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Humor From Others, To Me, To You - Share!
When laughter is the best medicine - come, sit, stay a while and laugh
until your pants fall off!!
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Who's More Qualified??? Oct 19, 2007 9:37 am
Mood: Funny, funny, funny!, 540 Views
Two men apply for an engineering position at the same time. One having the last name of Murphy, who is a newcomer, and the other named Jones, who has worked with this company for several years.

Both applicants have the same qualifications and were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to Jones and said.

Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Murphy."

Jones: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. Being the fact that I've only devoted 12 years here, and am very loyal to the company, I think I should get the job!"

Manager: "Let me explain. We have made our decision based not on the correct answers to our questionnaire, but on the question you missed."

Jones: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Manager: "Simple, Murphy put down for question #5, "I don't know.", and you put down "Neither do I."


Just keep on laughing!!!
10 Comments
Impossible To Please Oct 18, 2007 3:43 am
Mood: happy, 625 Views
A group of girlfriends is on vacation see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."


Ohh!!! This joke is so not fair to women!!! It doesn't prove that at all!!! It merely proves that women want the best and are willing to hold out for it and go to the top to get it. The only problem is, when we get there it's a let down....what do you think, LADIES, was this hotel designed by a....MAN!!!
14 Comments
Mixing Business With Pleasure Oct 17, 2007 6:54 am
Mood: pleased, 553 Views
A doctor and his friend, who was a lawyer, were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly being interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked his friend, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," his friend replied. "And then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed with this tactic.

The next day, the doctor contemplated preparing a bill for each of those he gave advice to the night before, but decided against it as a wave of guilt came upon him.

When he went to his mailbox the following morning, he was delighted to find a letter from his friend, but met with absolute shock as his eyes fixed upon it and learned it was a bill for services rendered.


Oh, a friend indeed!!!
8 Comments
Employee Want Ads...What They Really Mean Oct 16, 2007 7:06 am
Mood: cheerful, 640 Views

Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.

Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.

Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.

Fast learner: You will get no training from us.

Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.

Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.

Make an investment in your future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.

Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.

Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.

Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.

Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.

Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.

Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.

Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.

Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.

13 Comments
Stop Being Late For Work Oct 15, 2007 8:37 am
Mood: Over done!, 584 Views
A man had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So the man went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. The man slept well, in fact, he beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Good morning,Boss", the man said with joy, " The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" replied his boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
8 Comments
Can Your Dog Teach You New Tricks??? Oct 14, 2007 10:13 am
Mood: mischievous, 609 Views

Imagine if your dog was your teacher....what would you be taught?

1. To greet everyone with sloppy kisses when they come to you.

2. When someone is having a bad day, or is sick, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

3. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

4. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

5. Take naps.

6. Stretch before rising.

7. Run, romp, and play daily.

8. When you're happy, dance around, and wag your whole entire body.

9. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

10. Practice obedience.

11. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

12. And on hot days, drink lots of water, and lie under a shady tree.

Oh, the life of man's best friend!!! Now thinking about it, men are sort of like this and all because of one reason...mostly to capture the attention of...or get away from...or stifle...the woman they love. LOL
11 Comments
Your Cookie Personality Results Are In Oct 13, 2007 8:42 am
Mood: adventurous, 643 Views

Here's your personality profile...for fun, of course. This was a test and produced results performed by actual psychiatrists done on behalf of the Oreo brand cookie company.

1. The whole thing. This means you consume life with abandon. You are fun to be with, exciting, and carefree with some hint of recklessness.

2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack excessive imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical. You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do. People like you oughta stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverish Nibbles. You have a tendency to work too much and do too much. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Stop reading this and get things done already!

5. Dunked. Every one likes you because you are always upbeat. But, dunking is a messy business and you can be untidy at times.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie.
You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie. You take risks that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside. You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them. Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately. LOL

10. I don't have a favorite way. I don't like Oreo cookies. You probably have everything you already want and don't need the richness of creme filling or crunchy texture of cookies to sooth and comfort you. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right, and you tend to like to be pampered. But you have a kind heart and enjoy life.


An official Oreo cookie personality test
15 Comments
C'mon Take This Cookie Personality Test Oct 12, 2007 5:50 am
1002 Views
Choose which method below best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo-type cookies. The personality profile will be posted tomorrow so you can match up your results with your personality type.

Now don't lie about it...because there's people out there who know how you eat your cookies...they've seen you!!!


I'm a "5". Yep. A big dunker!! But I'm also known to do "2" and "4" at times!! What about you???
1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverish nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way. I don't like Oreo or Oreo-type cookies.
34 Comments, 30 votes
Don't Ever Be Late Oct 11, 2007 8:21 am
Mood: cheerful, 560 Views
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen many things, has been arrested, almost murdered an officer, stole money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and is a terrific liar. I was appalled, but as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived so long ago," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: Don't Ever Be Late!!!
6 Comments
WHO'S WHO???? Oct 10, 2007 5:10 am
Mood: blah, 719 Views
~ A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

~ An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

~ A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

~ An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday did not happen today.

~ A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

~ A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that is not there.

~ A topologist is a man who does not know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

~ A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."

~ A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

~ A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

~ A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

~ A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to Antarctica in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
19 Comments
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