|
Judging and Gossiping: Part 2
|
Jun 29, 2008 11:05 am
Mood: sleepy,
683 Views
|
This is just a short addendum. When I got back from church today, I saw that I had received an email from a good friend I have known almost 6 years and who is in one of my bible study groups. I would like to share it with you all.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Heavenly Poem
I was shocked,confused,bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics, the trash
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber? Give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' said He, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'
Judge NOT.
Blessings,
Michael
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
|
In the Heat of the Night: Testimony Chapter 4
|
Jun 28, 2008 4:03 pm
624 Views
|
My testimony is actually a path God took me on over 32 years. Since that might take volumes of tomes, I am posting them in chapters in no specific order. The first three were First Church: Testimony Part 1, Second Church: Testimony Part 2 and Testimony – Chapter 3
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
After leaving Franklin, GA that Tuesday afternoon (see Testimony – Chapter 3 ) I drove to Covington, GA. This is where In the Heat of the Night episodes was filmed and I mentioned that because I had my own heat of the night there. I had been married almost 9 years and we had been separated for the last 5-6 months. My wife at that time and I had started dating again and repairing our marriage. We always went out and celebrated our birthdays together and hers was coming up that Friday. She had been spending the last week at the beech with her parents which she did every year. I finally got hold of her on the phone about 8PM and asked what she would like to do on her birthday this coming Friday. She informed me she was going to Atlanta and spend it with Lisa and Tom. Lisa had been a roommate of hers in college and Tom was Lisa’s husband.
I felt like I had been hit be a freight train. This would be the first birthday we had not celebrated together in 13 years. After hanging up, I wept for over 2 hours, and at times even started hyperventilating and had to turn on a steaming shower to stick me head in to breath clearly. I was having a super pity party for myself. I won’t drag on how long all this went and the myriad of thoughts I had, but around 1AM my thoughts returned to the happenings of the day and talking to the court clerk and his secretary about Christ and religion. For some reason, I opened the nightstand between the two double beds and got out the Gideon bible from there. I went to the end of the Old Testament and found Matthew was the next book and started reading it. After a few minutes, I sat it down and went to my car for some paper to write questions on. When I had finished reading Matthew, I had almost 4 pages of questions on the paper. But the main thing was that I was astounded at how many questions I had been having all of my life that the book answered. It was like having a V-8 moment with me smacking my forehead and saying, you silly man, here has been the answers all your life within easy reach and you took this long to read the New Testament.
I remember sleeping a lot better and with fewer worries when I finally turned out the lights about 4AM. The next morning, I was shaving with the TV on. I had turned it on and an evangelist was on there that I recognized. In the past, I had always flipped to another channel because frankly, he always had a 60-minute show and it felt like 55 minutes of it he was asking for money. While shaving, I heard him say, “It is alright to have doubt in the mind as long as you don’t have doubt in the heart.” I felt like WOW, this is where I was. I didn’t know anything about Jesus, no one had ever witnessed or testified to me and I had never read the New Testament, so I had my doubts in my mind. But in my heart, I knew Jesus was my savior.
Now I have to admit, I am not a lover of Shakespeare, and reading the King James Version reminded me a lot of his style and it was very difficult for me to understand. So that morning, I went by Wal-Mart and bought a New King James Version. I reread Matthew that night, and the 4 pages of questions got crossed out to only 3 questions. All of a sudden, I was so hungry for the Word, that I also read Mark and Luke that night. I finished working that week, and on Saturday morning I was back in North Georgia, visiting my son and wife. We were still separated and I was living 125 miles away in Nashville. I shared with her what had happened and she didn’t know what to think. You have to remember I had been Jewish for 32 years and my wife had been praying for me to accept Christ for 10 years. I know it caught her completely off-guard. It did me too.
We lived right off an exit on the interstate, and near the end of the morning, I had decided to go check the post office for my mail. It was located at the next exit south. As I was driving on to the entrance ramp I was thinking about Christ, and all of a sudden, I slowed down and pulled over onto the shoulder. All of a sudden I felt totally complete. I had no doubts in not only my heart, but also no doubts in my mind. Gripping the wheel, I lowered my head and prayed and thanked Jesus and the Father for the Spirit I had just received.
Still today, I have not heard that many testimonies, and I don’t know if it is common or rare to know the exact moment and place one receives the Spirit or is saved. But I consider that Saturday morning, June 26, 1993, at Exit 350 on I-75 as the time my life started anew as a saved Christians and child of Christ.
To be continued…
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
|
Judging and Gossiping
|
Jun 26, 2008 8:58 am
572 Views
|
Ever read one of those books where they tell the ending first, then jump to the start of the story and work up to that ending. This subject warrants that. So without further ado, let's start or in other words end, and then lead up to that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Judging and Gossiping is WRONG. Some might even outright say bad, evil, contemptuous, arrogant, bias, and the list could go on for a mile and more. Why then do so many do it? Perhaps making others look lower than themselves they build themselves up in their own eyes. Perhaps they feel it is their job, right, priviledge. God is everyone's judge and all others fall pail in comparison to him. When we judge and gossip or mock others, we are sitting in God's seat of judgment, that is why it is so WRONG.
Why is it wrong? That is simple. Let’s look at Matthew 22:37-40, “37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Notice the last verse does not say, law OF the prophets, BUT instead says AND the prophets.
Let’s stay with Matthew 22 for a minute. What is happening here is that Jesus has verbally through debating beaten the Herodians and Sadducees. He has silenced them by showing they have been falling short. Then here comes the Pharisees. The Pharisees were a religious-political group. They wanted the Kingdom of David restored and brought back into power to remove Rome from the country. As a religious group, they could join with the Herodians, but vehemently opposed the Sadducees. Kind of reminds me of the Democrats and Republicans of today. In today’s terms, the Pharasees would be the Conservatives and the Sadducees were the Liberals. Like the other two groups though, they were all out to trap Jesus. So they sent their expert in the law, their lawyer, their representative, to pose a question to Jesus and he asked, Matthew 22:35-36 “ 35Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, 36Master, which is the great commandment in the law?.”
He replied saying the first commandment to love God completely was the most important. But he did not stop with that. He followed with the second commandment to love your neighbor as yourself. He was saying, you fool, in trying to trap me, you have broken the 2nd commandment. You do not love me as you do yourself. These 2 commandments actually summarize all of the Mosaic Law (Law of Moses). If the Pharasees were totally honest, they would have admitted then that they had fallen short and the law can not save them, but they need a Savior.
You see, when we gossip and sit in judgment of others. We too are like these Pharisees. We will fall short every time. My Father’s most important command is to love him with all my heart. In loving Him, I have to follow his other commands. I do not follow them because it is a law, for Jesus took the yoke of the law off our shoulders. I follow them because I love my Lord (the first commandment).
In closing, I want to use one of my favorite scriptures. As a writer, I like to think that if a verse is put in the first Chapter of a book, it must be important. Furthermore if it is in the first verses of the first chapter, it has to be very important. Let’s go to one of the most popular books of the Bible and look at Psalms 1:1,
“1Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.” I put scornful in red because it means not only to scorn, but to mock or to gossip.
Many years ago, I was working as a locksmith. Guess those years as a juvenile practicing magic paid off. I wasn't a Harry Houdini, but was becoming more skilled everyday. I went on a call to rekey a lock on an apartment for a business. When I took the invoice to the owner, she asked me if she could ask me a question. I nodded and she said, “There is a lady that comes in here a few times a week. She is a church goer, but she is always putting down homosexuals.” She continued, “I don’t believe homosexuality is right, but I also don’t think God wants us putting others down and talking about them behind their back.” I asked her to excuse me and proceeded to get my Bible from my car, then opened it to the above verse and let her read it herself. She then pointed to a lady a few feet away and whispered that was her. While going to my car, she had come in the store. I took my Bible and said louder than necessary so the lady would hear too, “I don’t think homosexuality is RIGHT, but God says…(I read the verse)” and then said, I think those that mock them and gossip about them are just as bad or worse.” The lady gave a humph type sound and left the store.
Ok, I know I was not right in trying to make that lady feel bad that came in and it was many years ago when I was weaker in my walk, but perhaps she was the modern day Pharisee and my rebuke was in some way similar to how Jesus rebuked them in His day. I pray daily that my walk and yours get stronger everyday and I hope and pray that this post helps us all to be more like Jesus and not the gossipers, mockers and judgmental people of the world.
Blessings,
Michael
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
|
Back from the road.
|
Jun 24, 2008 9:05 am
496 Views
|
For those wondering about the next blog, I am back from a 1500 mile trip. Went to Philadelphia on family business and back in Georgia now. Hope all are doing well and will be coming out with another blog shortly. Until then, God has been having me study on some things so many have difficulty with. These are being judgemental and gossiping. Psalm 15 has been speaking strongly to me on this and I would like to share it today.
Psalm 15:
1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
4 who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
5 who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things
will never be shaken.
We all want to walk the walk and reach people as a vessel for the Lord to use as he may. I pray we all are strong and "cast no slur on his fellowman."
Blessings,
Michael
|
|
|
6
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 15, 16 and End)
|
Jun 15, 2008 11:26 am
Mood: pleased,
555 Views
|
Part 15
We ended the last part on saying that both the husband and wife die at the altar and become one under God and that we must die everyday to ourselves.
This is one reason why living together before marriage is so bad. You can argue with me all you want about the Bible and where does it say it or give me a verse. But here is the bottom line that no one can argue with me about it. Living together before marriage is based upon selfishness. The guy wants two things, se.x on demand and someone to split living expenses with. The girl thinks, “Oh, if I come this far, maybe he will go all the way for me.” Take your mamas advice. “Give away the milk and he ain’t going to buy the cow.” Think about it. Couples that live together before marriage; 67 percent of them get divorced. Couples that don’t live together before marriage, about 45 percent of them get divorced. It increases it and you are thinking it was just a warm-up and a try-out. It’s a try-out based upon selfishness. Marriage is not based upon selfishness. Marriage is based upon permanence. Because here’s the deal, when you live together before marriage, it is like you signed a contract. “Oh, he didn’t keep his word.” “Oh, she didn’t keep her word.” “We’ll just break it off.” Because it isn’t signed here, it is unwritten, and it is an unspoken expectation. Marriage is not unspoken expectations. Marriage is unconditional. Marriage is covenant. And you vowed to die to yourself.
Picking back up in Song of Solomon, she starts talking some more and says this in the last part of 8:5, “…Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth.” She says this. “ 6 Place me like a seal over your heart,” Seal is covenant. God covenants, God seals us with his whole spirit. “seal me over your heart,” that is the emotional bond. “Place me like a seal on your arm; ” That’s the physical bond. “for love is as strong as death,” Meaning it is unyielding. “its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”
Here’s what she is saying and this is so powerful. Somehow she has envisioned where Solomon was born. Like under the apple tree, but there you were born and you were destined to become one with me. Just like you were born and destined to die, you were born and destined to be my husband, and it is unyielding. It’s going to happen. It had to happen. It’s God’s plan. We have become one and our love is unyielding and as intense as the flames of God. It’s that intense.
And this is the second vow you have to make in marriage. I vow to be in a permanent condition, a permanent covenant with my husband or with my wife. I vow to be is a permanent condition, a permanent covenant just like when you are born, you are in a relationship with your parents by virtue of birth. You become a relationship with your spouse by virtue of covenant. By virtue of this divine unconditional two becoming one and you are in a permanent condition. It’s no longer his and hers or her money and my money. It’s ours! It’s one. We’re one! When I counsel friends and couples and they say, “he makes and she makes.” I am like “no, no, no, you all make.” “Well his money goes …”, “No it’s your money too.” Two become one. Bible says, “Your body is my body, your flesh is my flesh.” Two become one, there is no more his and hers.
And so listen to this young people, if you are not dating, or you are dating and thinking about marriage; if you are not ready to die to yourselves and become one and there is that hint of selfishness, and you think I can keep doing what I have been doing, Noooo!!! There is a loss, but you lose so that you can GAIN . Just like we sang in the words of that wonderful song, “I die so that I may live.” Isn’t that what it is to become a Christian. “Jesus, I just have to die. Here is all my sins, all my baggage, all my guilt, all my shame, here’s all my junk.” Pour it on the cross and Jesus says, “Ok,” New life, resurrection.
Marriage does not work the other way around. Marriage does not work saying, “Here is what I want to do, here’s who I want to be, here’s who I am...a, b, c, d, make that happen honey. I’ll see you at 5.” Noooo, marriage, two become one flesh. Just like Jesus became one with humanity and became a person. And then he prayed in John 17:11 for us CHURCH, “…that they may be one as we are one.” He prayed that we be one, just as Jesus and the Father are one. Marriage symbolizes that oneness. If you look at churches that grow the most, or the best, even though the members are so different, they are unified. They don’t play politics. They refuse to do it. Refuse to do it. When people go there and say, “At my last church we did….” They say, “We aren’t your last church.” They die to the politics, junk and garbage when they come to a spirit led church. They pray for God to lead them and give them a vision and they don’t change that vision when someone comes bringing their baggage with them.
When you go into marriage, you come with your bags packed and she comes with her bags packed, and you need to just take them to the dump. And two become one. Permanent condition, permanent condition, anything less is not what God intended. And that scares a lot of people reading this. Scares me because I know there are times when I, when Michael raises his head, and thinks of I instead of we. It scares us and young people if you are thinking about marriage it ought to scare you too because marriage is not your idea. It’s God’s.
She goes on in Solomon and says,
“7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.”
Here is what she is saying. Love is invincible and love is priceless. Even in those moments where you are drowning and you can’t figure it out. “Many waters can’t quench love.” And love is priceless. Can you, can anybody, CAN ANYBODY put a price tag on what Jesus did on the cross. CAN ANYONE SAY WHAT THAT WAS WORTH! No. Can anybody say what the love of a man and a woman who have died to self, become one flesh, and made each other their priorities, can anyone say what the price of that is worth, no. And we would be foolish to try to buy it.
And that is why the third vow you have to make is that next to Christ; your spouse has to become your TOP PRIORITY. Next to Christ, your spouse becomes your top, top, top, 100 percent priority. And you agree to fight for your marriage. You agree that even when the storms rage, to fight for your marriage. You agree to passionately pursue her and to passionately pursue him in the covenant. Just like God pursued Israel and just like God goes to war to keep Israel married to the land, just like God threw a rainbow over the sky to covenant and say never again. You got to have that kind of covenant. Because marriage is not intended to drift around and shift like commitments, you are married and that’s your top priority next to Jesus. And think about this and this is very strong. What if you are the primary channel that God’s love is supposed to flow to your spouse? Ask yourselves that question. Do I love my spouse like Jesus does? Singles, am I capable of loving someone like Jesus does? And you are not, until you have given your life to Jesus. Next to Christ, once that “I pronounce…” happens; sealed, covenant, unconditional, top priority.
Part 16
Let me give you a couple practical things that I think will help in being in a covenant relationship. First thing is this, and this is talking to married couples here. You need to have a regular “just the one of us” time. Not the two of us, but just the one, remember two become one. Make it a priority. Date night, whatever, but protect and prioritize, carve out time to reconnect. Let me talk to parents for a minute. You will throw the babysitter excuse up. Here is all I will say; it is better to pay a babysitter now than a divorce attorney later, as I said in the last segment. Because if you make those kids the top priority, when your kid graduates and leaves the nest and you are looking across the bedroom or across the table, you will be looking at a stranger. Because you didn’t keep the “one of us time.” Make it a priority.
Number two is this, weigh your words. You want to be in a covenant marriage then you ought to be able to talk about anything. Even on those tough subjects, isn’t it true, it’s not so much what you talk about with your husband or wife, it’s how you talk about it. And so many fights and so much separation could be prevented if you just weighed your words. Watch what you say.
Third thing I would say is evaluate and celebrate. Evaluate and celebrate and here is what I mean by evaluate. Evaluate means that you promise and you pledge and you commit to asking her or asking him, “Honey, how am I doing in this?” And you place yourself before God and say, “God, how am I doing?” You know what happens, we just quit paying attention. It’s like we take our cars in when the light comes on and we get the oil changed and the tires rotated. You got to pay attention to your marriage like you pay attention to that car, men. You got to just pay attention, and here’s what I mean by celebrate. When he or she does something that blesses you no matter how small, celebrate it. Thank them, praise them, because the truth is this; what gets celebrated gets repeated in marriage, in anything. That’s a principle for raising your kids too. Whatever you celebrate is going to get repeated. If you celebrate more when they are on the football field than when they open their Bibles or when they make a good grade in school, what do you think the kids are going to drift to? It’s the same in your marriage. It’s the same, what gets celebrated gets repeated. CELEBRATE when your spouse does something that blesses you in the name of Jesus.
And the fourth thing, the final thing to remember is that it takes THREE. It will take three: you, him or her, and God. It is not your idea. IT IS NOT YOUR IDEA. It is His, and if you are not connected to the Creator of marriage, your marriage will be destined and doomed for disaster. And here is the truth. If couple will commit to doing these 3 things, I can single-handedly with these 3 pieces of advice reduce the divorce rate to almost zero.
--Number 1,
BE IN CHURCH TOGETHER. Be in Bible and study together, be in church together.
--Number 2, PRAY AND READ YOUR BIBLE WITH EACH OTHER TOGETHER. Just those two things alone drop the divorce rate to 1 in 1052. Those two things above will save you money in counseling and attorneys and save your heart a lot of pain. If you will just take those two thing, 1, 2 things and we’ll go close in pray and we can end this series and if you’ll do those two things we’ll put divorce attorneys out of business. And I want to add a third one.
--Number 3, If you would just regularly ask yourself, am I a clean, clear, unobstructive channel for the love of God to flow to my spouse. Singles, this means this. You need to be clean, clear, and unobstructive before you ask the question and put an engagement ring on her finger or ladies before you say, “Yes.” You need to be clean, clear, that means healthy, that means content with who you are in Christ. But in marriage you have to keep the channel clean too. That’s why you have to consistently say, “Am I clean and clear for the love of Christ to flow.” Because here’s the deal, do you know where we get our clues for marriage? We get our clues for marriage from the cross. We get our clues for marriage from this thing called the blood and body of Christ. We get our clues for marriage from what Jesus did for us on the cross. This is because it is a COVENANT. You know what the Bible says about this. It says, “This is the new covenant in my blood poured out for you.” And does God break covenant, NO. Did we do anything to deserve this, no? Jesus went from heaven to Earth. He went all the way and met us right smack dab where we are. We go all the way in our marriages because of Jesus. And it will take three; it will take all of us right here, RIGHT NOW. Pledging to become one.
We are going to close this series by looking to the next time we take communion. Because communion symbolizes marriage, but more important it symbolizes that you have become one with Jesus Christ. And if you are not one with Christ, the Bible says don’t take communion. When you do it next time, listen, this is symbolic of what Christ did for us. And marriage is supposed to symbolize that death to self, permanent relationship, and top priority. That’s what communion also symbolizes. So as you do that the next time, remember that as we call to remembrance, we need Jesus, and Jesus has to be in our heart, and for some of you right now you are like I think he is knocking at the door right now. Would you open your heart and enter a covenant with him. He has gone all the way, you don’t have to do anything. He has already done it all. He died, He poured out his broken body and his shed blood to take away your sins and your sin shame and your guilt. And just receive communion and receive fellowship and receive oneness.
And when you receive that, that positions you couples; that positions you singles to be able to give that in marriage. Because you can’t give what you never received. And you only receive it from your Creator, from He who created you to be in relationship with Him, from he who created marriage to reflect that relationship. And that is why Jesus wanted us to remember, because everything always goes back to the cross. And on the night that Jesus was betrayed, he took bread and after he had given thanks he broke it. And he said to take and eat; this is my body, which is broken for you. In the same manner after supper he took the cup, and he said, “This cup,” and his words were so cool. He said, “This cup is the NEW COVENANT in my blood which is poured out for you.” As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes again. “Do this in remembrance of me.”
Let’s pray:
Father we want to remember. Lord I pray we all go back to that time we gave our lives to you. For that succession of moments we gave our lives to you. God if we don’t know what that means, or when that happened, or what that meant, maybe you are speaking to that heart and saying “Let this be your moment. Where you enter into covenant with me.” And if you sense the holy spirit of God knocking on your heart today, I pray that you open your heart and receive what Christ did, you don’t have to do anything, and you receive it. And that positions you to give it in your relationships. God for all of us we say thank you. For all of us we just want to say we remember what you did as we are one with you. Because you died to make us one, you died to bring us back to life; you died for the joy set before you. You endured the cross for us. And God, we take this moment and thank you for the meaning behind it. Thank you God that this means we are one. Thank you that this means you died for us. Thank you that this means you made us your top priority and may we do so in all our relationships. This is your blood, this is your body, and we are your people. In your name we pray, Amen.
Briefly, I want to thank so many that encouraged this series and special thanks goes to my pastor which so much of this came from. He is a true rabbi (teacher) and believer. I encourage all to read the book, Love and Respect which was referred to so many times and most of all I want to thank God and His way of gently and at times forcefully helping me to follow his directions. Bless you all and thank you for reading.
Michael
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: For All (Part 13 and 14)
|
Jun 13, 2008 11:42 pm
Mood: happy,
516 Views
|
Part 13
Ok, Committed and Covenant Segment 4. Going to wrap up this series on marriage, dating and relationships hopefully in a way that we will never forget because what we are going to talk about is very important. We been talking about how men need to be committed to loving their wives with the agape style love and women need to be committed to loving their husbands with the agape style of unconditional respect. And that is the love and respect cycle and we been breaking that down for the last 12 parts of this series.
But the question that we want to talk about today is about commitment. I started the series to hopefully help all to realize a higher level of marriage or view of marriage than when you started reading these. And the word we been saying in the series is committed. Be committed to your spouse, be committed to your marriage, and be committed to God and marriage. But think about commitment. It is sort of a weird word right? It is sort of a word that maybe, maybe if we are honest, doesn’t really capture the true definition that God intends for when we talk about marriage.
For example, there are a couple of things I have been committed to in my life that I am no longer committed to today. I use to be committed to wearing a tie always in church. I was sort of a tie-guy when I was in high school and went to synagogue and when I became a Christian and went to church. That was just the way I grew up, but that you wore ties in the house of the Lord. But I was committed to wearing ties, and I am not anymore. But I was committed because that is what you did. Another time I worked for the government and had a commitment to them. They paid for my pilot’s license and gave me a salary and once that commitment was filled I was done and it is something now that I tell stories about. There was a time I was committed to my wrestling team in school. I still have the uniform though I don’t look as good in tights now as I did then. I practiced and worked out for 4 years and I was committed to it. But after high school it was over. So my commitment to wrestling sort of went away. It was my season of my life and even if I wanted to today, I am not physically able to wrestle today. I wish I was but anyway I can’t.
This paper I have here is a mortgage commitment or a contract. And this is a commitment you make until Jesus comes back, right, to pay this mortgage. That’s why we pray thy kingdom come so much. But, this is a mortgage, a commitment we’ve made and the funny thing is I want to get done with this commitment. These other commitments were season of life based and circumstance based and I am just not sure if that is what God means when he talks about marriage and what I would say today is that when God talks about marriage, he intends for a marriage to be way, way more than just a commitment.
Because your commitments if you are honest, our commitments will change over time. They will sometimes change because of ability and you graduate from that and move on. They will change because you fulfilled them. They will change because of circumstances; they’ll change because they never fit who you are. But commitments over time just change. And we have all made commitments that we did not keep, right, or commitments that we could not keep. They just suddenly go away or get fulfilled or gets met and commitment just sort of moves and shifts and goes away. So we have all experienced the fact that commitment, maybe commitment when it comes to marriage is not a strong enough word. Maybe it is not a true enough word. Maybe it is not a word that is ideal enough that God intends for marriage to be.
So we are going to look at 2 passages of scripture. The first is going to come from Matthew chapter 19, in which we sort of unravel some things and maybe clarify some things about marriage and if marriage is really, really a commitment. Now this is Jesus talking and so anytime Jesus is talking it puts a big stamp on it of hey PAY ATTENTION to this on it. He is talking to some religious people during the day and here is what he says, “ 4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. ” In this brief passage of scripture, it gives us some things that I think we need to pay attention to. The first is that marriage is totally, totally 100 percent God’s idea. It is not the Supreme Court’s, it is not the government’s, it is not the culture’s, it is not even the husband-to-be’s or the wife-to-be’s. It is totally God’s idea. For this reason, the Creator created them, destined them to come together male and female uniquely created in His image to become one flesh. It is totally 100 percent God’s idea.
Now here’s the problem. This is the problem whether you are married or not. If you want to be married, are married or you are wondering where your marriage went wrong, here’s the deal. Everybody has their idea about marriage. If you are single, “When I get married, he will…”, “and he’s going to be…”, “When I get married, she will…”, “she will always… and she will never…” And you got your hopes and your desires and your expectations and your dreams that you bring into marriage and your partner brings into marriage.
Your idea of marriage may be very different than God’s idea of marriage. And that is what Jesus is saying. He is saying listen, listen, this is God’s idea. So we all stand at the altar and you got your hopes and expectations and he or she has their hopes and expectations, does all of that line up with what God says; because God says some very, very powerful things. Jesus right here says, “ 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother” And that word “leave” means “relinquish.” Means “let go of”. It means “that was the sort of relationship, now this one has priority.” You let go of that, you relinquish that, and cleave or cling or unite in marriage.
And he uses the word “united”. And that means sort of “permanent bond” Adhere metal, weld together in a permanent bond. “And then the two shall become one flesh”. What that means is they become complete. They become partners for life. The amazing thing about this and just think about this for a second, is they create a new creation in marriage. Where two, male and female, become one. A new creation occurs in marriage. There is a new condition. It is not me and her, but it’s us. It’s we. It’s ours. Not his, not hers, but ours. We are one flesh, we become one. Now listen, this is so powerful. When you become a Christian, if you are a Christ follower, the Bible says you become a NEW CREATION. You are born again, not of man and your parents, but you are born again of God. Notice what Jesus is saying, you leave your parents and God makes you one with your spouse. New condition therefore a new creation.
This explains if you have been divorced, this explains why it hurts so badly. Even in cases where it is allowed and justified, because God never intended for divorce, because what God makes one. What God creates, God creates things to be permanent. So when you get divorced even if it is justifiable, it hurts. Because you are unwanting or man is unwanting what God has made one. It’s a loss of identity; it is a loss of who you are. That is why divorce is so painful and why it hurts so much. And for the divorced people reading this I would say this, God’s truth of that passage is why it hurts so bad, and then God’s grace gives you healing in that storm. And he heals that bond that was never supposed to be separated but was. He heals that.
But that is why it is so painful. When you get married at that altar, it is a merging of identities. And you would never want if you were a Christ follower, you would never want for God to renege, you would never want God to divorce you from eternal life would you. You would never want God to divorce you from the full and abundant life would you? It is the same parallel with marriage. When God creates something, he doesn’t create it for it to be desecrated. Who desecrates things? Sinners. So Jesus is saying look, two become one, and if you come into marriage with your idea and your and God’s idea does not line up. You are headed down a track that is just inconceivable. And God says that marriage is way, way more than a commitment.
Part 14
And here is what God says about marriage, and this is so important that we have got to understand this. God doesn’t want us to use the word commitment. I want to introduce for this a new word when it comes to marriage. And the word is called, “COVENANT". Here’s what covenant means. Covenant means, “to cut”. The literally Hebrew meaning is, “to cut”. Here’s what that means. Back in the Old Testament or ancient times when two people made a promise, they would take an animal and cut it into two halves. And blood is everywhere. And they would walk between the two halves. Both them would walk between the two separated halves of the animal and what they were saying is, ”if I break this covenant, may be done to me, what has been done to this animal. Because in this covenant of land or in this covenant of money or whatever or in this covenant of marriage, we are one in this agreement and if we ever cut or break this covenant, it will be like what happened to this animal. And may that never happen is what they meant.
And in the old days when the rabbis married two Jewish people, they would sometimes cut them and bring their hands together like when you become a blood brother, well if you were a guy you might have done that. They put them together to symbolize the blood, the life now flows in both, the two have become one. God is a covenant making God. God doesn’t make commitments. God makes covenants and I want to show you two examples of this in His word. First from Isaiah 54, this is amazing stuff and here is what God says about covenants, “ 5 For your Maker is your husband—” Your maker God, is your husband. Scares some of you but it is cool when we get to the end. “the LORD Almighty is his name— …
9 To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my UN-FAIL-ING LOVE for you will not be shaken
nor my COVENANT of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.”
This is God, talking to the nation of Israel. And why do we call Israel God’s chosen people, and why is Israel the only nation that has existed for thousand and thousands of years STILL AROUND. Because God COVENANTED with them, and even in their rebellion, even in their stiff necked ness and their hard heartedness, God would not break covenant with them and they are still God’s chosen people, the Jewish people. And God says, I do not break covenant, my love is unfailing, though you may fail me, Israel, though you may go to war against me, I will be at peace with you because I am a covenant making, covenant keeping, covenant sealing God, and Lord, your maker is your husband. HELLO, he is also talking about MARRIAGE. That in marriage, love is to be unfailing, and peace is to be a covenant, because God is the designer of marriage and not you and I and God forsake, not the Supreme Court. He made it, and he designed it. It’s his. He covenanted it. And woe is it to us for having a cheapened and weakened view of marriage.
Just like he said to Noah, never ever, ever will I flood the Earth and here’s the symbol, look at the rainbow. I covenant to be your God Israel. He goes on, Isaiah 62 and there is another covenant that the Bible talks about. So powerful when it comes to marriage and here is what it says,
“ 4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,” (means my delight is in her)
“and your land Beulah” (Beulah means married) ;
“for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
6…as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.”
Do you know why they fight for land in Israel? Because God covenanted to give them the land, and he said to Israel, you are Beulah, you are married to this land. And this is your land, and even when they were exiled during the days of the prophet Jeremiah, he told Jeremiah they will come back because this land is theirs, because I promised it to Abraham. And even when they were exiled after that, God said you will come back, he will bring them back and that happened miraculously in 1948. Militarily it was impossible, but with God all things are possible. Why, because God makes covenants, keeps covenants and seals covenants forever and ever. And we in marriage are married, Beulah, forever. Just like Israel is married to that land and God keeps them there, and fights with them there. We are to be kept in marriage and to fight for marriage because that is what he intended because he makes covenants, not commitments.
I just want to show you now, how that bares out. Going back to the Old Testament. Back to the Song of Solomon, and look at how a covenant is kept in a marriage. Going to Chapter 8, an example of a covenant marriage and the things this couple does. This is Solomon again with his wife and this is what he says, “ 5 Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover?” This is just the first example of like some friends seeing a boyfriend and girlfriend and they are like ooey gooey and mushy, this is like the same thing. Her friends are looking out and saying, who is that, I don’t see her anymore, she is leaning on her lover, she is unrecognizable. You know why? Because when you get married, you vow to die to yourself. When you come to the altar, when you get married in a church and come to the altar, symbolic, do you know what happens at an altar? Death happens at altars. For this reason, and then God takes two and makes them one. But then you and I, we come into marriage, you know what we come into marriage saying, “I love you”, then after 6 months it means, “You owe me.” You come into marriage pledging before God and the pastor or priest and the congregation, you come into marriage pledging unconditional love. But what you really have deep down in your heart are unspoken expectations.
He’ll always, she’ll always. When you get married, you die at the altar of self. You live not for yourself, but to live for God and your spouse. And you make that pledge to die. Because that is what happens at the altar, you die to self. We get it backwards, and we think we got to feel it. Or we think that we can’t be afraid to do something or take a risk. When Jesus died. He was afraid. Read the Garden of Gethsemane account. When you come to an altar moment in your life, there will be a hint of fear. And there will be a hint of I am not sure, and there will be a hint of feeling, but you pledge and you die to yourself. You know where we get this though, Jesus. So many of us, I hear couples say this, “but I don’t feel it anymore”. You think Jesus felt ooey gooey before he went to the cross. Do you want to know what the Bible said Jesus did. It says this in Philippians 2, “For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross scorning its shame.”
Do you know what that means? That means you don’t “feel it” but you go and you do something because of the joy it will bring your Father in heaven and your spouse on Earth. And you do it anyway. And God says this, “if you go all the way, unconditional, and die to yourself, and they go all the way, your spouse. Then in the middle right there where those two things cross. That is where the blessing of marriage occurs.” That is where marriage is awesome. That is the sweet spot, which is the “zone” of marriage. But most of the time we stand at the altar and he’ll come this far and she’ll come this far, and it’s who’s going to budge. Who’s going to budge first. That is a commitment and that is not a covenant. A covenant is you pledge to go all the way and the other pledges to go all the way and when those things cross, that is where the beauty, the joy, the harmony, the peace of Godly covenant based marriage occurs. You pledge to die for her and she for you. Just as Christ laid down his life to make peace with all of us. Christ died to himself, so you and I can become a new creation. You died to yourself, she dies to herself, so you two become a new creation before almighty God when the preacher says by the authority vested in me according to the laws of the state of (your state) and looking to heaven for divine sanction, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You are becoming one. He dies and she dies. You become one under almighty God. But you got to do that everyday of your life.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 )
|
Jun 9, 2008 12:34 pm
Mood: happy,
553 Views
|
This is Part 11-12 of 16 parts. If just starting, I highly encourage going to Part 1 and reading 2-3 parts per sitting in order as they were written because many things in here are building upon things taught earlier. Thanks
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Part 11
We continue today with the last part of verse 14 in Song of Solomon, and this is a sort of continuation of point number 2, he says, “ let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” He pursues understanding. He wants to pursue understanding her. Let me say this real quickly, and ladies you have to give men a pass on this. Men we will never fully understand a woman. That does not mean we cannot be understanding of a woman. We will never understand, but we can still be UN-DER-STAND-ING.
Here’s how that happens and this in mainly talking about communication. Men, when we talk, when we have a conversation, we talk to get to the point, to get a conclusion, and to do something. Lights, camera, action, ok. Boom; let’s get something done, lets do it. Women talk to process their feelings, to process their thoughts they have. When men speak, we sort of have already thought about what we are speaking about. When women speak, it’s thought, word, thought, word, thought, word it just flows because they are processing that. And men, we get all confused and we get all bent out of shape with that and we are not sure how to do that and it is weird for us. Because this is what happens, your wife or girlfriend comes up to you and says, “Hey I want to talk.” All right, we spring into action. And you say, “OK WHAT ABOUT.” Because you are all ready to conquer, solve and achieve right, you know, do the men, men, men thing. And she says, “I don’t know, just talk.” Ut ohh, Again, that is so different. We don’t know what to do. But we need to talk and pursue understanding. Because when women do that, when women want to talk, that is a huge compliment to you men. That is saying, "Hey, I want to release these thoughts I am feeling; these thoughts of what I am feeling and what I am undergoing in my heart; I want to get that out there with you. And I need you to understand it." It is a compliment.
Here’s how you do this guys. And this is so simple. Notice what he said, “Your voice is sweet.” He listened. Your ears, that’s the organ that you pursue understanding with. You listen, you understand, you hear her. And here’s the deal, a lot of mean are freaked out by long conversations. She’ll carry the conversation, if we will just listen. So here is my advice to you guys when your wife comes up to you and says this, “Hey I need to talk.” Here’s what you do, you ask two questions, first thing you ask is, “ am I in trouble”. Don’t laugh girls because, now listen ladies, we are clueless. So answer that question for us. We won’t know and I will explain that point in number 4. And the second question we ask because guys we will want to jump in and fix things. So the second question you ask is, “Baby, do you need me to help you come to a solution or do you just need me to listen”. Remember women, we are clueless, so don’t expect us to know. And men, the women will love this, you are showing value to them. We have to work on that just listen part, but this helps to get that clarity.
Now to do this, to pursue understanding with your wife, let me say this to you men and please take heed of this. You’ve got to have scheduled, uninterrupted, intentional time with her. Men you will schedule a golf tee time, and you will schedule time to go watch the game with your buddies before you will schedule time with your wives. That’s wrong. You schedule time and you make her feel first in importance. And the goal of that time is not for you to eat, that’s secondary. It’s not for you to watch a movie. It is for you to pursue understanding. And women, some of you are unsocial, you don’t want to go out, you won’t get a babysitter, you won’t give your husband the one-on-one time to be with just you and him. You give him that unconditional respect to allow him to give you that unconditional love, it is a cycle, remember. If he is willing to pursue, please don’t take that away from him. Jesus said to the church, Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who that are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest … for your souls.” Can your wife, can your girlfriend come to you and find that kind of rest?
Verse 15, Solomon continues and says this, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. ” Now here is what he is saying. We are going to have conflict, and foxes represent conflict, they are planting a vineyard, that is what a relationship is like. Planting a garden. And our garden is in bloom. Our garden is doing great. Our garden is rocking but we are going to have conflict, we are going to have tension and we got to catch the things that threaten our garden. We got to catch and deal with the things that threaten our marriage. We don’t come up with a coping mechanism; we don’t ignore it, WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT. This is what Solomon realizes and ooo us men have to do so much better with. HE IS A PEACEMAKER. He pursues conflict resolution. He is a peacemaker because understand this, the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7. Marriage will have trouble. Ok, we are different! We have different needs, we are different, male and female, and we are also both sinners! So we will have conflict! MEN, women do not hold this over your husbands or your man what I am about to say, ok, you do not repeat this that I am about to say. MEN, IT IS OUR JOB TO PROTECT, KEEP AND RESTORE THE PEACE, IT IS OUR JOB, not hers.
Let me tell you how. Women will see the loose connection before men will. We will feel everything is fine, then she says, “I just don’t feel as close to you as I use to”. And we are like, “WHAT’S WRONG, WHAT DO YOU MEAN.” Pay attention, we have got to pay attention to them because women have that radar. And God gave that to them so that we would stay connected and get the foxes before they get to the vineyard. So we have to pursue peacemaking. And she’ll want to work it out sooner than later. To men we will say no big deal. And we are just not wired that way. When men conflict with men, very rarely do we apologize. Very rarely do we sit down and work out our feelings. When men have a disagreement with another man, we get mad and then the next thing you know we say hey, lets go watch some TV or lets go play some golf and that means it is over. With a woman, she won’t drop it. She will want to deal with it, that’s Godly, that’s biblical because God never intended for conflict just to fester and become bitterness and become this hard heartedness. God wants conflict dealt with as soon as we know there is conflict. Whether the man sees it first or most likely the woman, we have got to come out and pursue peace. Make peace with her and pursue this peacefulness with her. Women will want to do this.
Here is how you do this men, 3 words, “I AM SORRY.” I am sorry, I am sorry. Men you might say, “What if she is the one…” No, no, no. “Well what if she…” No, no, no. Unconditional!!! “I am sorry” Because we are so clueless, we ought to say I am sorry at least once a day, even if we have no idea what we are sorry about. Now, before you guys turn and get away from me, let me sort of explain this. The reason this is so hard for men is because for us to say I am sorry, we think that is a sign or a loss of respect. Remember men, we want respect, and so for us to apologize, we fear a loss of respect. When you say you are sorry to a woman, she sees it as an increase in love. You see, this is so cool; women are wired for equality, they want people to feel equal. She doesn’t want you sitting over there beating yourself up saying, “I was so bad and I am so sorry.” Here is most likely what will happen, her heart will melt when you say you are sorry and she’s going to meet you half way or meet you more than halfway. And she will say, “You know what, I messed up too in that conversation. I’m to blame too. And I need to apologize to you too.” You have to understand her fear is that this conflict is going to erode her first in importance stature. This conflict makes her feel under appreciated. She is just scared to come out, so men you come in and you initiate, you be the PEACE—MAKER! I sometimes can’t understand why in the body of Christ we are not just more open, God made us, God loves us; God gave us all this stuff. We are just trying to figure it out in a fallen world. We just have to make the peace.
Here’s the deal, Jesus Christ died to make peace between God and us. And he had done nothing wrong. Be a peacemaker.
Part 12
Last thing, she finally responds to all this that Solomon has been talking about. Verse 16, here is what she says, “My lover is mine and I am his” My lover is mine and I am his. Last thing men, she wants to be one. And Solomon was truly one with her. She wants to be one and he is truly one and truly connected with her. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave” that word means to unite, hold tight to, be welded to, “so that the two shall become one flesh.” She wants to be one, men here’s where we fear this because we want to be independent and we don’t want our buddies calling us hen-pecked, ball and chain or whipped. She doesn’t want to control you although we interpret it sometimes as if she wants to control us; she wants to connect with you. She wants to be involved not independent of. She wants to be one; she was created for that purpose. It is not good for man to be alone.
So here’s the practical, every day, men and women, everyday, you need that reconnect time, where you become one. Everyday let me say it one more time, EVERYDAY. And this may mean you got to hire a babysitter. Better to hire a babysitter than a divorce attorney. This may mean you have to say to the kids, for 10 minutes, Mom and Dad are talking. This may mean you have to say to your buddies, that tonight is the night for my bride. But you have to reconnect daily whether it is 10 minutes, 15 minutes, and every now and again it needs to be obviously longer. And you have to set a positive tone with that. Men don’t just walk into the house, flop on the couch and say, “Hey baby, how was your day?” Connect with her, don’t communicate with uninvolved behavior and find out where her heart is. Because over the course of the day, remember, men we are compartmentalized where we can shut it off and turn it back on, she cannot as well. Find out where her heart is and connect with her right there. A good way to do this is holding hands and hugging and what I call nonsexual touching. If the only time we get affectionate with our wives is when we want an intimate connection; that is wrong. It makes her feel devalued and under appreciated. Affection is an end, not a means to an end, men. She wants to feel one with you and you have got to have that reconnect time everyday.
Men to sort of to summarize this, I want to say this statement. It can be like a sign on the wall we should never forget.
You made or you will make a promise that she is or will be your priority next to Christ.
And priorities by definition are pursued with passion. We should just remember that everyday. Can I do something to communicate passion? And guys, if you are single, don’t get into a relationship unless you are ready to make that kind of promise. And if after 4 to 5 dates you don’t think you can continue that, don’t just keep her so you have someone to go out with every once in a while when you want to. Don’t string her along. If you can’t make that promise and you will know within 4 to 5 dates if she is someone you want to continue pursuing or not. Don’t string her along. When you find someone that you can pursue passionately until death do you part, have some conversations and get ready. If you are married here today, I pray that God rekindles the passion for the bride of your youth and you pursue her today as passionately as the day before you got her hand in marriage. And you know whom we get our clue from in this? Jesus! Here is what the Bible says Jesus did in Luke 15:4, “ Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?” Here’s what this means. Jesus passionately pursues us before salvation and after salvation. Jesus is passionate about pursuing his people. Men we got to be passionate about pursuing and appreciating the women in our lives. Marriage is everyday, every hour, and every minute. So the women in our lives can say I am a lily of the valley.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 9 and 10 )
|
Jun 7, 2008 5:02 pm
Mood: exhausted,
634 Views
|
This is Part 9 of 16 parts. If just starting, I highly encourage going to Part 1 and reading 2-3 parts per sitting in order as they were written because many things in here are building upon things taught earlier. Thanks
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Part 9
Guess whom we are going to be talking to this post. Yep, you guessed. Well basically we are in this series talking about marriage, some on dating and single issues, but mainly we are talking about marriage. So let’s review to start. Mainly we have said that the Bible says in Ephesians 5:33 Husbands are to agape style love, that’s unconditional style love, their wives and women are to agape style respect their husbands, unconditionally respect their husbands. We said that’s a cycle. They each motivate each other. Guy loves his wife and it feeds the wife to respect her husband and vice versa and when this doesn’t happen things deteriorate. Last segment or 4 parts we sort of gave the men a free pass and talked to the ladies on how to respect their guys. But this segment the ladies can put their pens down and get your elbows ready and I am going to talk to men over the next 4 parts or this next segment.
Let me just say this, based on personal experience and observation; here is the statement that we will keep coming back to today, MEN, WE ARE CLUELESS!!! We are just absolutely clueless. The quicker we admit that, the better off we will be. We just need to admit that it’s not normal or natural for us to do what the Bible asks us to do. That just sort of opens us up to the possibility that maybe we don’t have it all figured out and maybe I have got something to learn. And here’s why. By human nature, remember last segment we said men are the conquerors? By human nature, it is our nature to pursue what we do not have. And for any of us we don’t have a certain jacket; and we don’t have a certain car and we work and we save and we learn how to crunch numbers and we buy that jacket or car or remodel the house or whatever. And once we have gotten it, for 2 weeks it is like cool and new, then after that we are looking for something else. Well what happens is most men are ok with it comes to pursuing a woman in the dating and romantic and courtship kind of context. We do all right. We sort of know how to win a woman maybe. But we really fail on how to keeping a woman. Because what worked in dating, well once we sealed the deal at the alter and the death do you part, she sort of becomes like a trophy. You know, we conquered, we gotten this what’s next on the horizon and we fail to keep pursuing our wives. And that’s a huge detriment. But it is not natural for us to do that because by nature we pursue what we do not have. Once we have something we sort of rest and become content. And that’s why men once we get married we get sort of clueless.
I want to illustrate this with a story by Dr. Tony Evans and this is an example for like when your spouse gets a cold. Here’s what happens, in year one your wife gets a cold and she is coughing and it’s like, “ Honey, that cold is making you oh so uncomfortable, I am so sorry, is there anything your lover boy can do for you? Why don’t you let your knight in shining armor take you to the doctor” Year 2, “Darling, that cold seems to be getting worse, why don’t you call doc Miller?” Year 3, “You better lie down with that cold of yours and get some rest before the baby wakes up.” Year 4 “Ah, you’ll be all right. Just take some aspirin, by the way, how about ironing those pants for me today and tonight when I get home, you want to make love?” Year 5, “Would you do something about that cough instead of barking like a seal.” It just sort of gets worse and worse. Doesn’t that just describe it? First year knight in shining armor, year 5, just get rid of the cough. That’s what I mean men that we are sort of clueless.
There are 3 temptations I want to talk about first that can sort of prevent this and we also need to be watching out for. The first temptation is this. We fall into marriage and do marriage by instinct. And here’s what I mean by that. Guys if your wife has ever asked you to do something like set the table or something, and she is like cooking and you go in there and set the table and to you it is like a mission and you accomplish the mission and to you it doesn’t matter where the fork is or where the napkin is and how the napkin is folded or where the glass is or anything like that. You set the table. And your wife comes in and she looks at your work and she says something to the effect of, “(gasp) You are such a mannnnn!” And we are thinking, “That’s right baby, I am a MAN!” That isn’t what she means. She means you are CLUELESS. We tend to do marriage by instinct. And like we said before our instincts which comes natural to us, but loving our wives the way God intends us to love our wives is unnatural to us. So in marriage our instincts will lead us to not be creative, not to be romantic, and to take things for granted. And that is just a bad thing in marriage.
The second temptation that men have and I call this “Failure to Launch.” Here’s what I mean, a man gets married and fails to reduce or sever some ties to singlehood. And he tries to keep being single and keep being single; and sometimes those are incompatible. And they don’t communicate value and worth and truth to our wives. So what happens is there is no reduction in the activities in the things we did before we got married. Friday night is still a night with the guys, Saturday mornings are still the golf game, Sunday morning we may do golf, we may go to church with her I am not sure. It’s a failure to sever ties and a failure to launch and that is just totally wrong and clueless. I want to illustrate this with something from the Old Testament about how the Israelites got married and what they did. Let me read from Deuteronomy 24:5. Here is what it says, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. That’s pretty radical for a country or people group who’s very lifestyle was warfare. Israel was at war constantly. Even today they have an amazing military and ever man or woman from 18-21 has to serve in the army. And here’s the Old Testament saying after the guy gets married, for one year he is released from his military duties because it is SOOOO important for him to establish ties with his wife.
The third temptation is called “trivial pursuit.” That your woman becomes sort of trivial to you. Like the trophy and you bring her out ever now and again like on her birthday and anniversaries and it is ok. Instead of passionately pursuing her EVERY SINGLE DAY. And you are real trivial with that instead of real purposeful and real intentional with that. Here’s what happens men. Women see us get passionate about sports, passionate about hunting, passionate about our career and very PASSIVE towards them. And that is the wrong message to send. If you are dating, and men you sense your passion for the girl you are dating drop and sort of decline and sort of wane a little bit, that’s a red flag. Women, you have intuition and you may see this coming. If you ever sense the guy you are dating is suddenly distracted or busy and you feel sort of trivial to him, that too is a red flag and you all need to talk that out and see if that is a sign that maybe you are not compatible. Because a good healthy relationship the passion and the desire and the connectivity should increase and not decrease. So that’s just another temptation that men face.
Part 10
Now like in the last segment, we are going to go to the Song of Solomon; it is amongst the books like Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes then Song of Sol. These are called the WISDOM books of the Bible. But before we get into that, I want to read another scripture to you to illustrate how IMPORTANT to God your relationship is to your wife. And single guys that want to be married, maybe you are single again and thinking about going back into the dating field, everybody. Men you need to pay attention to what this verse really says. It is from 1 Peter 3 : 7, “ In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. (New Living Translation) ” Did you catch that? If you are not jiving with God, and you feel like your prayers are not getting heard or your prayers getting answered; you might need to check your relationship with your wife.
If a guy came to me or a husband feels dry spiritually and someone says, “Hey, I don’t think God is hearing my prayers” and someone says back to them, “How is your relationship with your wife.” They would think they have nothing to do with each other. Oh, yes they do!!! Oh, yes they do!!! Honor, understanding, equal partner and God’s gift to new life, if those things are not present, the Bible says your prayers are sort of like foggy, crackly and have static when they reach heaven. 1 Peter 3 : 7, that’s big time stuff.
So let’s get it right men, let look at how to show and communicate love to your woman. We are going to start in Song of Solomon 1:9 and will be in the first chapter then flip to chapter 2. Now this is Solomon or the man talking to his wife, “I liken you, my darling, to a mare” Probably not good in today’s culture to call your wife a horse. But I will explain what he means. “I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh.” That’s so powerful and this is what he means. Pharaoh had these 1000s of horses and all these stables and these wonderful horses. Well Pharaoh always had a filly or mare, she was typically a white horse and she was exclusively for Pharaoh. No one else could touch or ride her. When he would go out, you could see all the horses from a distance but the one that would stand out was the white mare. His filly, his pride and his joy, so when he compares her to that, cause Solomon had access to literally thousands of women, see he was the king, he says no, no, no, but you stand out. You are exclusive to me; you are highly esteemed and highly valued to me.
I want to pick up this sentiment by going to chapter 2 verse 1 where she responds after he has been talking, “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valley.” She says I am like a lily of the valley that stands out, a rose that people notice. I feel like I am number 1, first in importance to Solomon and to everything that he has going on. And here is the first clue to how we spell love to our wives. He honors her with admiration and appreciation. She feels special. She feels value. Now understand this guy and this is the whole Genesis thing. Men are created and we keep saying this first in responsibility, that means men have to be given a little more authority, go forth and fill the earth and all those commands and spiritual leadership of the family and all that kind of stuff, first in responsibility. Women are created first in importance, because Eve was given to Adam and she was given to be his first in importance.
Now understand this, in today’s culture, two things that are competing that confuse and compliment this for ladies and guys understand this. There are two sources of pressure. One is the competition they will feel, because men, think about her and Solomon. He was the king, he had people coming to him all the time, he had all this territory, he was the wisest man that ever lived. People were constantly wanting Solomon’s time and attention. But she still felt like the lily of the valley, because he admired her and appreciated her. But there is competition in today’s world isn’t there guys. There’s your hobbies, your sports, there are your buddies, there is your career and there is yourself and she has to feel first in importance. Understand this too; our culture communicates messages to young girls and women that are very devaluing to them. Look at a magazine and on TV and what it tells women who are wired to want to feel important, and the culture says to do that you have to prostitute your body, you got to dress scantily clad, you have to look a certain way, you have to weigh less than what is actually healthy medically. That pressure men, your woman is not oblivious to and she is not immune to it. That is why because of the competition and the pressure of culture, we have to go to her and make her feel first in importance. It’s not like this, the guy says, “I gave her a ring, I don’t need to tell her anything!” Yes we do!!! Because she will constantly need reassurance that she is your mare. That she is your lily of the valley. That is the way she is wired and God wired us to give that unique feeling of love. This means men if you are going to be late getting home from work, you call her. You can’t appreciate this because you think I’m busy, I ‘m doing my thing or I am the man. She is thinking have I dropped in importance. It’s not that you won’t get held up at work or you can’t help a friend, but call and communicate importance to her. Include her in gatherings. Ask her to go with you even if it is all guys. When she finds out it is all guys she may not want to go but include her, that she has that importance. That she is that pare, that lily. And guys when we make commitments we have to keep them. We can’t break them. Because that subtle fear that Satan will introduce of maybe there’s something else that has slipped in and taken your place of first in importance.
A great way to do this and we don’t understand this is the power of symbols, the power of symbols. No guy says things like, “Hey guys, come over here and see what all the groomsmen are wearing in my wedding.” Guys, we don’t do that. “Hey, look at my tux, doesn’t it look great!” No, we don’t do that. She DOES!!! She does with the wedding dress. She does with the ring. Those symbols are so, so, so, hugely important. In Hallmark shopping for a card, and this is what a lady said a couple aisles over from a lady in line, “My husband told me to go over there and find a card that I liked. And that would be the one from him!” Then she goes, “I guess I ought to be thankful.” CLUELESS!!! We really are guys, we are just absolutely clueless. We cannot underestimate the power of those symbols. And here’s the truth for ladies. It’s not so much the expense of the gift or the expense of the symbol or the expense of the evening. It’s really the factor of the amount of the thoughtfulness that you put into it. That’s what she is looking for, she wants to say, “Wow, he really put a lot of thought into this, he really appreciates me.”
Here’s a great example. It might be Valentines Day, date night, or a birthday and the guy says, “Hey baby, I am going to take you to dinner tomorrow night. We are just going to get out of the house and celebrate and have a good time.” She is getting all excited. And then the guy says, “Well, where do you want to go eat?” And the lady says, “I don’t really care, you pick.” That should be our first clue men. But it isn’t because we are so logical. B follows A and C follows B. And we are thinking, well I want to honor her and why doesn’t she pick so we say, “No baby, really, you pick.” And she says, No, I really don’t care, you pick.” And then being men, we get real practical and start thinking, “Well there’s a seafood buffet down at the diner tomorrow night, you want to go?” and she is like, “No, let’s go somewhere else.” And we men are like grumble, grumble, “ #$%@, you suddenly have an opinion, what is that?” Because here’s what she is thinking. He has put no thought and no effort into that and I don’t feel very valued by going to the diner and having a seafood buffet. Men, catch a clue. It’s not natural, but it is what will speak to her heart. She wants to feel special. You know and in this series we been comparing Christ, the husband sort of represents Christ, and the wife represents the church. If you read scripture in the New Testament, and you read how special and how important the church is to Christ, and that’s why I tell people it is so important to get into church, and why church has to be so important to us, but if you read through scripture and see how central and important it is to what Jesus is up to in the world. Jesus makes the church feel special. He admires it. He appreciates it. He created it. Women are wired that way. And it is a reflection of Christ’s appreciation for the church.
Solomon goes on and he is going to start talking in verse 14 and he says, “ My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, ” Solomon is so wise and why this is so good, wisest guy in the world and he knew how to treat a woman. The second way we communicate our love to women is this. He, Solomon, values OPENNESS and TRANSPARANCY. If you read the last segment, guys are shoulder-to-shoulder, guys around the campfire and women are face-to-face. And he says, “show me your face.” I want to connect with you. Women are wired to connect. They want to connect with their man; they want to feel a part. That’s why the face-to-face communication is so important.
My pastor says, “I learned this the hard way. When I was in college, I was an extreme, extreme introvert. My world was my head, I solved problems, and I thought things out.” Introvert just means that you get energized by being alone, and by your thoughts. “I am more extraverted now because I married an extravert.” We will be riding in the car, you know shoulder-to-shoulder, and things would be quiet. And that is ok for guys. We are spending time, that’s companionship. It’s what we are wired for. But that’s not ok for a woman to always have shoulder-to-shoulder. She needs some face-to-face, and the woman would say while we are driving thinking everything is cool, life is great, “Hey, what are you thinking,” And our minds go, “Whoaaaaaaaa, invasion, invasion, invasion.” And we men are freaking out thinking no one has asked me that before. But she wants to connect. Women want to connect. They value transparency. They value openness, ok.
This is what women think of men. We are like islands and they are paddling around us looking for some place to come ashore and to connect with us. And we got to do that. Men we are compartmentalized. Many we separate things. Work, home, sports they are all separated. Women are integrated. It’s all connected. It is like Christmas tree lights. If one goes out, they all go out. Women are like that. We are clueless. We are like, “am I going to have to check everyone of those lights to figure out how to get this thing to come back on.” Yeah you are same thing with your lady. What happened at work will effect home. What happens at home will affect work. They are integrated and that’s why this openness and getting things out in the open and being transparent, and communication and being open and honest are so important.
Now men we are totally clueless on this, we are just sort of weird. We can have a fight with our woman at 10 and we are ready to make up 30 minutes later. She might not be ready to makeup until 10 PM a week later. She’s wired that way because she wants to connect. And you can’t fake a connection. That’s why she is wired that way because God wants that connection to be strong, and that openness and transparency and that face-to-face to be present. If it were just men we would be shoulder-to-shoulder and that wouldn’t be as connected as it can be when we are face-to-face. This means guys, you got to share feelings and you got to ask her about hers. Your girl can ask you how was your day and you can answer in 2 ways, you can say, “It was good, I had a meeting with my boss in the morning, lunch with my partner and spent the afternoon on a project with 4 co-workers,” and she will go like uuugg. Men, that is not sharing that is giving information. Then I could have said, “It was good. I had a meeting with my boss discussing how to invoke their new training program and he was very interested in my ideas, then I had lunch with Jeff and we talked about a situation with his daughter and it sort of convicted me on the importance of our children, and then I had a meeting with some guys on the new project, and Bob is so passionate about…” Suddenly that’s not sharing information, that’s connecting. Men, it’s different. Then you ask her about hers. And you let her tell you her heart. Share those stories. And here’s the number one way to be open and transparent with your wives. Pray with her. PRAY WITH HER. I know so many men say, “I can’t pray with …” You can get naked with her but you can’t pray with her? Pray with her, because you bare your soul before God. Bare your soul before God and it will connect. Now listen, body language is important. Face-to-face. Don’t say in a blasé manner, “Yeah honey, how was dayyyy.” Don’t do this. You know where we get this, Jesus Christ. Because people could come to Jesus, coming to Jesus would be like your wife coming to you, and people could tell Jesus ANYTHING! And he would listen, and he would hear, and he would respond.
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 8 )
|
Jun 4, 2008 11:40 am
Mood: refreshed,
570 Views
|
Part 8
All right, she goes on, and almost on queue after that steamy little 2 verses, she says “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” meaning this love thing has a proper time and a proper place. And intimacy has a proper time and a proper place and that is within the order and the definition and the commitment of marriage. That little tidbit there and then she goes on in verse 8 and says this, “Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes leaping across the mountains bounding over the hills. My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. ” Now here’s the symbolism and it is so beautiful. She’s paying attention to her husband and saying, look, listen and here he comes and she compares him to a gazelle. And a gazelle was a sleek, beautiful animal, but very gentle creature and was easily frightened. So for this animal to come out in sort of public view of everything and bound over the mountains like this conqueror was special and unique. And she has made him feel that way. One of the things ladies you have to understand and try to give to your husbands is you have to support his desire to conquer the mountains and to achieve things. Your husband and men have a desire to conquer and achieve things. This has to do with work, the call to the field, the sense of adventure and you got to understand it is part of man’s makeup. God gave Adam that responsibility to take care of the garden and to go forth and fill the Earth. And he has a desire and the problem is this. That desire because of the fall has been hurt and damaged and men have to be encouraged to come out like the gazelle. To come out and bound over the mountains and conquer and fulfill things. And ladies you help him do that, and you help him feel important. And never ever devalue and depreciate a man’s work.
I learned this as a child in my grandparent’s store. My Nana was one of the biggest encouragers of Papa. My grandfather would get an order in and stock the shoe boxes up in the store, pretty basic stuff. When he was done, Nana would heap so much praise on him, you know go out and conquer and fulfill, you would think he had a PhD in box stacking. She was like whoa, look at that and I was like, it is just boxes. What’s the big deal? But it is a big deal for a man to feel it is safe to come out and conquer and achieve. So always, always respect what your man is doing. Respect his desire to work. I am not saying this should happen every night, but if your husband needs to stay late, don’t guilt trip him about it. If it is just one time every now and then that’s got to be ok for you, because he wants to come out and he has this desire. Respect that and support that and thank him for that. You know I think every man would say, “You know what I want more than anything, I WANT A WOMAN THAT WILL BELIEVE IN ME.” What does Jesus want from us? He wants us to believe in him. Believe in what he conquered when he died and rose again. Believe in what he achieved, eternal life for us. Believe in your husbands.
It goes on, verse 10, now the husband starts speaking now,
“0 My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me.
11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”
See he gives her suddenly this interpretation of their relationship, their interpretation of circumstances, and he says the time has come. And she listens, and here is what she understands. Men have the desire to give insight analysis and counsel. And she listens to his insight, his analysis and counsel. The competition here is woman’s intuition and man’s insight. And she respects his ability, his insight and his interpretation. And he is telling her what he thinks is next in their relationship and in this season of their life and she listens to it and she respects it. You see women complain because men are always trying to fix things, right? He doesn’t listen to me he is trying to fix things. Understand this, your man’s problem solving is his way of empathizing with you. Every now and then, women, he has got to empathize and we will address that in the next segment for men, but every once in a while, let him fix something. Let him be a problem solver. Understand that is his way of empathizing. And don’t let your intuition cloud out his insight. A woman’s intuition coupled with a man’s insight makes for Godly decision-making. When women always say “I feel…but I think…but I don’t know why” and just totally ignore a husband’s insight analysis and counsel you chop off good decision-making.
In the Garden of Eden, Eve had an intuition, and it deceived her. And the Bible says that Adam said nothing. He was just there with her. So somehow his part of the decision-making process was cut off. Ladies understand that. If you ever listen to men talk. Listen to them talk about politics and sports. They always have a theory, that if we were the president or if we were the head coach. Ladies, sometimes let your man be the president or the head coach. Say, “Oh baby, you are so right. You should call those plays, or you should run for office.” You know, just do it. That’s a way to spell respect to your man.
All right, so here’s the deal. How are you doing? Women, would you evaluate how you do on this? And this week, this is what my challenge would be. Could you try to show respect in one of those five ways to your man? At least once a day, just take one of them. Say, “Today I am going to thank my man for going to work. And respect him for what he does while he is there. You know I don’t understand why my husband watches NASCAR, but I am going to sit down and watch a few laps with him until I slit my wrist. (No I am just kidding, really just kidding)” Give him that recreational companionship, because here’s the beautiful thing and this is my prayer. Can you imagine if everybody that gets married from this point on and everybody that is married works on this; if every husband felt as respected as Solomon did in this book, would that not change churches, places of businesses, athletic teams, schools, communities and the Kingdom? If men felt like that gazelle that could come out and lead and conquer and achieve, and they had their companion shoulder-to-shoulder with them. It would transform a culture. And it would point people to a Savior. Ephesians 5 says it this way, “22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 31For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh ”
This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. That in the marriage relationship the image of the church and Christ should be clear. And when people see ladies, how you treat your husband, they should see a picture of the respect that we the church give Jesus Christ. The author, protector of our faith and the giver of marriage.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This concludes segment 2 for Women. The next 4 parts will be segment 3 for Men followed by segment 4 which will be the meatiest part of the series. I hope all continue reading and commenting or emailing and we delve into the second half of this search for a biblical relationship that most on Big Church seem to also be on here to do, continue or to start.
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
|
Commitment and Covenant: For Women (Part 7)
|
Jun 4, 2008 11:31 am
Mood: intimate,
592 Views
|
Part 7
We are going to start in chapter 2 of Song of Solomon and I am going to give us 5 ways to sort of spell RESPECT for our husbands. 5 ways to help your husbands feel unconditionally respected and to revere and acknowledge and admire your husband the way that Jesus does. And the whole time if you are single in here, the whole time you have to think to yourself is can I give this to someone. If not, it is a question of your heart and Jesus’ empowerment of you and also your maturity and also to make sure you fall in love with character first. All right, here we go.
This is her talking about her lover about Solomon. We are going to pick it up in chapter 2, verse 3. A lot of symbolism here so I will try to make it make sense. Here is what she says, “3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. ” Isn’t that coolly poetic. Isn’t that awesome. Here’s what she is saying. “ Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest my lover or Solomon is unique to me. And he is just attractive to me. And he just stands out. And I want to go up to that tree and I want to sit in its shade. I want to spend time with him. I want to be with him. And then his fruit, and fruit are always also symbolic of times of character. His fruit and just being with him and being around his character is something I enjoy. And she says, “I delight to sit in his shade.”
Here’s the first way ladies you can spell respect to your husband or to a man. Number 1 is she gives him companionship and that is so important. I want to explain this very carefully and here’s the truth. Woman, a lot of the time, the way you spell companionship is you share a conversation with someone like you have this long talk about an experience or about something. The way men communicate is often times to share that experience or to share that activity and the reason that is sometimes difficult for ladies to understand about a man is because you can’t understand how seemingly doing nothing can be an investment in the relationship. You see men like this thing called shoulder-to-shoulder communication, you know women are more face-to-face, but men like shoulder-to-shoulder. Think about guys around a campfire. Think about this, you ever been riding down the road and gotten behind a pickup truck, and the guy is driving and the girl is right there beside him. There is more to that than meets the eye. It’s not just food for a redneck joke. Men dig and like that kind of companionship. We are wired that way. We want someone to be with and to spend time with and to enjoy this companionship whether it is recreation or whatever. And women this will be so counter-intuitive because here’s the deal, your husband is sitting at home watching TV, and he is like, “Hey baby, come on in here” and your folding the laundry, doing the dishes, or attending to the kids and you are like, “No, what do you want to do.” And he like, “I just want to watch TV with you.” And you are thinking, “That’s such a waste of time.” And then you think, maybe he wants to talk to me. And so you go on in there and you sit down. And you are like maybe he wants to communicate. And the only thing that comes out of his mouth as you are watching the Discovery channel is, “Look at the size of the teeth on that alligator, baby.” And you are like, WHY AM I SITTING HERE. To the man that is hooey gooey companionship and AWESOME stuff. Give him that recreational companionship. It is awesome. Ladies, you don’t have to understand it, just do it. And he will love it and it will make him feel respected.
Friend of mine will be down in his home gym with me. Every once in a while his wife will drift in and sit down, you should see him. He becomes like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just in her presence it is awesome the change in him. Listen ladies, shoulder-to-shoulder time with your guy will infuse him with energy, in a way that you can’t understand. But remember this, that I said the husband was sort of the Jesus in the relationship. Remember this, the night Jesus was betrayed, he prayed and he went to the garden. And he took three of his closest, closest disciples. And he said, “Come with me. Watch and pray with me.” And they couldn’t stay awake. They couldn’t give Jesus that companionship in his greatest hour of need. And when he got done praying the first time and he went and woke them up. You can tell in the scriptures he is hurt. Not because he wanted to talk with them. Because he wanted to be … with them, ladies, it is the same way for the men in your life. They will enjoy and be blesses and they need that recreational companionship.
It goes on, verse 4 says this, “He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.” Here’s what that symbolizes. The banquet hall is obviously a very public place and she is out in public going places of importance, because remember Solomon is the king. So she is going to places of importance with her man. And she says, “his banner over me is love.” In Old Testament times or ancient times when people went to war or went anywhere there was always a banner of identification. Of whom they were following or who they were fighting for or who they were hanging out with. And the banner symbolizes identity; the presence of the king and the banner also symbolizes spiritual blessing and spiritual protection. And she is like I am going where he is going, I am following him and his banner over me is love.
So here is the second way she gives him respect. She gives him respect by following his leadership. Now this is where we get into all this “Who says he knows best…etc.” Listen don’t go there. Just understand this is the way God created us. Remember in the first segment that the man is first in responsibility, woman is first on importance, and he has the responsibility to go forth and fill the Earth. He has the responsibility to lay down his life for his woman. To protect her and die for her if necessary, that’s what Jesus did. And so the woman is underneath his leadership. Now this is not male superiority and female inferiority. This is not man lording something over. This is the honest desire of a man’s heart is to place his bride under his banner or under his leadership in order to protect her. This women because his banner over her WAS NOT DOMINATION but was love. This woman was like I’d gladly go with him to the banquet hall. I’d gladly follow him. And she submits to that. The worst thing that can happen in a marriage is for a woman to never ever just sort of follow her husband leadership. Now I am not saying it is a dictatorship. But what I am saying is that if your husband, the man in your life has a good idea, and ladies, you always have a better idea. There is something wrong with that. That you continue to make your man passive, and the church is suffering, and communities are suffering because of passive men.
You know that in church alone, 60 percent of churchgoers are women. 40 percent are men. And men have become passive spiritually, they have become passive emotionally, they have become passive with their families. Ladies you have to help your husband come out and allow him to lead. Never ever attack your husbands right to lead. Honor him in public as she did in the banquet hall. Honor him in front of the kids. And respect his leadership in front of the kids. When things go well and he made a good decision, praise him. When he makes a dumb decision and things go bad, practice grace. Jesus had just told his disciples that he was going to go die for him. He was going to found the Church on his death and resurrection. And Peter said this to Jesus, “No, you will never have to die. You will never have to lay down your life.” And Jesus’ response was, “Get behind me Satan.” Now guys, never call your wives Satan. It won’t go over too well. Just a little bit of marital counseling, don’t do that. But here is the point Jesus was making. It is my responsibility to go to the cross and to die for you, to create the church, the bride, and to make her beautiful and whole and first in importance. Men have this desire too. Not to go to the cross, that’s been done but to lead, protect and provide. And so ladies you have got to allow them to do that.
Goes on verse 5 and 6, now some of you are waiting for this part so here it is. “Strengthen me with raisins, ” raisins enhanced love, let me say it that way, in ancient times. “refresh me with apples,” Really should say pomegranates, which were a sexual symbol. “for I am faint with love. His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” They are in an intimate position. So ladies, here is all the men want me to teach I am sure. She appreciates her husband physically and satisfies him sexually. That is part of the make up of the marriage relationship. Women don’t understand this. There was a man filling out an application where it said name, age, s.ex and the man put not enough. Ok, you don’t understand this, but it is just the way we are made, it’s the way we are wired. I heard this story a guy had just finished a marriage conference and his wife was down there asking questions and talking to some people and heard this story. There was a daughter who called her Mom on the phone and said, “Mom, I just don’t know what is wrong with my husband, he’s all in a twit and all messed up and do you have any idea what it is. I think it might have to do something with the fact that we haven’t been intimate in a while.” And the mother got real mad with her daughter and said, “Honey, how can you be so insensitive. For something that takes so little amount of time and makes him so happy, you should be doing that.”
Ok now that the mood is lightened up here, let me talk about it this way. Here’s the deal. Your desire first is for emotional and spiritual connection. And when that happens you are ready to go and give a physical connection. Men are just the opposite. Men have a desire to connect physically, for them that becomes the deep connection of spiritual emotional intimacy. It’s just the opposite and a lot of times I see this in marriages where the woman is like, My emotional needs are not getting met, your physical needs may have changed or something. But you want him to keep meeting your emotional needs but you’re not willing to meet his physical needs. And to deprive each other is a sin. Let me read this.
I don’t want to distract from the message but this is very important. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul says this, “ Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Too many times ladies open themselves up to satanic attack because of physical deprivation. And that’s wrong, and that is a subtle form of disrespect for your husband. The whole thing, that I am not in the mood. It’s not about your mood, it’s about how you spell love and respect to your husband. And it is so important that you appreciate him physically and try to satisfy him sexually. It’s different I understand that. I understand that but it is how God has wired us to make it. Men have a responsibility in that and we will delve into that in the segment with parts 9-12. But for this segment, His banner over me is love and she longs to be with him in that intimate bedroom embrace.
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (deepestfaith) use [blog deepestfaith] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
221
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
