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Who's report Nov 21, 2008 4:30 am
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Today with the liberal media hiding the truth and misrepresenting things we end up with many things God does not intend.

So, remember always the scripture where it asks who's report will you believe? The world or the Lord's?
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Do not lose hope Nov 21, 2008 4:28 am
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Hope is so essential to living life that your dreams and visions can come true.Hold onto your hope with all that you can because the world will try and take it away.
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remember he is faithful Nov 21, 2008 4:25 am
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remember he is faithful

remember he is faithful

remember he is faithful

remember he is faithful

and that will never change
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Why Creflo Dollar Needs His Dollars Nov 20, 2008 6:44 pm
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John Bloom

Every time we write about Creflo Dollar we have to point out that this is not one of those fake news articles we've sometimes managed to foist onto the public, and that the name Creflo Dollar was not used by Charles Dickens to describe a wheezing barrister in a pub, nor was it invented by a heavy-handed satirist attempting to lampoon a greedy Ukrainian.

No, Creflo Dollar is a real person, one of the six televangelists who got letters from the Senate Finance Committee on Monday, asking them to send in detailed accounting statements proving that they're not converting church money to their personal use

More specifically, Creflo Dollar is the pastor of World Changers Church International of College Park, Georgia. Presumably he chose that name himself, completely free of fear that it would be soon be better known as money Changers Church International by the 30,000 members who weekly enrich its coffers and make it possible for Creflo to maintain the two jets—one Gulfstream 3 and one Lear—that he uses to shuttle back and forth between Madison Square Garden (where he does a Saturday night service for an audience of 6,000) and Atlanta (where he does a Sunday morning service), not to mention occasional visits to his offices in the United Kingdom, South Africa, Australia and Nigeria.

Creflo's wife Taffi Dollar—and here we remind you once again that we are not lapsing into fiction at any point during the creation of this article—Taffi Dollar is responsible for the household budget at the $3 million Dollar mansion in Atlanta, and the more modest $2.44 million Dollar condo overlooking Central Park in Manhattan.

Asked about the Dollar dollars by CBS News yesterday, Dollar said it was untrue that he had two Rolls-Royces (we'd actually heard it was two Rolls-Royces and one Humvee, but who's keeping track?)—that he only had one Rolls and it was given to him by his congregation as a surprise. He also said he did not give $500,000 of church funds to fellow "prosperity gospel" evangelist Kenneth Copeland on the occasion of Copeland's 40th wedding anniversary—although he did not say how much he did give—so we want to be very careful when we say that the annual budget for Dollar's operation, his overhead dollars, is about $80 million. (Note to Creflo: Get back to us if we're a little off on that number.)

The interesting aspect of this story, however, is that so many of these prosperity-gospel guys do funnel money back to Copeland in so many ways that it almost looks like a pyramid scheme. Actually that's too harsh—what it really resembles is the marketing structure of Mary Kay Cosmetics, set up so that every time a salesperson recruits another salesperson, he or she gets a cut of the commission. And the reason that all roads lead to Copeland—see our summary of Copeland's organization in the investigative cartooning feature "Lifestyles of the Rich and Religious"—is that he's the granddaddy of what goes by many names—like "positive confession"—but is most commonly called "Word Faith."

If you look for the theological origins of "Word Faith," you end up in Tulsa, of course, and specifically at RHEMA Bible College in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, which was founded by Kenneth E. "Papa" Hagin (1917-2003), the man who pretty much created the American-style health-and-wealth preaching so familiar from late-night television. Copeland was a student there, as well as at Oral Roberts University, which veers close to RHEMA in its theology but is not always on the same page. (Truth be told, every prosperity preacher is his own theology school, since part of the basis for the teaching is direct special revelation from God, which makes all these guys the heirs of the original gnostics.) But if RHEMA had a creed, it would go something like this:

God's covenant with Abraham means that God has to deliver on his part of the deal, so anything you ask for in the name of Jesus, God is required to give you. (Should we quote some Janis Joplin lyrics here?)
Man is equal to God in every respect. Or, in the words of Copeland, "You don't have a God in you! You are one!" (Tom Cruise would like this one.)
Jesus was not the son of God, he was a man empowered by God to be just like God, and everyone who knows this can do the same thing. (We're not sure we have this one exactly right, but it's basically "Be Jesus, go ahead, He won't mind, you're soulmates.")
Jesus went down into hell where he took on Satan's nature, until he was born again, and re-emerged to start the church. (Presumably they preach this one on Halloween.)
Anything you speak and believe, with understanding, will come true just as you want it. (Yes, this seems like it's the same as number one, but that one is about what God has to do, and this one is about what you have to do. It's the "positive confession" part, the idea that your thought processes can command God to act.)
God promises in Isaiah 53 to heal every physical illness of anyone who has faith. (As our mentor Ole Anthony once said, "Then why aren't there thousands of 200-year-old billionaires in Tulsa?")
Any Christian who believes in poverty is outside God's will. (Well, take that, you cloistered loser in the hairshirt.)
There are more, but these are the biggies. I would imagine that at this point you're starting to see why taking away Creflo Dollar's dollars could amount to more than just a little lifestyle adjustment. It pretty much goes to the heart of the whole Kahuna.
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Lifestyles of the Rich and Religious Nov 20, 2008 6:40 pm
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"Lifestyles of the Rich and Religious" is the finest ongoing effort in the world in the field of Investigative Cartooning. Of course, it’s the only example in the world of Investigative Cartooning. Each month we comb through our vast archives of rich Christians, searching for the perfect . . . well, searching for the one who deserves . . . uh . . . searching for the one who’s easy to find, and then we subject him or her to the triple whammy of private eye Pete Evans, who puts together the facts and gathers the incriminating photos; drive-in journalist Joe Bob Briggs, who hangs around the outskirts of aforesaid Christian’s vast estate and writes about it; and cartoonist Jim Siergey, who brings this journalistic gospel to life with his fine brush strokes, as he complains loudly about how Pete and Joe Bob expect miracles of penmanship by forcing him to cram in thousands of words of copy. Herewith, everything you probably didn’t want to know about Kenneth Copeland, multi-millionaire preaching czar of Newark, Texas.
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Joe Bob's Guide to World Evangelism Nov 20, 2008 6:37 pm
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By Joe Bob Briggs

Okay, all you guys who like to sit in football stadiums while somebody reads the Bible and then fat women in purple robes sing the Doxology and then you walk down to the fifty yard line and cry a little and "rededicate" your miserable self to the J-Man, I need you to listen up here for a minute.

It's not working.

I'm not buying it.

This is a toughie for Joe Bob "The Exegete" Briggs, though, cause we've got that pesky little scripture known to jungle-dwelling missionaries throughout the world as "The Great Commission." I speak, of course, of Mark 16, verse 15. If you will please read it, Don Pardo, por favor . . .

"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature."

This is the verse that accounts for your Billy Grahams. Of course, it wasn't that big a stretch for Billy, because he started out as a Fuller Brush salesman. He was ready to sell something.

But this is also the scripture that accounts for your doorbell-ringing Jehovah's Witnesses, your screaming televangelists in rural North Carolina, your white-shoed tent revival specialists, your Times Square rave-masters, and every girl who ever fluttered her eyes and said, "Joe Bob, I really like you, but I think I need to witness to you about Jesus Christ." When you hear these words, by the way, your brain will start flashing "No nookie tonight! No nookie tonight!" This is not necessarily true. If you listen earnestly to what she has to say, and drop a tear or two, it could mean massive mind-blowing Coitus Spiritualis, which is a particular form of sexual ecstasy practiced mainly by the daughters of ministers. (Robert Mitchum, may he rest in peace, said that it's even better with the wives of ministers, and proved it in many a town where he was filming. But we all can't be as adventurous as Big Bob.)

Obviously I've strayed from the subject here, but you get the idea. Any time some bluff and hearty Fellowship of Christian Athlete has clapped you on the shoulder and said, "Brother, lemme tell you about Christ!" and you've felt your whole body cringe in mortal terror, then you have been victimized by Mark 16:15. You have been bludgeoned with the Great Commission. Maybe you've even been hornswoggled into carrying on the great bludgeoning tradition and psychically battering a few heathen yourself. Maybe you've gone on the dreaded "Thursday Visitation" outings, in which you sit uncomfortably in the living rooms of beer-bellied guys you don't know, saying, "Randall, we sure would like to see you and the wife in church one of these Sundays. That is, if you know where the wife is these days."

Now. Before I go into the true meaning of Mark 16:15, let's take a quick look at another scripture that Billy Graham doesn't mention so often. Don Pardo, if you will read from the book of Matthew, chapter 23, verse 15, and we are still in the red letters here, by the way:

"Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves."

Interesting, right? On the one hand the J-Man seems to be telling the disciples to go out and proselytize. On the other hand, he says that all these holy men who do travel to Siberia and back to make new believers are actually creating something called a proselyte, which is that fearful thing, the zealous young child of hell who stands on street corners and in airport lounges, saying obnoxious stuff about God.

"But, Joe Bob, in one scripture he's talking to the disciples, and in the other one he's talking to those evil Pharisees!"

Sorry, not buying it. If one word is written to us, then it's all written to us. A Pharisee is anyone who gets his identity from doing things for God, and that's dang near everybody in organized religion today. How many children of hell have these guys created? I would suggest you study those strange-eyed neo-hippies who hang around the Davos meetings and other big public events, singing syrupy songs and spouting cliches and carrying self-righteous signs with lame cliches on them in a way that pretty much turns off anyone with half a brain. All they do, 24 hours a day, is talk about God, and they're damn proud of it. These, my dear friends, are proselytes.

Here I pause for one more digression. Ole Anthony, the publisher of The Door, is one of the few sane men I know who actually does like to talk about God 24 hours a day. He's a good guy to have around if the Jehovah's Witnesses show up, because he'll say, "Yeah, come on in! What's on your mind? Have a seat! Want a Coke while we're chatting? I see your Bible is open to Deuteronomy. I love Deuteronomy. One of the least appreciated books. Part of the Big Five." The result is that the Jehovans go "Man, we don't have time to listen to all this stuff" and flee the building.

Okay, back to The Great Commission. Consulting the original Greek, please note that the sentence in Mark 16:15 is in the "aorist" tense. We don't really have this tense in English, so that's why the King James translators wrote it down the way they did, in the imperative tense. But a better translation, for this more passive tense, would be "As ye go into all the world, preach the gospel into every creature."

Kinda changes the whole deal, doesn't it? As you move through your world, whatever that is, wherever that is, whoever comes into your path, reveal the gospel that lives inside you. Reveal Christ, not through words, but in your life.

And this is starting to make sense to me.

"But, Joe Bob, Paul had all these evangelistic campaigns. He saved 3000 people at a time, 5000 people at a time."

Not really. A bunch of Jews went to Jerusalem for the Year of Jubilee so that they could claim their property, and Paul was invited to speak at their synagogues. He didn't ask em to come there. He didn't say, "You better show up for my speech or else you're gonna regret it later." When he went to Asia Minor and Greece, he was just one of many who went to the synagogue to speak. He didn't ever try to sell God.

But everything about revivals and football-stadium crusades and TV evangelism is basically about selling God. Why is it that everyone who is not a Christian can instantly see what's wrong with selling God, but most Christians never can? Jews say, "I have nothing against people practicing their religion, as long as they don't try to convert me." Atheists say, "I have nothing against religion, as long as they keep it to themselves." The British say, "Americans have this need to manipulate people as to their private religious beliefs."

In other words, nobody likes this. Everybody hates it. And yet, time after time, year after year, in a thousand different situations, the religious children of hell go out into the world, beating innocent people over the head with the Bible, Fuller-Brushing for God.

Does God need idiots like this to do whatever He has in mind?

Please.

Why don't we just go back to the first century, when the way of evangelism was the way of the Three Rebuffs.

First of all, you never advertised. You never painted signs. You never hustled the gospel.

And if a guy showed up, saying "I wanna be a member of your church," you would answer him saying, "You're a fool. Don't you know that all you get from joining us is persecution and heartache and misunderstanding and the loss of things you once treasured?" And if he continued to say he wanted to join, you were instructed to tell him, "You go away and think about it. You don't understand enough to join now."

If he came back a second time, still wanting to join, you'd answer him saying, "You're still a total fool. Don't you know that joining us means you'll be hated of all men? People will say you're possessed by demons? People will say you're crazy?" And if he persisted, you were to tell him, "Go away and search the scriptures for yourself. You don't understand what this is."

And if he came back a third time, still wanting to join, you'd say, "You're such a fool. Don't you know that in this place they will kill you and think they're doing God a holy service?" And if he still wanted to join, at that point--and only at that point--you would let him in.

Try this. It works. And it really trims down that mailing list.

The Exegete has spoken
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Barack Loves Jesus Again Nov 20, 2008 6:30 pm
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John Bloom of the Wittenberg Door

Uh oh, Barack Obama was using the phrase “personal commitment to Christ” last week, and we know what happens when the Obamameister starts getting all evangelical on us–he ends up interpreting scripture. Fortunately, he hasn’t given us any more exegesis lately, but he did come out for expansion of the Bush administration’s faith-based programs.

Would that be the same programs that, uh, were roundly condemned as failures after special assistant to the President Doug Wead was drummed out of the White House for making secret tapes of the Prez? Yes, they would be, but that had nothing to do with the original vision of the programs, as Jim Wallis of Sojourners explained in a virtual endorsement of Obama during the same week that Obama’s handlers explicitly stated that they were seeking the support of the “religious left.” They were seeking it, by the way, in Zanesville, Ohio, hometown of Zane Grey, holder of the all-time record for novels made into movies (over 200), and not a member of the religious left. If this goes on much longer, Obama will be in danger of saying something akin to Howard Dean’s comment in 2004, when asked what his favorite New Testament book was. If you’ll recall, the answer was Job. There wasn’t much spin for his handlers to put on that one.

Last Time the Romans Showed Up, the Trojans Lost

The Popemobile is in Australia this week for World Youth Day, and our sources in the Anglican church tell us that there’s an organized effort to drop condoms on the Pope’s head. So far there have been no papal condom showers, but if they do go through with it, I hope they’re not ribbed condoms. After all, he’s an elderly man.
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Victorious Secret: Lingerie for Overcomers Nov 20, 2008 6:27 pm
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By Skippy R.

Victorious Secret bills itself as "The Lingerie Line for the Overcoming Woman"

And it is the "premier and dominant" producer of Christian-themed apparel in America, and maybe in the universe, according to the company's innovative founder, Veronique Wisteria.

Famous for her eccentric ways and romanesque figure, Veronique started the company as a mail-order operation in her laundry room. Now it has more than 400 employees at its headquarters in Kansas City, Mo., and a 70,000 square-foot warehouse in Orange County, Calif., that handles more than 800,000 orders a year.

But achieving that goal was difficult--about as difficult as slipping into one of the company's signature leather halter tops.

"We call this the 'Yokefellow,'" she explained, twirling around 360 degrees as I leaned back in my chair, both repelled and strangely excited.

It was, well...kinky. I was interviewing her for Christian Retailing and Inspirational Faithwear Magazine, but this was a challenge perhaps above my pay grade.

Ms. Wisteria was modeling this bold, skimpy design for me in her expansive and well appointed office in Kansas City. But the room now suddenly grew stuffy and claustrophobic, thick with the heaviness of desire. "You might think it's inspired by some kind of 'S&M' hanky-panky, but really it's patterned after garments that were worn by Middle Eastern goat herders during late antiquity. Surprised?"



As she leaned over me -- a little too close--to see what I was writing, I noticed the buckles and zippers were molded with the same metallurgy process used in the forges of Anatolia, circa 1200 BCE.

A bead of sweat formed on the tip of my nose.

"Isn't that design on the buttons a Coptic emblem from the early church in Alexandria?" I blurted out, shifting my chair away from her hot breath on my neck. "That's, uh, really a nice historical touch."

"Yes, thank you," she said coldly, sensing my hesitation, and moving back behind her desk.

She stared out the window and sighed, tapping her riding crop deliberately on the window sill. Was she pouting? I can never tell. Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em...

Ms. Wisteria, who holds a degree in early Christian fabric and drapery design from Emory University's Candler School of Theology, worked as a model during her student days, and she came to a conclusion: Christian women needed a lingerie line that would let them look sexy but still retain that sense of modesty required for bedtime prayers and morning quiet time.

There's a widespread misconception, she said, that Christians fear pleasure, especially sexual pleasure, and see it as degrading, corrupting and tainted.

"That's a dirty, rotten LIE," she yelled, stamping her foot on the marble floor.

"But it's always so hard for a couple to transition from kneeling together in awe before the gates of heaven -- praying for famine victims in Darfur, for instance, or the political situation in East Timor--and then jumping into the sack for a session of hot carnal pleasure. I wanted to help bridge that gap. That was my sacred mission."

The result was her first popular cutting-edge design-- the breakaway flannel granny gown.



"That was a classic! When that was released in the late 1990s, a whole generation of Christian couples reached a new level of ecstasy... and, I might add, the Christian marriage counseling industry went into a nosedive," she said. "I think it was the combination of flannel on flesh that was so satisfying. And the plaid design didn't hurt."

Since then, her Victorious Secret line has continued to innovate, going from mail-order to Internet sales even as it opened hundreds of new stores in malls across the country. At the same time, the racy Victorious Secret catalog became a favorite smuggled item on seminary campuses.

Most recently, the company expanded into Mormon undergarments, a specialty product line that required retooling a whole factory.

But pride goeth before a fall, even for the "Marabel Morgan of our time," as Newsweek called her, and especially for a clothing line that had grown too big for its knickers.

This year's design was not warmly received by fashion critics or customers --a simple negligee made completely out of Four Spiritual Laws tracts. Sales were abysmal.

"OK, we over-reached. We were going for "Jack Chick" chic. But we learned our lesson this year--nothing too crinkly," she explained.

"I think the Christian zeitgeist, if you will, is moving away from overt bedroom evangelism to more purpose-driven, lifestyle-based seduction techniques. Our 2009 line will deliver more of a post-modernist, Blue Like Jazz kind of message, while maintaining that balance of holiness and hotness our customers have come to expect."

In fact, Victorious Secret is being challenged by the upstart Frederick's of Saddleback, which started as a kiosk in Rick Warren's megachurch and has taken away a lucrative slice of the cutthroat Christian faithwear market.

As we ended the interview and I took my leave, I noticed Veronique lingered at her door to watch as I walked down the hall, her riding crop softly tapping her leg, steam literally hissing off her bronzed, silken skin. The whole experience was very disconcerting.

Out in the lobby I thanked the receptionist, checked my watch, asked directions to the nearest Starbucks, and then surreptitiously picked up a copy of the Victorious Secret catalog off her desk while she wasn't looking.

I just wanted to, uh, price check that leather halter top.

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worlds only 7 star hotel Nov 20, 2008 4:12 am
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Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai, which was opened in 1999, is unofficially billed as a 7-star hotel and is the world's most luxurious and tallest hotel.

Designed to resemble a billowing sail, the hotel soars to a height of 321 metres, dominating the Dubai coastline. The hotel's own website describes it as the best in the world. With your chauffeur driven Rolls Royce, discreet in-suite check in, private reception desk on every floor and a brigade of highly trained butlers who provide around-the-clock attention, this hotel promises the finest the world has to offer.
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strange but true.... job interview behavior Nov 20, 2008 4:06 am
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Its longer so I will double post it
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Most Recent Comments by Others
PostPosterPost Date
Why Creflo Dollar Needs His DollarsMerlinhawkNov 21 7:43 am
Do not lose hopeVerybusybeeNov 21 6:35 am
Barack Loves Jesus AgainTropical_ManNov 21 4:24 am
strange but true.... job interview behaviorTropical_ManNov 20 1:55 pm
thank You LordMerlinhawkNov 20 4:41 am
a heads upTropical_ManNov 19 7:04 pm
I really need your PrayersTropical_ManNov 19 4:37 pm
would you live your life "Next"?Tropical_ManNov 19 3:58 pm
Went and saw "Dark Knight" again!Tropical_ManNov 19 3:55 pm
Here is an example of misleading people on Gas PricesTropical_ManNov 19 3:54 pm
Obama's Fictitious Pro-Israel TeamTropical_ManNov 19 3:20 am