My Ideal Person:
I am NOT interested in dating anyone before getting to know them and establishing a friendship. Attilla the Hun can be fun for a while. What do I mean by friendship? I’m so glad you asked me……

It’s a whole lot more than a few instant messages and phone conversations.

It’s allowing life to happen --- sharing thoughts and experiences with each other --- seeing how the other person responds to things that happen to them --- having an opportunity to see how they use information you give them --- understanding how they think and finding out what their unspoken values really are --- seeing each other in order to make eye-contact, see facial expressions and mannerisms ……… and all the while monitoring the question, “are my feelings for this person growing deeper in an intimate way?”, or “are my feelings for this person kinda flat-line?” …… you know, like that heart rate monitor machine in the hospital.

It’s being busy because you both have busy lives and monitoring whether you are having a healthy yearning for that person’s companionship, or finding out that it doesn’t matter if she calls or not.

Now, if you have no life, it could be difficult to test the bond that is developing because if you are just lonely, and only one person is calling you, then any caller will do.

It’s about being available with nothing to do, while she’s unavailable and finding that the companionship of some other female is simply insufficient because she’s the one you want to be with, and so you make the decision to go hang out with the boys or do something by yourself.

THAT, gentlemen, takes t-i-m-e and that is what I’m about. I’ve been there before …… you like someone initially, but after a month or two of hanging out, someone isn’t feeling any sparks, or both people recognize that it’s not meant to be. I am not interested in having intimate conversations during the initial getting-to-know-each-other period.

I am interested in meeting a like-minded, mature, responsible, Christian man who is between the ages of 35 and 45, who is ambitious, intelligent, educated, driven, funny, generally happy with where he is in life and proud of his accomplishments even if he hasn't yet accomplished everything he wants.

He must have a healthy self-esteem, sense of purpose, specific goals and not just a dreamer, but proactive. He must be a progressive individual -- ok, alright, tact aside -- gainfully employed, no drug abuse history, in therapy and hasn't paid his taxes; must be very hygienic, takes pride in his appearance and loves to smell good! We all have some baggage, but please don’t approach me with huge dysfunctions.

I need an intelligent man who is educated or being educated, and I mention the two separately because being educated does not immune someone from being unintelligent and incoherent. If you are not there with me in that regard, we will grow apart in a heartbeat! I need someone who can hold conversations on multiple levels about various subject matters with the ability to reserve his curiosity concerning sex while we’re exploring a friendship. I want someone who has varied interests in life who can stand on his own, so that when we're old and retired, he's not a miserable burden. He must be naturally supportive of my academic endeavors and understand that I am a busy woman – working while pursing a degree is extremely time-consuming, so if you’re looking for someone to have dinner ready every night, I’m not the one – and won’t be for a significant number of years because I will be pursuing my masters afterwards, or apply to law school if my love for law grows stronger. Sooooo, I need a man who will pitch in shoulder-to-shoulder and make it work.

I want a man who wants to have children with me and even if his father wasn't there for him, he must have a desire to break that mold and be a great dad! I know it's unlikely at my age that I'll meet someone who does not already have children, but I expect that he will ensure that I am spared any existing drama with the mother (and hopefully there’s not more than one) of his child/children.

Ideally he'll have similar beliefs as a Baptist does, otherwise we will have passionate debates concerning beliefs and two can't walk if they don't agree on fundamental issues such as spiritual beliefs. I need a man who has the right fear of God in him, but he can't be so holier-than-thou that he is incapable of enjoying a human experience with me -- everything is not spiritual. If you're looking for a sister who's in the choir - I can't sing, or on this committee and that committee, that's not me. I’ve always been more of a quiet participator – supporting behind the scenes – rather than up front in the spotlight. While not everyone serves to be seen, some do it to feel important, and that sort of recognition does nothing for me.