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Forgiveness I heard my pastor say a few weeks ago that there are a lot of people that believe forgiveness is required of all of us. When someone "wrongs" us, we must forgive them. My pastor says that's an untruth, that we as Christians are not commanded to forgive UNLESS the one who has wronged us requests our forgiveness. At that point, we must forgive them. He then sited some examples of horrid situations: , murder, etc. IF the offender asks us to forgive them, we must. Outside of that, unforgiveness can remain. I've been thinking about it for several weeks now, and I think I agree with this. What are your thoughts?  Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life  |
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1 post 11/23/2009 12:44 am |
Hello ladies, THis is Darrell in Georgia. Dont know when yall will read this but here goes. I am fresh out of a relationship I thought we would eventially be getting married, well should have been this summer. The gal I had been going with and talking marriage just got married behind my back Oct 11th. I have been blind sided big time. I had already caught her in a couple of lies in Feb and Mar. Two of her friends told me about what was up, So she totally denied it all along. I felt we were comitted to each other as the day I had proposed to her in late Oct of 2008, I promised her on my knees that day in front of God that I would always be there for her, never lie or cheat on her, and when she was down and needed a shoulder to lean on, I was there for her. Well, as it turned out. Her friends were right all along. She was seeing this other guy. She talked him into marriage while I stood by her all this time. There is more to this story than I can take time to write. Bottom line is, she took my trust and just through it out the door. She had told him and all her friends we had broke up back in March. NOT SO ! We had spate over where she was for her birthday. From that day on, I now realize she can only tell lies that benefit her and her cheating ways. I also found out later from her daughter that was part of her divorce 15 years ago, not just her husbands fault either. So how do you forgive someone that lies to you and goes behind your back with other guys. She also didn t have the guts to tell me she was seeing this other guy. Her daughter had to tell me all these things the day after her wedding.. ! PS: The new guy is wearing the wedding ring she bought for ME ! So how do you forgive someone like this ? Also her friends believe her story now ,, not mine. I am blessed by God that I didnt marry her. I believe God blocked me from her to protect me and my family. I also believe God will get her back for all the Lies and Infidelity she bestowed on me this year. some of my friends in Our church think the marriage will not last very long. She has not been in our church since January, about time she meet this guy. God Bless yall, Darrell
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Ah, I see what you're saying when you mention letting go of bitterness. Forgiveness, to me, is like discharging the debt (emotional, physical, spiritual and/or financial), understanding you'll never be repaid and not doing anything more to collect on it..so to speak. That's a tough one. If your pastor meant not telling someone "I forgive you" unless they ask, I definitely agree. It can just open the door to more hurt, more rejection. There are a few people I've worked to forgive, but I don't hold the emotional door open to them. My former boyfriend is one. I've cut off all contact because it's just healthier to protect myself from him. Just the other day, I accidently re-read one of his emails and heard the abusive tone he took much more clearly. Again, I feel zero compulsion to renew any contact. It was pretty negative with him. I now have a new friend. I talk to Drake pretty much like I talked to Sam. Drake just today, without any prompting, said I (and we) communicate so well. I didn't change my approach since Sam. Hmmm... Oh man, I'm off topic. Sorry, LoveBug. No, you don't have to go to someone to offer forgiveness in my book. You have made me consider praying in a different way. Thank you for that! I'm happy to hear that you are leaving the former boyfriend behind and good luck with Drake! I love his name, too. Thank you for sharing with me... Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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In a different vein, I've been through assault. I don't talk about it much as it's past tense and no longer an identity. About 10 years ago, I chose to forgive the men, partially out of browbeating by women in church. Not a good motive, but God probably honored it. In some ways, a lot of my own depression and anxiety healed. However, many days I suffered deeply. Very very much. I lost a great deal. I had to give all the "years the locusts had eaten" to God and ask Him to renew what they took...and didn't even comprehend what they were robbing from me. It's an individual choice. Forgiveness is personal and done when a person is ready (or never done).
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Ah, I see what you're saying when you mention letting go of bitterness. Forgiveness, to me, is like discharging the debt (emotional, physical, spiritual and/or financial), understanding you'll never be repaid and not doing anything more to collect on it..so to speak. That's a tough one. If your pastor meant not telling someone "I forgive you" unless they ask, I definitely agree. It can just open the door to more hurt, more rejection. There are a few people I've worked to forgive, but I don't hold the emotional door open to them. My former boyfriend is one. I've cut off all contact because it's just healthier to protect myself from him. Just the other day, I accidently re-read one of his emails and heard the abusive tone he took much more clearly. Again, I feel zero compulsion to renew any contact. It was pretty negative with him. I now have a new friend. I talk to Drake pretty much like I talked to Sam. Drake just today, without any prompting, said I (and we) communicate so well. I didn't change my approach since Sam. Hmmm... Oh man, I'm off topic. Sorry, LoveBug. No, you don't have to go to someone to offer forgiveness in my book.
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I guess so, if the unforgiveness includes bitterness and hatred. But can't you let go of bitterness and hatred without feeling like you forgave the one that murdered your husband or your baby? Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life
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