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As The Days Grow Colder
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Sep 29, 2009 10:22 am
Mood: glum,
389 Views
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It hits all of a sudden, sometimes. One day it's warm. The next, it's cold. I'm sitting here with a jacket on, today.
Funny, life seems to happen that way, too. One day, you know who you are and what you're doing. The next, it can all come crashing to the floor like a lamp hit by a soccer ball. And everything changes. You're just trying to figure out how it happened.
I think, maybe some would pick up that lamp and try to put it back together, but some get so traumatized by the noise it made when it shattered, that the signals to move on won't work. They get stuck, not knowing what to do next.
I wish I could say I knew why I feel this way.
All I can say is that these feelings aren't going to last forever. I'm grateful for that.
I did end up taking my sons to church and to the nursing home to visit our aunt on Sunday. We looked at pictures from the early nineteen hundreds of my grandparents and even great-grandparents that I never knew. It was interesting to see the resemblance. My dad looks just like his dad. It's kind of funny to me that both dad and I have ears like grandpa...only not quite as big. I'm just glad I got mom's hair, so I can cover them up!
I showed my aunt the poetry book I wrote, since she showed me the one she was making the week before. When I got the boys home, Zach started putting together a book of poetry that he thought of. It's funny...almost everyone in our family is a poet! Zach's poems are really good for an almost-eleven-year-old child!
Yesterday, we got a printer that works and a binder for his poems. Next Sunday, we'll show our aunt Zach's book.
It's funny how much in common we have with grandparents I never knew.
Today, Chris is sick. His throat is really red. It seems like he's always getting whatever virus is going around. Pretty soon, I'm taking him to get a strep test.
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Visiting my Sis
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Sep 27, 2009 7:39 am
Mood: ok,
467 Views
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My parents took us to my sister's yesterday. Her town was having a big celebration they have every year. I don't think I remember how to spell it or what it means, but it sounds something like...Pioteek...but I know it has a Q in it. Piotique? I don't know. Anyway, it's a big thing and they do it every year in her town. They have lots of vendors selling stuff, food...and even live bands! They had a couple of great Christian bands there. One was from Wichita. One was from Manhattan. They both sounded great!
One man was leading songs I knew, so I sang with him. My mom and both the boys sang, too. I think our family was probably the only one that sang, but we didn't really care.
Too bad I didn't know any of the songs the bands played, later. I don't think watching bands is nearly as fun as singing along with them.
I gave my nephew that Carriers of the Cross cd I bought him. I hope he likes it as much as I do. I think they're great.
My dad found a really pretty, plush green chair for five bucks yesterday morning and gave it to me. It goes great with our green screen walls we painted! Now, if I could only figure out how to get that couch to look better. It's so comfy, the boys won't let me give it up.
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Because God Gave Me a Beautiful Day
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Sep 25, 2009 12:02 pm
Mood: happy,
517 Views
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Yesterday, the weather was so beautiful, I just didn't want to stop walking. I put my IPOD around my neck and started off. The convenience store wasn't far enough away, so I walked over the mile-long bridge that leads to the other side of town and went to the grocery supply to see if they had some dental floss because I lost mine.
After that long walk, they told me that they didn't have any, but someone overheard me asking and found some for me. I thought that was nice. Then, I picked up a few more things and carried the two bags back over the bridge to home, singing along with my IPOD. My kids downloaded lots of my favorite Christian music. It was great.
I rested for a little while as I was getting the laundry folded, then the kids came home from school.
Not long after that, my dad came over and took us all rollerskating. He had promised two little girls he would take them for the school skating party. I could have taken them, but I think he just enjoys going and watching. I'm glad he didn't try to skate again, though. That was scary when he did!
I'm glad he and the boys had the chance to talk while I skated. It's good for them to spend time together.
I know I had a blast!
You know, I'm wondering if that social worker telling me she didn't think I was depressed had anything to do with why I feel so much better...or, it may just be the weather.
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Gotta Get Outside!
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Sep 24, 2009 9:33 am
461 Views
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I'm not going to sit here and write for very long because the temperature is 68 degrees out! That's got to be the best excuse to stay outside if you have the choice. I need a few things from the store, so I'm thinking about walking to get them.
My social worker was just here an hour ago. She came up with the conclusion that I don't really need therapy after all. She was really nice, so I'm going to miss talking to her. She gave me a hug when she left. I think she might miss me, too...but, if I don't need therapy, I don't need therapy.
Yesterday, I decided to get rid of the shabby comforters on our beds. The stuffing was coming out...or it looked like it would. I asked my mom if she had any extra comforters and she gave me one with goose down that so fluffy and warm. She gave me a really nice one for Chris' bed, too! Now we don't have to worry about being too cold this winter. This house gets so cold!
I still haven't got myself to go back to the choir and I know I should. I went to the library, instead, and got some movies someone suggested to me. I finally paid the fine we owed when Zach ripped a book. Next month, our library is going to charge late fees, even. With us being the way we are about returning things, that's going to have to change.
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Exceptionally Okay
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Sep 22, 2009 6:43 pm
Mood: ok,
470 Views
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This morning, my social worker came over...I'm not really sure why she said she was a social worker when she seems more like a therapist.I thought that only therapists worked at the mental health clinic and could tell people if they were depressed or not. Of course, if someone was depressed, they would know it, but if they were depressed enough to get medication, I guess they would have to have someone tell them. Anyway, I must not be talking to a therapist or she would have told me she was one. She's really nice and told me she was a Christian. She seems like she would be a really good friend.
After she left, I started mowing the rest of the lawn because it was dry enough. I mowed a third of it a couple of days ago, until it got too dark...and it looked pretty funny. I ran out of gas, today, so I had to walk down to the convenience store to fill up my gas jug.
As soon as I got there, a man started talking to me. I think I know him, but I'm not sure. He was around my age, Hispanic, big...but I'm not really sure I know him. Apparently, he knew I used to do daycare because he asked me if I was still watching kids. I told him I wasn't and he told me he was going to ask me to start taking care of his daughter.
He didn't have anyone with him, so I'm really not sure he had a daughter. Since I wasn't really sure, I didn't talk to him very much.
He gassed up while I was filling my jug, then asked me if I wanted a ride home. I told him I didn't want to set his car on fire since I had the gas with me. I think he started considering that after I mentioned it and left me alone.
Maybe I should carry a gas can with me more often.
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The Rest of the Day
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Sep 20, 2009 8:06 pm
Mood: good,
394 Views
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I managed to get Zach to go to church with me. I told him I planned to visit my aunt at the nursing home afterward, and he wanted to go, too.
The sermon was on fear. One thing I thought was really amazing was that I was just looking at Romans 8:28, because I'm not very good at paying attention, and I was underlining it. Right after I underlined it, the pastor quoted it! He didn't have it written on the screen. He hadn't mentioned it earlier. But, of all the verses in the Bible, he picked out that one that I was reading, that he didn't know I was underlining, and he quoted it!
I guess that really isn't the first time that happened, but I just thought that was cool.
I took Zach to get something to eat, then called my parents to find out which nursing home my aunt was in. When we found it, we asked the woman at the information desk her room number. It reminded me more of a hotel than a retirement home. It was really nice,
She was glad to see us, and her room was very neat and tidy. She didn't seem unhappy, but she did tell us she would rather be at home, taking care of her house.
She thinks more clearly than I do, it seems, and remembered things I had forgotten. We spent a couple of hours there. Zach wants to make it a weekly thing. I hope I can. It was good to see her.
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Flexibility is My Middle Name
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Sep 20, 2009 7:58 am
Mood: cuirous,
451 Views
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I never know what I'm doing. I think I want to do something, then I'll see something or hear something that's just like someone turning a horse around by pulling on their reins to make them go in a different direction, and I'll go do something else. Does that make sense? I could try another analogy, Hey...I spelled that right! Now, what does that word mean? Anyone know?
On to another word..."flexibility". I titled this blog like I did because I was just thinking about how all my plans for this morning have changed. Yes, it is Sunday and I did plan on going to church, but I was going to meet Andrew at the park trail before I went. The thing is, before yesterday, I wasn't even going to talk to Andrew anymore because I'm still not sure about his character. Yesterday, though, I was going to see, "My Sister's Keeper" since it went to the dollar movie. I was wanting to see it since my mom saw it the day before. I wouldn't have minded watching it by myself, but since Andrew kept texting me, I told him I was going to see that movie and that he could meet me there if he didn't have anything else planned.
He had ten minutes notice, but he was there...the same time I was...and he went to that movie with me. He was the only man there, too. Men don't seem to like sad movies as much.
He watched the whole thing, though, and didn't complain.
So, I got to thinking, if he's willing to sit through a sad movie, then maybe hanging out with him isn't such a bad idea. I guess time will tell.
He said he wanted to meet with me today, so I suggested we meet at the trail.I don't think he likes walking trails, though, because this morning, he said his back hurt too bad to meet me there.
So, instead of going to the trail, then going to the second service at church, I'm here writing about it, instead. And since I went to read the comments on yesterday's blog, I want to go to the nursing home after church to talk to my aunt about my grandma to find out more about my dad's childhood. Mom made me really curious about that.
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Before I go Running
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Sep 19, 2009 8:14 am
Mood: curious,
553 Views
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I can't believe it's almost ten. I've been here for three hours, again. I don't even know why. Sometimes, chatting, sometimes writing letters, sometimes checking comments. I really meant to run as soon as I got motivated.
Funny, though, since I've been talking to people and writing to people, and reading about people, something came to me. I have no real excuse for feeling lonely. In this day and age, we can talk to people clear on the other side of the world, without even paying for long distance. We can read about each other's lives through their blogs...if we're so inclined...and lend out a hand to tell them we understand. We can do all this....and not even wake up our kids! It's just amazing! I mean, I've done this for five years, chatted and blogged and written letters that go right where I send them right away...but just realized how amazing it all really is!
If we let ourselves, though, our computers become a substitute for being with people, getting involved where we need to be involved, and moving around when we need to move around.
I don't want that to happen to me, so I'm definitely going jogging after this.
I had a great talk with my mom a couple of nights ago. I decided to go to her water aerobics class and only got there for the last twenty minutes. After that, though, we sat in the hot tub and I told her that Dad really loved her. I told her he didn't see always see things the way they really were, but that, from talking to him this week, I could tell that he really wanted to make her happy and show her that he loved her.
She seemed to take what I said to heart, because she gave me a look that I'd never seen before. She said that she knew he loved her, but that he didn't know how to love her because of the way he was raised. She told me a lot I never knew while we were soaking in that hot tub...about my dad's mother and how we could never know or understand what happened when she was alive. There were so many secrets...a sister he didn't know he had...a life that his mother had before he was born.
And it made me realize that all the secrets she carried with her to her grave were what made up pieces of our realities today.
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Drama Mama
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Sep 18, 2009 12:00 pm
403 Views
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I think my sons are probably wishing I had more to do with my time. I mean, if one of them reads this blog...which I'm going to try to stop from happening, he's going to get a little mad. And if he isn't mad, I know he's going to give me a hard time.
If you've been following my blogs, you know all three of my kids are gifted, and I'm pretty sure the boys are geniuses...so, that would mean they should both have an easy time getting good grades, right? I mean, if someone is capable of understanding how to do stuff, they should have no problem doing it...at least, my average brain would tell me that.
If that's true, though, I have a hard time understanding why midterm reports showed that Chris is getting an F in reading. In reading! That boy's been reading since he was a couple of years old!
I'm proud of him for getting As in almost all of the rest of his classes, but when I found out that he was failing reading, I wanted to find out why. I didn't really want to bother his counselor and teacher, but I went over there this morning and met with them to find out what the problem was. The teacher said he was missing all but two of his assignments.
I'm going to cut down his video gaming for sure, now, until he catches up.
I can just hear him now, though, telling me the only reason I went to his school to talk to his teacher is because he happens to be super hot...but if he thinks about it, I went to talk to the teachers before when he was neglecting his schoolwork. It's not my fault he happened to get behind in that particular class.
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All Is Well
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Sep 17, 2009 9:12 am
Mood: ok,
458 Views
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I've come to the conclusion that I'm a bit of a drama queen. My son is fine. Both of them are. When I couldn't find the older one, it was because he went over to his brother's school to walk him home after he found one of the boys I used to take care of and went to have a Coke with him. I'm glad those two walked home together and are able to spend time together again. I'm glad Chris went over to walk Zach home, too. One really good thing about this neighborhood is that, since there aren't too many places to go, it isn't very hard to find the kids. It's kind of cute, too, that half a dozen 80year old men hang out at the Kwik Shop, too. Once and awhile, my sons have talked about having conversations with them.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day with my Dad. He came over early, even before Seventh Heaven on AMV was over, and took me to get a new title for the van, so we could trade vehicles. I'm so grateful he's letting me have one of his other cars. It runs better, looks better, gets better mileage, and even has a radio!
We went to the courthouse to transfer the titles, then went back to my house to cancel the insurance I had on the van and get insurance faxed to the courthouse so I could get a tag. Then, we went back to the courthouse to get the tag and he took me to KFC.
We had some coupons for those chicken bowls. We'd never tried them before so we didn't know how filling they were.
We sat down to eat, but I don't think we sat for more than five minutes. That's what happens when two people with ADHD get together and there's no one there to make them stay still.
That was okay, though, because there was plenty left to give the boys, later.
One thing I do think I should record about our very short conversation, though, is that he seems like he might be losing his short-term memory. He asked me if I liked roller skating anymore. I thought that was strange because we'd just been skating two weeks ago and I was skating the whole time. Then, he asked me if I saw him fall down when he was skating again after not skating for twenty-five years. I reminded him that I was the one who helped him get up off the floor.
He had to get staples after hitting his head, so forgetting some of what happened might have been because he hit his head. I forget stuff all the time, like who I was with when certain things happen, but I think that's because of my head injury, now.
After lunch, we went back to his house to get the car. Now, it's just going to be a trick for me to try to remember that I'm driving it when I park it somewhere.
I've forgotten which vehicle I was driving before and had strangers in the parking lot looking for a car I didn't even drive, anymore.
That's a little embarrassing.
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