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AlwaysLovinLife 60F
50 posts
1/29/2008 9:58 pm
After divorce when do you "feel" single again?


I'm a year into being single again and I'm still wondering when I'm going to feel and act like a single person again.
Specifically...when am I going to be comfortable, dare I say it?...flirting with a guy again. I don't even think I remember how to do it!
Take today for example...I was at the gym. Yes I joined in January, I know that's cliche but my future self wants to be healthy, fit and energetic...so my present self must use torture type weight machines and sweat profusely on an elliptical machine for future self's sake. I so hope she appreciates it!!
Anyway...I'm sweating away in a set of the most unattractive sweats possible borrowed from my brother-in-law because I joined the gym and forgot I didn't have workout clothes.
Everytime I glanced to my right I'm met with a charming smile attached to a wonderfully in shape man. Since I'm surrounded by two intimidatingly fit women also using elliptical machines I assumed the charming smiles were for them and I continued on sweating and making assorted huffing and puffing sounds.
Then both intimidatingly fit women left and I was the only brave soul struggling on. A glance to my right and there it was again! A charming smile. I looked around. Me? I tried a tentative smile to my right...and the charming smile got bigger and the handsome head it was attached to nodded at me.
Flustered and overcome by what could have either been heat stroke, dehydration or shyness I finished my workout.
On my way out of the gym the charming man with the charming smile ...smiled at me and nodded. I nodded and rushed out of the gym as though I were a doctor headed for the ER. I'm not.
Now my question is...what do I do tomorrow? Give up working out and disappoint future self? Ask brother-in-law for an even uglier set of sweats? Or buck up and maybe utter the devestatingly clever "hello"?


Michael33333 57M
3045 posts
1/29/2008 10:47 pm

Be patient and stay God centered... Allow God to do His work in and through you... He has a good plan for you... the 'one' will be standing under that neon marquee...

Let the SON shine!!!
michael


Cassiusclay 64M

1/29/2008 10:52 pm

Yes it is a tough one alright, I never had to think about dating until I was seperated, no-one ever thinks along those lines, no need to, then, the inevitable happens and we find ourselves in that position, a tough one, what do we do. I found the Lord was the one to see me through all the difficult times I faced. i found I knew him better than when I was married. The only answer i can give you at this stage is the one I found, Jesus,.. he became real to me.

Clay

Gods way is my way,...Clay


AlwaysLovinLife 60F

1/30/2008 6:22 am

    Quoting Michael33333:
    Be patient and stay God centered... Allow God to do His work in and through you... He has a good plan for you... the 'one' will be standing under that neon marquee...
Michael, you are so so right, thanks for the reminder!
God has such an awesome sense of humor and irony...I'm willing to bet He's having a great time planning those neon sign moments for each of us! He's probably thinking, "what part of 'nothing impossible' don't they get?"


AlwaysLovinLife 60F

1/30/2008 6:28 am

    Quoting Cassiusclay:
    Yes it is a tough one alright, I never had to think about dating until I was seperated, no-one ever thinks along those lines, no need to, then, the inevitable happens and we find ourselves in that position, a tough one, what do we do. I found the Lord was the one to see me through all the difficult times I faced. i found I knew him better than when I was married. The only answer i can give you at this stage is the one I found, Jesus,.. he became real to me.

    Clay
Clay, I'm finding that my relationship with God is better than when I was married also. That is so sad to me... I guess I depended on my husband when I should have been depending on God. I also wonder if that wasn't too much pressure on my ex...did that contribute to the ending of our marriage? OUCH! I don't know..I may never know...I just have to learn and move forward.
Thank you for your comment. Jesus becoming real in our lives is a wonderful wonderful thing isn't it?


AlwaysLovinLife 60F

1/30/2008 6:33 am

ForeverinHIM, thank you so much for that story!! I feel like my smile reflex is broken too...but I'm trying to loosen it up
I'm looking forward to the time when I act more naturally around everyone. You've given me hope that it will happen in time!


AlwaysLovinLife 60F

1/30/2008 6:35 am

    Quoting  :

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Glo! I will keep pressing on and trust that God will guide me in the plan He has for me!


jerseygirl1964
(Ginny )
61F
3657 posts
1/30/2008 7:06 am

It's been 6 years for me and I just really don't look at all. My eyes just don't make contact in that way. So don't be so hard on yourself.

I can only remember once or twice looking and saying maybe. I have dated but they were incidences that took me by surprise and 2 of them I already knew and when they heard I was available to date asked me much to my surprise but obviously they didn't work out.

I never went on the "prowl" to look for men even many moons ago in my 20's. When I went out, I went out with the girls and that's just what I did.

Whatever relationships I have had took me quite by surprise, even my husband. So, I don't know what to tell you except I am sociable, I can carry on conversation well, it's just that I am not looking and never was. So I guess just smile back and think about just the fact that you made a polite and nice human connection without anything attached but just a connection with one of God's children and relax.

There is no science, no art and what you want, I am assuming, is a natural thing, nothing forced and you never know what God's plans are for you and for the one he intends.

So just enjoy life and smile naturally because you are happy inside and not for any other reason but to smile.


* Sin is sin. Careful what comes across your lips & out your finger tips!!!
* We are all the Body of Christ. Let's treat each other as such, with the same respect we give to HIM!!
* Relationship advice: DO NOT make someone a PRIORITY, when they ONLY make you an OPTION!!
* A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man has to seek HIM in order to find her!!