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Why did these relationships have to die? This post is only viewable by BigChurch members. Join BigChurch now! |
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Excellent post Scottie! This is true and especially when we think that a "person" in our life is the reason for our happiness. God is the reason for our happiness and the significant other is God's icing on the cake for us...but not the cake.  GBY! LYS! May God Bless You in ABUNDANCE
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Good insight; I can think of another scenario...another person arrives on the scene...I have had that one happen more than once. You go along your merry way thinking things are fine, then the dates and the calls come less often, the excuses start and finally you figure it out...most of the time a lot of dishonesty was involved. Unfortunately this occurs even among Christians...even if the truth hurts, I much prefer the truth. He is no fool if he should choose to lose the things he cannot keep to gain what he can never lose.....Jim Elliott Deena 
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Hi Scottie. What you said makes perfect sense. Especially the part about making the relationship more important than God. I suppose that is a form of idolatry. I think a believer's level of spirituality can affect the relationship too. If one is mature and the other isn't, then there could be trouble. Like, if Jesus is their Savior but not their Lord. This might not necessarily ruin it, but it will make it harder to some degree. From reading your comments on these and other issues I think God will answer your prayer because He's doing a good job of preparing you for it. GBU Jim
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Thanks PJ! If you eat icing without cake, you can get sick.  Maybe that is why I prefer a good piece of pie! LOLBeen there, done that and got the t-shirt. I can't make anyone happy, only God can. GBY- Scottie
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Me too, Deena! Thanks for bringing that one up. This behavior isn't gender specific. I think what happens often is one person is a shopper, they don't really know what they are looking for and sometimes they avoid giving this subject serious thought. Or they are just going for the thrill of the hunt, once they have begun to win your affections, the challenge is gone and so flees their interest. Perhaps there was a dealbreaker moment and they don't have the guts to tell you what it was, like they didn't realize how much they hated cats before, or they don't want to be with someone who is a parent, goes to a certain kind of church, participates in a certain activity or doesn't share a much coveted interest, etc. Sometimes these discoveries can be made ahead of time by thinking about what it is they want in a partner, other times it is an honest epiphany that comes from a gradual or sudden revelation. Thanks for sharing. I love your new photo! Way to go girl! GBY- Scottie
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Excellent commentary, Jim. How true about the level of spirituality needing to be compatible. It is another way of being unequally yoked. Thanks again for your encouraging remarks. It appears that you have plenty of great insights about what a healthy Christian relationship is all about. May God grant you success in your search for your beloved. GBY- Scottie
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12/28/2008 9:55 am |
 HUH? They die? Or are they murdered... by perfectionists who think... They HAVE TO HAVE A PERFECT PARTNER... or their JUDGMENTALISM kicks the other person to the curb... with inhuman and ungodly expectations... that no one can live up to... Sooooo... relationships... are they based upon EXPECTATIONS... a mixture of DEMANDS AND SELF DENIALS... or are they based upon acceptance and real humanity... just as Adam was required to do? He had no clue what a "woman was" before she came... had no clue how vastly his life would change... had never (according to scripture ) asked for any companion but God. People say "there is one special one for me somewhere"... yet we also say we have the power to choose... We negate God's choices- and tell Him He must be wrong--- since whom He brings us- does not MATCH OUR EXPECTATIONS. Even Adam wasn't THAT stupid.
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Hey Gordy, Nice to see you on the thread! Yes, there are judgmental people who like to unrealistically reject a person for merely being human and having weaknesses. That is another scenario for sure. Only God knows for sure about who is right for who. When I say "the one the Lord has set aside for you" , I mean God's partner choice of the available people at the time you are single. It could be more than one person during one's lifetime. What if someone is widowed after a satisfying marriage? They may have two partners God has chosen for them. I don't know. Hey, it's not specified in the Bible. But if we pray for wisdom and discernment, He will guide us with His Spirit. I do agree with a lot of your post. Some people found fault with Jesus who WAS perfect where there was no fault at all. I guess human nature hasn't changed much. The flesh will lead us the wrong way. Thank God for His Spirit to teach and lead us to the relationships He wants us to enter into. When I did the choosing and didn't wait for God to bring a romantic relationship to me, I experienced a lot of heartache and pain. I don't want to negate His choice for me. But I think it wise to pray for confirmation and not proceed until you get the go-ahead from Him. GBY- Scottie
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I have just been able to have really close friendships with a few woman since the "One" for me went on to be with the Lord over 22 years ago. Kinda like how geese mate for life, and when one partner is shot out of the air, the other stays single for life. So even though I am a hunter, I don't hunt geese becuase Im not fond enough of goose meat to ruin a partnership for life. So I got a little off trac there. Now I lossed my whole train of thought. Don't believe everything you think, God is not a cookie cutter God! Laughing at yourself is better then laughing at someone else.
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Thank you for contributing, Deric. You are quite right. No one can take the place of your dear wife. Everyone is different. One of my best friends lost her husband over 10 years ago. She has always maintained that she had no interest in re-marrying, because her marriage had been so blessed. What a beautiful metaphor about the geese! May God bless you for your empathy and soft heart. May He give you success hunting other animals that don't mate for life. You weren't off track at all, deer. You were quite on target. Puns intended. Sorry, couldn't resist! GBY in His perfect love! Scottie
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12/28/2008 11:35 pm |
Interesting post. Here's a couple more senerios. 1, Two Partners fall in love, but one has never been loved so unconditionally before, feels unworthy of such love, and becomes afraid of the unknown, and either flees, or sabotages the relationship. 2, The classical change or non-change syndrome. If one expects the other to change, but it doesn't happen, and\or one expects the other to never change but the other one does. Isaiah 66:2b; But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
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Thank you, Byron... or should I say Santa? Love your Santa hat pic! The first scenario that you mention of someone fleeing or sabotaging the relationship is often due to their past experience with being abused. We are attracted to what we are familiar with whether it is healthy or not. When a person suffers from either childhood abuse or an unhealthy adult intimate relationship they will repeat that cycle unless they receive intervention from some good counseling or psycho-therapy. Sometimes an abused person can educate themselves through selfhelp books and that is an excellent start. God is the ultimate Counselor as described by Isaiah. The Lord can give us wisdom and discernment in our relationships. But just as someone would seek a doctor to fix a broken arm, so should a person with a history of being abused or being abusive seek a counselor to learn healthy patterns of communication. Scenario two of changing is an interesting one. God changes us in degrees every day if we are open to it. If a person stays the same and isn't improving some area of their life over the years, what does this say about their relationship with God? This would indicate to me that they are immature Christians where Jesus is Savior, but not Lord in their lives. I would imagine that people who don't expect others to ever change, would also be this type of individual who does not change themselves over the years. They get older, but alas do not grow wiser. We can't necessarily expect others to change in their own strength. Sometimes this is possible. But only God can truly give us solid change to our character, our behavior, our faith, our ability to love and our ability to forgive. Change can be bad too. When a person loses the battle with alcohol addiction or makes anything or anyone in their lives more important than God, their life becomes more and more dysfunctional because they have lost that Spiritual connection. The branch becomes withered when separated from the Lord's vine. Their personal relationships suffer as a result. Thank you for your provocative contribution! Happy New Year to you and your sweetie! Scottie
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I've thought about this too, sometimes the relationship has a lot of good things about it, yet the negative side is draining and God isn't pleased. So it's sometimes necessary to end the relationship. It's not easy, I know this happened to me recently and it was very hard, didn't want to but I know that it was necessary.
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No relationship will be perfect. However, I believe that sometimes we get involved with a person who the Lord hasn't selected for us to be with. Without His anointing and blessing, the union may fail to allow you the opportunity to meet and be with the person you are truly supposed to be with according to God's perfect plan for your life. I pray that the Lord comforts you in your time of need. GBY- Scottie
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