My hair is very long, very dark and curly. It weighs a ton wen i need to wash it.
Today i found some scissors - being totally practical in all things i do - i decided to snip a bit here, a bit there - ya know - just tidy it up a bit?
Scissors have an enigmatic presence in my house - ya can never find em when ya want em - my daughter is a secret scissor theif.
Anyways i now have a very unusual hairdo. Not Jersey cow hair anymore - slightly more radical than that
Dont be afraid, for i am with you. Don't be discouraged, for i am your God. I will strengthen you you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
I often refer to this verse when i dunno what else to do.
i try not to be afraid, but i guess my anxiety is proof i am scared. i try not to be discouraged but struggle too with that.
i guess i am rambling again and not saying what i wanna say so will come back later and try again
My relationship with my mama and papa has never been very good.
I do believe they did their best for my sister and i tho.
Parenting does not come with a handbook so i appreciate mistakes were made and i have made some incredible mistakes with my own children.
My sister came to visit me yesterday evening, she had been to visit my mama n' papa - they no longer want anything to do with me as i have taken my son back.
This weekend has seen my part of the Island battered by blustery winds and swamped with copious amounts of rain.
Inside i have felt very unsettled.
I have spent much time alone, readin my bible and in prayer.
Sunday afternoon i took myself off to the seaside ( i really dont like going out in the rain ) the wind was howlin, makin the waves so rough, each wave was bigger than the one before and they came rollin in, one after the next, continually as i watched, smashing into the cliffs.
The bough of the Napoli still in vision.
As i sat, watching i felt that God was saying to me - Jayne, each wave may seem like a trial, coming so rapidly one after the other, the Cliff may crumble, the ship may be tossed but I never change.
Today been full of unexpected events - i spent the morning with Jane and Jacques (my 2 favourite work colleagues)
Jacques and i spent the afternoon in the Cathedral Green, talkin. Jacques and my friendship is unique in many ways. We can talk about anything and thats great. we cry together, laugh together.
Today we were talkin, tears rolled down my cheeks and for the first time i realised and spoke verbally about something that has bothered me for months. it was releasing. Jacques just held my hand and said its ok.
he dropped me off and i came online but became overwhelmed by my confession. I sat and prayed and it was totally awesome, God showed me a passage in 2 Corinthians Chapter 1 that God is the source of all comfort - later on it mentions "we were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability" that so struck a cord with me and gave me so much comfort.
Also during my time of reading - the situation with my parents was weighin on my mind, lurkin in the back. i read the story "Forgivness for the sinner" - which says *Now, however it is time to forgive and comfort him* it goes on to say *so i urge you now to reaffirm your love for him.* this also was a great comfort to me.
I sometimes wonder why God made me the way i am. I dont mean physically, i aint got a problem with how i look. I mean, emotionally.
I know sometimes i can be over sensitive and i am sure i can come across badly in the chat room at times but thats the nature of this kind of medium to a certain degree cus ya cant hear Tones or see facial expressions.
Maybe its my expectation that i expect people to treat me like i treat them and thats for me to deal with.
All i am about is desiring to serve God, sharing His love, encouraging people, supporting people, makin people smile or even better, laugh. I have the most gentle loving spirit that God has installed in me.
I have no hidden agenda.
I am sensitive to others and their needs, i see peoples pain, sometimes i even feel it. I have cried tears that are not my own.
To be like this is so painful, sometimes i wish i didn't care for people as deeply as i do but for now i guess this is how God wants me.
But then would i change the way i am - do i wanna be insensitive, void of feelings? no
Love is a basic human need. Maslows triangle puts physical needs right at the basis of who we are. Love to me, was the message Jesus came to share with us - he left so many commands about Love, so its gotta have been important huh?
Corinthians 1 chapter 13 even tells us
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or rude. it does not demand its own way. it is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. it does not rejoice about being injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance
This passage is a description of how God loves US!!! How perfect does this love sound? and although we cant love perfectly we must learn how to love.
So many times in chat, i see squabbles and it tugs my heart. i appreciate that the net is perhaps the worst medium ever, as we cant see facial expressions, or tones in voices but if we all started to be a lil more patient with each other - then surely thats gotta be a good thing, instead of hurting each other as so often happens.
On the 8th May this year my 15 year old son was beaten up not 200 yards from my home. I contacted the police and several days later we were taken to a police suite in the City and he was interviewed and it was recoreded for video evidence.
Today, i recieved a phone call from the police saying they had interviewed the fella that assaulted my son and it would go before a board to see if the police would press charges!!!
so 6 months on, we are no futher on - British Justice the best in the world - sheesh i am shocked cus i think this is terrible!
