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Keeping Secrets before Marriage
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Feb 9, 2007 9:19 am
Mood: hopeful,
251 Views
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A person’s emotional health is one of the most important ingredients in successful marriages. When people are not honest there is usually something that has not been dealt with that will manifest itself in some unhealthy way in relationships or marriage. This post is inspired by a recent post in which molestation was used as an example. What I share is applicable to any abuse or dysfunction a man or woman has experienced. It is meant to be helpful and I pray that nothing in it causes any one pain, but will be used by God for His Glory.
After discipling and counseling a lot of men, I have found it is not the fact that a woman was molested that causes men to have problems, but the lack of intimacy that often results after marriage because the victim has not been able to forgive and appropriate healing. The molestation was so traumatic that it often becomes a secret and a safe means for a woman to stuff what has happened. Healing for a molestation victim is a long and difficult process that many women abandon because of the pain or hate involved.
I know some men who have married women who have been molested and I have dated two myself. Their wives were often very promiscuous before they got married and even into the early stages of marriage, but there always came a time when their wives lost desire for intimacy and viewed it as an obligation. They say in frustration that their wife of some years has changed dramatically and was no longer like the woman they married. And this was often the result of not being honest and not working (Counseling, God, forgiveness, etc.) on this before marriage. It was a result of keeping a secret that we think protects us, but actually keeps us from moving on to appropriate God healing.
A woman I know (M) was molested when she was 22 and strangled until the man who assaulted her thought she was dead. After laying quietly on the bed for minutes while the man rummaged through her apartment, she quietly escaped from a window, down a fire escape. She heard the man chasing her come down the fire escape and she ran down the alley. She somehow managed to get inside of a garbage Dumpster and buried herself under about 3' of garbage. She heard the man looking for her and he even looked into the Dumpster. M spent over 6 hours buried in garbage and afraid for her life. When she finally exited it was hours later and light outside.
M became a Christian, went to counseling, etc. for years. She prayed and prayed and asked God for healing and to help her forgive this man. M did this since she knew what had happened had power over her and she could not be the person she wanted to be until she appropriated God's healing to give her victory over this monstrous event in her life. She was bubbly on the outside, but even 5 years later was still deeply affected. After about ten years she went to a Catholic ministry because a girl friend suggested it. M knew it was not going to help but to make her friend happy she went anyway. M grew up in the Catholic Church and no longer agreed with their teaching so she was not excited about attending this ministry. She does not know why, but for some reason, it was at this place and with the women there, that God chose to heal her. It was a long route, but the last step was for her to share her testimony of not just the crime against her, but her experiences and how God healed her.
It would have been easy for M to hide this secret, but when she tried this she knew she was not whole. M has told me that she knows if she would have gotten married before this happened that there would be a lot of stress on their marriage. In and of itself, marriage is hard enough when we are emotionally healthy (relatively). We need to be honest, not hide things and pursue whatever is necessary for us to be healed and become ready for the person we marry. If we do not do this we are not being fair to our spouse and ourselves, and it will manifest itself in the marriage.
There are many good resources available. Do some research, but most anything from Minirith-Meier is good. For those who want to read more about becoming emotionally healthy I suggest Claudia Blacks’ book, Changing Course and for molestation victims, On the Threshold of Hope by Diane Mandt Langberg, PhD.
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What is Life?
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Feb 8, 2007 9:37 pm
Mood: contemplative,
212 Views
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" Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.
Thomas L. Holdcroft
Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.
Isak Dinesen
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Josh Billings
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Anonymous
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Martin Luther on God's Justice
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Feb 8, 2007 9:29 pm
Mood: beautiful,
205 Views
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"Night and day I pondered until I saw the connection between the justice of God and the statement that 'the just shall live by his faith.' Then I grasped that the justice of God is that righteousness by which through grace and sheer mercy God justifies us through faith. Thereupon I felt myself to be reborn and to have gone through open doors into paradise."
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Voltaire
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Feb 8, 2007 12:51 pm
Mood: contemplative,
237 Views
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Francois Voltaire: the noted French author. He was one of the most fertile and talented writers and strove to retard and demolish Christianity. His cry in health concerning Christ was, "Curse the wretch!" He said once, "In twenty years, Christianity will be no more. My single hand shall destroy the edifice it took twelve apostles to rear." Some years after his death, his very printing press was employed in printing New Testaments.
The Christian physician who attended Voltaire during the last illness, has left a testimony concerning the departure of this poor lost soul. He wrote to a friend as follows: "When I compare the death of a righteous man, which is like the close of a beautiful day, with that of Voltaire, I see the difference between bright, serene weather and a black thunderstorm. It was my lot that this man should die under my hands. Often did I tell him the truth.
’Yes, my friend,’ he would often say to me, ’you are the only one who has given me good advice. Had I but followed it I would not be in the horrible condition in which I now am. I have swallowed nothing but smoke. I have intoxicated myself with the incense that turned my head. You can do nothing for me. Send me a mad doctor! Have compassion on me-I am mad!’
The physician goes on to say: "I cannot think of it without shuddering. As soon as he saw that all the means he had employed to increase his strength had just the opposite effect, death was constantly before his eyes. From this moment, madness took possession of his soul. He expired under the torments of the furies."
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A 32 Year Feud
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Feb 8, 2007 12:44 pm
Mood: beautiful,
209 Views
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For 32 years, the NHK Symphony, considered by many to be Japan’s best orchestra, and Seiji Ozawa, by far its most renowned conductor, played not a single note together. The feud took place so long ago that Ozawa himself doesn’t recall all the details. What he remembers is the humiliation of showing up at a concert hall for a scheduled performance, baton in hand, to find no musicians and no audience. Because of a dispute between Ozawa and the NHK Symphony, the orchestra decided to boycott Ozawa’s concert without telling him.
On a Monday night in 1995, Ozawa let bygones be bygones and led the NHK Symphony in a charity concert for disabled musicians in Sutory Hall in Tokyo.
Forgiveness is difficult, but it results in beautiful music.
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Kicking or Pulling?
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Feb 8, 2007 12:37 pm
Mood: thoughtful,
212 Views
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A horse can’t pull while kicking.
And he can’t kick while pulling.
Let’s imitate the good old horse
And lead a life that’s fitting;
Just pull an honest load, and then
There’ll be no time for kicking.
I use this as an illustration of when we are quarreling with others (Kicking) we become consumed with how we have been hurt or wronged, etc. The devil loves this because our arguments cause disharmony and the strength we have when unified is greatly diminished. But, when we seek God and He helps us to forgive them we can live harmoniously, provide a good Christian testimony and work together to advance God's Kingdom via the love and forgiveness we show to each other.
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Anger or Forgiveness?
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Feb 8, 2007 12:25 pm
Mood: contemplative,
213 Views
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Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Laurence J. Peter
Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.
Joan Lunden,
Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
Cherie Carter-Scott
When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Confu[kcq]ius
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The Primary Reason Paul wrote Philippians was....
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Feb 8, 2007 12:17 pm
Mood: contemplative,
259 Views
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There have been hints that problems are going on throughout Paul’s letter to the Philippians. He prayed that they have knowledge, discernment and that they be pure, blameless and filled with the fruit of righteousness (1:9-11 ). No matter what happens, Paul tells them to conduct themselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (1:27 ), to be like minded , humble considering the needs of others and to have the same attitude as Christ and be a humble servant (2:1-5 ). Why does Paul do this? Because they are not doing these things in the church at Philippi.
Paul now reveals what is happening in the church, when he writes:
Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, my beloved. I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord. 3Indeed, true companion, I ask you also to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel, together with Clement also and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life. Phil. 4:1-3
Paul long for his friends and encourages them to stand firm in the LORD. He then urges Euodia and Syntyche to live in harmony with each other in the LORD. Twice He uses the word ‘urge’ in one sentence which underscores how adamant he is about these two women who have worked with him to advance the gospel to make peace and live in harmony. These women are thought to have important people in the church and possibly leaders. Their disagreement was causing the church to take sides that resulted in disharmony. This is the primary reason why Paul has written this letter to the Philippians. He desires for them to them to conduct themselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (1:27 ), to be like minded , humble considering the needs of others and to have the same attitude as Christ and be a humble servant. So that they will be united together, like minded and of one purpose—working together to advance the gospel of Jesus Christ.
While Euodia and Syntyche argue it not only split the church body, but it destroys the testimony of the Christians to their friends and neighbors. Paul was very concerned about this for he wanted his Jewish brothers to accept Christ as their Messiah. When the Christians argued and lacked unity it presented a terrible witness and for this reason Paul wrote, “Do all things without grumbling or questioning, 15that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.” (Phil 2:14-16 )
This message is timeless and still very applicable today. We all know of churches that have split because someone got hurt or felt they were wronged, etc. This happens because people are focused on themselves and not the overall objective of being obedient to Jesus’ command to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” Like Paul admonished the Philippians, we need to obey his command to “conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel… being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:27-2:5 )
Some of the other lessons in this series include:
Please tell me why Philippians 1:1 is different.
Philippians 1:1 is different because.......
“He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion” means
Paul’s prayer for the Philippian Church reveals…
Why did God allow Paul to be imprisoned?
Was the Apostle Paul liked by Christian Leaders
Philippians Continued: For Paul, To Live Is Christ
Is this the Key Verse in Philippians?
Application of Philippian’s Key Verse for Christians Today
Philippians contains a Christian Hymn
What does “Work out your Salvation with Fear and Trembling” mean?
Following Paul's Example
Relationships, according to Paul….
Maximizing our effectiveness
Who does Paul call ‘Dogs’ in Philippians
Philippians: Paul runs the race
Philippians: How do we Imitate Paul?
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C. S. Lewis on Miracles
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Feb 7, 2007 9:04 pm
Mood: thoughtful,
206 Views
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* God seems to do nothing of Himself which He can possibly delegate to His creatures. He commands us to do slowly and blunderingly what He could do perfectly and in the twinkling of an eye.
* Unfortunately, we know the experience against miracles to be uniform only if we know that all reports of them are false. And we can know all the reports to be false only if we know already that miracles have never occurred. In fact, we are arguing in a circle.
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The Purpose of Signs and Wonders
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Feb 7, 2007 8:58 pm
Mood: contemplative,
210 Views
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One clear purpose of miracles was to authenticate the character of Jesus and his relationship with his heavenly Father. In this regard, miracles demonstrate the following: God is with Jesus (John 3:2); Jesus is from God (John 3:2; 9:342-33); God has sent Jesus (John 5:36); Jesus has authority on earth to forgive sins (Mark 2:10-11; Matt. 9:6-7; Luke 5:24-25); Jesus is approved by God (Acts 2:22); the Father is in Jesus and Jesus is in the Father (John 10:37-38; 14:11); in Jesus the kingdom of God has come (Matt. 12:28; Luke 11:20); and Jesus is the Messiah (Matt. 11:1-6; Luke 7:18-23) and the Son of God (Matt. 14:25-33).
A second purpose of miracles was to authenticate the message about Jesus. This was the major function of the miracles as far as the ministry of the apostles was concerned. Mark tells us when the apostles preached, "the Lord worked with them and confirmed the message by accompanying signs" (Mark 16:20). In Luke's description of the ministry of Paul and Barnabas at Iconium, he wrote, "So they remained for a long time, speaking boldly for the Lord, who bore witness to the word of his grace, granting signs and wonders to be done by their hands." (Acts 14:3). And again, when Paul was at Malta, he "gathered a bundle of sticks and put them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat and fastened on his hand. 4When the native people saw the creature hanging from his hand, they said to one another, "No doubt this man is a murderer. Though he has escaped from the sea, Justice has not allowed him to live." 5He, however, shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm. 6They were waiting for him to swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But when they had waited a long time and saw no misfortune come to him, they changed their minds and said that he was a god" (Acts 28 : 3-6 ).
Signs and wonders do not testify of the person, but to the message of salvation preached by God's messengers. So the principal things that are authenticated by miracles are the Lord Jesus and the message about the Lord Jesus as God's Savior for all who believe. Signs and wonders are to authenticate the message of God's messenger to bring people into relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ.
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To link to this blog (PhxHiker) use [blog PhxHiker] in your messages.
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