Cell Phone vs. Bible
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Posted:Jul 6, 2006 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2006 11:06 pm 12730 Views
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Cell Phone vs. Bible
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our
cell phones?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we used it to receive messages from the 'text'?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to as gifts?
What if we used it as we traveled?
What if we used it in case of an emergency?
What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?
This is something to make you go...hmmm...where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't ever have to worry
about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus has already paid the bill!
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'God is a little like`
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Posted:Jun 8, 2006 11:16 pm
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2006 6:35 am 12156 Views
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'God is a little like`
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> God is a little like General Electric
> He lights your path.
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> God is a little like Bayer Aspirin
> He works wonders.
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> God is a little like Hallmark Cards
> He cared enough to send the very best.
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> God is a little like Tide
> He gets out the stains that others leave behind.
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> God is a little like VO-5 Hair Spray
> He holds through all kinds of weather.
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> God is a little like Dial Soap
> Aren't you glad you know Him?
> Don't you wish everyone did?
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> God is a little like Sears
> He has everything.
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> God is a little like Alka Seltzer
> Oh, what a relief He is!
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> God is a little like Scotch Tape
> You can't see Him but you know He's there!
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> God is a little like The Copper Top Battery
> Nothing can outlast Him.
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> God is a little like American Express Don't leave home without Him!
>
> MAY GOD BE WITH YOU AND BLESS YOU!
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"Test for Dementia"
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Posted:May 21, 2006 8:00 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2006 10:16 pm 12189 Views
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"Test for Dementia"
"It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test."
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???
If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, o! r no man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus; In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
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Brownies
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Posted:Apr 5, 2006 3:10 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2006 8:32 pm 12367 Views
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Excellency to a great example of defilement...
What a fantastic analogy,we can all relate.
Brownies
Some years ago when I was a pastor, I walked into my church office after a Sunday morning service to find a sandwich bag on my desk containing three chocolate brownies. Some thoughtful and anonymous saint who knew my love for chocolate had placed them there, along with a piece of paper that had a short story written on it. I immediately sat down and began eating the first brownie as I read the following story:
Two teenagers asked their father if they could go the theater to watch a movie that all their friends had seen. After reading some reviews about the movie on the Internet, he denied their request.
"Aw Dad, why not?" they complained. "It's rated PG-13, and we're both older than thirteen!"
Dad replied: "Because that movie contains nudity and portrays immorality, which is something that God hates, as being normal and acceptable behavior."
"But Dad, those are just very small parts of the movie! That's what our friends who've seen it have told us. The movie is two hours long and those scenes are just a few minutes of the total film! It's based on a true story, and good triumphs over evil, and there are other redeeming themes like courage and self-sacrifice. Even the Christian movie review websites say that!"
"My answer is 'no,' and that is my final answer. You are welcome to stay home tonight, invite some of your friends over, and watch one of the good videos we have in our home collection. But you will not go and watch that film. End of discussion."
The two teenagers walked dejectedly into the family room and slumped down on the couch. As they sulked, they were surprised to hear the sounds of their father preparing something in the kitchen. They soon recognized the wonderful aroma of brownies baking in the oven, and one of the teenagers said to the other, "Dad must be feeling guilty, and now he's going to try to make it up to us with some fresh brownies. Maybe we can soften him with lots of praise when he brings them out to us and persuade him to let us go to that movie after all."
About that time I began eating the second brownie from the sandwich bag and wondered if there was some connection to the brownies I was eating and the brownies in the story. I kept reading...
The teens were not disappointed. Soon their father appeared with a plate of warm brownies which he offered to his . They each took one. Then their father said,
"Before you eat, I want to tell you something: I love you both so much."
The teenagers smiled at each other with knowing glances. Dad was softening.
"That is why I've made these brownies with the very best ingredients. I've made them from scratch. Most of the ingredients are even organic. The best organic flour. The best free-range eggs. The best organic sugar. Premium vanilla and chocolate."
The brownies looked mouth-watering, and the teens began to become a little impatient with their dad's long speech.
"But I want to be perfectly honest with you. There is one ingredient I added that is not usually found in brownies. I got that ingredient from our own back yard. But you needn't worry, because I only added the tiniest bit of that ingredient to your brownies. The amount of the portion is practically insignificant. So go ahead, take a bite and let me know what you think."
"Dad, would you mind telling us what that mystery Ingredient is before we eat?"
"Why? The portion I added was so small. Just a teaspoonful. You won't even taste it."
"Come on, Dad, just tell us what that ingredient is."
"Don't worry! It is organic, just like the other ingredients."
"Dad!"
"Well, OK, if you insist. That secret ingredient is organic...poop."
I immediately stopped chewing that second brownie and I spit it out into the waste basket by my desk. I continued reading, now fearful of the paragraphs that still remained.
Both teens instantly dropped their brownies back on the plate and began inspecting their fingers with horror.
"DAD! Why did you do that? You've tortured us by making us smell those brownies cooking for the last half hour, and now you tell us that you added poop! We can't eat these brownies!"
"Why not? The amount of poop is very small compared to the rest of the ingredients. It won't hurt you. It's been cooked right along with the other ingredients. You won't even taste it. It has the same consistency as the brownies. Go ahead and eat!"
"No, Dad...NEVER!"
"And that is the same reason I won't allow you to go watch that movie. You won't tolerate a little poop in your brownies, so why should you tolerate a little immorality in your movies? We pray that God will not lead us unto temptation, so how can we in good conscience entertain ourselves with something that will imprint a sinful image in our minds that will lead us into temptation long after we first see it?
I discarded what remained of the second brownie as well as the entire untouched third brownie. What had been irresistible a minute ago had become detestable. And only because of the very slim chance that what I was eating was slightly polluted. (Surely it wasn't...but I couldn't convince myself.)
What a good lesson about purity! Why do we tolerate /any/ sin? On the day of the Passover, the Israelites were commanded to remove every bit of leaven from their homes. Sin is like leaven-a little bit leavens the whole lump (1 Cor. 5:6). Jesus, "our Passover" (1 Cor. 5 ), and sin, don't mix.
Help us, Lord, to "cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God" (2 Cor. 7:1).
Hate evil, you who love the Lord (Ps. 97:10).
The fear of the Lord is to hate evil (Prov. 8:13).
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Who Do You Love More?
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Posted:Mar 28, 2006 3:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2006 12:29 am 12351 Views
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Who Do You Love More?
For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
Luke 18:25
Recommend Reading
Luke 16:19-31
A young man proposed to his sweetheart as they sat overlooking a beautiful lake on a moonlit night: "Darling, I love you more than anything in the world, and I want you to marry me. I don't have a yacht or a mansion or a Rolls Royce like Johnny Smith, but I can promise you I love you with all my heart." His girl was quiet for a moment and said, "I love you with all my heart, too, but who is this Johnny Smith?"
Sometimes we feel that way - like we just don't measure up in the eyes of the world because of our (lack of) material possessions. But what is a liability in the world may turn out to be an asset spiritually. On more than one occasion, Jesus suggested that the richer one is, the more difficult it is to get to heaven. Why? Because it takes tremendous spiritual maturity to withstand the lure of materialism (Luke 18:23). When we love money more than God, the result can be disastrous (1 Timothy 6:10). If you are tempted to seek ultimate happiness in material things, take a fresh look at who you love more.
Happiness is eternal; money is only temporary. It doesn't pay to leave earth a rich man and arrive at heaven's gate a spiritual pauper.
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How To Plant Your Garden
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Posted:Mar 28, 2006 1:27 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2006 8:32 pm 12239 Views
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How To Plant Your Garden
First,you come to the garden alone,
while the dew is still on the roses....
FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING...
PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for GOD
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
4. Thyme for Harvest
WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE.
THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN...
BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.
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THE PROPER TIME FOR JUDGMENT
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Posted:Mar 28, 2006 7:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 3:7 pm 12098 Views
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THE PROPER TIME FOR JUDGMENT
1 Corinthians 4:5
Dear Father, who drives away all the darkness,
Keep me from passing judgment before the proper time, before the Lord comes, for He will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of every person's heart,
including mine. And so everyone will receive appropriate commendation from You.
Let me be concerned about "this day" and "that day." Let me do my best to serve You "this day" - today, that I may stand before You on "that day" - your day of reckoning!
It is by Jesus' authority and in His name that I offer up this prayer. Amen.
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Not Ashamed
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Posted:Mar 27, 2006 8:22 am
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2006 12:31 am 12224 Views
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Not Ashamed
Jesus knew that life wouldn't be easy for the disciples after He left. If people hated Jesus, they would hate His followers too. In fact, nearly all of the twelve disciples died because of their faith–and hundreds of other believers were martyred as well.
Christians still face opposition and hatred. It’s no wonder, then, that many Christians say the most about their faith in the sanctuary of a church. But the people who need to know about Christ are outside the church walls.
Jesus prayed for the disciples, and He prays the same for you: "I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. . . . Make them holy by Your truth; teach them Your word, which is truth" John 17:15, 17.
The world may not like what it hears, but they need to hear it
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ESCAPING DOOM
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Posted:Mar 24, 2006 9:46 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2006 8:33 pm 12178 Views
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ESCAPING DOOM
1 Corinthians 3:14-15
Dear Father, designer of destiny,
Even if I am not the best quality, You can save me myself - but I
don't want to escape doom by a hairsbreadth. I want to fulfill all
the potential You have placed within me and do all the good You
have planned for me to do.
Help me, Father, through the example of the Lord Jesus to be
everything that You want me to be, to do everything You want me do,
and to live my life at the peak of quality. Make all of us into
what You want us to be, for such is our blessedness.
Let me be a blessing to other people, that they may see Your
living in me and may give glory to You.
In the blessed name of Jesus I ask. Amen.
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Time to Hear
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Posted:Mar 14, 2006 9:42 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2006 10:35 pm 11989 Views
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Time to Hear
He who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love him and show Myself to him.
John 14:21
We live in a day of 12-step programs for this, four points to success for that, and all forms of programmed means of becoming successful. Have you ever wondered how you can guarantee a greater revelation of Jesus in your life? Jesus tells us how this can be done. It is all tied to obedience. In John, He tells us the following: "Whoever has My commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves Me. He who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love him and show Myself to him" (Jn. 14:21). The key here is in the last three words. He will show Himself to us because of our loving Him through our obedience. The more obedient we become, the more revelation of His presence we will feel in our life. Jeremiah tells us, "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" (Jer. 33:3).
Many Christians wonder why they cannot hear or sense God's presence in their life. It is because they do not seek Him with a whole heart, and they are not obedient to the things He has asked. God does not show us the next move until we are obedient to the first thing He has spoken to us. It is a progressive process. He entrusts the small things to us first, then moves us to the larger. I was like many today who are so focused on seeking the activity of God rather than seeking God Himself. Hebrews tells us that God rewards those who diligently seek Him. In the Old Testament we are told, "But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul" (Deut. 4:29).
I realized if I was going to hear God's voice, I had to make time to seek Him and hear Him. I had to spend focused time alone reading, studying, and seeking His face only. Jesus set the model for this when He often left the crowds to be alone and seek His heavenly Father. I also had to tune my "radio" to His frequency. Static comes into that frequency when I am disobedient. My level of seeking determines the power of my "radio" to reach Him. The more I seek Him, the more I hear Him. Seek the Lord today so that you may be empowered by His presence.
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