|
Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 5 & 6)
|
Jun 3, 2008 2:05 pm
Mood: contemplative,
586 Views
|
This is the second section in the committed series. The first was called “Commitment and Covenant: Relationships. If you didn’t get a chance to read that, I encourage you to read it first. I am going to review just a little bit. All these 4 segments sort of tie together so you need to get the benefit and try to tie them all together. In the last segment we talked about 1. Men and women are different, 2. We are different by design, and 3) we are different to compliment each other based on the unique needs that men have and that women have. And we basically said that men’s greatest need was to have the unconditional respect of their spouse. And a women’s greatest need is to have the agape or unconditional love of their husband and we saw that is a cycle. That if love motivates respect and respect motivates love when it’s given properly; likewise, when it’s not given in the absence of love there is the absence of respect. In the absence of respect there will be the absence of respect. So it’s a cycle and we challenged ourselves and you know what, we said that is a command of God, you know Ephesians 5:33, for men to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. God orchestrated it and put it in the Bible and so we have to have faith in God, sometimes more than we have faith in our spouse to obey that command because it can be unnatural and needs to be unconditional.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Part 5
Well in this segment, ladies, you are up to the plate. Because in this segment we are talking about what men want. Ok what men need and want and in the next segment we attack men with what you all need. So guys get to do the elbowing this segment, take the good notes etc. I want us to pray together first before starting. God you gave us each other and God I pray that you are with each as they read this, that you speak, that you strengthen marriages, that you give wisdom to single people, Father that you give grace to people that are hurting because of relationships, but Got that all of us leave again with an elevated view of marriage and an appreciation for our gender as part of our reflection of you God, you created us in your image and God we love you and thank you for today. In your name we pray, Amen.
Standing outside of heaven there were two lines. This is not theologically correct by the way but you need to stay with me on the story. There are two lines of men waiting to get into heaven. In one line were a group of men who are totally controlled by their wives. Ok, these men were like “Yes dear, yes dear” men totally controlled by their wives. The other line was for men who are not controlled by their wives. The line of men to get into heaven who were controlled by their wives was gigantically long, like Walt Disney like long. And the line for men to get into heaven, by men not controlled by their wives was just this one guy. Well Saint Peter was standing there thinking what is this guy’s deal? So he goes over to him and says, “Hey sir, I am just curious, the line over here is just way, way long. Why are you standing in this line?” The man says, “I have no idea, my wife just told me to shut up and stand over here.”
Here is what I want to say today. Women, you have absolutely unbelievable influence and power. Especially if God puts you in a marriage partnership, or in a marriage commitment, and the lie that our culture I believe has told women is, and even the church sometimes has been guilty of this, has emphasized so much the differences between men and women; and what women should and should not do that what the culture has interpreted (and this has birthed the feminist movement), the culture has interpreted that the differences mean better than, the difference mean hierarchy. And the feminist movement has said, “Ladies, to get your share of influence in the world, you basically have got to become like a man.” And that is so wrong, that is so sinful, that is so non-biblical and in this part all I want to do is show you in God’s word how you ladies can just totally respond to the men in your life that will exert the influence of Godly blessing upon husbands, upon homes and therefore upon communities and therefore upon the Kingdom of God. But you have to appreciate who you are as female and who he is as male. And you got to understand as female you have a responsibility. And here is what I want to say real quickly. Because today is unconditional and unnatural and all talking about the female and her response to the male, listen to this. His response, you don’t control. Your response, is your responsibility not to him, but to God. So keep that in mind as we go through this segment and I want to just write one verse of scripture and then we are going to get into a passage about how Peter talks about the power that wives have.
He says this in 1 Peter 3, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” Here is what Peter is saying, women if you just respond to your husband and here he is talking about a husband who is far from God and does not even respond to God’s word and God’s teachings, we ladies without even arguing, without even whining, just by your pure and respectful conduct, you have the potential to win your husband to the Lord, as well as to your heart. That’s the influence when we understand and we appreciate the differences between men and women, and females your unique position to exert influence and to exert power and to bring blessing to your husbands.
Now let me stop right there and talk about something real quick because I think we got to cover this. Ladies, there’s a temptation I think is present, a couple of temptations that are present in marriage and in men and women relationships that you’ll be tempted to do instead of the biblical thing. The first temptation and this is so satanic. Satan’s first temptation is for you to neglect your husband or for you to neglect your man at the expense of other things. Sometimes this neglect comes because of an unforgiving spirit, sometimes because of a hardened heart because you have been hurt so many times. Sometimes it comes when kids come. Churches dedicate children every week and that is awesome, but the parent-child relationship is third. It is spouse or husband, momma or daddy and Jesus. And then it is momma and daddy. 1,2, child is 3. So many times parents get that out of order and the husband gets neglected for the kids because Moms, that is your instinct in a way. But that is a temptation you have to fight, that to neglect your husband no matter what, you can’t do that.
The second temptation is to correct or to mother your husband. You almost treat your husband as if he is your big grown up baby. To mother him and try to correct him, after all ladies, you are the “helper”, right. That’s what the Bible says. Eve was the “helpmate” to Adam. So by helping him you got to correct him, and you got to mother him. The tendency is that comes across disrespectful. And there is a tendency in male-female dynamics for sometimes woman to believe really in her heart that the male is the epicenter of all problems. That all problems just emanate from him. And as a result you are tempted to fix, correct and mother him. Let me just say this ladies. You may win a lot of battles, but you will lose the war. If you try to continually correct and mother him. But that will be a temptation.
The third temptation is this, to become a doormat. Some women are married to big personality men, domineering men. You know men who just exert influence. Some men that have gotten violent and harsh and that is never an excuse. You don’t be a doormat for that because you have to honor God first and sometimes honoring God means you got to really work out a dynamic there in a relationship. But don’t become a doormat and say I am just supposed to do this. You are never supposed to subordinate your relationship with Christ or the commands.
Part 6
Before we do this I want to read almost the first words of this book because there is so much romance and it is so steamy, there is so much cool stuff in this book that you might miss this first little part in Song of Solomon 1:3-4. This is the female talking and she says, “ 3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! 4 Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let me just say this, before this book gets into the steamy part, you see an attraction here which is based upon something that all attractions need to be based upon. She says to him, “your name” and that in the Bible always means your heart and your character. So what this young girl is saying is that “I am attracted to your name.” And your character is like a perfume, like cologne, like a fragrance like just being around you is attractive. Just being around you makes me feel good. I am attracted first and foremost; she has said nothing about his physical character or attributes, which she will, but before any of that she is attracted to who he is and to his character.
Let me tell you why this is so important and especially if you are single. Ladies, where we are going with this is challenging even if you are madly in love, to unconditionally respect your husband in the way that the Bible commands. But you have to make sure the man you are attracted to is a man you can unconditionally respect. Someone you can look at and respect unconditionally. The cool thing about marriage and we’ll talk about this more and more as we go on, is that in marriage there is a relationship that’s symbolized in marriage. And is the relationship the church is supposed to have with Jesus Christ. Jesus being the head of the church, the church being the body of Christ, and in the marriage relationship, the husband is symbolic of Jesus, and the bride or lady is symbolic of the church. The church is always called the bride of Christ and Christ is called the bridegroom coming for his bride, Revelations, Genesis, all of those are filled with that symbol, that symbolic relationship.
So here’s the deal. Ladies, the way you are suppose to love and respect and respond to Jesus Christ is the way you are suppose to love and respect your husband. Big difference; Jesus is perfect, your husband will not be. Case you didn’t know that and if you are married then you definitely know that. Your husband is not perfect, but the command of God is still the same. You are still to love and respect your husband with that unconditional reverence that is given to Jesus Christ. That is why those verses are so important, that ladies you have to fall in love with his character FIRST. Again I want to give you a little list, to singles woman, anybody who is in this sort of dating dynamic or will be at some point, just some things to think about before we dive into this segment.
The first thing I would say to a single lady, character has got to come first. You have got to fall in love with his character more than anything. Don’t fall in love with his bank account, with his job, with his physical appearance. Love his character first. That is paramount and you got to be in love with his character and what his character says about him because that is what will last in a marriage.
Secondly ladies, you cannot believe this lie. Do not think that marrying him or having intimate relations will change him. Absolutely not, so many times girls drop their standards and give their bodies or get married to a man thinking that once this happens he’ll be different or relationship will be better or what I want it to be. That is a lie from Satan. Do not drop your standard. Character first and you cannot think just marriage or just compromising God’s standard about sexual purity will change him.
Thirdly, don’t ignore your gut, God, or ignore Godly counsel. So many times woman want him to be the one so bad, that you are willing to ignore your intuition or Godly counsel and you find you are talking to God and you are bargaining with God. Because you know deep down in your gut, women you have this woman’s intuition, and you know deep down that he is probably not the one, but you are afraid he might be the last one for you to consider. So you compromise this standard. You know what a lot of ladies are like. They date someone and they know he is not the one or going to last. It’s feels good. But the long term is bad for them and they are trying to deceive themselves that he’s ok. Women, if you have to do that in dating, again like we said in the last segment, break up. Don’t ignore your gut and Godly counsel or God himself.
The fourth thing that I would say to single ladies dating is this; don’t give into ungodly pressures. This comes several ways. It comes physically, it also comes with guilt cause sometime women, you heart takes over and you are like If I am not with him, who is going to help him through this. If I am not with him then there is no Christian influence in his life. Don’t be a missionary dater ladies. Have standards.
And the last thing I would say to single ladies is you got to be open and you got to be honest with a guy. Don’t string a man along. If you know it is not working and after 4-5 dates, you two need to have a talk. And you say yes I see this going somewhere or no I don’t. Don’t waste each other’s time. And if you know it is not going to work out, don’t have him call you 300 times and tell him, “Oh I have just been busy.” Just say, “Hey look, it’s not working out.” Be gentle with him, but be open and honest, because character comes first. Because after this, and here is where we are going, you will see ladies and the command for you, now the command for men is no less challenging as they will see in the next segment, but the command for you is very challenging on how to respect unconditionally a husband. And that is what we want to talk about in Part 3 and 4.
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 4)
|
May 31, 2008 3:02 pm
Mood: Blessed,
588 Views
|
Part 4
If you haven’t read parts 1-3 I ask you to do that first, because this is the final part of Section 1 and culminates them. Next week we will start on Section 2 with the 4 parts that talk to women, and then Section 3 that talks to the men and then finish with my favorite section, the last one which I feel is the best.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Let me start with saying something for couples, actually for all of us. The tendency will be to sometimes justify your behavior. “I’m justified in stonewalling my wife. I’m justified in speaking harshly to my wife. I’m justified in disrespecting my husband with my language, with my tone of voice. I’m justified…” when we ought to be confessing!!!
When we ought to be saying, “God, I spoke to my wife in the worst way. God, I have shut my heart off from my wife which is like strangling her because she wants my love and communications. We ought to be confessing instead of justifying. If there is more justifying than confessing going on in your marriage or relationship, then we know we got some work to do, and it’s ok, we are all broken and fallen people. But God and Christ wants to restore. If there is a tendency to refuse to apologize or it takes days to apologize. You know a preacher once said two things to a couple that was getting married. He said, Never go to bed angry.” And “fight naked.” You know, that is the best pre-marital counsel I have ever heard.
But, you got to be quick to make amends. Because it’s a cycle, it’s a cycle, it is a cycle, and the longer the cycle goes of disrespect and withholding love, the deeper the divisions in the marriage grows. You have to cut it off at night. You have to cut it off before you go to bed. It’s that important. Let me ask a question to the ladies. Where does your partner get the greatest amount of respect; from his career, from his buddies, from the golf course or from you? Would you work to correct that this week, this month with God’s help?
Men, does your woman feel like you love her, like Jesus loves the church? Is she having to look for love in all the wrong places because you are withholding agape, Christ-like love from her? We got to work on it.
Let me give you 3 things to sort of practice on. They are to sort of practice this then I will close this section. The first thing is this, PAUSE!!! Pause, before you respond to your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband or whatever, before you respond, it could be a 2 second or a 2 millisecond depending on how good you are at this, PAUSE, before those words come out of your mouth that you are going to have to attempt to justify or have to confess or have to apologize for later on. Just pause. If your partner says something to you that hurts you or doesn’t say something to you like men stonewalling; pause for a second and say to yourself, “Maybe he is crying out for more respect. Maybe she is crying out for more love. Is my response going to give that respect or give that love or widen the division.” Just pause.
Second, daily, practice; men once a day at least, would you try to give agape love to your spouse. Ladies once a day at least, would you try to give agape or unconditional respect to your man. Just practice.
And the third thing is a question for couples to ask. And if you are thinking about marrying someone you have to ask this question too. Next to Jesus, do you feel like you are my top priority? And just listen. That will keep your marriage close to Ephesians 5:33.
Now the last thing which is the most challenging thing, is this; Who goes FIRST? It’s a cycle right? Who’s going to go first? The husbands? The wives? Obeying Ephesians 5:33 must be done in faith. OBEYING EPHESIANS 5:33 MUST BE DONE IN FAITH. It is not logical, it does not make sense to our flesh, to our nature, but it must be acted upon in faith in the God who created marriage!!! And when we act in faith it unleashes a power and a potential that we have never known. You see, Jesus Christ died to have a relationship with you. And when you stand at the alter and say until death does us part, you got to mean it. That you are willing to go to the cross for your bride, for your groom; that you are willing to die to keep this connection or to deepen this connection or to make it stronger. That’s God’s plan for marriage. I hope and pray that all of us raise our commitment as we wrestle through the next 3 sections of this series. Amen.
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 3)
|
May 30, 2008 1:41 pm
Mood: grateful,
630 Views
|
Part 3
A woman tends to know innately, that she loves her husband and loves her family. She’s created that way. She didn’t have a choice. She had to love Adam right? You know with Eve. It’s like here’s Adam, that’s it. She's created sort of with that unconditional kind of gene or that unconditional kind of loving personality. Now it can get stamped out, but here’s what happens. When a husband comes across as insensitive or unloving a lady’s typical response is to respond with criticism or complaining or the worst word we could use is nagging. In an effort because she believes it is her job to help her husband be more loving. She’s trying to do that but it doesn’t work. It would be sort of like we are trying to sell brass knuckles to the pope. It just doesn’t work. But she is trying to coerce that. What happens next is that the husband hears criticism and complaining which he interprets as contempt. That she is contemptuous of me. And the husband tends to think like this, “I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way. I have never spoke to her that way. None of my other friends speak to me that way. I never get treated or spoken to that way at work, even when I mess up at work no one speaks to me that way.” So what do husbands do? Husbands do one of two things. Husbands stonewall. They turn the TV up or go to the man-cave or go play golf or something, right? They stonewall and quit communicating with their wife. The other reaction some husbands have is that they speak harshly to their wives. And here’s the problem, here is why it is a cycle. MEN HEAR CRITICISM, AS CONTEMPT, AND CONTEMPT IS SYNONYMOUS WITH DISRESPECT. Men hear criticism as contempt, while women feel silence or harsh words as HOSTILITY, and hostility or a hostile environment is one devoid of love.
So what both spouses or partners need is interpreted as contempt even though that is not maybe what the wife means; and, as hostility even if that is not what the husband means. But then it becomes a cycle that can eventually spin out of control and you are arguing over something that really is insignificant and it is all a breakdown of love and respect. Every single conflict that I have looked into in marriage, in my own and those I have counseled a little bit or referred to counselors is ultimately a breakdown of love (she didn’t feel like he loved her) or a breakdown in respect (he felt disrespected). Then every argument gets worse because the way we’re wired or we tend to respond furthers breakdown of love and furthers the breakdown of respect. And suddenly these two people created by God to compliment each other in marriage suddenly just dislike each other to the point of “should I turn it on and cut it off and give up on this thing called Marriage.”
Every marriage has to deal with that cycle, that round and round and where it stops, nobody knows. But here is how we stop it. The giving of love and respect let me say that again. THE GIVING OF LOVE AND RESPECT IS UNNATURAL AND UNCONDITIONAL. It is unnatural and therefore it MUST BE unconditional. Listen, it is unnatural for a woman to typically respond to her husband with respect. I’ll explain that in a little bit. It is unnatural for a man to typically respond with the kind of love that the wife or the woman wants the husband to respond with. A great example of this is the greeting card industry. The greeting card industry is like a multi, multi, multi million dollar industry in America. The vast majority of greeting cards are sold to women. And the greeting card companies know this so they tailor the messages in the greeting cards to women. Most greeting cards have the language of Love in them. Very rarely do you see a greeting card, even a greeting card that a woman would send to a man saying “I admire and respect you so much,” because it is unnatural of the ladies’ language. It is also unnatural for guys because that’s why the apostle Paul says, “ Hey guys, you have to love women”, the men say, “What do you mean?” which he replies, “as you love yourself.” So finally the guys say, “Ok, I got that.” So it is unnatural and it must be unconditional.
Let me explain this with each gender. Ok women, as I said agape love which is unconditional love, and that’s the love Paul refers to in Ephesians 5:33. Agape love is more natural for a woman. Why is it more natural? Because like I said about Eve, had only one choice. Here’s Adam and she unconditionally knew that he was her man. So that came natural for her. What’s interesting is that if you look at another passage of scripture where Paul is giving instructions. There is a different word for love that Paul uses. It’s found in Titus 2:4 and here is what it says, (Paul is talking to some older women in the church) “ Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,” Now the word love that he uses there, remember there are 3 types of love in the Greek language, is totally opposite from the word love he uses in Ephesians 5:33. The love in Titus 2:4 is the love in Greek known as “Phileo” love, or brotherly love. The love you have for like a friend. Which is more in tuned with a respectful love. So he is like saying to ladies, “I know you don’t struggle with unconditional love. I think you struggle with giving unconditional respect.” Here’s the example, in counseling this book I am reading called Love and Respect this counselor details this circumstance that I have also seen in talking with couples. The counselor asks the guy, “Do you think your wife loves you?” The man says, “Absolutely.” The counselor then asks, “Do you think your wife likes you?” The man replies, “Nope!” We all know this, not PMS, not premensta…not that PMS but, Pre-Murder Syndrome. When Mama is about to get someone. When she is so irate and she is just worn down and so her language just comes out and it is like “I don’t think she likes me anymore.” And listen, Men, we need to feel liked and respected. And that is why Paul says to women, you got to respect your husbands. That’s why in Titus 2:4 he says you got to “Phileo” or brotherly love or like bosom buddy love, respect love your husband.
All right, now men, Agape love does not come natural to us. Again, think back to the Garden. Here’s all these responsibilities, here’s all these animals, the whole kingdom of God, that dominion has been given to Adam. So he has got a lot of things vying for his attention. But Paul says that the one thing that should get your unconditional agape love is your wife. Eve, first in importance, you have got to love her with agape love and in case you don’t know what that means, “You have to love your wife just like you love Y O U R S E L F.” And so when men come across as sort of responsibility driven, or careless and insensitive. We really misunderstand our wives hearts. And it is interpreted as crude and unloving. And what men ought to do is; when my wife is complaining or seems sort of hostile or contemptuous, maybe she is crying out for me to be more loving. And then we have to say is my response going to communicate to her love or is it going to communicate hostility. That’s where the breakdown occurs on the man’s side. On the woman’s side when we respond to our husbands with contempt or disrespect. And remember it is a cycle. One fuels the other. And that is why it is so important and this is the most difficult part; the love and respect have to be unconditional. HAVE TO BE UNCONDITIONAL.
Now here’s the thing, in most circles they talk about unconditional, unconditional, unconditional love, and so in a woman’s world that comes natural. And men we have heard it, “Love like Christ loved…” and all that kind of stuff. But what Paul is really referring to in Ephesians 5:33 is that the respect offered to husbands is also to be unconditional. This flies in the face of the world because the world says that respect ought to be deserved and respect ought to be earned. NOOOOO Because respect is a man’s primary love language. So the respect given to him has got to be unconditional as well. And when both people going into a marriage and preparing for marriages and in a marriage understand that they’ll understand a powerful principle, which is this. You can’t get what you need in your relationships by depriving your partner of what they need. That is why it is unnatural. The natural tendency is going to be, “She talked to me that way, so I will cut her off or build a wall.” The natural tendency is, “He is silent not responsive, so I will cut him off and I won’t respect him, or I will withhold affection from him.” That is the natural response. But it DOESN’T WORK.
I know of no relationship where a man has responded with harsh words or silence and the wife has responded with respect. It just doesn’t work. I know of no time in any marriage where a wife has been mad at the husband and disrespectful of him and he responded in love. It just doesn’t work, because and here’s the truth. When we men respond with unconditional love, it motivates unconditional respect from the wives. Ladies, when you respond with unconditional respect to your husband, it will motivate agape unconditional love from your husband. But you can’t get there by depriving each other of what God has created for you to compliment in each other. It just doesn’t work.
So the real question is this, but first it is not the notion of this. Many people in marriages will say, “I am committed to my marriage.” Because marriage is somewhat in high esteem and it should be. But what we need to get to more with men and women and husbands and wives is that I don’t want my future wife to be committed to marriage, I want her committed to Michael. Your spouse won’t want you committed to marriage, but committed to her or committed to him. UN-CON-DI-TION-ALLY. And when those kinds of things happen and that kind of attitude moves into marriages and relationships, WOW. It is so powerful. And that is why I have to make this statement because I talk to people about to be married, singles that want to be married, teenagers, people that are divorced or widows, people dating again or thinking about getting married again. Here is what you have to ask yourself. Am I able to love a man and respect a man…love a woman and respect a woman…unconditionally.
Here’s the truth we got to say. The only way to respond in unconditional love and unconditional respect, the only way to respond to a sinner cause everyone of us are sinners; the only way to respond unconditionally is if Jesus Christ has met all of your conditions. The only way a husband can respond to a wife because a wife is a sinner and the only way a wife can respond to a husband because the husband is a sinner is if Christ has met all of our conditions. So suddenly a husband doesn’t go to a wife like Jerry McGuire and say you got to complete me. Suddenly a man can respond to his wife unconditionally. And a husband’s unconditional response to the wife prompts her to respond to him unconditionally in a way that honors God and honors marriage and blesses them. That’s the kind of marriage God wants, that God says is possible and that is available if we capture the principles of Ephesians 5:33. Let me say one more thing to singles or people that are dating. You have to ask yourself this question. Is dating this person drawing me closer to Christ. I know too many Christian people, who are incredible Christian people when they are single. Two Christian people suddenly start dating and they pull each other away from Jesus Christ. Someone with the spiritual gift of breaking people up, need to break them up. Because that is a disaster waiting to happen.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This concludes Part 3 of Section 1 in this series. There are 4 sections in this series with 4 Parts in each. The second Section will be talking to just women, so the men don’t need to read that. The third section is for men, therefore no women allowed (just kidding). And the Last section is the best that is all I will say. Part 4 of section 1 is short and covers only 2 more points and will be out very soon. Thanks for all the comments and emails.
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: Relationships (Part 1 & 2)
|
May 28, 2008 2:49 pm
Mood: eager,
800 Views
|
This is going to be a series. Some of it is my own writing, but credit has to go to many others for much of it. Matt Evans my pastor, a book called Love and Respect and many more with which I have read, talked and discussed this subject for hours. In Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife the idea of The value you put on a person greatly affects the way they value themselves. was introduced and many commented positively about it. This series furthers that idea and much much more.
----------------------------------------------------
Ever seen those Beta fishes in stores. A friend of mine and his wife bought one a little bit ago. They also bought this beautiful bowl. Once home they took the bowl and fish to their basement rec. room. Treated the water and set him up. It was beautiful. The next day he returns home and while downstairs he notices some water under the bowl. Getting a rag to wipe it up, he moves the bowl and soon as he touched it, it shattered. Now here he is with Beta flopping on the floor. He goes to the cabinet and gets a cup and places Beta in it with water after treating it with conditioner. The fish survived proving again that Betas are tough on top of being beautiful. The next day him and his wife went out and bought a sturdier more beautiful bowl and I can report Beta is doing well.
The concept of marriage is a lot like a Beta fish. It’s beautiful when we think about it. But a lot of us are trying to put Beta fishes or marriages into containers that really if we are honest won’t hold water and over time they will leak and eventually if pressure on them get strong enough on them they will break. And this beautiful thing that God has given us that God has designed, Will flop on the floor and we’ll try and fumble and will not know what to do. And there is even a temptation that if it gets really bad and if your marriage gets really messed up, the temptation of our culture today is to let it flop along and around until it dies then flush it. In essence to cut our losses and move on. But the hope and the promise and the desire and the plan that we have from our Father in heaven and our God in heaven and our Creator the guy who gave us this thing called marriage, is that marriage when cared for, when maintained when placed in the proper environment, Marriage is like when you walk into a room and you see this beautiful fish created by God. In the right environment, in the right situation, it holds water and lightens up a room. Marriage lightens up families, marriage lightens up communities, and marriage brings hope and life to everything, the whole foundation of our nation. The whole foundation of Christianity in a sense rests upon good strong marriages.
My hope and prayer through this series I am writing some of and borrowing other parts of is that all that read it rather married, divorced, dating or single, becomes more committed to what God intended than before reading this.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, ...” and I think the key word in that is the word "ALL" That no matter if you are married, single again, want to get married, about to get married, will never get married, it does not matter. Marriage should be honored by all. All of us should be committed to God’s plan and God’s idea for marriage. And the hope that we have is that good and Godly honoring marriages are possible but not easy. Nobody can say that marriage is easy. The couple that has been married 50 years cannot say it’s easy. But good and Godly marriages are possible but never easy but here is the thing. It is never too early to start honoring marriage. If you are 12, if you are like 2, it is never too early to start honoring marriage. Because so many people, all of us when we do get married, will come into marriage with baggage. All of us. The less we have the easier it is and the more prepared we are for marriage the better it is. For those of us who are married or have given up marriage. It is never too late to start honoring marriage.
I am going to give a few things here that I feel we have to inderstand to properly honor marriage. The first thing is: MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT. For example, A man will pay 2$ for a 1$ item he wants. A woman will pay 1$ for a 2$ item she doesn’t want. To be happy with a man you have to understand him a lot, and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you have to love her a lot and try not to understand her at all. You are going to have to read all parts of this series to have all this make sense because I can feel some of you getting mad already. I can feel it. One more for men cause I am an equal opportunity offender. Married men should quickly forget their mistakes, there is no use in 2 of you remembering them. Women marry men expecting us to change and we don’t. Men marry women expecting them not to change and they do. The woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
We’re just different! Men and women are just sooooooo different. The way that men and women see, and process and respond to the world are vastly and totally different. For example, A couple getting ready to go somewhere like on a date or out with friends. The woman says, “I have nothing to wear.” The man looks at the closet and says, “You have plenty to wear.” What she really means is that she has nothing NEW to wear. The man says the same phrase, “I have nothing to wear.” That simply means I don’t have any clean underwear. We are just totally, totally different.
The cool thing is that we are different by DESIGN. That God created us, Man, male and female. And we have to learn to appreciate that. Because the second thing that we got to recognize about marriage is this. MEN AND WOMEN ARE DESIGNED TO COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER, and that is totally by God’s design. I am going to paraphrase a Bible story. The Garden of Eden, God created Adam first and gave him dominion and authority and responsibility for all the Earth. Adam named all the creatures and he brought them all to Adam. But not a suitable helper for Adam was found. And then God caused Adam to fall asleep and out of his flesh he created woman. And then Boom immediately sparks flew and the first marriage was created and existed. And Eve was a suitable helper. And it says for this reason a man should leave his father and mother and cleave or be united to or connected to his wife. It’s a beautiful story of what God had created up to but prior to the creation of Eve, did not adequately compliment or complete Adam. And so God responded. He created Eve to bring it all together and compliment.
Now hear me very carefully. Satan’s goal and this is why marriage is so difficult, Satan’s goal is for you and your spouse, or your future spouse, or marriages that you are seeking or praying for or honor. And this is how you can pray for marriages if you are single or single again. Satan’s goal for in marriage is for you to compete with each other, for you to conflict with each other, and for your marriage to dwindle down to a contract. He wants us thinking like; “If you do, then I will"; "because you did, here is what I did"; "if only you do this, then I will do that.” Satan does not want marriages to be a compliment, he wants them to conflict, he wants them to be something like a contract, he wants them to be sort of like a competition for the love, desires and affections that people have.
-----------------------------------
Part 2
We have got to understand how men and women are different and then once we do that we understand better how we have to compliment each other. Now let me point this out to those that are single and dating. When you are dating, you are checking out if this person compliments you. If at anytime in a dating relationship that you begin to feel condemned, or controlled, you need to get out. I know so many people who just the notion of being single scares them so much that they are willing to get into a bad dating relationship that becomes a bad marriage. Because they ignore this principle of complementation that men and women are designed to compliment each other. If you are married and your marriage is more marked by conflict, by compromise even feels more like a contract. Then you have to hang on here for the rest of this series as we wrestle with this. All of us though, and I mean ALL of us because when we stood at the alter our marriages looked so perfect and over time life happens and kids happen and career changes happen they begin to not fit together like God intended. But through God’s word and grace and hope He can relax and bring us back together where we compliment each other.
The central focus of this series will be Ephesians 5, which is probably the greatest chapter on marriage ever written. But we are going to look at Ephesians 5:33 and break this verse down over the next few posts to explain how we compliment each other and what to look for in marriage and how it all sort of fits together. This is what it says in Eph 5:33 and this is Paul writing, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Love your wives as you do yourself and wives respect your husband.
Let me break this verse down because this is so powerful and the gist of this post. The first thing is – The greatest need that a woman has in a marriage is to feel and experience love. A woman’s need is love. The greatest need that a man has in a marriage is respect. I am talking about the primary drivers. A woman’s need is love and a man’s need is respect. Sure a man needs love and a woman needs respect, but a primary driver for each sex male and female is that men need that respect from their wives and women need that special kind of love from their husbands. There was a survey done. Where they asked men this question. Would you rather be left alone and unloved in the world OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected in the world? 74 percent of men said they would rather be left alone and unloved. That is a powerful motivator for a man.
Let me break this down by each sex for a minute. Women in love okay? You have to think through this for a second because it all comes from the Garden of Eden. In the Garden of Eden, Adam was asleep, and he had named all the animals. And all of them were cool but all of them did not complete something in him. And then God woke Adam up and presented to Adam this beautiful, wonderful, unique, special compliment to him called Eve. So in that situation you see Adam coming to Eve and he has already named all these other things, but when he saw her, he fixated on her, he responded to her with this beautiful statement, “…bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;…” and he responded to her in love and acceptance and it was unconditional. Eve wasn’t there looking to name animals, she wasn’t there to see if she could cozy up to bear or dog, No, Eve was there for Adam. So Adam’s response to Eve was crucial. And he responded in LOVE. A lot of times we get into this debate about women submit to men and who’s first and who’s the head, who’s all that. Here’s the way we got to look at it. Men and women are created equal by God, but when it comes to women, they are created first in importance. Let me say that one more time. FIRST IN IMPORTANCE. Take this for example: Adam, you are responsible for the creation, you are responsible for the animals, and you are responsible for all the Earth. Here’s Eve, SHE’S FIRST over all those RESPONSIBILITIES. First in importance, how do you spell importance? U N C O N D I T I O N A L L O V E ! ! !
Now take men, take Adam, men and respect. Adam has been given this daunting task by God. “Hey, here’s the whole Earth. Fill it, subdue it, you are responsible for it. WOW.” Big responsibility, big task, He needs Eve, called the “helpmate” or the “helper” to help him feel adequate and able to complete this responsibility. So while Eve is First in importance, Adam is First in responsibility. How can you make someone feel they can live up to their responsibility, you respect them. Women, first in importance, LOVE. Men, first in responsibility, that is spelled RESPECT.
An interesting thing, you know the song by Aretha, R-E-S-P-E-…, did you know that song was originally written two years earlier by a man named Otis Redding. And he said, “RESPECT, got to have it.” Same thing. So woman = love, men = respect. Now here’s probably the most crucial points to understanding this passage of scripture. Love and Respect in relationships are a cycle. They are a cycle. Notice the key phrase in Ephesians 5:33 is the word “AND”. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” It is a cycle, symbolized sort of by the ring. What Satan wants to do is take the circle and break it and make it like two one-way streets that run parallel to each other and don’t intersect.
“I’ll meet you half-way if you do this.”, “He is doing all this so I will do nothing.” It is a cycle and they feed each other. Meaning when a woman receives love, it goes to respect, when a man receives respect, he responds in love. When there is a breakdown in love there is a breakdown in respect, and vice versa. Think about, ever had an argument and this is mainly for couples, and the issue wasn’t the issue. And you are wondering why we are fighting over this. You know what I mean. You get married and the ceremony, vows and honeymoon are great, then life starts happening. Later she is 6 months pregnant and you two are in the grocery arguing over the price of a can of Spam. It just sort of degenerates like that. I overheard a couple once shopping for linen, and the man said, “We don’t need a King size” I immediately thought, well your bed is either king size or not! The point is we will make any issue the issue when that is not the real issue. Then you look back 3 days later and think, that was so crazy and silly.
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
|
Eye of God
|
May 24, 2008 3:47 am
378 Views
|
Sorry for not writing a lot on this blog. With my daughter's recital Thursday and son's graduation from high school Friday and all the family in town and then out of town for the holiday weekend, it has been crazy.
Keep an eye out for a series coming up very soon and being worked on. It will be in several parts and is on Commitment vs Covenant: Is Divorce really necessary. That is the tentative name but I reserve the right to change it 
Below is a picture sent to me last October. It was taken by Nasa and is a rare occurance that happens about once every 3000 years. It is called "The Eye of God".
Hope everyone has a fun and safe Memorial Day weekend.
--------------------------------------
Jeninthegreen, I received your emails asking for help on fixing your account, but you still have it set with receiving emails off. Therefore I couldn't email you any help. If you can email your regular email account and/or phone # I will walk you through getting the settings corrected. I did send an email to customer service to see if they could help you, but won't hold my breath.
Michael
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
Time for prayer
|
May 20, 2008 1:21 am
Mood: sympathetic,
435 Views
|
So far for those that have been following my blog posts, you have seen 2 types. 3 posts were parts of my testimony and the others were concerning things God has led me to write to you about. This is a very special post because it is neither of the 2 types above and thus is in uncharted waters for me. This one is from a request by one of you.
Tonight I received this email from one of this friend's network.
-----------------------------------------------
I was so please to hear from you today! I also have read some of the postings, and enjoyed them very much.
My ex-son-in-law was brutally murdered in Juarez Saturday night, so things here are tense. One thing I'd like to share is that my eldest daughter came to the Lord a couple weeks ago. She met with her ex husband and told him about her commitment to Christ, and she pled with him to change his life. He agreed and me the Pastor on Friday afternoon, and he accepted Jesus as Lord and asked for forgiveness. The next night he died. The only comfort for my daughter is that she was obedient, and was the only person who could get him to have a change of heart, and she now sees how important it is to tell everyone we can about Jesus, for we don't know when it'll be their last chance. God gave him thousands of chances as he has all of us - but at least he made it, and we all are praising God for that.
These are terrible times on the border as 13 men were murdered that same night, and over 250 people have been shot since the new year due to the drug dealers. They were attempting to kidnap him, but he and his bodyguard resisted, and they shot him 5 times in the chest. He wasn't the father of my granddaughter, but he was a generous man. Please ask your friends to pray for my family, and for our war here on the El Paso/Juarez border. Thank you, Michael. Many blessings to your sweet heart and kind nature, and most of all, your gift for writing and sharing with us all!
In Christ,
########
-----------------------------------------------
My heart goes out to this family and I ask all to join me in praying for them.
As I was reading the letter above I was reminded of a story. I would like to share and tell you all a story that helps me to understand about heaven. The story is related to Tony Dungy. If you are a football fan, Tony Dungy is the head coach of the Indianapolis Colts who won the Super Bowl the year before last. About two and a half years ago, December of 05’ Tony’s son James died tragically at a young age of 18. The remarkable thing was how Tony Dungy and the family went through that grief process. If you are a parent, you can’t imagine that, right? Well he went back to work 1 week later after his son tragically died. And people asked him, “How did you do that?” And here is what he said:
“People asked me ‘How did you recover so quickly’” Conch Dungy said, “I am not totally recovered. I don’t know that I ever will be. It’s still very, very painful. But I was able to come back because of something one of my good Christian friends said after the funeral. He said you know James accepted Christ into his heart so you know he is in heaven, right. And I said right. I know that. My friend said so with all you know about heaven, if you had the power to bring James back now would you. When I thought about it I said No I wouldn’t. I would not want him back with what I know about heaven.”
Isn’t that amazing. That heaven is this big YES that gives up power to overcome grief and sorrow. Heaven is the big Yes that gives us hope. Heaven is this awesome place of God’s very best. As Tony Dungy’s illustrated is that heaven is not something we wait for, but something we live for. It affects us now. It is not suppose to be some check or insurance that we cash at the end of life. It’s something that is supposed to affect our lives right NOW because it’s so BIG. And it is so much of where we are going to spend our lives, the rest of our lives if we are a Christ follower.
I would like to share with this family and all, a few verses from 2 Corinthians 4:
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen (the unseen is heaven, the BIG YES), since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I, as your letter also attests you do too, celebrate that he is with the Lord and in such a glorious place as heaven; and only hope that this story about Coach Dungee helps ease your family's loss a little.
Dear Lord, we are all here for varying short times, anywhere between 0-100 years, and yet you have been here since the beginning. There is no way our short slice of time can begin to comprehend your vast knowledge from an infinity of time. Therefore I would be naive to not trust you and have unquestionable faith in such an omnipotent all-knowing Father. I pray you give this Faith as Peter says you do (2 Peter 1:1) to this family in their time of loss and let them have the solace of knowing their lost one is with you in an eternal place better than we could ever imagine or dream. Amen
Blessings,
Michael
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Self Esteem....and the 8-Cow Wife
|
May 16, 2008 6:16 pm
Mood: bouncy,
1621 Views
|
The subject for this post is Self Esteem because in the last 4 months, I have heard so many stories from people emailing me about how their past boyfriends or husbands mentally abused them. In some cases it has been parents.
After receiving no less that 30-40 of these, I started wondering why someone would do this to another. I also wondered why someone would allow another to do this. There were many possible reasons that came to mind but I am sure you all do not want a post the size of an encyclopedia.
My pondering made a shift after reading a story last February. Since I have been a manager for 23 of my 26 or so years working, I learned that; The value you put on a person greatly affects the way they value themselves. Isn't that prophetic? This was further reinforced when I was reading the book 3:16 by Max Lacado. In it he tells a story about the 8-cow wife. I would like to share that story with you now :
---------------------------------
My trip to the Kiniwata Island was a memorable one. The thing I remember most was "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows for his wife." I’m reminded of it every time I see a woman belittle her husband or a wife wither under her husband’s scorn.
Johnny Lingo is known throughout the islands for his skills, intelligence, and savvy. Johnny is also one of the sharpest traders in the islands. He can get you the best possible deals. Yet, when they speak of him, they always smile just a little mockingly.
In Kiniwata, I went to the manager of the guesthouse to see who he thought would be a good fishing guide. "Johnny Lingo," said the manager. "He’s the best around. When you go shopping, let him do the bargaining. Johnny knows how to make a deal."
"Johnny Lingo can make a deal alright!" hooted a nearby boy.
"What’s going on?" I demanded.
"Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then they start laughing. Please, let me in on the joke."
"Oh, the people like to laugh," the manager said, "Johnny’s the brightest and strongest young man in the islands. He’s also the richest for his age."
"If he’s all you say he is, why does everyone laugh at him behind his back?"
"Well, there is one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He gave her father eight cows!"
I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. A dowry of two or three cows would net a fair wife and four or five cows would net a very nice wife.
"Wow!" I said. "Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away."
"She’s not ugly, …" he conceded "… but calling her ‘plain’ would definitely be a compliment. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid he wouldn’t be able to marry her off. Instead of being stuck with her, he got eight cows for her. This price has never been paid before."
"Yet, you called Johnny’s wife ‘plain?’ "
"I said it would be a compliment to call her plain. She was skinny and she walked with her shoulders hunched and head ducked. She was scared of her shadow."
"Well," I said, "I guess there’s just no accounting for love."
"True enough." agreed the man. "That’s why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get satisfaction from the fact the sharpest trader in the islands was bested by dull old Sam Karoo."
"But how?"
"No one knows, but wonders. All the cousins urged Sam to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure Johnny would pay only one. To their surprise Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said, ‘Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.’ "
I wanted fish and pearls, so the next afternoon I went to the island of Nurabandi. As I asked directions to Johnny’s house, I noticed Johnny’s neighbors were also amused at the mention of his name. When I met the slim, serious young man I could see immediately why everyone respected his skills. However, this only reinforced my confusion over him.
As we sat in his house, he asked me, "You come here from Kiniwata?"
"Yes."
"They speak of me on that island?"
"Yes. They say you can provide me anything I need. They say you’re intelligent, resourceful, and the sharpest trader in the islands."
He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."
"Yes, I know."
"They speak of her?"
"A little."
"What do they say?"
"Why, just … ." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time."
"Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more.
"They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused. "They wonder why."
"They ask that?" His eyes lighted with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"
I nodded.
"And in Nurabandi, everyone knows it too?" His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."
So that’s the answer, I thought: Vanity.
Just then Sarita entered the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still for a moment to smile at her husband and then left. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, and the sparkle in her eyes all spelled self-confidence and pride. Not an arrogant and haughty pride, but a confident inner beauty that radiated in her every movement.
I turned back to Johnny and found him looking at me.
"You admire her?" he murmured.
"She … she’s gorgeous." I said. "Obviously, this is not the one everyone is talking about. She can’t be the Sarita you married on Kiniwata."
"There’s only one Sarita. Perhaps, she doesn’t look the way you expected."
"She doesn’t. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo."
"You think eight cows was too many?" A smile slid over his lips.
"No, but how can she be so different from the way they described her?"
Johnny said, "Think about how it must make a girl feel to know her husband paid a very low dowry for her? It must be insulting to her to know he places such little value on her. Think about how she must feel when the other women boast about the high prices their husbands paid for them. It must be embarrassing for her. I would not let this happen to my Sarita."
"So, you paid eight cows just to make your wife happy?"
"Well, of course I wanted Sarita to be happy, but there’s more to it than that. You say she is different from what you expected. This is true. Many things can change a woman. There are things that happen on the inside and things that happen on the outside. However, the thing that matters most is how she views herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. As a result, that’s the value she projected. Now, she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands. It shows, doesn’t it?"
"Then you wanted …"
"I wanted to marry Sarita. She is the only woman I love."
"But …" I was close to understanding.
"But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight-cow wife."
The above story was based partially on an article found in Reader’s Digest (February, 1988 ). The original work was copyrighted by Patricia McGerr in 1965.
Think about your words and actions (both public and private). Do your words and actions make your mate feel he/she is worth eight cows or just one cow? Don’t make the mistake of causing your spouse to feel like he/she is worth only one cow. If you do, they will probably start acting like a one cow wife/husband.
This principle can also be applied to the way you treat others. Many problems can be eliminated at work and church if we only treated others with more respect. Think about the value you put on people. As a general rule, people respond according to the value you place on them.
-portions contributed by Biblehelp.org.
|
|
|
15
Comments
|
|
|
Walk the Walk
|
May 12, 2008 1:26 am
Mood: rejuvenated,
561 Views
|
Often, people ask me or write me about situations where they are concerned about what other people will think. In the last week this has happened over 7 times. It made me think about several things but in the forefront was the thought, “Who are we trying to please.”
Should we worry about, “What the neighbors will think?” and/or “Are we being a good witness?” These are valid concerns, but I believe too many of us overlook that what God wants us to do in most cases are things the majority are not doing. Simply put, Do not lie. Do not commit adultery, Love the Lord our God with all our heart, Honor thy mother and father, Love thy neighbor more than ourselves. Need I go on? The point is that most do not do these things and yet we are worried what they will think.
I wonder if Noah was worried about what his neighbors would think on building an ark in the desert. We know Peter was concerned with visiting the Gentile, Cornelius Acts 10:28 He said to them: "You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him…” But in both these, it is always more important to do as God tells us than not to do as he directs due to what our neighbors will think.
I received a letter tonight from a BC friend that wrote me when I told her about my next blog post being on this subject. I would like to share it at this time:
Living in a community as tiny as ### with a seminary at its core, those words have entered my mind a few times, although when I am convinced that I am doing the Lord's work, then neighbors or not, I do it. Last August when I first moved to ###, the Lord enabled me to purchase an old bungalow. It needed many repairs done to it and I quickly discovered how expensive paying the local handyman was. At the same time I realized that my neighbors, although drunk most of the time, were actually quite talented at home repairs. They were very happy to do them for me at a reduced rate and I began to feed them and share Jesus with them in the process. It was during this time that the little voice began to whisper in my ear, "What would the neighbors think!" Daniel and Alfred were sometimes at my house late at night and on occasion I would take food to them around 9 or 10 in the evening. People could easily begin to assume the worst about the new divorced lady who is spending too much time with two alcoholic ex-cons on disability. But these characters who to most people would seem scary and dangerous became my brothers and Alfred actually prayed the sinners prayer with me one night, although his drinking habits have stayed the same, I believe a change is beginning to come about in him. Daniel is now in jail and I visit him once a week. He will be in until the end of September. In his spare time he reads the New Testament and we discuss it on Sunday afternoons. My life has been so blessed by getting to know these two guys and I hate to think about what if I had listened to that little voice?
Too often we listen to that little voice. I consider it as the flesh speaking and not God. It causes doubt and takes us away from trusting the Lord.
The second point was on keeping our witness strong. We need to remember that we get into our comfort zones. No one likes changes or to leave that zone. But God is known to push us towards better things, which is outside that comfort zone. How would we feel if we saw our pastors talking to a prostitute? Yet, Jesus spoke to the prostitute at the well and told her to go and sin no more. The crux of the problem is that the issue is whether we are to do what is right or wrong, not what appears to be right or wrong. If others choose to be judgmental on appearances, then they are wrong in and of themselves. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 1:1. I feel it is no accident that they put it as the first verse in a book so many loves.
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
Mockers are gossipers.
Several years ago, I had a lady tell me that an elderly lady came into her store every week a few times. The elderly lady was a church going person, but it concerned the shop owner that she always spoke badly about homosexuals. I excused myself for a minute and went out to my car to get my Bible. Upon returning, I told her that I was a young Christian and knew very little, but had read this verse the week before and thought it applied to the lady speaking about the homosexuals. About this time, an elderly lady came over to the counter and looked down and read Psalms 1:1 and then left very fast. The shop owner told me that was the elderly lady. She had come into the store while I was retrieving my Bible.
The point of that story is not to put down the elderly lady, but to show that although we don’t agree with something like homosexuality or something else. The way we handle ourselves must still be Godly. I do not agree with someone stealing, committing adultery or many other things, but how I handle it still always needs to follow the teachings of Christ and God.
The main point is I feel we need to keep in mind to do what God teaches us regardless if the neighbors or those that are not walking the walk agree. Which in most cases they won’t agree. Romans 14:20 says, “Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble.”
If someone is not walking the walk then they are probably already stumbling, I am not causing it. One of the biggest debates has always been on drinking. I will not debate here if it is right or wrong and hope the comments don’t take that direction either. What does concern me is that many that take the side of not drinking one minute, the next minute will be saying WWJD, What would Jesus do? To my best recollection, he practiced all the Jewish customs and holidays. That meant every Sabbath at the end of the week and most holidays, they blessed and drank wine. We all also know that his first miracle recorded was turning water into wine. I wasn’t there to drink that wine, but if Jesus made it, I will speculate and believe that it was the best wine ever made.
I am not advocating to drink, but to not be hypocritical. I believe that Jesus drank wine, but also that he never got drunk which the Bible also says to not do. Back more to our point. Too many worry about what others think. We have to remember that no one, even Jesus, can please all…Matthew 11:19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." ' But wisdom is proved right by her actions."
If you look at the preceding verse Matthew 11:18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon.' So we see in one someone is eating and drinking and in the other they are not. In both cases the judgmental found fault. They were not pleased with John nor Jesus. There are people you cannot please and if you read on in that chapter it is shown that they are better to be forgotten. They won’t like one preacher because he uses a monotone voice during sermons and then they won’t like another because they are too demonstrative yelling and pounding on the pulpit. One preacher will be too profound and the next too simple. There are a lot of people that no one can please as we see even back in our Lord and Savior’s time.
In conclusion, let us have wisdom proved right by our actions and not by what others or our neighbors say because too many will find wrong regardless of what we do.
Blessings,
Michael
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
|
I am a Christian…So What Now?
|
May 6, 2008 2:55 am
Mood: thankful,
573 Views
|
When I write, I empty my mind and heart. That way there is no garbage or as the Bible might say, thoughts of the flesh to interfere. I let God then fill my mind. I know this sounds too easy. Well before getting to the subject for this post, let me explain. I became a Christian on June 23rd, 1993 at 1:30 in the afternoon. But we will save that for one of the Testimony chapters later. 6 months later, I was talking to one of my insurance customers in late December. I remember it as if it was yesterday. Appropriately, her name was Grace but for anonymity I won’t mention her last name. She asked me if I would speak at her church.
Can you say FEAR? I mean shear terror overcame me. I told her, I had never spoken before formally and have nothing to say. She knew I had been Jewish and my story of coming to and accepting Christ. She said, just give your testimony. In a cold sweat, I looked for a way out and told her I would pray about it. I felt I was already the worst prayer on this Earth. I didn’t need validation that I was the worst speaker.
The next month, when I saw her, she asked again. I agreed and immediately wished I hadn’t. That night I told my wife about the mistake I had made and the predicament I was in. She asked, what are you going to speak about? I had 8 weeks before the fateful date, and replied that I didn’t have a clue. The next Sunday, while we were at church, she asked again and once again I said I did not know. This was repeated almost weekly.
The night before I was to speak, she asked that fearful question again. I said I had no clue, but that I would tell about how the spirit came upon me and when I got stuck on what to say, I would ask if there were any questions. The next day, we arrived. The butterflies were in the stomach, my 4 year-old son was with us sitting in the front pew, the palms were sweating, I wanted to be anywhere but there…and I still had no idea what to talk about.
I was introduced and stood up front. I started telling about what you all will read in Testimony - Chapter 4 (which will be posted in one of the next 3-4 posts and about that day just 8 months back.) A very slow three and a half minutes had gone by and I still had 47 minutes left. With a half lowered head, I asked, “Are there any questions?”
A lady in the 3rd pew shot up her hand excitedly and I called on her. She asked, “As a Christian now, where do I see myself going now?” My mind flooded with what to say and I spoke with ease for the remaining time. Ever since then, when I speak at a church, I do it the same way as the first time. The Testifying has gotten longer to about 10 minutes, but the message afterwards is always determined by where God leads me or what he fills my mind up with. The most common questions lead me right back to that very first talk and is what the rest of this is about.
You see; I have had many Christians come to me in a quandary. The church and Christians all get excited when someone accepts the Lord. There is the excitement of joining a church, the thrill of being baptized, and all the newness. The problem is that when the excitement starts to wear off, myself and so many of us ask…So What Now? I even had a lady last week email me about her coming to the Lord last August and was wondering where to go now. What she was suppose to do.
Four months after becoming a Christian and feeling this way too. I was sitting on my couch. I reached onto the coffee table for my Bible. When I opened it to search for where I had left off reading the day before, it first opened to a book I had never read. A few words caught my eye and I started reading that chapter. Without any more ado, here is what God taught me, and what I spoke that first time in front of a church about and many times since, including the last time I spoke at a church:
2 Peter 1
1Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours:
Notice Peter says he is a servant, if you read my post on Submit does not mean slavery. means he obeys Christ. This is the first chapter of 2 Peter. He tells us in it later that he is about to die. So this is what a dying man wants to tell us which he feels is the most important thing he can tell and leave us with. So often, people say they have faith. It is like it was their decision to have faith. Take note that Peter tells us that because of the righteousness of the Father and Son, we received our faith.
2Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
Through Gnostic (Greek for knowledge) we get an abundance of grace and peace. Knowledge is key to so much. We will visit this word Gnostic/Knowledge again in this chapter and why so many preachers stress how important it is to read God’s word. John 1:1 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Ephesians 6:17 “Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
Once again we see 2 things. First God gives to us. And for the 2nd of 4 times in this chapter, knowledge is emphasized. But read this line until it sinks in. It says that through knowledge, we receive everything we will ever need. I bang my head against the wall when I think how many Christians have not read the Bible from front to back. God sends us an owner’s manual for the human life and so many never open it. I pushed myself to read it the first time because I pictured myself kneeling before our Father and him asking me why I did something and me saying I didn’t know. He replies, “I sent you the Bible, why didn’t you read it.” After the first time, my hunger for more knowledge never waned.
4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
What a bonus this is. Not only do we get the promises, but also we escape the thing I hear Christians complain about more than anything else. There is an escape from the evil and corruption of the world.
Now for what I call the “meat and potatoes”
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.
God gives us the faith, but then tells us that is not enough. We must add to these 7 things. 1) Goodness or virtue. We have to strengthen virtue and strive to always become more virtuous when living and being surrounded by a world of evil. 2) knowledge, 3) self-control or temperance. We have to always practice restraint, 4) perseverance or patience. All things come in God’s time. I am reminded of the saying that “patience is a virtue” Interesting that both these are here. 5) godliness, 6) brotherly kindness, 7) love is in the NIV. KJV has charity. To me charity is a kind of love.
8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
In the first few months of being a Christian, I was sitting on my pastor’s office. I told him I felt so far behind in knowing Christianity and that if Christ came back today, I would not measure up. He told me we none would ever measure up, but that God tells us and he tries to improve everyday and that will be what Christ see. In this verse, that is what Peter is saying in that we have to be gaining these in “increasing measure” and never give up adding to them, because they are what will make us effective and productive in our knowledge. Here is our word knowledge for the 4th time in 8 verses. Can there any doubt on the importance Peter places on it?
9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
Keep in mind that in biblical times, they did not have contacts and glasses. The nearsighted and blind could not walk straight down the paths or roads. They swayed and bumped into things. They were ineffective compared to those that could see well. Peter is saying without these things we are ineffective. When we are ineffective we can easily forget that we once could do something well. There is no way to remember that we are saved by the grace of God and forgiven. Now are you beginning to see how this gave me direction and what to do as a Christian. And a day doesn’t go by without working at increasing my measure of these 7 things.
10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall,
Calling and election are debated among theologians all the time. More than it should. What exactly is it? Here when Peter says to make them sure, he means to make them more sure. A married man does not have to lay awake at night and wonder if he is married. But to make his marriage meaningful, he has to work at it and not just once, but for a long, long time. Peter is telling us to work on increasing our measure constantly for a long, long time. It will make our Christianity meaningful and more sure of it.
11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
As if what he has already given us is not enough. Here we are told there is a gift we will get that all Christians strive for. To go to heaven, but even more so to go to heaven and have a rich welcome.
12So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have.
Here, as Peter starts his conclusion, he tells us this is what we know already; but, it is important enough to always remind us over and over again, that he…
13I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,
14because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me.
As mentioned at the start, Peter says all this near his death. He knows he is going to die and put this tent of a body aside.
15And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.
So important that he will always remind of these things even once he has died.
After reading this, I printed these verses out on 50+ pages. I put one in my car, another above my desk, another on the refrigerator and on the wall of my bathroom. The rest went in my briefcase and were given out to people I met having problems with where to go with their Christianity. In the last 15 years, over 1000 have been given out. I don’t know if it helped all or even a few. I do know it has helped me and if it has only helped one other, then I would do it again. My sincere desire, hope and prayer is that it helps you as much as it has me.
Blessings,
Michael
|
|
|
5
Comments
|
|
|
Testimony – Chapter 3
|
May 3, 2008 10:32 am
Mood: anxious,
450 Views
|
My testimony is actually a path God took me on over 32 years. Since that might take volumes of tomes, I am posting them in chapters in no specific order. The first two were First Church: Testimony Part 1 and Second Church: Testimony Part 2
In my late 20s and early 30s, I was married to my college sweetheart. She was Baptist and had been praying many years for me to be saved and become a Christian. Although, I was born and raised Jewish, I had veered to more of an Agnostic. (Greek; Ag= No, Gnostic= Knowledge) I hadn’t made a decision whether I believed in Christ or not. I felt like a jury member that had just been empanelled and waiting to hear the fact while not yet deciding if there was guilt or innocence.
It was the beginning of June, 1993 and my wife and I had been separated for 5-6 months. We had a son 4 years old and had even started dating each other some again. I was traveling with my job and was in Franklin, GA at the courthouse. My job was marketing self-inking stamps to businesses and government offices. As I was finishing with the Superior Court Clerk, he handed me his card. On it, it said Superior Court Clerk below his name, but also said First Baptist Youth Minister. In the top right corner, was a cross.
I pointed at the card and told him I would like to talk to him about that sometime. He had just spoken with his wife and told her he would be home soon for lunch since it was now 11:50. He said sure, he had been a clerk for 7 years and would be glad to talk about it sometime .I replied, “I meant the cross.” He said Oh, how can I help. I explained to him where I was in my life and that I wanted to look into what Christianity was really about (Get the facts for the jury so to speak).
I told him for example, I had gone into a Bible Book Store to buy one the last weekend and saw hundreds of types of Bibles and was immediately confused. I asked him, “How can you tell what is the best type to buy.” He suggested a study Bible that made perfect sense. Then we proceeded to talk for 2 more hours. At one point, I said, “You told your wife you were on the way home, she is going to be mad.” He said that she understood things like this and the Lord’s work always comes first.
When I left I felt I had met a truly good friend that I could call on in the future at anytime when I had questions. His secretary, who had returned from lunch, and heard a good part of our talking, also sent me a book by Charles Stanley that poised and answered a lot of Christian answers. I have not spoken to either in 15 years, but plan on going back there and let them know one day soon what an impact they had in being such a great example of Christian love to me (a stranger at the time) and that it had a profound impetus on being one of the nudges that helped me get where I am today.
That night, 120 miles away, a truly crushing thing happened to my heart, and I read the Book of Matthew for the first time. It was the first thing I had ever read in the New Testament. More on that in Chapter 4.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (deepestfaith) use [blog deepestfaith] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
221
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
