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Is divorce ever justified? First of all, this is not my story, but I have been pondering as i know someone in this situation. Put yourself in these peoples shoes for just a minute...If you were married a long time, had many unhappy years together and lots of separations and the last separation you decide that this time is for good. If you know in your heart that you never really deeply loved that spouse and the spouse didn't either even though there was love there would it be right to contemplate a divorce? What if the other partner is just hanging on for grim life but yet hasn't got the kind of relationship with God as Lord and Saviour as the other spouse? What if that spouse can only give the continual shallow love yet they believe that they genuinely love you? What if you know that you need more depth and can't give out of the depth in your own heart? What if you know that it has died a long time ago, yet hanging on becuase you know that it isn't God's will for you to be divorced? The more the other spouse begs and appeases, the more the other spouseis being pushed away further and more torment occurs. Both these partners have experienced long separations, but the physical relationship was still there. This could only confuse the situation more I know. Perhaps that has added to the torment they are both going through. Can a marriage ending in divorce ever be justified outside of abuse or adultery? What are your thoughts? The body of Christ is like a patchwork quilt! All stitched together with God's love. |
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I believe that God is a God of mercy and grace who doesn't call his children to suffer needlessly. We are told clearly that if an unbelieving spouse choses to leave, then let them go in peace, there is no obligation there. (It wasn't really clear if there is a partner here who is an non-believer or just not as strong.) Also, if real love was not there, was there a real marriage to begin with? There is a concept of entering into a marriage contract fraudulently. (Not maliciously, that is different.) Personally, I consider leaving and coming back and leaving and coming back time after time abusive. Abuse to the heart and soul is just as bad as physical battery. Just because a wound is not visible to the naked eye doesn't mean it didn't occur.
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we do not always make right choices. Infidelity breaks the covenant. We are under grace. So, yeah we could be wrong. God is not going to forsake us for being wrong. He gave us Jesus because of us being wrong. He bridged a gap we can not bridge. Each situation has so many differing variables.
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8/16/2008 12:42 am |
I think that it looks as if someone is expecting things from the other person which they wont give because they dont know how to. Some people are worldly minded, and not really Christians. If the other person who is a true Christian feels cheated, as in not getting real true genuine deep love from the other person, instead of keeping on trying to get love and realizing it only pushes the other person away, they ought to stop and think about it and change their ways. Here is some counsel I read, maybe it will shed some light.. The idea is to seek to give love rather than to try to get it from the other person. And remember the Bible says 1Pt:3:1: "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. See the "without the word" part? Like as in, set an example of what a true genuine Christian should be ... pray and let God do the rest... without trying to get the partner to do this and that. Please forgive the length of this, but I do hope it helps: Is the Marriage Oath Nothing? I wish to present before you some few points. Why do you not regard facts as they are? You two registered an oath that has been recorded upon the record books of heaven by the recording angel, that you would love one another until death does you part. Why do you not remember this? Do you so lightly put aside your vows? Should you yield to evil counsel your honor, your oath, your duty? If evil thoughts have come in upon you, if you have had evil advice suggesting your estrangement, is that a reason you should lightly cast aside your oath? Is an oath nothing? Are your own whims everything? You may say you do not love your husband. Is that a reason you should not try to do so? Is this life so long and of such value to you that you will choose to have your own way and set aside God's law? I see no possible grounds for you to obtain a divorce. If your husband deceived you, even so, there is your oath. If he told you, as he says he did do, and denies that he deceived you, then you married him, how can you obtain a divorce? I wish you would pursue a course in accordance with the advice I gave you, for I cannot give you any other counsel. Imperfection No Reason for Dissolving a Marriage. My heart is sick when I see the loose way that the marriage vows are held. We are nearing the judgment. I ask you to consider carefully, candidly, your position. There is, perhaps, upon more thorough acquaintance, a dislike of your husband's ways and manners. Will not many people find the same, after the marriage novelty has passed? But when you made your vow before God and holy angels, you knew you were not perfect and your husband was not perfect; but this is no excuse for breaking your marriage vow. There is a need of training your mind and heart that you shall bear with one another, to be kind to one another, and not to allow distrust and hatred to come in. Resurrection of Dead Love. I love you, my sister, and I do not want you to take a course to ruin your own happiness and that of your husband. Those who have come in to teach you to do this had better be searching their own hearts. When you bring your will more to your aid, and conscientiously move in the fear of God, then the love you now suppose to be dead will be found to have a resurrection, unless you play upon each other's evil nature and stir up the worst qualities of the human heart. The fountain of love will increase day by day and in time will exclude all bitterness and disappointments. You know you have kindly feelings toward your husband, for he is your husband and he loves you with all his heart. Your love would be precious to him, a light, an inspiration to his life. Your husband will appreciate your love; he will value it, and it will have a modifying, elevating influence upon his life. You may have fancies and ideas and whims that you may not at once surrender, and your husband may have to bear humbly and patiently with you. But you have noble traits of character that, if not disregarded and abused, will come to your help. Need of Forbearance. Now, I tell you that you cannot break your marriage vow and be guiltless before God. Unite your interest with your husband. Love him and bear with him and work with him. Bid the evil advisers depart. The case is between you and your husband and your God. It is a pride of heart that shuts your eyes that you cannot and do not discover the justice and righteousness in the case of fidelity to your husband. Adhere faithfully to your marriage vows because you are upright of heart, and will you regret this keeping of your vows when you shall be clothed in the garments of Christ's righteousness? You will, I know, when convinced of the right way, act resolutely, not as a child, but according to your convictions and not according to your feelings. Give yourself to God without reserve, soul, body, and spirit. Go to work in the cause of God, doing good, and the Lord will bless you. Do not become self-centered. Think of someone's soul; think of the self-denying, self-sacrificing life of Jesus. Turn your attention away from yourself to Jesus and His life and His character.--Letter 57, 1888. Give a Living Example of Self-control. You have trials, I know, but there is such a thing as showing a spirit of driving rather than of drawing. Your husband needs each day to see a living example of patience and self-control. Make every effort to please him, and yet do not yield up one principle of the truth. . . . Christ requires the whole being in His service--heart, soul, mind, and strength. As you give Him what He asks of you, you will represent Him in character. Let your husband see the Holy Spirit working in you. Be careful and considerate, patient and forbearing. The Adventist Home, Page 349 Do not Urge the Truth upon Your Husband. Do not urge the truth upon him. Do your duty as a wife should, and then see if his heart is not touched. Your affections must not be weaned from your husband. Please him in every way possible. Let not your religious faith draw you apart. Conscientiously obey God, and please your husband wherever you can. . . . Let all see that you love Jesus and trust in Him. Give your husband and your believing and unbelieving friends evidence that you desire them to see the beauty of truth. But do not show that painful, worrying anxiety which often spoils a good work. . . . The Adventist Home, Page 349 Wives be Obedient to Your Husbands. Let us read the words of inspiration from Jesus Christ through Paul to Titus. He is charged to speak "the things which become sound doctrine: that the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things: that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed" [Titus 2:1-5]. A Happy, Successful Partnership Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven. All should cultivate patience by practicing patience. By being kind and forbearing, true love may be kept warm in the heart, and qualities will be developed that Heaven will approve. The Adventist Home, page 106 The Enemy Will Seek to Alienate Satan is ever ready to take advantage when any matter of variance arises, and by moving upon the objectionable, hereditary traits of character in husband or wife, he will try to cause the alienation of those who have united their interests in a solemn covenant before God. In the marriage vows they have promised to be as one, the wife covenanting to love and obey her husband, the husband promising to love and cherish his wife. If the law of God is obeyed, the demon of strife will be kept out of the family, and no separation of interests will take place, no alienation of affection will be permitted. The Counsel to a Strong-willed Couple. Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. The Lord has laid down the principle that is to guide in this matter. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church. And the wife is to respect and love her husband. Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other. . . . Do not try to compel each other to do as you wish. You cannot do this and retain each other's love. Manifestations of self-will destroy the peace and happiness of the home. Let not your married life be one of contention. If you do, you will both be unhappy. Be kind in speech and gentle in action, giving up your own wishes. Watch well your words, for they have a powerful influence for good or for ill. Allow no sharpness to come into your voices. Bring into your united life the fragrance of Christlikeness. The Adventist Home, page 107 Jn:14:15: If ye love me, keep my commandments. --Jesus.
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The only time divorce was acceptable was if the partner had been guilty of sexual immorality but there are other scriptures saying that if an unbelieving partner wants a divorce to let them go, because we are called to peace.. 1 Cor 7 is titled Principles of Marriage 10-16 pretty well covers it.
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8/16/2008 3:14 am |
Well I know what the scriptures teach about marriage and divorce, and that is why I endured an intolerable situation in my marriage for years. It wasn't unlike the situation described in the original post although there hadn't been any separations prior to the dicorce. I would have stayed in the marriage until it killed me if God had not intervened to get me out. Yes I know that's a strange statement for a Christian to make, but I can't explain it any other way {although I'm not going to go into the detail}. It taught me a very important lesson - behind the scriptures is a PERSON who cares deeply about all of us. Remember that "the letter kills, but the spirit gives life" {2 Cor 3v6} and remember that "what God has joined together, let not man put asunder" - but that doesn't prevent God in his infinite wisdom and sovereignty from "putting asunder" himself {especially if maybe HE hadn't joined together in the first place}. The more I learn about the ways of God the more I realise that I don't know! Peter  "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth" 2 Timothy 2 v 15
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Peter you hit it on the head
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8/16/2008 6:25 pm |
I believe that God is a God of mercy and grace who doesn't call his children to suffer needlessly. We are told clearly that if an unbelieving spouse choses to leave, then let them go in peace, there is no obligation there. (It wasn't really clear if there is a partner here who is an non-believer or just not as strong.) Also, if real love was not there, was there a real marriage to begin with? There is a concept of entering into a marriage contract fraudulently. (Not maliciously, that is different.) Personally, I consider leaving and coming back and leaving and coming back time after time abusive. Abuse to the heart and soul is just as bad as physical battery. Just because a wound is not visible to the naked eye doesn't mean it didn't occur. The real question is what if this person re-marries and the new spouse gets flaky. Is it time for another divorce?
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