calm, I felt safe When I took my first steps and fell You picked me up and kissed away the hurt That first day of school, how afraid I was to be alone, on my own You reassured me that you would be at home, waiting anxiously to hear all about it My first teenage crush, the broken heart that went along with it You told me that I would survive, that I deserved the best, just be patient As I stood in my cap and gown for the non-ending graduation photos You were in the crowd and I could feel the proud smile on your face when they put the diploma in my hand The hours of labor bringing my first into the world You sat at my bedside holding my hand, then the tears of joy holding your first grandchild in your arms....the first of many....which you never grew tired of When the police knocked on the door and told me Mike had died on his way home from work You were the one I asked to call, it was late but you came and you never left me As you laid on your bed taking your last breaths...I did for you what you did for me I wrapped my arms around you...whispered in your ear...It's ok, I'm right here, and I love you You were the first person I loved Marianne Dec 29, 2010 FAITH...Even when I can't see, I still believe. |
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Oh sweetie, what a tribute!  Live like there's no tomorrow Laugh when you feel like crying Love like you've never been hurt
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12/30/2010 6:39 pm |
I have this one black & white photo of my mom holding me in her arms. Dad was at sea, and she and I were standing in the front yard surrounded by a white picket fence. It was 1952. She was cradling me and the expression on her face was one of sheer adoration. What you wrote, "The first person I loved......", is stunning, and I can relate. 
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12/30/2010 7:10 pm |
I may have mentioned you in a recent comment as an example and reference. There is much between us that does not make for good fellowship, but I believe I can look back to a small window of time when we did talk as friends. That is truth. It is a reality. Regardless of our disagreements and antagonisms between us I am not a man cold hearted. My mother lives and one day, I too, will weep. Hard. I'm sure. From my hurt at what has become us I shed a tear now, and in no ones presence, more for you (only you) later in the loss of your matriarch/mother/mama. Your tears will come for many months at various times and in strange places and in different company. Release them. It is God who wants to break your heart and you will let Him. And it is God who will break my heart and I will let Him. Maybe, you can remember those nice conversations we had, and in the spirit of those times receive these words and my thoughts for you at a difficult time as this. Marianne...I know God bless you with His comfort. He knows what it is like to lose a family member, too. Andrew. PS: I hope you are not offended by my presence here. Where Bible And Christian Meet If You Only Knew
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It's beautiful Marianne.... huggs and prayers Blessings Rosaceae/Linda  The will of God never takes you where the Grace of God won't protect you.
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12/30/2010 8:03 pm |
Beautiful ... hugs and prayers from me too. Thanks for sharing this personal time in your life. I miss your Mom now, and I didn't even meet her. I would have loved to, and will I know. Blessings   "Love is Patient..."
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12/30/2010 8:05 pm |
That is beyond beautiful & very heart wrenching..
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12/31/2010 4:09 am |
Marianne--How Precious of YOU to share such a beautiful tribute to your Mothet--with us here on the blogs--our thoughts will be with you today as you --hmm--dont say Goodbye--but--Il see you later Mom!! Love and Prayers--DeeDee
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She sounded like a gem.. That is a loss ..to lose a trusted friend. It almost seems like nothing can fill the emptiness of one leaving us. Someone who guided us with wisdom ..encouragement..friendship.. May God fill you with His love in her momentary absence from you.
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