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JAYF 62M
32 posts
4/8/2009 3:45 pm
What are you looking for? Have you made a list?


One of the pastors of my church stated that he made a list detailing characteristics of his future wife. I have now put my list on paper and keep it in my wallet. I don't want to compromise.

What characteristics are you looking for in your spouse to be? The following are mine and my explanations:

1) Some level of physical attraction. I see nothing wrong with looking for someone that is personally attractive to you. I try to relax this standard but there must be some level of attraction. The following characteristics enhance her beauty.

2) Maturing believer. Truly loves the Lord and it shows in her attitude, actions, and life purpose.

3)Understands dynamic of role differences and needs and how that interaction affects the relationship. I can explain that further if desired.

4)Encourager

5)Called to be a fellow-laborer with me in ministry. I purpose to return to vocational ministry and want a partner in this walk. Must be like-minded biblically.

6)Gracious and kind-hearted. I could easily put this as the first and foremost quality. There is nothing like a gracious woman to me. I would do anything for a godly gracious woman.

7)Desires her husband to cherish her and put her before himself/ to love her as Christ loved the Church. I will have to further explain this point later.

Takes good care of herself = health conscious.

9)Having been broken by God as I have been is a plus - I believe that deepens a persons' love for God and stifles worldliness.

10)Fun personality - not boring to be with.

11)Gentle but can hold be accountable in my motives.

Well, that is my list. What is yours???

Independance
(Patricia )
62F

4/9/2009 5:52 am

a-must be atractive and in good shape.
b-must be confident in his wants and needs without being selfish.
c-must have all his teeth and be in good health (there's nothing I hate more than someone who has a cronic illnes and don't disclose it till I notice he can't eat regular food, climb or live without taking 9 pills daily).
d-must earn a good living and willing to share it with me.
e-must make the time to court me and romance me to my heart's content.
f-must give me personal space without freaking out and getting clingy.
g-must be my age or younger (I don't want an elderly husband in my bed, yuck!)
h-must be intelligent.
i-must not flirt with other women.
j-must be faithful.
k-must not have too many children (i dislike running screeming kids)
l-must not spend his money frivously (no buying boats, dirt bikes without me knowing)
m-must do his own laundry.
n-must be able to cook.
o-must be able to sleep by himself (I want my own bedroom and bath)
p-must drees nice.
q-must be a good kisser.
r-must not do any kind of drugs, no smoking and no drinking.
s-must be a non-denominationl, baptist, lutheran or a similar denomination.
t-must have a good driving record.
u-must have good credit.
v-must not snore.
w-mut like my pets.
x-must be handy around the house.
y-must like the outdoors.
z-must love God. (why did I put this last? long story, don't ask)

Life is an adventure.


BristerBate 70M
6377 posts
4/9/2009 8:54 am

Wouldn't then your #2 actually cover automatically all of the others, Jay?

Moreover, making a list from "a to z" as the one above would be equal to remain "alone" the rest of one's life! It's just unrealistic and utopian!

The major "obstacle" I see (in both searching for a mate and to make the union work) is creating a fantasy person that DOESN'T exist but only in one's selfish imagination!

One is only taking account of one's own desires without considering the other person's!

Any "relationship" must be molded (and adjusted) and worked out into "symbiosis" by living it in practice - by both.

Without being willing to go for changes in one's own life as well, would even be a dead start!

In a Christian context, a blessed union where the Holy Spirit is really present and active, would undoubtably give the perfect results.

A good "scriptural exposition" and practical examples (which I found anointed) of how this could be achieved was shared on this post:

--> SUBMITTING LOVING JUST TWO SIMPLE RULES FOR A BLESSED MARRIAGE

Would anyone after having read it still keep on making lists?


Independance
(Patricia )
62F

4/9/2009 11:30 am

    Quoting BristerBate:
    Wouldn't then your #2 actually cover automatically all of the others, Jay?

    Moreover, making a list from "a to z" as the one above would be equal to remain "alone" the rest of one's life! It's just unrealistic and utopian!

    The major "obstacle" I see (in both searching for a mate and to make the union work) is creating a fantasy person that DOESN'T exist but only in one's selfish imagination!

    One is only taking account of one's own desires without considering the other person's!

    Any "relationship" must be molded (and adjusted) and worked out into "symbiosis" by living it in practice - by both.

    Without being willing to go for changes in one's own life as well, would even be a dead start!

    In a Christian context, a blessed union where the Holy Spirit is really present and active, would undoubtably give the perfect results.

    A good "scriptural exposition" and practical examples (which I found anointed) of how this could be achieved was shared on this post:

    --> SUBMITTING LOVING JUST TWO SIMPLE RULES FOR A BLESSED MARRIAGE

    Would anyone after having read it still keep on making lists?
Just becouse you snore,,, does not mean that some else does
AND my list is perfect, so there!

Life is an adventure.


JAYF 62M

4/9/2009 12:08 pm

    Quoting BristerBate:
    Wouldn't then your #2 actually cover automatically all of the others, Jay?

    Moreover, making a list from "a to z" as the one above would be equal to remain "alone" the rest of one's life! It's just unrealistic and utopian!

    The major "obstacle" I see (in both searching for a mate and to make the union work) is creating a fantasy person that DOESN'T exist but only in one's selfish imagination!

    One is only taking account of one's own desires without considering the other person's!

    Any "relationship" must be molded (and adjusted) and worked out into "symbiosis" by living it in practice - by both.

    Without being willing to go for changes in one's own life as well, would even be a dead start!

    In a Christian context, a blessed union where the Holy Spirit is really present and active, would undoubtably give the perfect results.

    A good "scriptural exposition" and practical examples (which I found anointed) of how this could be achieved was shared on this post:

    --> SUBMITTING LOVING JUST TWO SIMPLE RULES FOR A BLESSED MARRIAGE

    Would anyone after having read it still keep on making lists?
It is my opinion that we all have some given qualities that we want in a mate - some are just not spoken; I have just chosen to write them down. Why? I desire a woman that is a God-fearing woman who loves the Lord as I do and I don't want to compromise my convictions and settle for a lady that is not right for me or me for her. The above list details the lady that is right for me and me right for her. I don't see that as a "fantasy" woman at all. It simply details a godly woman that has the same outlook on life as I do. Btw, I do know a woman that fits the above to a "T". As well, I am by NO MEANS saying that I am looking for perfection. That is not my concern at all. What I am concerned with though is if she really is dedicated to living for the Lord as I am and if she is interesting in having herself poured out in this life in ministry to others for the Lord and is not worldly.

Since my intentions are to return to vocational ministry, I have to have a woman that has the same outlook on life as I with similar beliefs. I thought I had that in my first marriage but I didn't see some red flags and I have paid the price for it. I suppose if my intentions were not to return to vocational ministry, then I wouldn't be so determined in finding just this type of woman.

I understand your point above and I thought about that before I wrote down that list, but I don't see any of the above as being selfish. The woman above would be an ideal mate for me and me for her. Futhermore, I don't just want an okay marriage or even a good marriage. I desire a fantastic one and one that is showcased and is used of the Lord in counseling others. By the way, I see the above list as very basic. It simply details what I see as a gracious and godly woman that would be a great match for who I am and for a co-laborer.

One of my qualities that I listed, was the desire for a woman that needs to be loved as Christ did the church. I am convinced that I will be that kind of man. I want a woman that will respond to that kind of man and I am not convinced that all women really want a godly man or marriage but that is a topic in and of itself. I believe a woman who truly desires that kind of man and has one that puts her above himself is a woman that would also know how to interact with her husband and enhance the marital relationship.

One last thing concerning this quote: "Any 'relationship' must be molded (and adjusted) and worked out into 'symbiosis' by living it in practice - by both. Without being willing to go for changes in one's own life as well, would even be a dead start!" I think that if both the man and woman are committed to the Lord first (as my list delineates), then the practical life-issues would pretty much resolve itself. If both are truly committed and seeking the Lord in humility and love of their mate, then I am not even concerned about the "other" issues that are common as life is lived. When the heart is in the right place, then the everyday issues are kept in its proper importance and worked through.


BristerBate 70M
6377 posts
4/9/2009 1:30 pm

    Quoting Independance:
    Just becouse you snore,,, does not mean that some else does
    AND my list is perfect, so there!
Who said you wouldn't love my snore, that you would even "envy" me for how lullabying and comforting it might be? LOL!

But you took the cake with your # "o", (and the bedroom and bathroom all for yourself), 'cause that would never never happen! So there!


BristerBate 70M
6377 posts
4/9/2009 1:49 pm

    Quoting JAYF:
    It is my opinion that we all have some given qualities that we want in a mate - some are just not spoken; I have just chosen to write them down. Why? I desire a woman that is a God-fearing woman who loves the Lord as I do and I don't want to compromise my convictions and settle for a lady that is not right for me or me for her. The above list details the lady that is right for me and me right for her. I don't see that as a "fantasy" woman at all. It simply details a godly woman that has the same outlook on life as I do. Btw, I do know a woman that fits the above to a "T". As well, I am by NO MEANS saying that I am looking for perfection. That is not my concern at all. What I am concerned with though is if she really is dedicated to living for the Lord as I am and if she is interesting in having herself poured out in this life in ministry to others for the Lord and is not worldly.

    Since my intentions are to return to vocational ministry, I have to have a woman that has the same outlook on life as I with similar beliefs. I thought I had that in my first marriage but I didn't see some red flags and I have paid the price for it. I suppose if my intentions were not to return to vocational ministry, then I wouldn't be so determined in finding just this type of woman.

    I understand your point above and I thought about that before I wrote down that list, but I don't see any of the above as being selfish. The woman above would be an ideal mate for me and me for her. Futhermore, I don't just want an okay marriage or even a good marriage. I desire a fantastic one and one that is showcased and is used of the Lord in counseling others. By the way, I see the above list as very basic. It simply details what I see as a gracious and godly woman that would be a great match for who I am and for a co-laborer.

    One of my qualities that I listed, was the desire for a woman that needs to be loved as Christ did the church. I am convinced that I will be that kind of man. I want a woman that will respond to that kind of man and I am not convinced that all women really want a godly man or marriage but that is a topic in and of itself. I believe a woman who truly desires that kind of man and has one that puts her above himself is a woman that would also know how to interact with her husband and enhance the marital relationship.

    One last thing concerning this quote: "Any 'relationship' must be molded (and adjusted) and worked out into 'symbiosis' by living it in practice - by both. Without being willing to go for changes in one's own life as well, would even be a dead start!" I think that if both the man and woman are committed to the Lord first (as my list delineates), then the practical life-issues would pretty much resolve itself. If both are truly committed and seeking the Lord in humility and love of their mate, then I am not even concerned about the "other" issues that are common as life is lived. When the heart is in the right place, then the everyday issues are kept in its proper importance and worked through.
I just wanted to amplify my thoughts for the public arena, that's all! (Your list didn't have 26 points, but just 11, including the mystical # " ". I still think your # 2 says it all! (And #1 would be for me more than obvious, including a good sense of humor!)

I also think you will be a "perfect" husband to your "perfect" mate, also if you would consider the other stuff I wrote!

The Lord will surely direct thy path!

BB
_______


JAYF 62M

4/9/2009 6:04 pm

    Quoting BristerBate:
    I just wanted to amplify my thoughts for the public arena, that's all! (Your list didn't have 26 points, but just 11, including the mystical # " ". I still think your # 2 says it all! (And #1 would be for me more than obvious, including a good sense of humor!)

    I also think you will be a "perfect" husband to your "perfect" mate, also if you would consider the other stuff I wrote!

    The Lord will surely direct thy path!

    BB
    _______

Number 8 was an accident - I don't even know how I made that face. And, I do agree with your assesment of #2. The rest is just an expanison of that.

I did read what you wrote. I do not disagree with what is written in that link. I counseled a couple just a few weeks ago - led them to the Lord and then counseled them in their relationship. My counsel was along the same lines as your link. I read a lot on the marital relationship for three reasons: 1) I want to be the man of God that I need to be - it's going to be right this time around and hence the caution with my list, 2) I want her to be a woman of God and 3) I desire the marriage to be an inroads to help those who struggle in their own marriage. I guess my wife leaving me left me with those convictions. I still don't see a problem with a list. I do see a problem, along with you, in having a too detailed list though. In that we can agree. Again, my list only reflects what I desire even before I flushed them out on paper.

I understand where you are coming from concerning no list. It is my humble opinion that if I don't watch myself, I could easily compromise my convictions and end up with someone that is not best for me and me her. As a man, that would be too easy for me to do.

Now now brother - no need for the perfect reference. I am not perfect and neither is my list reflecting that. However, again, it does reflect a woman that not only knows our Lord, but evidences that maturity in her life. I understand that that list makes it look like I am looking for Mrs. Perfect, but that is not even close -just a true godly woman that seeks the Lord as I. We shall grow in Him together (I like that statement and may it be so for His glory).

Blessings my brother,

Jay


JAYF 62M

4/9/2009 6:07 pm

    Quoting  :

Donna,

I hear you on that. I can relate and that is the very reason I am going to adhere to my list - I want God to be truly Lord of our relationship, life, and very existence. Nothing less will do and may God bring it to pass my friend.

Btw, aren't you glad for a God of grace and mercy and the God of a second chance.

I pray blessings for you my sister.


Dundeal
(William Watson)
67M
18097 posts
4/9/2009 6:10 pm

thanks for sharing and welcome to the land of blogs, cheers

May the Lord bless you and keep you


Independance
(Patricia )
62F

4/9/2009 6:11 pm

    Quoting BristerBate:
    Who said you wouldn't love my snore, that you would even "envy" me for how lullabying and comforting it might be? LOL!

    But you took the cake with your # "o", (and the bedroom and bathroom all for yourself), 'cause that would never never happen! So there!
Yes it would, if he was the right one for me and I was the right one for him,,, I need my own bathroom, I can't stand hair on my sink and let's face it, men shave and leave their shavings every were specially the sink, and I am a finicky sleeper, my blankets have to be just right, a second person would disrupt it and that would cause me anxiety and stress, I am a finicky sleeper so what!


Life is an adventure.


JAYF 62M

4/9/2009 6:36 pm

    Quoting Dundeal:
    thanks for sharing and welcome to the land of blogs, cheers
Dundeal, thanks and hopefully I will add some interesting comments from time to time. I enjoy reading your posts. God bless,

Jay


JAYF 62M

4/10/2009 10:22 am

    Quoting  :

Excellent response. Concerning God given second chances was more just a general reference denoting that He is a gracious and merciful God (Ref. Lam. 3:23) and as we do suffer consequences of sin, His grace covers us and we can move on. He will provide as our needs dictate - including a spouse.

Personally, God gave me a verse about a year ago - Eccl. 3:11, "He makes everything beautiful in His time." I know that I a wife would complete me and I am not just talking about the obvious. I look at it like an Adam needing an Eve.

I agree wholeheartedly with your comment about seeking a spouse instead of Him first. It might seem like a contradiction but I am not seeking a spouse. I do desire a godly lady and marriage, but I am not seeking her. My concentration is on the Lord and I believe He will put us together in His time. However, I have that list in my heart and mind to protect me from getting involved when I shouldn't. Does that make sense?


HopeInJesus2009 71F

4/10/2009 4:32 pm

Looking for someone who:
1. Is above all A Christian
2. Is Breathing
3. Has a sense of humor without being annoying!
4. Likes PDA
5. Enjoys God's beautiful creation (trees, flowers, water, etc)
6. Loves animals
7. Is able to read.....I love to have a man read scripture or other things to me...
8. Is attractive to ME
9. Does not flirt with other women
10.Loves me unconditionally
If you are perfect......you need not apply as I could never live up to YOUR expectations.....
God bless!!!


JAYF 62M

4/10/2009 9:35 pm

    Quoting HopeInJesus2009:
    Looking for someone who:
    1. Is above all A Christian
    2. Is Breathing
    3. Has a sense of humor without being annoying!
    4. Likes PDA
    5. Enjoys God's beautiful creation (trees, flowers, water, etc)
    6. Loves animals
    7. Is able to read.....I love to have a man read scripture or other things to me...
    8. Is attractive to ME
    9. Does not flirt with other women
    10.Loves me unconditionally
    If you are perfect......you need not apply as I could never live up to YOUR expectations.....
    God bless!!!
Is breathing - now that's funny my friend. Thanks for giving me your input.

Blesssings and I will be chatting with you.


HopeInJesus2009 71F

4/11/2009 7:35 am

OH....just for the record...
I have already found someone who meets "my requirements"....


JAYF 62M

4/11/2009 10:36 am

    Quoting  :

Lorilei,

I agree that it is difficult to find someone that is truly sold out for the Lord and although not perfect does exhibit humble godlike qualities.

What kind of ministry do you have?


JAYF 62M

4/11/2009 11:03 am

Oh, and Lorilei,

You said in one phrase what I tried to say earlier with many words, lol, "I use it as a personal accountability tool." I agree.


HopeInJesus2009 71F

4/23/2009 4:49 am

OOPS....guess I was wrong.....so....still searching...


JAYF 62M

4/23/2009 8:17 pm

    Quoting HopeInJesus2009:
    OOPS....guess I was wrong.....so....still searching...
Hey my friend, I am sorry. Hang in there.

I like that new picture of you. Looks like you would fit well here in Texas - lol.


HopeInJesus2009 71F

4/27/2009 3:39 pm

Well...if you know of any single, eligible, over 50 under 60 Christian men in Texas.....let me know....LOL


BrendaBoo46Texas 60F

4/23/2010 1:33 pm

Amen, GOD knows what I need. I am not doing any list to carry in my purse LOL. I am sick of trying to figure it out anymore. People are so complicated and follow the world too much that the man or woman has to be this and that then are disappointed in what you get or don't get. I say GOD you know who I am and where I am. So if you decide to bless me with a soul mate, Great, if you don't I am not going to worry about it anymore. Thank you Lord for blessing me with my LORD and savior, wonderful church, health, job and sainity LOL.


pudding4 53F

7/10/2010 11:03 pm

hi how are you doing