Blog : Don't I need healthy self-esteem to be able to serve the Lord? Don't I need to love myself properly

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12/7/2011 2:07 am

Don't I need healthy self-esteem to be able to serve the Lord? Don't I need to love myself properly

from Psychoheresy

Again, we must go to Scripture, not to psychology, to find the answer. Can you find a single verse that says that you need to build your self-esteem? Many distort the command, "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matt. 22:39), to fit the current psychological "wisdom." They say, "The Bible commands us to love ourselves." Some even go so far as to say that we cannot love God and others until we first learn to love ourselves. Thus they turn people toward a futile search for self-love.

If you study the verse in its context, it is clear that Jesus says there are two commands, not three: Love God and love your neighbor. The standard for loving your neighbor is how you do in fact already love yourself! Jesus assumes that we each love ourselves so much that if we just love our neighbor that much, we have obeyed the command. Paul also assumes that each person loves himself (Eph. 5:28-29) and uses this as the standard by which men must love their wives. Even those with poor "self-esteem" love themselves too much, because they are consumed with self. They aren't sacrificing themselves for God and others. The mark of biblical love is self-sacrifice, not self-esteem (Eph. 5:25; John 13:34; 15:13; 1 John 3:16).

Not only does the Bible not encourage self-love; it strongly warns against it! Self-love heads the list of terrible sins that marks the end times (2 Tim. 3:2-4). The first requirement if we want to be followers of Jesus is to deny ourselves, not affirm ourselves (Mark 8:34). In fact, this is to be the daily experience of all disciples (Luke 9:23, "daily"). Many verses in the Bible tell us to humble ourselves and not to think too highly of ourselves (see James 4:6-10; 1 Pet. 5:5-6; Rom. 12:3); but none tell us to focus on how wonderful or worthy we are (because we're not worthy - grace is for the unworthy). We are commanded to esteem others more highly than ourselves (Phil. 2:3).

The problem with building your self-esteem is that the focus is wrong. Jesus said that if you seek to save your life, you'll lose it, but if you lose your life for His sake and the gospel's, you will save it (Mark 8:35). If you say no to your own self-focus and live for Jesus and others (the two great commandments), God graciously gives you the fulfillment you need. But if you seek fulfillment or self-esteem, you will come up empty in the end.