Greetings from the city of Calgary Canada.
Canada's wild west.
Home of gophers and dust, moose and squirrel,
Ian Tyson, the Calgary Stampeders, Westjet, and Canadian Pacific Railway,
Where the deer and the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day.
I am not on BigChurch to find a husband.
Nor a soul-mate.
Nor a life long partner.
I am a "Player".
I am here only to "mess around".
Meaning, let my hair down and be silly and goofy, non-serious, non-intelligent, flamboyant, rowdy..
..in the chat room, in the Blogs, in the Magazine section.
If you are seeking a wife or a life-time partner or mate, I am not for you!!
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This is my unauthorized autobiography...
I started out with nothing.
And I still have most of it.
On Feb 13, 1961 I popped into the world.
Almost a Valentine Kid.
Either Mom couldn't wait another day, or I couldn't.
Nobody told me I was coming. I just suddenly appeared and shouted "Hey, It's me. Milk please."
If I'd known I was coming I would have worn something decent and warm.
When Mom started breast feeding, I looked up at her chest and asked "which one is the chocolate milk?"
At the age of two I was very worried becaused I'd doubled my age in only one year.
I thought "This is horrible. By the time I'm 8, I'll be 90."
In school, I always finished in the top 97 percent of the class.
After finishing high school, I left home to set the world on fire. The next day I had to return home. I ran out of matches.
I quickly become very well known to the local police.
I have been chased and stalked by the police since about age 19. Although he never admitted it, I do believe the local police sargeant (my dad) was very much involved in me dating so many cops.
I've had so many blind dates with cops, when I now see an RCMP troop on parade, I see red!
(My Matchmaker Dad never did succeed in getting me married off.)
One cop I dated had a photo of his ex-girlfriend on his wall. She was very attractive. Rather "large busted". He asked me "Do you think you can 'fill her shoes' ?" I told him "It's not her shoes I worry about."
My favourite vacation is to stretch out on a warm tropical beach under a palm tree. Peace n quiet.
It ticks me off when parents bring their babies to the beach.
When no one is looking, I'll go over to the kid and say "hey, why do you need a vacation? You haven't worked a day in your life!"
I was always taught to respect my elders.
But, at my age it's becoming very difficult to find any.
Some valuable lessons learned over the years:
1. A black cat crossing the road in front of you is a sure sign that it is going somewhere.
2. Liquid shoe polish doesn't work.
3. There's no such thing as a "self cleaning" oven.
4. 13 is a very unlucky number. Especially if you have 14 dinner guests but only 13 pork chops.
5. Fat-free hot dogs do not exist.
6. A slight tax increase costs you 349.00. A substantial tax cut saves you 58 cents.
7. Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
8. A day without sunshine is.... NIGHT!
The wonderful joys of being over 40:
1. Kidnappers have no interest in me.
2. In a hostage situation, I'm the most likely to be released first.
3. No one expects me to run - anywhere!
4. There is nothing left to "learn the hard way".
5. I can sing along with the elevator music.
6. I can have a party at home and the neighbours wont even realize it.
7. "Good grass" refers to my neighbour's lawn.
8. The Weather Channel is my favourite TV channel.
9. I've seen it all, done it all, can can't remember most of it.
Physical stuff:
Six feet, 138 lbs, blue eyes, long dark hair.
Hair colour depends what hair dye is on sale this month at the local drug store.
Single, never married. No kids, kats, dogs, pets.
I have no one to go home to after a long day.
Advantages of being alone and single:
* No dirty socks or sweaty shirts to pick up off the bathroom floor.
* I can eat what I want, when I want, where I want.
* There's no one to yell at me.
* I have no one to yell at.
* I don't have to wear sexy n skimpy lingerie or sleepwear.
* Nobody cares when it's "the wrong time of the month."
* I can make peanut butter cookies for all the neighbourhood kids.
* I can flirt with the mailman.
* I can go to Dennys for fish n chips at 3:00am.
* I can have a normal s e x drive.
* I can hug all the single men at church.
My Favourites list includes:
Breakfasts at A & W
Sewing
Swimmming
Crochet
Running
Flames hockey
Stampeders football
Basketball
WWE
Banff hot springs pool
West Edmonton Mall
Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra
What lies ahead?
I don't know. The future aint what it used to be.
Financially, I'm set for life.
(As long as I die by next Thursday.)
Cheers.
My Ideal Person:
You must be a nonsmoker.
Please be reasonably neat and tidy.
You don't have to look n dress like Calvin Klein, but nobody likes a slob so please do not dress or act like one.
Preferred age range is 40-50.
Short hair please, and no beards or facial hair.
No drinking and no drugs.
View more of BeaverTrax's responses
What are some of your personal and spiritual goals?
To ramain alive until I die !
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