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Grief... the ache we learn to live with This post is only viewable by BigChurch members. Join BigChurch now! |
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9/4/2009 4:04 pm |
Sorry for your great loss. I, and I'm sure all of us relate. I live with a hole where my brother filled. No one else can fill it. And others who have passed. My brother is in heaven too, with your sweet friend. And it is the comfort Paul wrote about. But living without our loved ones is part of that cross we pick up with Jesus every day. Part of the sufferings of Christ we share with God. I pray you will work through your grieving, and it sounds like you are. Blessings, Robin   "Love is Patient..."
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9/4/2009 4:49 pm |
First Scottie--Thank you for loving Blanche and being inher life--I;m sure you were a great gift to her and she loved you deeply!! I;ma Hospice Caregiver and I know the pain of losing someone we love so deeply!! What the lord Shared with me once was this--when Ilost so many family members---DeeDee--dont allow the Spirit of Grief to Overwhelm you but allow ME to walk with you through this season of Grief--which I did!! Now I can laugh--smile--reember all the Joys of loving them and there being in my life--lastly remember tears are a language God understands!! You will be in my prayers--DeeDee
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9/4/2009 11:04 pm |
Hello Scottie; Sorry to hear of your loss, but it is good to see you back here in blogland. I'm sure that Blanche knew exactly how you felt about her, and she left this Earth knowing your love and great respect for her. How would she want you to handle her death? What were her wishes for you to do with your life? I'm sure she imparted much wisdom upon you during your time together, including her wise advice and desires for your life. The greatest way you could honor her is to persue and fulfill what she desired to see you do. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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Thank you Gooday2praise and MaryAnne for your consolences. GBY Scottie
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Dear Robin, I am indeed sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Grief is just something that becomes part of living. Thank you for your prayers that I will again be on my way up. The worst isn't over yet. I know this from past experience. The wound is too fresh and her death too sudden for me to emotionally catch up at this point. GBY Scottie
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Scottie so nice to see you here, but so sad to hear about your friend. *hugz* You are in my prayers.
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Dear Dee Dee, Oh my goodness! You have my admiration and respect that you are a hospice caregiver. Dear me the staff was amazing who cared for Blanche. She had liver, kidney and lung cancer. Blanche spent a week in the hospital and then came home. Her kids were awesome to give her 24-hour care in her own house. She died a day after the 2 week mark of being home. To see her slip away day by day was horrible. Every time I saw her I knew that it could be the last. When she was in a coma, I would lay my head on her shoulder and cry. Blanche had helped me through so many of my troubles. She was my go-to gal. No one and I mean NO ONE understood me or loved me the way she did. So now it is time to rely on the Lord above all. Which I do. But sometimes we need a tangible person to count on, talk to, to hug, to cry with, to accept each other... someone to love, and love completely. Thank you for your prayers about the spirit of grief not overwhelming me. Right now this spirit can isolate me and make me feel utterly alone. I know I have the Lord. Thank you Jesus. GBY Scottie
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Dear Chris, First of all WOW! Your poetry is amazing! It made me cry. There is so much truth in way you write and the wording is simply beautiful. Thank you for your prayers and for the idea to journal. I have done that in the past and found it to be helpful. I had totally forgotten about doing that. I will take it up again. I know that you are a fellow dog lover. I have contacted a breeder and am in the process of acquiring another Scottish terrier in mid October. But after discussing this with my brother, I am wondering if it would be better to postpone such an event. My house right now is out of sorts because I did very little filing and cleaning and organizing during this summer. I had also put a lot of projects off during the winter semester because I was really busy with classes. Having a puppy would definitely make me feel better to see her play with my dog, Shadow and watch it grow. Puppies from the breeder are already housebroken and just need to be taught the basics of what not to chew like lamp cords and not to jump up on people. But part of me is wondering if I should in fact postpone the event until spring. That way I can clean and grieve, when I am not working on my grad class homework. What do you think? I am praying and don't feel peace with either scenario. GBY Scottie GBY Scottie
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Dear Byron, Thank you for that verse. You were right about the way Blanche was and how we felt about each other. Yes, I know that she would very much want me to get on with living. She would want me to clean my house and do my gardening and not isolate myself and cry so much. I know that she is alive in Christ and is out of pain, which I do thank the Lord for. But oh how I miss her! My heart actually hurts. I must go through the grief and get it out. However, I wish that I could be more productive. It takes so much effort to even do the smallest of things some days. On other days I am able to do a bit more and that does make me feel better. But after the day of chores are through, Blanche isn't there for me to talk to. Just my dog. And she doesn't carry a conversation very well. Thanks for the welcome back. I have been gone for far too long. GBY Scottie
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Dear Parley, Thank you for your condolences and for the hugs. I really really needed that! I'll do my best to come back on a semi-regular basis. It will be a challenge because of school starting in less that a week. GBY Scottie
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Dear Appreciate, Thank you for your well wishing and condolences. GBY Scottie
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9/5/2009 11:20 pm |
Quoting ScottieDogLover: But after the day of chores are through, Blanche isn't there for me to talk to. Just my dog. And she doesn't carry a conversation very well. Would I be totally out of line if I suggested you get a cat?  I have two, and both can carry a conversation with me quite well. And especially when they want something.  In fact the older one even has a small vocabulary consisting of a few very distict words. Such as ouut, doown, mooore, noow, chowww, ouuh, ooo, nooo, go, newww, feww, cheww, fooood, gooood, and you. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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9/6/2009 3:32 am |
Scottie, ty for your kind words about the loss of my brother. Blessings to you, Robin "Love is Patient..."
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Dear Byron, I have two black cats, brother and sister who enjoy playing mind games with me. They find sinister pleasure by behaving as though they wish to come inside or go outside. Then when I go to the door and like a fool I open it only to have the disinterested cat stare at me or turn about and stroll away. Grrrrrrr... After these two pass, I'm afraid that's the end of me having a cat. That is unless I end up marrying a catlover. Then he can install a catdoor and all will be happy. hugs, Scottie
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Dear Chris, I am still praying about the timing of getting the puppy. If not this fall, perhaps in the spring. I don't have peace about the matter yet either way. I pray that you continue to prosper in your relationship with Anne. For all you know she may live another 20 years! So many are living past 100 these days. I know that you will love her and appreciate her all of her life and well beyond. Journaling is healing. However, I don't enjoy re-reading them. I find it difficult to reacquaint myself with feelings and actions that I am not proud of " to say the least! " There are a few I wish to actually burn! That may be cool. Offering them up to God in flame as a pledge to strive for more Christ-like behavior. Will let you know what I end up doing about the puppy. Scottish terrier puppies as so very sweet. * sigh * I remember you shared photos of your puppies when they were wee. Hope to do the same. GBY Scottie
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Your welcome Robin. Death is difficult enough without it being untimely early in one's life. Blessings right back at you, girlfriend! Scottie
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9/6/2009 6:43 pm |
Scottie, yes death is hard, but I know where he is, as you know where Blanche is. I try thinking about how they (those who I have lost) are with God. One time God let me see my son in heaven. I lost him early in pregnancy. I grieved 2 yrs straight, and I wasn't getting better. God finaly answered my prayer and let me hold my son. It is now a memory that I focus on at times of depression. About your cats, you have not learned their ritual lol. My cat does that too. And he won't eat till I go through his ritual either lol. He wants to rub noses and rub on me to make sure everything is alright. Then he runs to eat! So funny. At the door, to come in or out, he wants me to tell him everything is ok, and that he can come in or go out. Cats are funny that way. Or they can be playing a head game as you say haha. I got a cat when I was going through my depression. He was only 3 months old, but he would wrap himself around my neck and hold my head and lick my tears. Anytime I was really sad, he would comfort me. I never saw anything like it in my life. I believe God sent me that cat. I still have him, and he isn't like that anymore. I was so depressed, and he probably would do that again if I was. But after I saw my son, I was completely healed of the grief. God is good. He will bring you through, and send what you need I believe. Glad you're back, and God bless you in your time of grief, Robin "Love is Patient..."
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9/6/2009 6:49 pm |
Btw beautifull pic of you both. I can see the love of Jesus in both of you. You're very pretty, but the love of God in you is even more beautifull. She beams with it too. Thanks for sharing your beautifull relationship with Blanche with us. That pic is a symbol of God's love in us. To me that's what it shows. "Love is Patient..."
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Oh Robin, these cats can be such stinkers. When I stand with the door open, I count out loud one-two-three and then briskly close the door on three. They will jet inside or outside on three. Smart and such stinkers. Well, if I do fall for a guy who loves cats, he can be the doorman or install a kitty door. Dogs are a much better fit for me. They are more straight forward. How awesome that God allowed you that pleasure of holding your son! Only the Lord can heal us. No one else can. I have prayed to be able to see Blanche in a dream or in an alpha state. In years past my father and my mother, and also a much beloved aunt visited me in dreams or the presence of their spirits. It was wonderful and sped my healing. I love this picture of Blanche, but I don't really like it of myself. This photo was taken a few years ago when I was doing my own hair bleaching and I was also ten pounds heavier. Now I actually look younger because of being in better shape and having a professional do my hair. I am very happy to know that you can see the Christ in both of us though! My heart literally aches. I still cry every day and night, but it isn't as intense as it once was. I'll let you know when God answers my prayer to see Blanche in a dream or vision. GBY Scottie
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9/7/2009 8:47 pm |
Oh Robin, these cats can be such stinkers. When I stand with the door open, I count out loud one-two-three and then briskly close the door on three. They will jet inside or outside on three. Smart and such stinkers. Well, if I do fall for a guy who loves cats, he can be the doorman or install a kitty door. Dogs are a much better fit for me. They are more straight forward. How awesome that God allowed you that pleasure of holding your son! Only the Lord can heal us. No one else can. I have prayed to be able to see Blanche in a dream or in an alpha state. In years past my father and my mother, and also a much beloved aunt visited me in dreams or the presence of their spirits. It was wonderful and sped my healing. I love this picture of Blanche, but I don't really like it of myself. This photo was taken a few years ago when I was doing my own hair bleaching and I was also ten pounds heavier. Now I actually look younger because of being in better shape and having a professional do my hair. I am very happy to know that you can see the Christ in both of us though! My heart literally aches. I still cry every day and night, but it isn't as intense as it once was. I'll let you know when God answers my prayer to see Blanche in a dream or vision. GBY Scottie  My cats try that door trick with me too, but I'm one up on them. I never let them out, except for in the dead of winter, after a big snow fall and with winds howling. Only then, I'll open my back door wide, and leave it open. Both cats rush out, but they don't stay out once they see and feel all that snow. Both my cats are indoor felines, by my choice, so going outside is something that doesn't happen. But they each got their own ritual. When I get home, the older one has to jump into my lap, get petted and told that he is 'my cat', until he's had enough. Then he jumps down until I turn on either the TV or computer, and up in my lap for another round of "my cat". He does this 3 or 4 times, then he's okay. The other one has to sleep next to me, and often under the blankets. So the woman I marry better not mind a cat in her lap or in our bed. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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9/8/2009 12:11 am |
I think you look great in that pic, so ya must look FABULOUS NOW!! Blessings, and will you come train my cat pls?? "Love is Patient..."
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Dear Byron, I guess that crosses me off your list. I am actually allergic to cats! Unfortunately I didn't discover this unwelcome news until after my two cats were FOUR years old. There was NO WAY I was going to give them away. That would have killed me and the boys. Once they are trained to go outside, it is very stressful to have them be indoor cats exclusively. They are always trying to sneak out too. It is best to have them be indoors cats from the get-go. One thing that is very helpful is their hunting skills. They take care of mice and chipmunks that attempt to enter the house or build nests in between the cracks of the porch. I still pet my kitties. But I have to wash my hands after petting them. When I kiss them on the head, I have to use a lot of nasal spray. It is too bad. I used to love to cuddle with them on my lap. Now I have to settle for them at my feet or on the back of the couch. GBY Scottie
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Dear Robin, LOL I used a water sprayer to break them of the howling habit and also scratching furniture. It really did work. Cats are very smart and really don't take very long to train, as long as it is how to not dilly-dallying when entering and exiting the house. Thank you again for your compliments. You look very very young for your age. 50 really is the new 40. Often I have noticed that Christians especially can look younger than their chronological ages. This is probably due to the fact that the Lord gives us peace through every trial. Happy Belated Birthday! GBY Scottie
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9/15/2009 12:05 am |
Dear Byron, I guess that crosses me off your list. I am actually allergic to cats! Unfortunately I didn't discover this unwelcome news until after my two cats were FOUR years old. There was NO WAY I was going to give them away. That would have killed me and the boys. Once they are trained to go outside, it is very stressful to have them be indoor cats exclusively. They are always trying to sneak out too. It is best to have them be indoors cats from the get-go. One thing that is very helpful is their hunting skills. They take care of mice and chipmunks that attempt to enter the house or build nests in between the cracks of the porch. I still pet my kitties. But I have to wash my hands after petting them. When I kiss them on the head, I have to use a lot of nasal spray. It is too bad. I used to love to cuddle with them on my lap. Now I have to settle for them at my feet or on the back of the couch. GBY Scottie  (kicks a rock and wonders who Miss Right is, and when she will show up.)Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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Sorry, Byron. I am wondering the same thing. I have had unfulfilling relationships with men, who " like " animals, but don't " love " them like I do. It leaves me scratching my head. Am I supposed to settle for someone who doesn't appreciate an aspect of my life that is very important to me the same way that I do? Am I being unrealistic? I don't think so. I believe God DOES have someone just right for each of us. When we meet them, we will know. But when we meet people who are close, but hope they will change into the kind of person we really want, well... that's not right either, is it? Oh, dear... I am tired of waiting too. Hugs, Scottie
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I'm so sorry for your loss - I haven't visited your blog before, and something caught my eye (your pretty face?) The photo of you and your friend is very lovely, and you have awesome memories that you will hold on to. I know you are very sad right now, but in time, you'll feel better, and indeed, focusing on your studies will help. (((HUGS))) Walking, and praising and trusting my Lord for the rest of my life 
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Dear Lovebug, Thank you very much for your consolences. It is so helpful to hear comfort from one of God's children. You are very pretty with your awesome smile and beautiful hair. Thanks for your compliments and words of inspiration. Welcome to my blog. GBY Scottie
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