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The Etiquette of Formal & Business Dining Table manners have always played an important part in making a favorable impression, and in today's International Business World it has become very important to be able to project your knowledge and experience, if not your status and education, through the visible signals of the state of your manners when dining in a formal or business situation. Our actions at the table and while eating therefore, can be essential to how others perceive us and can even affect our professional success in the Business World. Business Forum |
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Arriving at a formal function, luncheon or dinner. The most common mistake made by those people who are unaccustomed to attending formal and business functions, or are not schooled in the standard of behavior expected by those who are, most often happens immediately upon their arrival and even before the actual commencement of the event itself. If you are attending a formal event with an escort and there is the need to remove outer clothing, capes, overcoats or raincoats, there is an accepted procedure that must be followed. If there is a coat check attendant or a footman, then the proper procedure is for the gentleman to first hand his hat, (which should have been removed before he entered the foyer), along with his gloves and umbrella (rolled and buttoned), if he is carrying one, to the attendant. The gentleman should always assist the lady he is escorting in removing her outer wear and pass it to the attendant, prior to removing his own. The attendant or footman is not expected to assist you, she or he is merely expected to take your clothing from you and have it stored and you should hand it to them in a folding manner, making the taking of it all the easier for the attendant. You will normally be given a ticket to retrieve your clothing after the event, which the gentleman should hold. It is also the duty of the gentleman to retrieve the clothing at the end of the function and assist the lady in dressing, before putting his own outer clothes back on. After ensuring that the lady he is escorting is now ready to enter the event, the gentleman should then remove his outer clothing and hand it to the attendant also. It is not wrong, and it is advisable, for the lady to quickly ascertain that the gentleman is presentable, and he her, and to assist each other if it is necessary before proceeding into the event. They should always enter the event with the lady's right arm linked through the gentleman's left arm. The proper way to do this is for the gentleman's lower left arm to be horizontal against his torso, with the upper part lightly held against his side. The lady should have her hand actually holding the upper part of the gentleman's arm, and she should not just slip her hand loosely though his arm. If there is a formal reception with the host or the guest of honor receiving the guests as they arrive, the lady should remove her arm from the gentleman's only as they arrive before the host, the gentleman should extend his right hand, the palm vertical if he is being greeted by a man, if a handshake is the order of the day, lightly but firmly gripping the hand of his host. If your host is a woman the gentleman should extend his hand palm up, taking his hostess's fingers lightly and lifting her hand a little by way of greeting. If others before you kiss the hand of the hostess then a gentleman should also do so, by taking the tips of her fingers in his right hand and, bowing his head slightly, heels together, gently lifting the lady's hand to his face and lightly touching his lips soundlessly to the back of her hand just above her middle finger. A gentleman should nod his head slightly as he greets his host. The gentleman should then introduce his escort to the host or guest of honor, the words usually being something like: "Mr. Ambassador, (or Sir, or Madam, or whatever is the appropriate title to use in the greeting) I would like to introduce my wife (or fiancé, escort, daughter, etc.)". Never use the term "girlfriend" when introducing a lady formally. His lady should extend her hand, palm down, fingers slightly crooked and should look directly into the eyes of a male host as she is greeted (actually it is less embarrassing to look at a spot slightly above his eyes on his forehead). A lady drops her eyes when greeting her hostess. Note: You might like to investigate the following sources for Ceremonious Forms of Address: Wikipedia International Forms of Address - American - Canadian Do not try to start a conversation, or ask a question, at the formal reception by your host, and if you are asked a question keep the answer as short as you can and move along as fast as is polite to do, to allow those following you to be greeted. After the greeting move away, never stand around in a formal greeting area, it will only inform others that you rarely attend such events. At most formal functions there will be a waiting room or waiting area, where the guests will gather to await the call to lunch or dinner, or to take their seats. The most blatant bad manners is to leave one's escort during this time, and this time is usually used by most guests to visit a restroom, if so then the gentleman should be waiting outside the ladies restroom for his partner to escort her back to the waiting room. It is absolutely the worst bad manners to allow your partner, male or female, to stand alone in the waiting room or waiting area while you visit the restroom. It is a good idea for the gentleman to carry a shoe cloth, (most good hotels provide them in your room), in his left back trouser pocket. Discovering you have scuffed or water specked shoes just before you enter such a function can detract from your confidence. But make sure you clean your shoes in the restroom and not in the waiting area. Also, before your are called to be seated check that both you and your partner have a clean, unused handkerchief with you, in fact a gentleman should always carry two at a formal function, and if the lady is wearing an off-the-shoulder gown it is wise that she either carry a light shawl or wrap with her, or the gentleman should have a flat, folded silk wrap in his left inside jacket pocket, for finding the room to be too cold after being seated could ruin the event for the lady unless someone had thought of this beforehand. Leaving the room during the event to obtain a wrap for the lady would be very bad manners towards your host or hostess. When the call to be seated is announced the lady should once again be "escorted" by the gentleman into the dining room, with her right arm linked through his left exactly as they first entered the event. Guests bearing gifts. Some formal dinners can take place in private homes, and the uninitiated will often decide to take their host or hostess a small gift. In almost every case taking gifts with you to a formal event is wrong! If you truly wish to present your host or hostess with a gift for inviting you, have it delivered after the event with your Thank You Note. Never take wine to any event to which you are invited as a guest! Your host or hostess will take it that you do not trust their knowledge in picking the right wine. Never take flowers to any event, for there is nothing more embarrassing than being stuck with a bunch of flowers and nowhere to get rid of them as you are called to dinner. Always send a simple Thank You Note to your Host or Hostess after the event. Taking your seat at a formal luncheon or dinner. Never take your seat before being invited to do so by your host. If there are not place cards to show you where the host wants you to sit, choose the seats you wish to occupy before being called to the table and stay close enough to them to be able to take them without finding yourself playing musical chairs with other guests. If you do have the choice of seats at a large table, the best seats for a formal luncheon or dinner (once actually called the "safe" seats in diplomatic circles) are those that are two thirds down the table from where the host will sit, on the left side of the table as the host sees it. You will that way be served each course sooner and if introductions are called for, you will not be called upon until several others have had the chance to speak before you and inform you of the tone of the event. Never stand for the introductions ‒ one only stands for a toast. At most formal functions the seating is arranged so that each gentleman's lady is seated to his left and if the seating is left to the guests choice, a gentleman should follow normal procedure and always attempt to seat his lady escort to his left. The gentleman should always help his lady escort be seated. If you have never done this at a formal function practice with your escort before you go, if you can. Sometimes the waiters and servers will do it for you, but it is better that the gentleman himself help his escort. A gentleman is also expected to assist any unescorted lady sitting next to him to be seated (do not ever run around trying to help unescorted ladies not sitting directly next to you). The easiest way to do this is to grasp the chair with one hand on either side of the chair back, about half way down with your thumbs away from you. Lift the chair back so that the lady with you can walk upright to stand before the table. Then gently place the chair forward until the front of the seat touches your escort's legs behind the knee. Then place the chair down and your escort can sit. The lady should be standing with her torso actually touching the table before you begin this maneuver. The gentleman should stay behind the chair to assist the lady move the chair forward. She should place one hand either side of the seat, lifting it as she moves forward, with the gentleman assisting her. The gentleman then should seat himself, once seated the gentleman should also adjust the position of his chair with one hand on either side of the seat. Most men have been told by their mother that they should always help a lady be seated, but from observation it would appear that many mothers often forget to tell their sons that a gentleman also is expected to assist a lady when she needs to leave her seat at the end of a meal. In fact if she is wearing a long dress or a ball gown, she needs the help to get up far more after the meal is over than she needed the help to sit down initially. At the end of the meal, a gentleman lifts his chair back with his hands grasping the seat of his chair and then moves to stand directly behind his escort's chair to be able to assist her stand. Taking the chair in exactly the same manner as he placed it beneath her for her to sit down, he waits for her to begin to rise and then pulls the chair back from underneath her. However, there are also ladies whose mother never told them how to rise when being helped with her chair by a gentleman. The easiest and the safest procedure to follow, which will prevent her from losing her balance and depositing her derriere quickly to the floor, is to move her right foot back and turn as she rises and the chair is removed from beneath her, steadying her balance by initially placing her left hand upon the table, and holding her purse with her right hand, and then exiting her place to her right between her own place and the gentleman's removed chair. Again, it is helpful if you can practice this maneuver prior to the event.
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