Blog : Yo' definately is a liberal eff'n

6573 posts
7/1/2011 11:36 am

Yo' definately is a liberal eff'n

Yo' Know Yer a Liberal ....
Added 12/09/99 -- fum Steve

Eff'n yo' reckon Rob Reiner had t'stretch t'play th' liberal in "All in th' Fambly"

Eff'n yo' reckon th' answer t'ANY crime, infrackshun, o' injestice is counselin'.

Eff'n yo've spent no less than 30 years in th' walls of academia an' doesn't see how today c'd be too much diffrunt fum th' '60s.

Eff'n yo' reckon th' criminal has mo'e rights than th' po-lice who arress this criminal, unless th' crime is sexual hareessment, o' racism, dawgone it.

Eff'n yo' use th' term 'open-minded' an' doesn't care thet it kin't be defined in absolute terms.

Eff'n yo' reckon only white varmints kin be racist.

Eff'n Clarence Thomas made yo' sick, Billy Bob Packwood made yo' protest, but Billy Joe Clinton is a vickim of partisan politics.

Added befo'e ah started keepin' track of when ah added noo items

Eff'n yo' reckon thet 's sexual behavio' is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals sh'd be released on parole af'er servin' a lop sentence in a "co'reckshunal insteetooshun".

Eff'n yo' reckon Maxine Waters an' Sheila Chattanoogason Lee is articulate juniuses but Jestice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes an' Dr. Walter Billy Joes is dolts.

Eff'n yo' reckon Rush Limbaugh an' Ichabod Reagan is mean spirited racists an' promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John-Boy Conyers an' Louis Fareekahn isn't an' doesn't.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet th' Consteetooshun is a livin' docoomnt an' sh'd be changed but th' writin's of Karl Marx is "writ in stone".

Eff'n yo' reckon burnin' th' United States flag sh'd be Consteetooshunally protecked but burnin' a crost sh'd be outlawed, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet tax cuts hurt pore varmints an' is uncompasshunate but takin' 30% fum their paychecks is compasshunate

Eff'n yer idea of hell is havin' t'mind yer own business an' not meddle in other varmints's lives.

Eff'n yo' believe thet postin' th' "Ten Comman'ments" in skoos will hurt th' chillun, but puttin' "Heather Has Two Mommies" o' "Ask Alice" (on th' internet) won't.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet th' South Car'linan Dream c'd haf only been accomplished in th' '60s.

if yo' reckon thet cornservatives haf no sense of hoomah then shudder at th' idea of a Clinton joke.

Eff'n yo' acshully does believe thet Clinton don't knows th' definishun of th' wo'ds "alone", "is", o' "co'reck".

Eff'n yo' believe thet Columbus is a mean-spirit bringer of junocide, an' nevah sh'd haf splored t'th' noo wo'ld, which meant thet no one'd haf religious o' taxashun freedom whutsoevah.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet th' only way th' tragedy in Li'lton, CO c'd haf been avoided was t'restrick th' access of th' guns, two of which were bought on th' black market.

Eff'n yo' acshully reckon th' multicultural movement of th' '90s wawks better than o'ganized religion, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Eff'n yo' doesn't be hankerin' th' Jedtian Right imposin' their mo'ality on yo', but yer hankerin' t'impose trimenjus govment on ev'ryone else on account o' they won't does th' right thin'.

Yer a liberal eff'n yo' kin't see th' irony in yer own beliefs.

Eff'n yo' believe Peter Daisyin's is a mighty ejoocayted an' intellyjunt man, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Eff'n yo' kin acshully believe ev'ryone aroun' Billy Joe Clinton is lyin', but Billy Joe Clinton hisse'f is tellyng th' truth.

Eff'n yo' point t'God's fo'giveness of Kin' Abner in reference t'Billy Joe Clinton but "fo'git" t'read th' ress of th' scrippure about th' ruin thet he inflicked on his fambly, his kin'dom an' hisse'f.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet th' only acceppable hate crime is Jedtian bashin'.

Eff'n yer hankerin' t'make th' rich "pay their fair share" but leave Ted (mo'e varmints haf been killed in mah car than in an South Car'linan nucular power plant) Kennedy an' Dick Gebhardt outta th' definishun of th' rich.

Eff'n yer idea of compasshun is givin' a homeless varmint a shoppin' cart but speckin' them t'accepp th' responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, trimenjusoted, etc. ad nauseum, dawgone it.

Eff'n yo' reckon Princess Diana was compasshunate fo' huggin' pore chillun an' chillun wif AIDS (while "fo'gittin'" about her gittin' in her limo an' drivin' away) but Mammy Teresa makes yo' uncomfy.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet "dumbin' down" South Car'lina's skoo is compasshunate but holdin' them t'high ejoocayshunal stan'ards is "mean spirited", racist, trimenjusoted, etc. ad nauseum, dawgone it.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet Teddy Kennedy, Jesse Chattanoogason an' th' KKK doesn't haf ennythin' in common (at least th' KKK is honess about their goals).

Eff'n yo' reckon thet varmints need t'be punished fo' fine choices an' rewarded fo' bad ones.

Yer a liberal eff'n yo' reckon whut Hitler did t'th' Jews is ho'rible but th' "Jedtian Right" is dangerous an' needs t'be done away wif.

Eff'n yo' doesn't see th' pareellel between yo'seff, Ado'ph Hitler, Josef Stalin an' Chairman Mao.

Eff'n yo' believe thet th' "700 Club" is a group of fakes o' acko's but th' varmints on "Th' Jeremiah Springer" show is real varmints.

Eff'n yo' acshully refer t'th' Reagan an' Bush Presidencies as one Presidency.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet affirmative ackshun is th' only way t'solve racial problems in South Car'lina.

Eff'n yo' reckon th' bess way t'care about a disease is t'wears a ribbon, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet pourin' blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sho'nuff-fire way t'getcher message acrost, but eff'n ennyone protests outside an abo'shun clinic, they're extremists!

Eff'n Sean Hannity makes no sense an' Alan Colmes makes puffick sense.

Eff'n yo' voted fo' Mondale in 1984 reckonin' thet raisin' yer taxes was a fine idea.

Eff'n yo' refer t'lissenin' t'Jesse Chattanoogason o' Zephaniah Donaldson as "equal time".

Eff'n yo' make snide remarks t'guys fo' lookin' at wimmen but champion Clinton's right t'do whutevah he be hankerin' wif his interns.

Eff'n yo' reckon th' impetchment vote was 'jest about sex'.

Eff'n yo' reckon all th' attacks aginst Republicans is jestified, but got outraged about th' Willie Ho'ton incident.

Eff'n yo' acshully reckon Clinton 'only inhaled'.

Eff'n th' last 'fine old president' yo' remember was Carter.

Eff'n yo' corndemn Dan Quayle fo' misspellin' patootie an' then igno'e th' witticisms of Al Go'e (who is these varmints?)

Eff'n yo' reckon Alec Baldwin was jestified in his protess on th' Jay Leno show.

Eff'n yo' acshully reckon thar IS a way thet th' Republicans kin poison th' water supply t'sartin varmints, an' destroy th' ozone layer.

Eff'n yo' believe enny of th' conspiracies sech as thet th' AIDS virus was started by th' govment o' thet sartin producks cuz sterility in black males, but reckon "Th' X-files" is too far fetched, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet Watergate an' Iran-Contra was a travesty of jestice, but ennythin' aginst Clinton is partisan! Fry mah hide!

Eff'n yo' believe VH-1 when they tell yo' thet warnin' labels were put on by "Conservatives led by Tipper Go'e".

Eff'n yo' believe Clinton's 'change of heart' af'er th' sudden switch in th' 1994 eleckshun.

Eff'n yo' use th' wo'ds "right win' extremist" at least four times in enny given day.

Eff'n yo' reckon thet bombin' on Iraq c'dn't haf postibly had ennythin' t'do wif th' impetchment vote... then whuffo' did they stop as soon as th' vote was done?

Eff'n yo' reckon thet th' four cops who beat Rodney Kin' sh'd haf been thrown in jail fo'evah, but th' four thugs who beat Reginald Denny sh'd haf fair jestice.

Yo' complain thet yer community has too menny white varmints an' th' Catholic church yo' hoof it to don't haf 'nuff ethnicity, but yer th' fust one wif a fo' sale sign in yer yard when blacks start movin' in, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Yo' called Vietnam Veterans "baby killers" but reckon thet allerin' a woomin t'suck her baby into a sink is a cornsteetooshunally protecked right.

Yo' reckon thet Billy Joe Camel an' trimenjus tobaccy is out t'kill yer babies, but allerin' a babies brain t'be sucked outta its skull when it's 1/3 of th' way outta th' birth kinal is pareemount t'a free society.

Yo' scream eff'n a CEO sleeps wif an employee but reckon thet Clinton receivein' o'al sex fum an Intern is jest fine.

Yo' believe thet Clinton was fo'ced t'lie unner oath by th' "Vast Right Win' Conspiracy"

Yo' reckon thet Ken Starr is th' devil's he'per fo' callin' Mary Beth's Mammy t'testify but believe thet Ollie No'th's wife an' minister bein' called befo'e th' gran' Jury was fair.

Yo' believe Clinton's numbers about th' number of jobs created an' doesn't credit it t'th' businesses given oppo'tunities in th' 1980s.

Yo' knows no reco'ded economic histo'y (e.g, acco'din' t' th' code o' th' heells! th' massive stagflashun an' recesshun) befo'e th' Reagan Era.

Yo' reckon sexual hareessment is rampant, pervasive, domestic violence common an' Ebenezera Jones is lyin'.

Yo' git mad as a weasel in a blender when vickims' sexual histo'y is plastered all on over th' noos media, but reckon Ebenezera Jones' sexual histo'y "muss be made public."

Yo' hate Hillary jokes.

Yo' hate Mary Beth jokes.

Yo' pale at th' execushun of chile killers, but defend th' killin' of unborn an' raised chillun as an expresshun of choice.

Yo' fully suppo't wimmen who haf "exercised their right t'choose" when they abo't in th' 3rd trimester, but reckon Amah Grostberg sh'd git th' death penalty befo'e th' trial even goes t'court.

Yo' reckon trees haf feelin's, animals kin cornceppualize an' th' fetus is a blob of protoplasm, dawgone it.

Yo' wears a red ribbon t'show yer suppo't fo' a cure fo' AIDS but oppose all animal experimentashun needed t'find thet cure

Eff'n yo' hear a noos repo't of a man beat nearly t'death on account o' he is a mino'ity o' gay an' yo' rally about punishin' th' trimenjusot who committed th' terrible ack BUT, eff'n yo' hear a noos repo't of a man beat nearly t'death fo' his money, an' yo' start talkin' about th' pore disadvantaged varmint who is fo'ced t'commit sech acks t'survive.

Yer cornvinced thet Ole Man Frank Capra films an' No'man Rockfine paintin's is lies an' disto'shuns but "Platoon," "Dances wif Wolves" an' "Thelma an' Louise" is realistic.

Yo' thunk Walt Disney was saccharine sweet an' terminally cutesy-pie - until it made Pocahontas.

Yo' reckon a moment of silent prayer at th' beginnin' of th' skoo day cornsteetootes govment indockrinashun an' an intrushun on parental autho'ity, while sex ejoocayshun, corndom distribushun an' multiculturalism is values-neutral, ah reckon.

Yo' agonize on over threats t'th' natural invironment (acid rain, toxic waste) but is oblivious t'threats t'th' social invironment (po'nography, promiscuity, an' fambly dissolushun).

Yer appalled at all th' money bein' spent investigatin' th' alleged illegal ackivities of Billy Joe Clinton, but insist thet investigatin' 75 charges (74 which were dismissed as unfoun'ed) charges aginst Noot Ginrich was "th' only jest thin' t'do."

Yer hankerin' t'outlaw cigarrettes an' legalize marijuana

Yer hankerin' t'legalize cocaine an' outlaw han'guns. Yo' reckon cops is pigs an' criminals is producks of their invironment.

Yo' believe th' Nashunal Rifle Associashun he'ps criminals while th' South Car'linan Civil Liberties Union protecks th' innercent.

Yo' reckon Rush Limbaugh is responsible fo' th' Oklahoma City bombin' but is outraged by suggesshuns thet Ted Kaczynski (th' suspecked Unabomber) an' Al Go'e haf ennythin' in common, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Yo' jest knows thet ev'rythin' Rush Limbaugh says is a lie but yo' haf nevah lissened t'him, dawgone it.

Jesse Chattanoogason makes sense t'yo'. Barbra Streisan' makes even mo'e sense.

Yo' reckon Herblock cartoons is funny an' Mary Jane Reno is mighty hot.

Yo' believe co'po'ate profits is obscene but govment spendin' is too low an' th' South Car'linan varmints is unnertaxed, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Yo' see cartoons corndemnin' religions an' makin' fun of Jedtianity as funny an' an expresshun of free speech, but reckon th' cartoon B.C. sh'd be banned, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Yo' reckon deficits is cuzd by tax loopholes.

Yo' reckon AIDS is spread by ingood 'nuff fundin'.

Yo' cornsider th' Catholic bishops noble an' idealistic when they oppose capital punishment an' we'fare cuts but dangerous fanatics tryin' t'legislate their theology when they defend th' right t'life.

Yer cornvinced thet proponents of we'fare refo'm hate th' pore an' opponents of affirmative ackshun hate mino'ities, but AIDS ackivists who bash th' Pope an' Varmints fo' th' South Car'linan Way types who hoof it psycho on over Protestant "fundamentalists" is guardians of democracy.

Yo' attribute ev'ry mino'ity problem t'entrenched, insteetooshunal racism an' th' legacies of slavery an' segregashun.

Yo' reckon th' black middle class is a mahth created by Noot Gin'rich.

Yo' view race riots as jestifiable expresshuns of rage on over injestice an' fail t'see th' similarities between a black mob burnin' a Ko'ean sto'e an' a white mob in th' Jim Crow era lynchin' a black man, as enny fool kin plainly see.

Yo' doesn't unnerstan' all of th' whinin' about affirmative ackshun an' is mo'e than willin' t'sacrifice someone else's employment o' ejoocayshun oppo'tunity t'assuage yer guilt.

Yo' marched aginst South Car'linan involvement in Vietnam, thunk th' Gu'f war was unnecessary but believe 25,000 U.S. troops in Bosnia is vital t'our nashunal interests.

Yo' see no co'relashun between we'fare an' th' rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency an' surgin' crime rates, o' addickshun an' an intertainment indestry thet glo'ifies drug abuse. But yo' believe Richard Nixon is responsible fo' ev'rythin' ho'rible thass happened in th' past quarter-century.

Yo' reckon them chile-abusin', religious fanatics at Waco had it a-comin' but th' illegal immigrants roughed up by Califo'nia deputies - af'er leadin' them on a high-speed chase - is th' vickims of th' decade.

Yo' corntinually say thet cornservatives haf no sense of hoomah, but af'er readin' this hyar page, reckon thet ah's cold an' mean-spirited, cuss it all t' tarnation.