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Blogs > sabrefire45 > The Midnight Ocean > Oct 7, 2008
The Midnight Ocean
  
Reflections, Poetry, and Prose from the depths of the Midnight Ocean.
Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. Psalm 130
Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will make a new covenant. After those days, saith the LORD,
I will put my law in their inwards parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God,
and they shall be my people. Jeremiah 31:31-33
Wherefore the law is holy, and the Commandment Holy, and just, and good. Rom7:12
Sifatai tiftach- u'fi yagid- tehilatecha!
- If I open my lips- let my mouth- declare Your praise!
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YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT FROM ME Oct 7, 2008 6:49 am
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I know I'm commissioned to do the Lords work, in some way. That's always been a frightening concept to me. For honesty sake it was what held me back from becoming devout. I'm not sure I ever truly doubted G-ds Word, so much as I feared I'd be lost in keeping it. Before I knew greatly of it, I near thought it unkeepable. I'd have thought myself a widow to righteousness, if I broke a law or trespassed against my G-d.
I knew the sayings of salvation. The condolences of Christs Love. I'd heard He loves without speculation or condition. I'd been taught He loves without any distinct discernment.
I always knew I loved Him. For as long as I remember, I, have been a stalwart, for Him. You'll just have to believe me, when I say, even early on I'd have endured many things for Him...as much as you'd have to believe I'd endure, to my capacity, likewise, many things for Him today.
But, there's a difference. There's a difference between my G-d of then and my G-d of now. Well, to be faithful to scripture I'll rephrase to thwart confusion here; there is a difference between my reckoning of my G-d, since then and now.
I now sin far less. I know virtue, I read of it almost daily in the Word. Yes, Christ's shed blood has always been more than enough to save me from the pit. Grace has always covered me.
Is grace enough to get you saved? YES, of course! Always!
I have never understood, what many here believe is redemption from religion. I've rather fallen instead, headlong into religion. I lived, in my youth under the banner of "Christ saves all who "are born again." I became lost in the ambiguity of this lacking religion. Lost in right and wrong. Lost in my own reverence, and ability to redirect the crucible of sin.
I was lost in an 'anti-relgion' of Christianity. Where all clouds are sugar plums, and dirt is chocolate.
I tell you, that's no place to be. And no one could ever then convince me, to accept it as The Way. I knew always, it seems, that there was something more. I'd heard the Law is like bands and cuffs. The law is like a prison. It's contemptible. I was near drowning in this teaching.
Yet G-d, from the beginning of memory, spoke to my heart saying to me, 'I and my son, are the way.' I always revered G-d, and Christ. I remember so very well the framed picture of Christ Jesus that was mounted within inches from my head as I slept as a little child, in my top-bunk bed at night, while still rooming with my older sister. He always, made me choke up, even before I understood why, it should be so.
Nevertheless, I never have been through terrible hardship. I'm totally suburban in terms of skeletons in my closet. Frankly, I have nothing much write home about. Which is entirely praise worthy in-itself!
But as I stated there is a Resounding difference, between myself then, and now. I'd begun sometime in my early 20's to lean left of the boat. Why not, Christ saves all, right? I bought into it a bit and rejoiced in the latitude taught. And it wounded my spirit.
I needed reigns. I needed someone inside me to say, "No!" I needed someone more Holy than any preacher Id ever met to grab me by the shirt collar and say, "AND THESE ARE THE THINGS THE LORD DOTH HATE!" As was written.
I didn't set myself a higher standard than my brethren... My Lord touched my heart, to hold myself, to a Higher standard and flag.
I needed G-d! The unapologetic, real Life, Creator of all things, and punisher of the wicked...G-d.
The G-d of Israel! The G-d of Abraham, Issac, and Joesph. The Holy One of Israel. the real G-d in His wholeness.
In my hunger for a better G-d, after I'd exhausted nearly all opinion of my former rather flimsy G-d, I returned to fundamentals. Alone. I read sometimes maybe 12yrs a day about Him, in His Word. I prayed and read so more. I repented of my silliness and ...then read some more.
And all the while, I felt assurance and the welling of hope. Not so much hope for me, but hope for my heart. Hope for my anxieties and questions.
The more I learned, the more I realized how ignorant and wretched I was. What and awful thing some 'teachers' against the law would say! But no, it slayed my anxieties, and insecurities. I knew now how to better myself! How to exist according to G-d's plan.
Nearly my whole life I'd had people dropping religion on my head to see if it would stick. By this point in my life, it felt more like they wished to crack my wide head open.
Love??
It wasn't somehow right. So, I learned and read even more. I've spent days buried in the deep recesses of our huge library here. I've skipped class to read the Bible. I've skipped class to learn about G-d. I've skipped class to learn about...me.

I learned a lot of things in those tense days. I learned all about the shaky transition between, simply 'born again,' and devout. I learned just how immeasurable big my heart is, because of He who inhabits it. I learned submission, unto a G-d that Wrote inextinguishable Truth to My People, over 3,000 years ago. But most of all I learned the nature of Christ. And not in the manner that says, "this must be His way," or, "preacher said," but, rather as, "look away My Saviour, I cannot bear your gaze for so long, I am too weak."
Heart.
And, oh how He did respond! He rather spoke into me saying, "son, get yourself up from there, listen to me. I AM (blessed is He), the Lord your G-d, and will be so until the end. What should you then do for me, my beloved child?"
I know that Elisha asked for a double portion of Elijah's gift and was granted such. And somewhere along the line I too asked a favor of G-d. And He gifted me a double portion of heart, I believe.
Now a double portion, is a great gift. But, with twice the heart, a heart tends to break twice as hard. Now this is not to say, I'm sissified. Rather quite the opposite. I almost always see a spark for G-d resting in someone that needs to be pulled out. And at times I'll go through lengths of scorn to procure it. But I always, doubt myself. I doubt the convincing role I can play in someones life. I forget any gift I have, altogether, too quickly. I sometimes feel like, twice the heart... equals twice the failure. Nevertheless I keep trying.
I find the Law, beautiful. I find My People of the Pentateuch beautiful. I find every Word of my G-d, beautiful. I could only hope that I could show someone the beauty that His pureness places in my heart. One day. Yeah, maybe one day.
The feel Him, when I write a poem for Him. Or relay, how wonderful a Christian is before Him. I see Him in tears, of all kinds. I see Him in sadness and joy. I see Him in many people here at BC. And blessedly, I occasionally see Him, within me.

For all of you that have tasted of true love I can speak candidly to you. It's sometimes rather like that first glimpse or contact, after a long separation from your love, where if there were any chance you could you'd leap the 50 or 60 ft into their arms... without running you would; like the 2 second rush between you, is just too inhumane a task!
I don't care what anyone says, I think my religion inexpressibly beautiful. I find the Law, much the same. I find the Living Word, lovely and worthy of praise. All of it. The completion!
I don't preach "works," beyond what I deem the bible to allow. But I do teach G-d, Christ Jesus, and the Holy Spirit; and that they are One. I also tell about me, and His love for me. I also will forever teach that He loves, good deeds and that they are in our hand...or should I say hearts?
If someone wants proof beyond the obvious many scripture; I'd gladly offer my heart and life for exhibit.
So, GB the Word, every line both old and 'new.' Regardless, it shines for you.
And no one can take that from us.

GBY Little Children,
sabrefire

Copyright 10/6/2008 MAS
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