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Are you ready for a relationship?? To help you assess how ready you are to engage in friendships and other meaningful relationships, respond to each item listed below using the following scale: 4 - Often 3 - Sometimes 2 - Seldom 1 - Never ___ I feel a sense of relief when I don't have to be alone ___Any relationship is better than no relationship at all ___I experience a little bit of panic when i think of not having someone to be close to ___The very idea of solitude strikes fear in my heart ___I'm tempted to settle for any kind of friendship ___I'm not sure I'll find just the right friend for me ___In most of my relationships, I wait to be "selected" rather than taking the initiative myself to do the selecting ___When I have special friendships, I feel better about myself ___I don't like being alone ___I don't have a very clear idea of the personal qualities I look for in a person in terms of friendship __If I don't have someone to be close to, I feel less complete - Scoring: Add the numbers you have placed next to each statement. There is a possible total for forty points. To interpret your score, use the following scale: - 30-40: There is a strong indication that you have a need to establish a healthier sense of your identity and personal wholeness. - 20-29: You have done some significant work in establishing a healthy identity and a good sense of self-worth. There is still work to do, however, in continuing to construct an integrated and whole sense of self that will help to ensure healthier relationships. - 1-19: You have an established sense of security in who you are and a confident perspective on your sense of personal wholeness, which should serve you well in your relationships. I am a strong advocate for pre-marital and post-divorce counseling. The experts say that first of all, it takes 5 years for a person to totally recover and be ready for a second marriage. And secondly, you will most likely repeat the mistakes you made in your first marriage, unless you get post-divorce counseling. For those facing a third, or even fourth marriage....counseling should be mandatory. Before my divorce was even finalized, I had already taken an intensive week-end long counseling course, and a 6-week long, group-type of counseling. I felt I needed that....and I was right. The singles ministry of my church offers 6-week long courses two times every year, dealing with relationships. Every course is different, with different topics and counselors. I am now on my 5th course, and the above is what our session was about tonight. One of the women said tonight, that after being divorced for 2 years, she thought she was ready to re-marry, but now, after it being 3 years, she realizes that she really wasn't as ready as she originally thought.When we are considering a life-long commitment, I don't think we can objectively evaluate our readiness. The two times I thought I had found the right woman, I ran some of the details past my . She has an amazing ability to immediately get all the fluff out of the way, and get right to the core, with an incredible Godly accuracy. If she wasn't a Christian, it would be scary. I now know that when a relationship begins to form, to trust her wisdom. In my last serious relationship, after I had run a few of the aspects of our relationship past her, she asked me one question, and in 12 words, nailed what my future would look like if I had married that woman. I couldn't see it at the time, but I can see it now. As painful as the break up was, I can now thank the Lord for causing it. As the experts have predicted, without counseling, she has repeated some of the same mistakes from her two prior marriages, as she looks toward her 3rd marriage. We all need help in this area of our lives. Every one of us. I hope she gets her own help, she deserves it. I'm sure she is probably as grateful as I am, because I am still on the road to my own recovery from divorce. I am finding that even with all the help I have sought out, and received, I have made some of the same mistakes I did with my ex. I am so thankful I found a church that cared enough for me, and others like me, to offer this kind of much needed assistance in living. I hope the above will help you, if only to encourage you to seek an objective person to help guide you. Eph 2:10 We are his workmanship (poiema, or poem, or work of art) created in Christ Jesus. God is an artist and you are His masterpiece! |
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19 wow thanks gary will take the advice , reading dare to love , the movie about a fireman good stuff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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9/24/2008 2:41 pm |
Hi Gary ....I'm new around here. Hope you don't mind me stopping by. I am enjoying reading your posts. It's refreshing to read from a guy who is into self development. So many men just toughen up and ride on to the next mess....lol.....hey women included!! I enjoyed taking your quiz. I was challenged as I took it to recall the times since my divorce that I have felt 'needy/lonely' and been tempted to have a relationship just to fill the void but I know that never does anything but hinder the healing process and usually create another mess that needs cleaning up....  What you say is very true. It is important to think about why we are looking for a new relationship or we just end up choosing the same old... same old..... familiar history. I liked your points about being ready. 'Ready' can just feel like needing something new to bring some excitement into our lives or 'I can't living alone anymore!!' Counseling helps us identify and face the 'hidden' issues that need addressing which we most often keep pushed down and quieted, sometimes by avoidance of pain or just simple unawareness. We all become better potential partners when we can be open and honest about ourselves and be brave enough to take on the challenge of dealing with issues that have not been working for us. Keep up the great insights!!! Julie
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Whew!! Only 14. Ok, guys, I guess I'm all ready now! Come and get me!!! Oh, wait, on second thought.......go do what Dad wants you to do!
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Lol, after 10 years of being single again, I had a discussion with the Lord about why it is taking so long. His reply, do you really think I would have done that to a son of mine while you still looked like that! Today, I can only say thank you Lord, my mind was renewed over the 13 years of being single, now I can add value. Hi there, just had to pop in to say hi. 
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Hi there, Thanks for the post. It is quite a challenge to look inwards and not flinch but the more I understand the better my life is. Thanks for the insight and advice. Tina. Jude 24-25. Amen!
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