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Jealous Woman A few years ago I worked as an office manager for a dentist. The owner of the building we worked in also owned a restaurant adjacent to the office building. A nice Italian restaurant, named after his , Roberto. Luigi, the landlord was a patient of the dentist, and Luigi & I became fast friends. When the day came that I needed to work part-time (as I was a full-time student of massage therapy), I took a bartending class, then asked Luigi if I could work in his restaurant a night or two a week. He said, SURE, I'll hire you! I worked there about a year. You know why I was let go? Luigi's wife saw him grab me around my waist and plant a big sloppy kiss on me. He said, "now that you are single, I can have you!" I nearly screamed! I said, "NO WAY, Luigi! YOU are a married man!" Stella made sure that I was out of there within two weeks. Now that I'm unemployed again, I'd love to be able to work there again, but she blames me for her husbands roving ways... Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life  |
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..oh... p.s.p.s. onamission, Big Guy, I've had that stuff happen without provocation. I can't tell you the burden I've felt as a woman in male dominated professions due to that idea that I could cause that unwanted behavior. When I was 21 and in radio, one male co-worker came in drunk and tried to force me to have sex with him in the studio at 1 a.m. I remember fighting and yelling at him to stop. I was curled up in a ball trying to keep his hands off me. It ended when HE (because I couldn't get him off me) stopped and said "boy you really know how to turn a guy off". I then apologized without thinking. When I went to file sexual assault charges, the detective told me the case was useless because I apologized to him afterwards. No matter what he had done up to that point, in court, my behavior could be interpreted that I really wanted it. you were obviously dealing with a criminally minded freak. if a man attacks a woman,i have no problem with that woman placing some seious and permanent bodily injury on that guy. i have no problem with a woman taking,self defence courses that involve the use of deadly force "if neccessary" i am sorry you had to go through that terrible ordeal. blessings to you.
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..oh... p.s.p.s. onamission, Big Guy, I've had that stuff happen without provocation. I can't tell you the burden I've felt as a woman in male dominated professions due to that idea that I could cause that unwanted behavior. When I was 21 and in radio, one male co-worker came in drunk and tried to force me to have sex with him in the studio at 1 a.m. I remember fighting and yelling at him to stop. I was curled up in a ball trying to keep his hands off me. It ended when HE (because I couldn't get him off me) stopped and said "boy you really know how to turn a guy off". I then apologized without thinking. When I went to file sexual assault charges, the detective told me the case was useless because I apologized to him afterwards. No matter what he had done up to that point, in court, my behavior could be interpreted that I really wanted it.
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..oh..p.s. I meant a "loser" situation. It seems like a lot of tension because of the incident to suffer for the pay. However, if you've made your "hell no" fully clear to all of them.. maybe the tiger will stay in his pen. There's always newspaper delivery. Seriously. There's a Saturday only paper here that takes me 30 minutes and I make $10.
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Yeah..there are other gigs in town.  It would never stop. However, I'm a ducker, not a fighter.
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So I analyzed my behavior and I'm guilty of 1) having a great smile, 2) a friendly personality and 3) being single. As I had stated, I've known Luigi for years, had always enjoyed a mutually respectful relationship and was grateful when he originally hired me. It was HE that 'tested the waters' when he made the grab and planted the kiss (by the way, I turned my face quickly so that it landed NOT on my lips). It was I that lost my job...it wasn't that big of a deal back then, as I had a full time day job that paid me benefits and I didn't NEED the bartending/waiting job. Now that my circumstances have changed, I wish I could have it again, as I usually took home about $400 in cash working only two nights. It would help me keep my roof over my head and my car in it's parking spot. i used to deliver pizzas part time making about 20.00 dollars an hour,working only about 15 hours a week. i had my full time job in land surveying,so i used to think how silly it was to do that pizza delivery job... now that i have no job,i regret my bad attitude towards pizza work.. i have no regrets in land surveying though,i gave it everything i got in that field... when i went down in that field,i went down with an empty pistol... no regrets,and i would do it all again the same way again when i get the chance... the only difference, is i will probably have more confidence when dealing with a new piece of equipment,after all this computer training,i feel alot more high techy... 
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well..... i have never spoken to you directly Byron (until now) but it appears that you have the bad habbit of putting words into other peoples mouths.... i never said that "women are natural born seductresses" but to me,if a man is going to grab a woman around the waist,and plant a big sloppy kiss on her,that is like going from step #1 to step #20...... my question is what happened between step #2 and step #19 ??? there appears to be a big gap there... as i said,i have seen men and women flirt in the work place. it always goes in tiny steps,he will do one thing,then she will respond in some way, then he will respond in some way,etc,etc,etc..... even if the guy is the biggest flurt on earth, he must have a motive to proceed..... this is why i am saying she might want to analyse her behavior. but bottom line,you have your opinion,and i have mine.... but for now,NFL sunday is waiting for me,lets see..... GO BEARS!! GO COWBOYS!! GO PANTHERS!! OH YES,AND GO JETS!!! i have become a big fan of there rooky Quarter Back, Mark Sanchez!!!!! GO JETS GO!!!!! Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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12/27/2009 3:54 pm |
Generally there is a progression as you stated, but not always, and especially when the aggressor is the boss. I've seen steps 2 - 19 as you called them, skipped a few times, and not only by men, although the majority of the time it is done by men. You have evedently been taught some mannors when it comes to the persuit of women, which is a refreshing exception to the way many men are. I know of households where, while growing up, the girls were taught to never turn down a man's sexual advances, until they marry, and then turn down every man except their husband. Likewise the same households taught the young men to take any woman they want, unless she is wearing a wedding ring. This is not right, and not God's plan for us. It also can not be blamed on women, because it came from men, not women. Hope you enjoy your NFL games today. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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I do not agree with you. Men with roving eyes do not need more then a woman who is pretty, to have reason to flirt. This double standard of blaming women for unacceptable behavioral patterns in men is not unlike the Muslims, who require women cover every surface square inch of their bodies, least a man be tempted. Can women contribute to the enticement seduction of men? Of coarse they can, but each man is responsible for his own thoughts, lusts, and actions. To blame it on women is just plain wrong. To suggest that LovebuginCT may have contributed to Luigi's fornications and lusts, is as much as malicious gossip. Please analyze your own archaic attitudes that women are natural born seductresses, and the cause of man's sexual sins, because they are not. Those who appear that way are so, because of men like Luigi, and reinforced by men like you. i have never spoken to you directly Byron (until now) but it appears that you have the bad habbit of putting words into other peoples mouths.... i never said that "women are natural born seductresses" but to me,if a man is going to grab a woman around the waist,and plant a big sloppy kiss on her,that is like going from step #1 to step #20...... my question is what happened between step #2 and step #19 ??? there appears to be a big gap there... as i said,i have seen men and women flirt in the work place. it always goes in tiny steps,he will do one thing,then she will respond in some way, then he will respond in some way,etc,etc,etc..... even if the guy is the biggest flurt on earth, he must have a motive to proceed..... this is why i am saying she might want to analyse her behavior. but bottom line,you have your opinion,and i have mine.... but for now,NFL sunday is waiting for me,lets see..... GO BEARS!! GO COWBOYS!! GO PANTHERS!! OH YES,AND GO JETS!!! i have become a big fan of there rooky Quarter Back, Mark Sanchez!!!!! GO JETS GO!!!!!
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You are clearly very sensitive and will take life hard if you take everything to heart and blow it out of proportion. I'm sorry if i've offended you though it was not my intention at all. I was simply giving you an opinion, if you don't like it, thats your decision. Dont ask then. (Excuse me also for my ignorance but a physiotherapist is a qualified medical professional, a masseuse...let me rather not expand on what i truly think of that). If i have to be totally honest i'd say that your entire post involves asking us as the audience for PITY POINTS. You do (to some extent) deserve to be empathized with since its not your fault the man said and did what he has. The gist of the matter, if you're able to move on and take it as a lesson learnt, is for you to take the moral of it (and it IS THERE to be learnt) and stow it away in the recesses of your information processing centre to use when next you encounter such a situation. Life throws one curveballs. The woman's "jealousy" if you really care to think about it, is a seasoned feeling of hardship she must have continually suffered for her to have been inspired enough to 'let you go'. Most people, in the light of competition, do a fight or flight reaction. wouldnt you do the same if you loved someone and built your whole life around them and they turn around and slap it all back in your face with careless (but painful) flirting. Have a heart and try to empathize with the woman. I know i would. I empathize with you having lost an ideal job. I can understand your frustration, i've been in and out of jobs, even though i'm an educated professional (thanks by the way for labelling me ignorant, i'll take it as a lesson and try to analyse what inspired you to say it...perhaps i may readjust my thinking but for now i'll stand my ground). (i was in and out of jobs for no other reason other than budget cuts in our education dept years back) Be that as it may, all i'm saying to you is, move on, find something rock solid, our government gives free bursaries to anyone wanting to study education, call the Western Cape Education Department, help yourself, cause i can tell you now honey, aint no job gonna come walking up to you saying here i am its now or never, you gotta get up there and strut your stuff, grab life by the collar, box its ears and show it who's in charge, steada sitting there whining about how you got hard done by. all you'll get is aggro. When it comes to marriage and relationships (because its sacred), you'll see, as you probably have, many people will side with a partner with a broken heart, rather than 'the other woman' no matter how innocent the 'the other woman' may be. I remember once when i was in a club in the uk with my then albanian boyfriend, 2 english girls were standing directly behind me, one of them yanked a whole handful of my hair for absolutely no reason other than probably trying to get me out of the queue to buy some drinks, or maybe to check if my hair is real i dunno, God knows. I'm mixed race as you can see, and wherever i go, i've been a good many places in the world, hair is such a huge but nonetheless PETTY obsession which i get asked about all the time. You know what i'm talking about, you're white south african. i waited for the girl to pass me by, i was so shocked it'd never happened to me before, so when they came to stand in front of me, i did exactly the same to one of them. The girl turned around, started swearing and then telling her mate, it must be out of jealousy that me or my sister (who was standing next to me) had pulled their hair. Edmond was right next to me. The girl looked around to see if she could find (probably a male friend to sort me out) but Edmond and Barry (his albanian cousin) and their friends, formed a little semi-circle, with other friends of theirs who regularly got banned from clubs for causing trouble...if she had pushed the issue i dunno how things would've turned out, but i made sure she noticed i was with a lot of people. i just pretended, the way she did when she pulled my hair, that i knew nothing. My reaction, although wrong, was one of (humanly) anger and shock, but i felt justified by the fact it wasnt me who caused the trouble. Women are bitchy, petty, mean, spiteful and yes, jealous, cause competition makes them uneasy and feel less adequate (Generally you'll find the meanest of the mean has the lowest self esteem, in much the same way racists think). Some women will stop at NOTHING to secure their relationships. Look at that one woman who was smeared all over the papers for having killed her boyfriends' lovechild by a 'mixed race' woman a few years ago. She paid a few hitmen to abduct and kill an innocent few months old baby!! May God help us all if we perpetuate this cycle, we are called to do things differently, remember, what doesnt kill you can only make you stronger and at least, this woman wasn't mad enough to stoop that low. Just count your blesings, and ask God to heal your situation. Go well. Dalene.
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12/26/2009 10:39 pm |
even men who are big flurts need a motive,they wont charge unless they have some reason to believe that they will get somewhere,or get something. there are women that "create" those behavioral patterns in men,i beleive that it takes two to tango. you may want to analys how you behave around Luigi. Just a thought.  This double standard of blaming women for unacceptable behavioral patterns in men is not unlike the Muslims, who require women cover every surface square inch of their bodies, least a man be tempted. Can women contribute to the enticement seduction of men? Of coarse they can, but each man is responsible for his own thoughts, lusts, and actions. To blame it on women is just plain wrong. To suggest that LovebuginCT may have contributed to Luigi's fornications and lusts, is as much as malicious gossip. Please analyze your own archaic attitudes that women are natural born seductresses, and the cause of man's sexual sins, because they are not. Those who appear that way are so, because of men like Luigi, and reinforced by men like you. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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even men who are big flurts need a motive,they wont charge unless they have some reason to believe that they will get somewhere,or get something. there are women that "create" those behavioral patterns in men,i beleive that it takes two to tango. you may want to analys how you behave around Luigi. Just a thought.
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12/24/2009 9:10 pm |
Hi Byron, THANK YOU! What a great idea to ask Luigi for a letter of recommendation. I will indeed do that! DUH. I don't know why I didn't think of that! I love the restaurant environment so much, it's really what I'd like to do, rather than work in an office dealing with all the Bullcrap that goes on there. Merry Christmas to you as well, and I LOVE the look you're sportin! Byron Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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mouthwash makes some very good points, as well as frootz as far as returning to that particular place. Yes I understand that you need a job, but what Luigi did is clearly sexual harrassment. You have described an ongoing pattern and behavior which isn't going to stop even if you speak to his wife and him. From your description, his wife is in denial of her husbands problem, and looking to place blame on the women he flirts with. This is a type of co-dependent relationship with two victims, you and the wife. Except in this co-dependency, the second victim, (you) are made out to be the perpetrater because she refuses to admit that he really is. If you return to this job you will become an enabler for her to continue her role of co-dependency, and nothing will stop you from receiving further blame even though you have no real part in this. If you are still on good terms with Luigi, you may consider asking him for a letter of recomendation, rather then your old job back. Then use that letter to help obtain a similar job working for someone else. This I believe would be your best recourse. Merry Christmas to you. Byron Merry Christmas to you as well, and I LOVE the look you're sportin! Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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12/23/2009 11:41 pm |
mouthwash makes some very good points, as well as frootz as far as returning to that particular place. Yes I understand that you need a job, but what Luigi did is clearly sexual harrassment. You have described an ongoing pattern and behavior which isn't going to stop even if you speak to his wife and him. From your description, his wife is in denial of her husbands problem, and looking to place blame on the women he flirts with. This is a type of co-dependent relationship with two victims, you and the wife. Except in this co-dependency, the second victim, (you) are made out to be the perpetrater because she refuses to admit that he really is. If you return to this job you will become an enabler for her to continue her role of co-dependency, and nothing will stop you from receiving further blame even though you have no real part in this. If you are still on good terms with Luigi, you may consider asking him for a letter of recomendation, rather then your old job back. Then use that letter to help obtain a similar job working for someone else. This I believe would be your best recourse. Merry Christmas to you. Byron Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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Great..sounds like it's all good. Have a wonderful Christmas ! Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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I said you were ignorant of ALL the facts. And I knew that your apology was aimed toward Frootz. And I don't stay out of the joint because of his wife. I go there about once a month to enjoy a great meal and visit with the 20 or so other people that work there that I consider my friends. Most of the time the wife isn't there, but when she is, I am respectful and friendly to her, and when I see Luigi, I am respectful and friendly toward him as well. Have a wonderful Christmas !
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In what ways am I ignorant of the facts ? A married man made a move on you. It's not only upsetting to you but more importantly.. to his wife. The fact of the matter is..Do you really want to put yourself into a situation that has some glaring issues involved with it ? More than likely..this ole boss of yours ..who's crossed a sacred boundary ..is likely bound to disregard the respect of not only you again..but his wife. It's caused his wife enough grief that it wouldn't do her good to see you in the joint as a painful reminder. Sure.. you were innocent of the matter.. and that they're will be another 'side order' for ole Lugi to hit on but..You have to consider his wife's heart on this one also. If it was me ? I'd look elsewhere for enjoyable work. The Lord will provide. The apology went to frootz BTW. Not sure why she believes that making a judgment call is against what the Lord gave to us in the first place. Those are just the facts mamn..just the facts. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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I didn't think you were abrasive...I would only want to work there again in order to have a job. I'm unemployed. I enjoyed the work I did there. I felt comfortable up until that incident. Luigi and I were friends...respectful always up till then. His wife never embraced me. I didn't think you were judgmental - just ignorant of all the facts. Thanks for weighing in. A married man made a move on you. It's not only upsetting to you but more importantly.. to his wife. The fact of the matter is..Do you really want to put yourself into a situation that has some glaring issues involved with it ? More than likely..this ole boss of yours ..who's crossed a sacred boundary ..is likely bound to disregard the respect of not only you again..but his wife. It's caused his wife enough grief that it wouldn't do her good to see you in the joint as a painful reminder. Sure.. you were innocent of the matter.. and that they're will be another 'side order' for ole Lugi to hit on but..You have to consider his wife's heart on this one also. If it was me ? I'd look elsewhere for enjoyable work. The Lord will provide. The apology went to frootz BTW. Not sure why she believes that making a judgment call is against what the Lord gave to us in the first place. Those are just the facts mamn..just the facts.
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Hey Rod - nice to see you visiting back here! Yes, that Green eyed monster is pretty horrid and so, so unnecessary. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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Again and for the life of me, I don't understand why women stay with men who are capable of infidelity. I alluded to it on no uncertain terms in a post recently and people voted against my opinion, oh well. You know what? Wouldn't it be cool if you took the high road, apologized to her for any misunderstandings (even if you committed no wrong other than being pretty), made it clear to Luigi that you are an employee ONLY, and attempted to get your job back? Maybe the three of you could have a talk! I think it's worth a shot, especially considering that you need and are likely good at that job. My mother was one of these women as well. I will write a new blog post about her. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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Yes, his poor Mrs has been putting up with his wayward ways for many, many years. I think she's about 55 yrs old - he married her when she was 15 - went to Italy to get her and brought her here and they've made quite a little empire for themselves. I think he "gave it a shot" when he grabbed me to see if I may be interested in fooling around with him. He found out that I'm not that type of woman. The incident I described happened three years ago. I've been a steady customer there since it happened, sometimes running into Luigi as well as his wife at times. I always remain friendly and respectful...and I seriously doubt there would ever be a repeat of crosing boundaries in the future. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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You know, I think this is an excellent suggestion, but having it all happen so far in the past leads me to say "forget it". I don't think she'd be receptive to me bringing it up at this point. It's been 3 years. But thanks for your thoughts - appreciated. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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A JEALOUS woman .... aye yi yi... I am working in an environment where there are three women, not one or two but THREE women who I know are JEALOUS of me. I do my job unto JESUS and I do my job accurately and professionally, they HATE that! In their own way they try to intimidate me, but I know that as long as I am doing my job, (unto Jesus) they don't and won't have anything on me! I have made it CLEAR to these three women that only when GOD is done with me in that place will I be let go.... Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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YOu're a beautiful woman, surely u've had similar experiences like this before. I have to agree with mouthwash (although he's a bit judgemental) that its best to move on because if you had stayed, it would've become quite uncomfortable for you, as there would've been nagging worries trailing around u while you're working, such as, when will he kiss you again, when will the wife catch him looking at you from behind that sorta thing. Mind, you don't say that you disagreed with the kiss either. You sound like you got on really well with him, which is another danger zone...wot if you got to like him?? I dont know u, nor him, but I think its wiser for you to move on and let bygones be bygones. Your job types are 'risky' zones too, massage therapy...working night times...? i dunno, get yourself a solid day job girl. Take care, blessings, D. If I neglected to say that I disagreed with the kiss, I thought it was implied. Let me be clear: I DISAGREED WITH THE KISS! I did indeed get on well with him, as well as his son, the chefs, the other wait people as well as the other bartenders. Not to mention the regular patrons of the restaurant. I felt like I was in a very close "family". I never was concerned about getting to "like him" as I already DID like him. I think you mean what if I became "attracted" to him...which I never even considered a remote possiblity...there was nothing happening "chemically" between us. He has money, and LOTS of it, and feels "entitled". As for your opinion of becoming a massage therapist as "risky" - I find it incredibly insulting. I was in a medical program for massage therapy, in order to bring healing to people with body issues. Perhaps you can look into the education that one has to get in order to be state certified. You may just find yourself having more respect for the profession. And working night times? Another ignorant statement which I won't even bother to address. Your suggestion that I get myself a solid day job is and has been what I have been doing. For the past three + years I've been working a full-time job, having recently changed employment over the summer to take what I thought was going to be a better opportunity, only to be fired a few weeks ago. Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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Perhaps I came off a bit abrasive. Sorry about that. But..if it's being judgmental to provide sound wisdom to a sister in the Lord..so be it. That isn't the healthiest of environments to be in ..thus..I personally wouldn't step a foot near to it. FLEE !!!! Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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YOu're a beautiful woman, surely u've had similar experiences like this before. I have to agree with mouthwash (although he's a bit judgemental) that its best to move on because if you had stayed, it would've become quite uncomfortable for you, as there would've been nagging worries trailing around u while you're working, such as, when will he kiss you again, when will the wife catch him looking at you from behind that sorta thing. Mind, you don't say that you disagreed with the kiss either. You sound like you got on really well with him, which is another danger zone...wot if you got to like him?? I dont know u, nor him, but I think its wiser for you to move on and let bygones be bygones. Your job types are 'risky' zones too, massage therapy...working night times...? i dunno, get yourself a solid day job girl. Take care, blessings, D. But..if it's being judgmental to provide sound wisdom to a sister in the Lord..so be it. That isn't the healthiest of environments to be in ..thus..I personally wouldn't step a foot near to it. FLEE !!!!
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YOu're a beautiful woman, surely u've had similar experiences like this before. I have to agree with mouthwash (although he's a bit judgemental) that its best to move on because if you had stayed, it would've become quite uncomfortable for you, as there would've been nagging worries trailing around u while you're working, such as, when will he kiss you again, when will the wife catch him looking at you from behind that sorta thing. Mind, you don't say that you disagreed with the kiss either. You sound like you got on really well with him, which is another danger zone...wot if you got to like him?? I dont know u, nor him, but I think its wiser for you to move on and let bygones be bygones. Your job types are 'risky' zones too, massage therapy...working night times...? i dunno, get yourself a solid day job girl. Take care, blessings, D.
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Wondering .. Why in the world would you want to work THERE again ??? Why put yourself in such an uncomfortable situation willingly ? Jeebers lady..leave the dust of your feet on the mat and go elsewhere for work.
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12/19/2009 3:22 pm |
A JEALOUS woman .... aye yi yi... I am working in an environment where there are three women, not one or two but THREE women who I know are JEALOUS of me. I do my job unto JESUS and I do my job accurately and professionally, they HATE that! In their own way they try to intimidate me, but I know that as long as I am doing my job, (unto Jesus) they don't and won't have anything on me! I have made it CLEAR to these three women that only when GOD is done with me in that place will I be let go.... Rom. 5:8 while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us
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12/19/2009 12:46 pm |
Again and for the life of me, I don't understand why women stay with men who are capable of infidelity. I alluded to it on no uncertain terms in a post recently and people voted against my opinion, oh well. You know what? Wouldn't it be cool if you took the high road, apologized to her for any misunderstandings (even if you committed no wrong other than being pretty), made it clear to Luigi that you are an employee ONLY, and attempted to get your job back? Maybe the three of you could have a talk! I think it's worth a shot, especially considering that you need and are likely good at that job.
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